Self-Soothing For Difficult Days

In this track, you will learn what are self-soothing practices, when to use them, and how they can help you. I teach you some soothing practices such as gentle self-touch, tapping, how to use words of encouragement, and how to use your senses to further ground and soothe your nervous system.

Transcript

Hi,

My name is Chris McDonald and I'm a licensed therapist.

I want to talk to you today about some self-soothing strategies for anxiety and overwhelm.

So these are some tools that can help you to calm yourself,

Manage your emotions,

And to bring your body back to equilibrium or homeostasis,

Which means more of that calmer state.

So the more you can do some of these practices,

The more it's going to be helpful for you.

So let's talk first about the difference between healthy and unhealthy self-soothing.

So unhealthy,

I'll start with that,

Is more about people turning to alcohol,

Drugs,

External things like that to mask those uncomfortable feelings,

Or binge eating,

Overeating,

Or using food as a way to soothe yourself,

Calm yourself.

And usually it's junk food or food that is not always the healthiest for us.

Other unhealthy ways are to watch TV for hours and hours at a time.

Watching TV is fine,

But when you do it for like 10 hours,

Let's say,

Then that becomes on more of the unhealthy range.

So when do you do these self-soothing exercises for yourself?

It can be when you're feeling overwhelmed.

It's like that emotion is just overtaking you.

Sometimes it could be sadness or grief,

But today I'm going to talk about more of the anxiety and overwhelm that is so common.

Sometimes it could be helpful to use these after you get bad news from someone,

Or for yourself like an illness,

A diagnosis,

Or other bad news that is just feels like a punch to the gut.

That can be a great time to use some self-soothing.

Or maybe you're just having a difficult day and it's just things have not gone as you planned and everything seems like it's going wrong.

We've all had those days.

So self-soothing is really a great time to do it in those moments.

It's about being kinder to yourself too.

We often have that inner critic that can really beat us down and make us feel even worse.

So let's get to it.

So how do we manage our emotions?

The first step is to have that awareness of what we're feeling,

To understand it,

And do our best just to accept it for a moment.

That is okay if we're feeling anxious.

It's okay to feel overwhelmed and just sit with it.

Now this is counterintuitive of what you probably want to do.

We don't want to go towards the pain.

We often want to move away from it.

So this is a challenge to you to try to sit with it for a few minutes as much as you can tolerate,

Just allowing it.

And just remember that feelings are temporary and don't often stay with us in a permanent state.

Once you have taken those steps just to sit with it,

Accept it,

You can move on to some self soothing.

So the first thing I'm going to tell you is I have some exercises that involve touch.

So if you're uncomfortable touching your body,

That's perfectly okay,

That you can hover above your body on these points I'm going to mention.

I always like to get the body involved in healing and being soothing for ourselves because that really can help the nervous system to better regulate.

So if you take your right hand,

Place it on your chest,

Or if you're not comfortable,

You can hover above and just hold it there for a moment.

If you want to use more pressure,

Feel free if that feels a little bit more soothing for you or a little less pressure.

There's no right or wrong way to do this.

And then take your left hand and put it on your belly or hover above.

And all I want you to do while you're here is just notice,

Be present for yourself.

See how it feels to be in this moment with your hand on your chest and belly to hold yourself.

And if you want,

You can say to yourself a message for you that it's okay.

I trust myself.

I am right here,

Right now.

It's okay what you're feeling.

Just see how those words of encouragement settle into your body.

And taking your time with this,

You don't have to rush through this exercise.

And if you've not done this before,

This might feel uncomfortable.

You can pause this audio and come back to it another time if it feels like it's too much.

And with your right hand on your chest,

Leave that there.

Go ahead and place your left hand over the right hand.

So you have two hands on your chest.

And see if you can gently tap from left to right.

So your fingers are just going to be a gentle tapping on your chest.

This isn't hard.

It's not meant to hurt yourself.

Just some gentle tapping back and forth.

Back and forth.

Just kind of feeling a little sensation as you do this.

This is another way to connect with your nervous system to turn on what's called the parasympathetic nervous system to help self-soothe and calm you down.

And you can stop the tapping.

Go ahead and move your hands away from your chest.

And let's pause.

See if you notice any difference or not.

Any change or shift with mood,

With the emotion itself.

Change in breathing pattern.

Or just bringing awareness to this.

And if you don't notice anything,

That's okay too.

We are accepting what is in this moment.

So tuning in,

Think about something that's difficult for you.

Maybe it is that difficult day you're having or something else came up with a loved one,

An argument,

Or something is going on with someone you care about.

So just notice if there's any sensation that come up with that difficult issue.

See where it comes up in your body.

And if you're comfortable doing it,

Place your hands on that space on your body if it's available to you.

So for example,

If I feel heaviness in my shoulders,

I'm going to put my hands on opposite shoulders,

Almost like a hug,

And just hold my shoulders.

And this is a safe space too.

If you're not noticing any sensation,

Feel free to put your hands on opposite shoulders,

Crossing your arms.

So it's just a gentle hug for yourself.

And just staying in that awareness,

Safe space of being with that difficult sensation.

Just notice if it's a tightening or heavy sensation,

A light one.

If you feel pulled by it in some way.

And just pay attention to how that feels to hold this sensation,

To be present with it.

You can put your hands down and just pause once again.

How do you feel in your body after that?

Any change with the sensation?

Other ways to manage and use self-soothing can be to use your senses.

So all of your senses can be involved to help you.

So if you think of visual senses,

Buying yourself some flowers can brighten up your space,

Help lift your mood a little bit.

You can use your vision to look at nature around you,

Noticing trees,

The sky,

Clouds,

The earth.

You can use your hearing,

Listening to some favorite music or spa music.

Humming a tune can be very soothing.

Or just listening to sounds of the ocean.

And with smell,

You can have a scented body wash in the shower,

Just inhaling,

Allowing yourself some time to inhale it or lotion after your shower or bath.

You could boil some cinnamon sticks and just smell the scent of them.

Or make some cookies and just notice how they smell in the oven.

With taste,

You could have some herbal tea or hot chocolate.

Eat a comfort food like macaroni and cheese or other childhood favorite.

Or suck on a piece of peppermint candy or chocolate.

And with touch,

You could take a crystal or other stone and just rub it in your hand,

Hold it tight.

Sometimes that can be soothing in the present moment.

I like to use crystals or stones that have rough and smooth sides.

That can be a little bit more grounding for me,

So maybe try that.

You could hug someone or put a cold compress on your forehead.

And while you do these self-soothing things,

Keeping in mind that you can still use self-encouragement words through the process.

Other things like,

I will make it out of this.

I'm doing the best I can.

This too shall pass.

I will be okay.

It won't last forever.

And the more you repeat these self-encouraging words,

The more it's going to help you to settle down your nervous system,

To feel calmer in your body.

I hope this was helpful for you.

Self-soothing is a practice and the more you do this,

It does get a little bit easier if you're not used to doing it.

But try it the next time you feel overwhelmed or the anxiety comes up.

And just in review,

We're just going to notice it,

What it feels like in the body,

Sitting with it for a little while.

And then turning to some of these self-soothing,

Either the touch with hands on chest and belly or using the senses and encouraging words to help yourself better manage and bring yourself back to a state of ease.

And again,

This is Chris McDonald.

I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day.