Emotional Regulation And Resiliency

Today, we will focus on emotional regulation. When we're dealing with feelings and emotions, we might not even identify how we're feeling at the time, because the emotional overload of what we're feeling can be overwhelming, and we can get lost in that emotional energy. So, beginning to cultivate our own mindful observing of what goes on in our inner world with that curiosity and a kind way of exploring and knowing how to release the emotions.

Identifying, naming feelings as they surface. What thoughts are they attaching to? Do they overtake us? How can we be with our emotions and feelings without that overwhelm? Ways of grounding oneself during emotional overload.

Transcript

Welcome.

I'm Cindy Foster and today is part one of focusing on emotional regulation.

So when we're dealing with feelings and emotions we might not even identify how we're feeling at the time because the emotional overload of whatever we're feeling can be overwhelming and we can get lost in that emotional energy.

So beginning to cultivate our own mindful observing of what goes on in our inner world with that curiosity and kind way of exploring and knowing how to release the emotions as well.

And we'll talk and practice more with identifying,

Naming our feelings as they surface.

What thoughts are they attaching to?

Do they overtake us?

How can we be with our emotions and feelings without that overwhelm?

And ways of grounding oneself.

During emotional overload.

We can begin with our breathing just by paying attention to our breathing.

We can know a lot about our emotional regulation in that moment.

Am I breathing or am I holding my breath?

Am I breathing rapidly or shallow?

And we know that that is our autonomic nervous system going into overdrive with fight,

Flight,

Or freeze with whatever stress or whatever situation or experience we might be having in that moment.

So we want to take in a couple of those deep slow breaths in where we feel our stomach expanding gently on the in-breath and deflating softly on the out-breath.

So that's our first check-in.

And we can notice our body sensations as well.

And beginning to allow our breathing,

Perhaps our feet grounded on the floor,

On the earth,

Coming back to our body,

Noticing what's happening there,

As immediate ways to begin to return to the present.

If we feel that we've been triggered and we're no longer here in the present,

We're actually back in the past or maybe we've sped ahead into the future with whatever thoughts and the feelings that attach to it and then our behavior.

So recognizing emotions.

Do we even know how we feel?

What emotion am I feeling in this moment?

Is it fear?

Is it resentment or anger or self-doubt?

Sadness?

Grief?

Guilt?

Shame?

Anger?

Compassion?

Joy?

Love?

Gratitude?

Whatever it is.

So taking a moment to recognize sometimes it's through thoughts that we begin to understand the feelings that we're having that have attached,

The emotions that have attached to those thoughts.

When I have this thought,

What am I feeling?

What emotion arises and where do I feel it in my body?

Is it tightness in the stomach?

We know the vagus nerve runs from the base of our brain all the way into our gut.

So usually when we're feeling stressed we're going to notice tightness in our breathing,

Constriction,

Constriction in the chest,

In the body,

Muscles,

Visceral sensations and all the way into our gut.

And emotions can show themselves in many physical symptoms and sensations as we've been talking about.

Recognizing when a feeling is surfacing helps us so we can name it and then effectively release it within our breathing and somatic ways of releasing excess energy,

Fight-flight-freeze energy that has saturated our autonomic nervous system.

So recognizing constriction in the thoughts,

Constricted with our feelings,

Constriction in our bodies,

That tightness that we can feel,

Lets us know that we need to attend to ourselves and regain that sense of safety with gentle ways of responding to ourselves.

We might notice again the breathing changes,

Facial expressions,

Physical sensations,

Changes within our heart rate.

We might notice the body trembling or shaking when we are feeling threatened,

When we feel that we're in dis-ease,

Dis-regulated.

Maybe we notice in our gut tightness.

And there can be that triggering of memories in our mental formations.

And we can also recognize with our physical symptoms if tears are forming,

If we're crying,

If we're holding our fists tightly,

Groaning or other kinds of vocalizations.

So we're understanding more emotional triggers.

We might not know the origin of specific emotions or even the triggers because they've been stored in our subconscious.

And we might not have been aware or even given it any thought or attention to what we might have stored in our subconscious because we store information there.

Usually this is the case when we find ourselves overreacting to a situation or underreacting.

We are getting triggered for some reason,

Something from the past or perhaps a worry of the future.

As we slow down our thoughts we begin to slow down the feelings or a certain feeling that dominates,

That is attached to the thoughts.

As we begin to mindfully observe with curiosity and with caring to see what's there.

And again to name it,

We begin to understand ourselves more on the inner workings of our own self,

Our own being,

Without beating ourselves up with self-critical words or internal chatter of just distracting with other things.

And many people say they can be their worst critic.

And we know that stress,

Trauma,

Anger,

Fear,

We can disconnect from our emotions and our sense of self and disconnect and disassociate from our bodies as well.

So what does that do for us if we stay stuck in self-criticism or disconnected from our emotions and our body?

How would that allow us to heal those who were probably coping mechanisms that we acquired along the way to get us through challenging,

Difficult or devastating times?

But now we see that they are getting in the way of us really enjoying ourselves and being centered within ourselves.

So staying stuck in self-criticism and disconnection does not help us in any way to move forward and in our healing process.

We may go back as we allow a healing process and find ourselves in old ways of coping and that's okay.

Now we can recognize it.

Now we can name it and know what's actually going on with us as we begin,

Okay,

What do I need to attend to right now within myself to promote more healing?

So we're being gentle in a non-judgmental way.

And we're allowing to experience emotion.

We are not trying to banish it or resist it.

We are just kind of yielding to it,

Seeing that it's there for whatever reason as we mindfully observe.

And we're attempting to bring in a neutral way of observing and being with it because we know that thoughts are simply thoughts,

Feelings are simply feelings and physical symptoms are physical symptoms.

But in the course of those overloads of anxiety,

Fear,

Depression,

It can feel like we become those emotions.

And so we can note that when we've entered into that realm.

But perhaps we can also begin to catch ourselves before going into a full-blown anxiety attack or panic or depressive state.

So we're being gentle with ourselves in this exploration with our kindness and curiosity.

And we can begin to explore what happens as I begin to move my body when I'm feeling stuck or tight or too much energy.

I can move it,

Maybe I'm stretching it out,

Stretching out like taffy,

Stretching that muscle out that has a tendency to hold tight to that stress,

Fear,

Or whatever it is.

Or maybe I rock,

Maybe I shake,

Maybe I dance with movements,

Maybe I do some Tai Chi or Qigong or energy work and moving the body and that energy as I stay open to understanding and communicating safely with my body and its own language and the emotions that arise.

I can make sounds,

Noises,

I can laugh as I allow the releasing.

These are all safety ways of releasing emotions as we begin our emotional and continue our emotional regulation.

So these are some practices that we can do and take for ourselves without judgment to allow us to understand,

To name what's going on,

To allow and to stay open and move the energy around.

We can also write and journal.

Those are ways also to release emotions and regain emotional regulation.

So as we continue this exploration,

Let's go ahead and move into our practice of putting these ways of focusing on emotional regulation and grounding oneself into practice.

So getting into your comfortable practice position,

Sitting down as we pay attention on purpose to ourselves in this loving and kind way of exploring and learning.

And now just noticing the fact that you are here.

Notice your body making contact with whatever surface is supporting your weight and noticing your breathing.

As we notice that we're safe here in this moment together,

Breathing and being.

As we kind of turn the knob from intellectual information,

Thinking mind,

Thinking thoughts,

Overthinking,

Overdoing,

To one now of just being here with yourself,

Without any expectations,

Without any judgments.

Just you here,

Breathing and being.

And giving yourself permission that that is enough in this moment,

Just to breathe and be.

And that you are enough in this moment.

And perhaps saying to yourself,

I am enough.

Even if there's part of you that might not truly believe those words,

It's okay.

You can say them anyway.

I am enough.

And coming to your breathing,

Focusing here.

A breathing awareness,

Grounding us in the present moment.

So breathing however you wish to breathe in this moment.

As the breath moves in and moves out.

And now gently scanning your body.

Noticing any tightness,

Stuck energy.

Anything you might be holding on to in the body.

You might already have noticed or named feelings,

Emotions that you might be holding on to.

Tightness,

Anxious energy,

Fearful energy,

Where that might be right now within you.

Without judging you or judging those feelings or emotions.

They're just there for whatever reason.

We don't have to know the origin or do anything with them.

Except know they're there as we begin to cultivate some self-compassion along with the self-awareness.

Let your whole self know,

I am here.

I'm paying attention.

We're safe.

These are feelings that are surfacing or that have been here all along.

But we are safe as you breathe gently.

And then notice when any self-critical words want to emerge.

Almost as if it's not okay for you to say reassuring words to yourself.

Maybe that's how it's been.

And we didn't even recognize that.

That that was going on within us.

That instead of self-grounding,

Or self-assurance,

Or encouragement,

We've been saying quite the opposite to ourselves with self-critical thoughts.

I've heard more than one person say that being self-critical is the only way I can learn.

I would say to that,

Maybe this is a way of being that perhaps was modeled to you from caregivers or teachers or coaches.

Whatever it might have been.

Where fear or anger,

Competitiveness or perfectionism may have motivated immediate change.

But these baseline emotions bear consequences.

Teaching us to beat ourselves up every time we make a mistake.

And there is such a thing as self-processing.

And learning,

Well perhaps I could have done that better.

Or said something this way.

As we process and then we learn without telling ourselves that we are stupid or any other kinds of name-calling.

So we are learning perhaps in a deeper way instead of through ridicule or shame.

These are unhealthy ways of learning.

And they cause us pain and suffering.

So noticing when the mind takes us to self-critical thoughts.

These are examples of how we can attach and stay stuck in this negative mind-formation,

A negative mind-state within ourselves.

Beating ourselves up.

And not even be aware to the intensity that we are doing that.

And how that affects our psyche,

How it affects our mind-body,

Our heart,

Our connection with our wholeness.

And how,

If we are doing this to ourself,

We are most likely projecting that onto others as well.

And not being aware of it or realizing it.

So this would be an example of old messages and beliefs that we've stored in our subconscious.

Is this a self-criticism thought or belief?

Naming it.

And is it serving me in a healthy way or to my highest good?

Or causing me more pain and suffering?

And causing others around me more pain and suffering?

So these are some things that we are paying attention to in our practice here.

As we take a breath in and out.

Noticing when that might show up.

Self-criticism.

Usually within the judging mind.

And we can ask ourself,

What's keeping me from being okay with myself?

As I learn.

I can learn and be okay.

I can make a mistake and learn from it without beating myself up in a perpetual turmoil of obsessiveness.

Obsessiveness of thinking and suffering.

We can learn from mindful observing.

This is what we are doing right here and now.

You are beginning to reprogram your subconscious mind within this experience that I can observe.

What's going on in my internal world.

My thoughts.

The feelings.

Even the physical sensations.

In this way of compassionate curiosity.

And learn.

And grow within healing instead of pain.

So we are building again our neuro-somatic,

Mindful.

All these systems.

Building new neuro-pathways.

Calming the autonomic nervous system.

And returning to our wholeness in this practice of mindful observing with our somatic way of releasing.

And this is mindful,

Cognitive,

Behavioral therapy.

And we can observe our triggers and slow down with our curious,

Compassionate observer within.

We can begin to recognize,

How do I feel about myself right now?

And my life.

The decisions I'm making.

And the goals.

Knowing that we can recreate ourselves.

And create more joy,

More space for potential.

That's the promise of impermanence.

That even though things change,

There's hope within change.

Within impermanence.

To recreate and reinvent ourselves at any moment.

And we're doing it now.

To broaden our awareness,

Our perspectives.

Which broadens our knowledge.

Within our internal world.

And radiates out to our external world.

As you just be and breathe with yourself.

Observing.

With more neutral eyes within you to whatever arises.

Whatever emotions.

And know you can be with them.

We can be with fear.

Thank you fear for alerting me.

But right now,

I am safe.

I am breathing here.

I'm slowing my breathing.

That was a thought.

A past thought that triggered.

You fear,

But I am here.

I'm paying attention.

And together,

We can calm.

We don't have to fear.

Fear when it arises.

We can use it.

To mobilize.

In the ways we need to.

To name it.

Bring in that dual awareness.

I notice stopping of the breathing at the diaphragm.

I notice muscles tensing.

But I also notice that I'm here.

I've gotten triggered,

But I'm still safe.

I feel my feet grounded on the floor.

I am breathing.

I can self-soothe.

I can say words that I know ground me.

I am enough.

I am safe.

I am here.

I am not in the past.

I am not this trigger.

I am not the feeling that's been elicited because of the experience.

I am alive.

I am in control.

I choose to respond to this emotion rather than automatically react with old behaviors that do not serve me in a healthy way.

Let me explore with curiosity.

Exploring with curiosity instead of fear.

In this caring way of knowing myself more.

I accept myself as I am right now.

To just be with myself.

In a loving,

Kind way as I can right now.

As you breathe in and breathe out.

And returning to self-acceptance and care for you and for others.

We are mirrors of each other.

As we continue to learn through experiences,

Through relationships,

Recognizing that we're all human.

And we all make mistakes.

That's part of being human.

So bringing in our forgiveness as best we can to the extent that we're ready.

And understanding that we all suffer and go through the process of recovery and healing as you take your time to explore compassionately,

Creatively.

Recognizing what inspires you.

And if we don't feel peace or joy now,

What is keeping you from this in this moment?

And how can you restore and replenish yourself?

And bring in a sense of happiness,

Contentment and peace within yourself right now,

Here,

In this moment?

Just here.

Just now.

Just breathing.

I'm okay.

As you begin to design more self-instructional and reinforcing and positive healing and true ways of honoring your whole self.

And recognizing that we're more than our mistakes.

We're more than the experiences we go through.

And choose our thoughts wisely.

Recognizing the power that they have.

As we recognize all of our thoughts and knowing we have a choice in how we wish to respond.

And that's what we're building upon.

Self-awareness leading to more self-regulation and control.

Leading us to more self-resiliency as we continue allowing in more and more of what we want in our life today.

That's healing for us.

Recognizing those conversations in our mind as we respond to them with wise attention.

And noticing that constriction if it comes.

And notice that we also have areas within our whole being that have more space.

Those not only the times we notice what we are labeling as wrong with us,

Even though there is nothing wrong with us.

We're reacting to something and we're learning from those reactions of what we need to attend to ourselves or others in a healthier way or more healing way.

So we are noticing that there's more than one energy.

Maybe I've attached to there's something wrong with me energy and I can recognize it and begin to see it as it is.

It's an old belief,

An old message that I've internalized and kept as part of myself.

But now we can see and experience that we can begin to name and release out our mind and body.

Those energies that really no longer service.

There's no purpose,

Healthy purpose.

So why do we hold on?

We have to ask ourselves that question.

And what happens if I release that?

Then things change.

That's the impermanence.

Maybe that's all that we think we are.

What happens if I let go of it?

My identity begins to shift and change.

Sometimes I'm afraid of that.

So recognizing that.

Good information to know.

And we can recognize creative energies that maybe have been in our shadow self,

Not allowed to express them.

So allowing that,

Our mindful observer,

Our compassionate self,

Perhaps your spiritual self,

Your intellectual self,

That serves a purpose too.

As we move from tightness to expansion,

Not as a concept,

But allowing this present moment experience to bring in that feeling of spaciousness.

And knowing that vast majority of matter is made of space.

So we're allowing ourselves to be in this space of more expansion as we feel grounded and safe within us.

What does this spaciousness,

This freedom of letting go and being here,

Alive,

Aware,

Safe in this moment,

In compassion,

What does that feel like?

Allow that sensation in as we grow and cultivate our sense of compassion for our own self and that of others.

And feel that compassion in every place within your being.

Here in this spaciousness of being.

Safe,

Alive,

Attentive,

In peace and knowingness.

Appreciating all of who you are.

As you feel your wholeness returning to you.

As you continue to take what you learn here within yourself out into your external world as well.

Life gives us many opportunities to learn,

Recreate,

To accept ourselves as we are in each moment and as an evolving,

Living soul.

An evolving,

Living person.

And noticing your whole self here.

Notice your body making contact with whatever surface you're on.

Taking your time as you begin to move your body some.

Feel that energy moving through you.

Perhaps smiling,

Holding yourself in your own love and compassion.

Appreciative that you've taken this time for yourself and learning about yourself in the way that you have through this experience today.

As you go about your daily living.