That makes sense.
I just noticed how often when in sessions with clients I say the phrase,
That makes sense.
Truthfully it doesn't always make sense but what I think and feel doesn't always make sense either.
When I think of how few people have ever offered that stance with me,
I see how rare and beneficial it is to have someone be present enough to hear your story and your reasons for your conclusions,
Even if those conclusions are misguided or hurt you.
Hardly ever does another person telling you that you're wrong and you should do it their way work.
If anything you feel defensive and you double down.
However when someone gives you the gift of hearing yourself,
Feeling your own feelings,
As you say your piece,
Validating you as someone who could possibly make sense,
Then and only then does one feel a sense of okayness,
Of letting down and letting be,
Of relaxation.
And what happens when we feel safe and seen and relaxed?
All of a sudden it all seems a bit more playful.
Like that there are actually options.
You are not stuck the way you imagined you were.
Your reasoning as to why you were stuck made sense for where you were,
Even mere moments ago.
And now you can see from a different viewpoint and other things might make more sense now.
And since it is so incredibly helpful when a trusted other gives you the space and the grace to see how it might make sense for you in this moment,
How much more would it help to speak to ourselves in this way?
I've ventured to guess most of us either simply are lost in our experience and reactivity of the moment or we have this drill sergeant in our heads,
Arms crossed over our chest,
Stern look on his face,
Telling us that we're idiots for thinking that way or having strong feelings at all.
It would take a moment of recognition of our thought process and how our bodies are holding the experience to then begin to offer a kinder space to be in.
I'm a big fan of parts,
All the various parts and cast of characters within ourselves.
Usually one part is overdeveloped and sucks the air out of the room and there are one or two in the shadows afraid to speak up and to be known.
It's just easier to stay quiet and not cause trouble.
The quiet parts stay safe from conflict but remain undernourished.
The innocent part,
The sensual part,
The playful part,
The emotional part,
The creative part,
They don't go away.
They're all still there in the shadows trying to be quiet,
Trying to be good and not get in trouble or maybe that's just me.
Lately I've been offering myself the same grace and space that I would offer a client.
When I'm feeling some kind of way,
Out of sorts,
Out of alignment,
Anxious,
Sad or heartbroken,
Or I'm being yelled at by my drill sergeant to stand straight and shape up,
I take a deep breath to slow down.
I notice the thoughts running through my head and the impact they have on my body,
My nervous system.
I know I just want relief from how I'm feeling so I'm tempted to listen to the drill sergeant but experience tells me that this is not a long-term solution.
In fact I see that problem solving is not what is needed in these moments.
It's understanding that is needed.
Some part of me needs to hear that it makes sense how I'm thinking and feeling from where I stand right this minute.
I can only offer myself that space and kindness if my human isn't on edge.
My human,
Whichever part,
Probably the wisest part,
Can breathe,
Relax the system,
Open up the space to then hear the parts of me that are feeling that the world is against me or some part of me is against myself.
Oh,
That makes sense.
The relaxed,
Kind,
Internal therapist in me can sincerely say,
If I were you,
In your life circumstances,
Using that particular logic and operating from those particular feelings,
I'd be acting the same way.
That makes sense.
In that moment,
It's a very kind grandma coming to me to offer me a huge squishy hug.
You finally relax for a minute and take a few breaths,
Maybe have a chocolate chip cookie or some hot tea,
Metaphorically or literally,
And then things begin to look a bit different.
You're actually okay.
Other people are actually okay.
Nothing has actually been fixed,
But it all seems a bit more workable now.
There are choices,
Even if the choice is simply your attitude.
You're allowed the tight gut feeling,
The scared heart,
And the narrow-minded mind.
You're also now allowed some other parts of you to come out into the sunshine and play.
Yes,
The drill sergeant will have something to say about it,
But you know they are just loud words.
You know those words won't kill you.
They just make you feel some kind of way,
And it doesn't feel whole.
It makes sense for who you were at your level of awareness,
Even just minutes ago.
But now,
From this present moment,
This allowing of all of your parts to be here in the room,
The drill sergeant now sitting in the corner eating a cookie,
You might feel a bit more integrated.
The playroom is big enough for all of your parts.
The air in the room has changed,
And you see one part of you tapping and dancing to the music playing.
You find yourself smiling,
A genuine smile,
Almost as if you were in love for the very first time.
In this moment,
You have access to more of your colors.
Things are not in black and white as you once thought.
It is all workable,
And you don't have to get it right.
You just keep showing up with your whole heart and all your beautiful parts.
That makes sense.
