Hi,
My name is Chris and today I want to practice sitting with difficult emotions.
In Dialectical Behavior Therapy or DBT the mind is represented as two sides,
One emotional and the other rational.
Keep this in mind as I tell you about a recent therapy appointment.
I told my doctor that I was afraid I would be late for the appointment.
I was anxious and scared I would disappoint the psychiatrist.
These emotional responses happened in that emotional half of my brain.
The doctor questioned their origins however.
See using that DBT model of the mind,
The emotional half has no sense of time.
That's the job of the rational or logical half.
The doctor presented this idea that maybe the situation,
Me fearing that I would be late,
Was bringing up emotions from my past.
When I think about it,
This makes so much sense.
I've used the example of grief before because we've all experienced loss.
When I think of my father who passed away a number of years ago,
Those emotions return.
They have no sense of time.
I can get choked up talking about them to this day.
Taking time for emotions is very hard work.
How many days does work or school give you for bereavement?
As a society,
We don't give a lot of time for emotions because we don't want to feel loss,
Sadness,
Fear,
Embarrassment,
Anger,
Etc.
Yet the only way to stop reliving these experiences over and over in similar situations is to let the emotions be.
I don't want to relive the fear that I'm disappointing my parents or teachers every time I have a conversation with another adult.
So that's exactly what I did in the psychiatrist's office.
So today I'm going to attempt to sit with some past trauma.
I'm going to spend some time with my inner child,
If you will.
I welcome you to join me.
Get comfortable and relax in your chair,
Cushion or mat.
Let's start with some deep breathing to calm our nervous system further and get out of fight or flight mode.
Together we'll inhale for five seconds and out for seven.
Ready?
In two,
Three,
Four,
Five and out two,
Three,
Four,
Five,
Six,
Seven.
In two,
Three,
Four,
Five,
Out two,
Three,
Four,
Five,
Six,
Seven.
In two,
Three,
Four,
Five,
Out two,
Three,
Four,
Five,
Six,
Seven.
To continue the journey inward and leave the world be as we meditate,
We'll check in with our bodies.
Is there a particular tension,
Injury or sensation calling for attention?
I often find tension in my jaw and neck.
Just observe,
Scan the body.
There's nothing we need to change.
Now we're going to continue this observer role and look back at a memory.
For me it'll be something from childhood but you can also grab something more recent.
Whatever comes up,
Don't fight it.
Remember,
We're going to be an audience to this event and not live the memory.
There's a number of ways to explore.
Sometimes I use an image of a photo of a younger me to find a memory,
Maybe a school portrait.
Another path is thinking of a childhood favorite,
A toy,
A stuffed animal,
An outfit or an event like a trip to a camp or a birthday party.
See your younger self standing in front of you now.
What's coming up for you?
What is your younger self feeling?
Fear?
Loneliness?
Anger?
Disgrace?
Sadness?
Is there a memory associated with this feeling?
Remember,
We want to be an audience to this event,
This memory.
Play it through as if adult you are watching on a screen.
We are not here to fix or explain anything.
We're here to experience the emotions.
It's okay to be sad.
It's acceptable to be mad.
Fear is not shameful.
Emotions are not wrong.
Try not to fight them.
What does your child self need from you?
Maybe a hug?
As I said,
We're not here to fix anything.
But remind your younger self that you're an adult now.
Despite what has happened in this memory,
You made it this far thanks to your younger self.
I also like to tell my inner child that I'm here,
I'm listening.
If it feels right,
Embrace your younger self once more before we go.
Switch the focus back to your body and your breath.
Maybe bring some movement to your body.
Blink open your eyes when you're ready.
This is difficult work.
Don't be too hard on yourself if you couldn't stay in that space or with those emotions.
It's a process.
Over time,
It will get easier to visit those memories.
The potency of the emotions will diminish.
Being triggered by current events to feel those painful emotions from the past will happen less and less.
And hopefully we'll find ourselves experiencing things in the moment.
Thank you for bringing me on your journey and attempting this with me.
You're incredibly courageous and brave to move into those emotional spaces that most of us work so hard to avoid.
Give yourself credit for that.
Go back to your day knowing that you did some healing.
And remember,
Be kind to yourself.
