What Time Is It? Noticing Your Authentic Self

How do you know if you're living your authentic self? What separates our most genuine self from all the messages we've been taught and belief systems that no longer serve? Using Wayne Dyer's metaphor of a clock, we discuss where we might be on our own clock of uncovering our own genuine self.

Photo by Nathan Anderson on Unsplash.

Transcript

Hi.

We're going to talk today about being genuine.

Wayne Dyer talks about our authentic connection to ourselves in terms of a clock.

For the purposes of this metaphor,

When you are born,

It is 12 o'clock.

You are the furthest from your true self in a conscious way at that time.

Then from 12 o'clock to 6 o'clock,

You are growing up,

Experimenting,

Clinging to false ideas about yourself,

Being disappointed left and right,

And also learning lessons.

Once you hit 6 o'clock,

At whatever age you might be,

Something big or small begins to click.

You start to see that you are allowed to be here,

That you fill up the space you fill up in this world,

No more and no less.

You start to realize that many around you might not share your belief systems,

Or your view of the world,

Or your sense of humor,

Or your style.

Now some kids are born with their own style,

My two children are examples of that,

Their own way of showing up in the world without apology.

Many others of us have to slowly thaw the messaging of a lifetime to see the authentic person who was always buried underneath.

If you're listening to this,

My guess is you've already hit 6 o'clock.

From 6 o'clock to 12 o'clock is a daily deepening of understanding yourself,

Uncovering bit by bit who you really are,

Or more accurately,

Letting go of who you are not.

This takes tremendous kindness as the ego will always want to cling to what is known and practiced,

Even if it no longer serves us.

It can be awkward at best and excruciatingly painful at worst to see through the parts of yourself that you've always clung to and always defended for years and for decades,

Only to realize that these thoughts,

Actions,

And feelings may have been covering up your most authentic self.

There's no shame in this.

It's the human condition to learn and grow,

And it's also the human condition to take a break from learning and growing.

But once the genie is out of the bottle and you glimpse your true,

Authentic,

Playful,

Creative,

Loving self,

It cannot go backward.

But that does not mean that this journey is a linear process.

You can't really control your own rate of growth or of unlearning.

You're simply trusting in the fact that you are a human being,

Waking up each day until the day that you don't,

And that you're capable of noticing with a kind heart what feels more like you,

And maybe more importantly,

What feels less like you.

Sometimes our decision points seem obvious.

If there is shrimp and tamales both on the same table,

Which one should I choose?

For me,

That's a no-brainer,

Since I have zero affection for shrimp and I love tamales.

So maybe that's not my authentic self,

But that choice is in line with what my desires and my preferences are,

At least for today.

And no,

You're not going to get me to try shrimp again,

But I might,

You never know.

But what if the decision points are much more complicated than food choices?

What if choosing one way of doing things means that you lose out on a bunch of other things?

First off,

I would say yes,

That is true.

For every single choice you make,

You are by default saying no to all the other possibilities.

Since that is the reality of the moment,

And it might just be the reality of that specific moment,

Because you can't tell the future,

It seems best to make the best choice that you can at the moment,

Given all the facts and how you feel at the time.

But at the same time,

You're acknowledging that many other options will not be yours by making that one choice,

And that's okay.

That's FOMO,

Fear of missing out.

But embedded in there is also JOMO,

The joy of missing out.

There's a certain joy and freedom in having made a choice and following through with it.

You learn what you can learn from that choice,

And maybe down the line you make a different choice.

It is helpful just to allow the FOMO dude to say his piece.

He won't talk forever if you actually listen to what he has to say.

My ex-husband and I had bought a business with the money that his grandparents had left him.

The whole time we ran that business,

He always lamented that he could have done better things with their money.

He had the constant feeling that he'd missed out on something better.

But he and I were too young and immature to actually label it back then.

Today I would acknowledge his disappointment and his overwhelm in running a business,

And also give him the space to explore what he wished he would have done with the money.

FOMO was there anyway,

We just didn't give it a voice.

I may have held some secret yearnings of what needed to happen next.

So part of slowly becoming our most authentic self is this simple act of slowing down,

Noticing which choice makes us feel most on purpose,

Most aligned with our values and our preferences,

And also acknowledging that once that choice is made,

Other choices are then blacked out,

And that's okay.

If the road not taken continues to haunt you,

Then you'll be paying attention when upcoming choices are presented to you.

It's all just information.

Once you've hit past six o'clock,

You will never again abandon yourself.

You're continually in the process of becoming more and more who you really are.

But we do the best we can from where we are and with what we have.

When we know better,

We do better.

Every day and every moment does not need to be a self-help course.

Some days you just need to unplug,

Or be entertained,

Or blow off your obligations for a time.

Can you extend grace to yourself during the high times and the low times,

The times of clarity and the times of confusion?

Can you realize that you are currently doing the work of shedding old belief systems and habits and maybe even jobs and maybe even people who no longer fit with your truest self?

Can you trust that you'll always have your own back no matter what?

Can you loosen your grip on how things have to be and just see how they're showing up today?

And then take a deep breath and ask how would you like life to look tomorrow?

What would you like to walk through tomorrow?

What feels most like your authentic self?

Or let's just say what feels fun?

What feels interesting?

What feels lighthearted?

What feels good in your system?

Which activities do you do or people that you spend time with that have a green light in these three places,

Your brain,

Your heart,

And your gut?

When all three are lined up with a green light,

You're probably in your genuine self.

So this is an invitation to see yourself as past six o'clock.

You're not in a hurry to get anywhere in particular.

You're just looking at each day,

Each moment with a kind awareness of what is working and what isn't.

What feels genuine and what doesn't?

What feels more like love and acceptance?

What feels like you?

So the invitation today is to keep your antenna up for what feels like you.

I would recommend journaling what you notice so that you can begin to see some themes.

You'll see the same things over and over again.

What lights you up?

What feels right?

What feels connected?

What feels creative?

This awareness along with tremendous kindness and curiosity will help you uncover moment by moment your authentic self.

So thank you for taking this time to slow down and just see what's there.

I appreciate your time and your attention and your connection with yourself.

It matters.

You matter.

See you next time.

Reviews

Always spot on

Hi Chrissy. Love Wayne Dyer. I have never heard of this clock metaphor. Very interesting. Thank you for this amazing talk. So happy that you've joined us as teacher. Congratulations!!👏🏼🎉💖