Welcome to this opportunity to extend loving-kindness and compassion to yourself and other living beings.
If you haven't practiced loving-kindness before,
I recommend to you the Beginning Loving-Kindness Lesson and Practice recording and the Loving-Kindness Just Practice a few times before working with Advancing Loving-Kindness.
Come comfortable in your chair or cushion,
Sitting with a relaxed but as erect as available posture with your shoulders relaxed,
A posture that allows you to be still,
Allowing your hands to rest comfortably in your lap,
Allowing an unfocused gaze with the eyes or perhaps gently closing them,
Settling into awareness of the body and perhaps the breath.
In this practice,
You may experience emotions.
I invite you to be open to experiencing whatever arises and allowing it as it happens,
To notice it,
Feeling into your body right now,
Noticing what's here,
Being open to whatever is to be experienced in the body in this moment,
Connecting to the sit bones,
Perhaps your feet on the floor,
Or to your breath.
In this practice,
You'll be cultivating unconditional friendliness,
Also known as loving-kindness.
We all have this within us,
This natural capacity for loving-kindness,
This sense of friendship that is open,
Gentle,
And supportive.
Recalling that loving-kindness is a natural opening of a compassionate heart,
That compassion is empathy with an intention to act on that empathy.
Acting on it can be,
And often is,
As simple as authentically extending good wishes.
We develop the practice first,
Extending it to ourselves,
Loved ones,
Acquaintances,
And then to all living beings.
What makes this loving-kindness practice advancing is that it builds on your practice to extend it to someone with whom you are challenged,
Or perhaps even dislike.
Because of that,
Many of us find this practice difficult,
Or even at times not possible.
Sometimes emotional intensity just gets in the way of any positive intention for a particular person.
Sometimes emotions of annoyance,
Anger,
Or even outrage block us.
Sometimes we hold a sense of justice that the person hasn't earned our good wishes.
Or we hold fear or despair that the person wishes us harm.
These things can all be true,
Whether that person is someone we interact with or know from a distance.
Extending loving-kindness is not always easy,
But it is always valuable.
It's necessary to remember what loving-kindness is,
Wishing someone safety,
Health,
Happiness,
And ease.
When it's someone we care for or even don't know well,
It's not that hard.
When it's someone who challenges us,
We are still wishing them those things,
And we need to realize a few things about what we're wishing.
When we wish for that person safety,
It's to be free from inner or outer harm,
Whatever inner or outer harm they may face.
Perhaps that person puts themselves in harm's way through choices or lack of judgment.
When we wish for them safety,
We may be wishing them the wisdom or insight or support that will help them put themselves out of harm's way.
We're not wishing that they avoid predictable negative consequences of their actions,
But that they can avoid the path that brings them about.
When we wish for them health,
It's to be free from pain and suffering,
And not just physical suffering,
But also emotional,
Mental,
And perhaps spiritual suffering as well.
Similar to harm,
Pain and suffering can be self-inflicted.
Pain and suffering accompany accidents or physical diseases like cancer,
And they accompany emotional,
Mental,
And spiritual conditions,
Including addiction,
Personality disorders,
Or a loss of faith.
When we wish for them health,
We may be wishing for them access to resources or guidance to get needed help.
When we wish for them happiness,
It's to be filling with joy and gratitude,
The joy and gratitude that comes from living a positive,
Ethical life,
Appreciating and contributing to the well-being of others.
It can seem that some people are only happy when others are not,
Or seem that they are on a mission to make others unhappy.
When we wish for them happiness,
We are not wishing them success in what we understand to be their bad intentions,
But we may be wishing them to find within themselves sources of positive joy and gratitude.
All people have these sources,
Even if their conditions or even intentions have led them away from them.
Finally,
When we wish for them to live life with ease,
We return to the first loving-kindness lesson.
To live with ease is to recognize and understand the difference between pain,
Which comes with some of life's events and is inevitable,
And suffering,
Which comes when we are obsessed with what we don't have,
Loathe what we do have,
Or are confused about which is which.
Or you could adopt the serenity prayer,
Asking your higher being to grant that person the serenity to accept the things they cannot change,
The courage to change the things they can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Either works for wishing a difficult person to live with ease.
Remember,
For loving-kindness,
To live with ease means whatever it means to you.
So as difficult as it can be to extend loving-kindness to certain people,
You may see that doing so is not giving in or endorsing bad behaviors or intentions,
But creating some potential,
Even if small,
For positive change.
With practice,
We can extend it to anyone we're challenged by,
Even if that person is sometimes ourselves.
But to begin to advance,
You'll begin just as you did before,
First with yourself,
Then to a loved one,
Then to an acquaintance.
Let's begin.
Allowing yourself to remember and open up to your own basic goodness.
Remembering times you've been kind or generous,
Recalling your natural desire to be happy and not to suffer,
Looking at yourself perhaps through the eyes of someone who loves you.
What does that person love about you?
As you experience this love,
Notice how you feel in your body.
Perhaps you feel some warmth or warmth in the face.
Perhaps a slight relaxation or a turning of the corners of the mouth into a smile.
Some sense of expansiveness.
These are some of the sensations of loving-kindness,
This natural feeling that is accessible to all of us,
Always.
Resting with this feeling of open,
Unconditional love for a few moments,
Allowing yourself to bask in the energy of this loving-kindness,
Breathing it in and breathing it out,
Inviting feelings of peace and acceptance.
So beginning now to wish yourself well by extending words of loving-kindness to yourself.
You're invited to choose whatever words or phrases that express your wishes towards yourself and others.
I'll invite you to say aloud or to yourself each phrase in the pause after I say it.
May I be safe,
Free from inner and outer harm.
May I be healthy,
Free from pain and suffering.
May I be happy,
Filling with joy and gratitude.
May I live with ease.
Now you can open the circle of loving-kindness by bringing to mind someone who is dear to you,
Someone whom you care about and has always been supportive.
Bring that person to mind now,
Reflecting on this person's basic goodness,
Sensing what it is in particular that you love about him or her.
In your heart,
Feel your appreciation for this dear one,
And with that person in mind,
Begin your simple offering,
Repeating after me.
May you be safe,
Free from inner and outer harm.
May you be healthy,
Free from pain and suffering.
May you be happy,
Filling with joy and gratitude.
May you live with ease.
Now you can widen the circle of loving-kindness even further by bringing to mind someone you're familiar with,
Someone you might see periodically but don't know very well.
It might be anyone you pass by or casually interact with.
Bring this person to mind now,
And repeat the words of loving-kindness after me.
May you be safe,
Free from inner and outer harm.
May you be healthy,
Free from pain and suffering.
May you be happy,
Filling with joy and gratitude.
May you live with ease.
And now,
If it's possible in this moment,
Bring to mind someone you know with whom you've had or are having a difficult relationship.
Perhaps it's someone you don't like to feel sympathy or compassion for.
Seeing if it's possible to let go of feelings of resentment and dislike for this person,
Despite any reasons or hurts you may carry,
Reminding yourself to see this person as a whole being,
A human being,
Just like you,
Deserving of love and kindness,
As someone who feels pain and anxiety,
As someone who also suffers,
Seeing if it's possible to extend to this person the words of loving-kindness in your mind or aloud.
May you be safe,
Free from inner and outer harm.
May you be healthy,
Free from pain and suffering.
May you be happy,
Filling with joy and gratitude.
May you live with ease.
Now allowing your awareness to open out in all directions,
Yourself,
A dear one,
An acquaintance,
This person you've just thought of,
Out to any and all beings,
All human beings and living things everywhere,
Living in richness or poverty,
In war or peace,
In hunger or abundance,
With awareness of all the joys and sorrows that all beings experience,
Repeat after me.
May all beings be safe,
Free from inner and outer harm.
May all beings be healthy,
Free from pain and suffering.
May all beings be happy,
Filling with joy and gratitude.
May all beings live with ease.
And now,
Bringing this practice to a close by coming back to extend kindness to yourself.
Sitting for a while and basking in the energy of loving-kindness that may have been generated here in your practice.
As you sit now,
Having completed this cycle of loving-kindness,
You may experience many sensations,
Thoughts,
Or emotions.
You may wonder what effect it will have on yourself,
Or on others,
Or on the world.
If you notice any positive change in yourself,
Your energy,
Attitude,
Or intention,
You have increased the positivity in and around you in this moment.
That is a gift from you to all around you,
Including yourself.
That is loving-kindness.
By extending loving-kindness to all living things,
You increase your connection to the world in a positive and surprisingly productive way.
By extending it to all living things,
You extend it also to yourself,
Which brings us right back to where we started.
And now,
Bringing this practice to a close by coming back to extend loving-kindness to yourself,
Basking in the energy that you have created.
You may repeat this lesson and practice to experiment with to whom you extend loving-kindness,
Including difficult individuals.
Or you may simply jump into the practice without the lesson,
Which you will find in the Advancing Loving-Kindness.
Just practice.
At the sound of the bells,
May you find the energy remains even as the rings fade.
