Self-Forgiveness Quest

A self-forgiveness practice (taken from a live talk on non-violence) exploring the change in our attitude towards ourselves when we process the difficult feelings around an unskillful act with genuine openness and self-compassion.

Originally taught in SF Dharma Collective (January 2020)

Transcript

And beforehand,

I just also want to say that this practice is an invitation.

It will ask that we cultivate a memory that might not be comfortable for us.

So if this is something that you,

In this moment,

Do not feel is something that you're capable of or you have the ability for,

I would invite you to take care of yourself.

You will not lose any points in anyone's eyes if you go hang out and get a cup of tea.

So feel free to participate at the depth that you want to.

So bring to mind something for which you haven't fully forgiven yourself.

And it might be helpful to remember to work with something that isn't maybe on a scale of 1 to 10 a 10,

But is something that maybe is a 3,

Something that feels manageable in this moment given the fact that many of you are coming from a long day at work,

That you've been caretakers of yourself and others,

That you're obviously going through many things in your life,

Have to balance so many different things.

So bring to mind a memory of something that you haven't yet forgiven yourself for.

Be sure that you are giving yourself that space to just moderate the intensity of what you're cultivating rather than bringing the most intense memory to mind.

And what I want you to do is begin to connect with the story that you carry about this situation.

What is it that feels unforgivable about it?

And I invite you to connect to what you believe about yourself given the story that you hold on to.

What are the judgments that you hold about yourself in relation to this?

As the story begins to fill up your mind,

It's also likely that you will find places in your body that are resonating with the story as well.

So try and connect with the sensations in your body wherever they might be arising.

And just notice what's coming up for you.

Maybe it's arising as tension,

Maybe it's arising as heat or coldness somewhere.

Just try to notice this without any judgment.

Trying to stay curious as much as possible.

Not perpetuating or progressing any sort of story,

But just noticing.

And now slowly try to dissolve that story a bit.

Let it fade into the back of your mind.

And begin to notice what it would feel like to extend forgiveness to yourself.

And if it helps maybe bring to mind a few simple statements that might cultivate the sense of forgiveness.

Something like,

May I forgive myself?

May I allow myself to be a student of life still learning?

May I allow myself to be imperfect?

May I allow myself to doubt the stories I tell myself about my own lack?

May I love myself the way I am?

So may I forgive myself?

May I allow myself to be a student of life still learning?

May I allow myself to be imperfect?

May I allow myself to doubt the stories I tell about my own lack?

May I love myself the way I am?

Just continue to notice how this feels in your body right now.

Notice if there's anywhere where your body might be softening,

If there's any tension that might be opening up and unwinding for you.

See if you notice any new emotions coming up,

Any new sensations.

And it's okay if you notice resistance to any of these statements,

That's also perfectly fine.

It's a natural part of processing,

Especially difficult emotions and memories.

Think of it as productive resistance.

It's hard to get through the first time.

But this is something that you can continually come back to.

May I forgive myself?

May I allow myself to be imperfect?

May I love myself the way I am?

So as you're doing this,

Just take another moment or so.

And if it's available to you,

Just connect to your breath,

Something that grounds you in the space of your body,

In the space of this presentness.

If these subtle sensations of your breath are not something that are available to you in this moment,

Choose any sensation that you might find comforting.

And just stay with this for another few moments.

And as you sit with that space of grounding and hopefully some ease and comfort,

Some unwinding,

I might remind all of us to also be grateful for the fact that we've come here tonight,

That we've made space in our life for this kind of rich inquiry and a community of practice around very,

Very deep and rich and difficult conversations.

So that's something to really rejoice in.

We can also rejoice in just dedicating the good energy and whatever is arising right now for us.

All of these feelings that we might rejoice in about the potential to benefit not simply ourselves but all beings.

And allow ourselves to recognize that even when we doubt that we have any impact whatsoever,

Just questioning is hard work and deserves a moment of gratitude in our day.

And so I invite you to allow yourself to come back to your normal state of awareness and thank yourself and everyone else for their practice.

Thank you.

Reviews

Very nice thank you and Namaste

Very helpful for a present situation. I really appreciate the statements Christian offers as he guides us through imagining how it feels to forgive ourselves. Will definitely return to this meditation.

Loved his gentle and warm voice. Thank you for this calm meditation.

Wow so I thought I was just obsessing about a silly mistake I made today but then when I thought about the story I'd made about it, some thoughts came up that I didn't even realize I had and were full of shame. Very insightful and did help me validate and release some things. Will have to do this again

Reflective my deepest fears and facing them.

Lovely. Thank you.

Helpful, thank you 🙏💜

Simply wise and compassionate forgiveness practice. Perfect. Thank you.

thank you for this...needed this even though it was a bit difficult at some points i still needed this💔🧘‍♀️🙏

Gently led with such a feeling of acceptance. 🙏

Inviting and effective, but quick. I should have paused to work through my thoughts & feelings not as quickly. I felt the resistance and there’s much more to work through. Glad this was my start. Thank you

Wow! Just what I was looking for! Christian has a very calming and gentle way about him. This meditation was very helpful to me in starting the process of self forgiveness. Thank you!🙏

A lovely practice of making space for self-compassion — and I love the voice! Calm, steady, and supportive :)

A wonderful guided meditation to heal

Thank you so much because I realize how self-centered I was For many years prior to Alcoholics Anonymous. I’m so grateful that I found the program of AA because it has changed my life. Thank you for helping me walk through this today.

PHENOMENAL!
Many different thoughtful perspectives on the subject.

Thank you!!! Inspiration came to me during the meditation. So uplifting!

Amazing ❤️ thank you 😊

Thank you Christian! 🙏🏽🙏🏽