Trauma is not what happens to you but what happens inside of you as a result of what happens to you.
Safety begins when you learn to inhabit your body in the here and now.
That's a powerful line from Bessel van der Kolk and it speaks directly to something many of us experience.
Even when there's no immediate danger,
Some of us can still feel a deep sense of unease,
Like the ground beneath us isn't steady.
I'm Chibs Okereke and welcome to The Daily Coach.
Now if you're anything like me,
You'll know how easy it can be to get caught up in these types of feelings.
Maybe you've had those moments when everything on the outside looks fine but inside there's this quiet restlessness,
A feeling that you're not fully safe,
Even when nothing is threatening you.
For people like us,
Those feelings often come from somewhere deeper.
Maybe echoes of moments in the past when we didn't feel supported or protected,
Times when we were left to navigate big emotions or situations on our own.
Those experiences can linger in our bodies and minds,
Making it hard to feel grounded,
Even decades later.
But here's the thing,
While we can't change the past,
We can reconnect with the present moment.
Right here,
Right now,
There is no danger.
The ground beneath us is steady,
The breath is constant and we can remind ourselves that we are safe.
In today's session,
We'll explore how to gently anchor ourselves in the now.
Through the breath,
The body and a bit of compassion for those parts of us that still feel unsettled,
We'll discover how to create a sense of steadiness and calm.
Now if at any point this practice feels like too much,
Know that you can pause and come back to it whenever you're ready.
Let's begin by settling into a comfortable position,
Sitting in a chair with the feet resting flat on the floor or maybe lying down,
Whatever feels most supportive.
If it feels comfortable,
We might choose to close the eyes or we might prefer to keep them open,
Softening our gaze.
And let's gently bring our awareness to the breath.
There's no need to change or control the breath,
Just noticing the natural rhythm of the inhale and the exhale.
As we breathe,
We might try lengthening the exhale slightly.
This longer exhale engages our parasympathetic nervous system,
Our body's natural calming system,
Helping us feel more grounded and settled.
We can try breathing in for a count of four and breathing out for a count of six.
Let's try that together now for a couple of breaths and then we can do a few at our own pace.
Breathing in,
Two,
Three,
Four.
Breathing out,
Two,
Three,
Four,
Five,
Six.
Breathing in,
Two,
Three,
Four.
Breathing out,
Two,
Three,
Four,
Five,
Six.
And let me be quiet for a few moments so you can do a couple more in your own time.
Okay,
Good.
And now we can allow the breath to return to its natural rhythm.
And I invite you to gently bring your awareness to the body,
Perhaps noticing where the feet are resting on the ground,
Maybe feeling the floor beneath us,
The sense of steadiness it offers.
Or maybe we notice the support of the chair or the bed beneath us.
Can we allow ourselves to settle into that support,
Even just a little?
If it feels good,
We might choose to place one hand gently over our heart or on our belly,
Maybe noticing the warmth of the hand or the gentle rise and fall of the breath beneath it.
Now,
As we sit or lie here,
Breathing and feeling the ground beneath us,
We might imagine that there's a younger version of ourselves,
A small childlike part that's still carrying feelings of unsafety.
Only if it feels right,
We might gently offer our younger self comfort.
We might silently say,
You are safe now.
I'm here for you.
And if this doesn't resonate or feels uncomfortable,
Feel free to change the phrase to whatever feels supportive to you.
Or I invite you to simply stay with the gentle rhythm of the breath.
And if we do choose to offer ourselves that comforting phrase,
There's no need to force anything.
Whatever arises is okay.
We're simply letting this part of us know that we're here and know that we're holding them with care.
You are safe now.
I'm here for you.
We'll soon be bringing this practice to an end.
So as you move through your day,
I invite you to try this technique.
The next time you feel unsettled,
Try pausing,
Taking a slow,
Steady breath in and an even slower breath out.
And then,
If it feels right,
Pressing your feet gently into the ground,
You might notice the firmness of the earth beneath them.
The steady,
Unshakable ground that holds you up.
You could also place a hand on your heart or belly and silently say to yourself,
I am safe in this moment.
The past is not happening now.
These small,
Simple gestures can help some of us create a sense of safety,
No matter where we are.
And for others,
This might feel uncomfortable.
So we're welcome to simply pause and take a slow,
Steady breath in and a slow breath out.
When I was growing up,
Home wasn't always a safe place,
And often I felt like I was walking on thin ice.
As an adult,
Even in very ordinary moments,
I sometimes catch myself waiting for something to go wrong.
It might be just a quiet Sunday afternoon,
But there's this old,
Familiar tension in my chest.
Now what's changed is how I respond now.
Instead of ignoring it,
I pause,
Place a hand on my chest,
And I tell my younger self,
You're safe now.
You're okay.
Now it doesn't erase every anxious thought or feeling,
But it reminds me that the danger isn't real this time.
I'm rooted in the present,
And I'm on steady ground.
The present moment is always here,
Offering us a place to rest,
To breathe,
And to feel steady again.
So when feelings of unsafety arise,
Remember,
Often these feelings are echoes of the past,
Not reflections of the present.
By grounding ourselves in the now,
We can remind our mind and body that we're safe in this moment.
And if the eyes are closed,
You're welcome to gently open them in your own time.
Thanks for joining me today,
And I'll see you next time for the Daily Coach.
You
