Hello and welcome to the daily insight.
It's nice to have you.
My name is Charles Freely and I'm a psychotherapist as well as a long time meditator.
In this practice,
I'd like to offer you a few visuals that might be helpful in your daily efforts to live a good life and in particular to enjoy the present moment as fully as you can.
And you can settle yourself in here.
If you'd like to close your eyes,
You can do so now.
But eyes open is also fine if you're on the move or driving.
Just whatever might feel unsettled or restless in your experience right now.
And see if your body knows how to just rest a bit more deeply into this moment.
Nothing else to do right now,
But just to be alive and to be curious about what that's like.
And I'd like to begin with a quote from Soren Kierkegaard that illustrates the whole message for today.
Here's the quote.
Life is not a problem to be solved,
But a reality to be experienced.
And you might gauge right now,
Is there any part of you that is treating this moment or approaching it as if it's a problem that you need to solve to figure out?
And maybe you can switch into a mode of just experiencing the reality of what's happening only right now.
And so here's a question for you.
When do the most beautiful moments in life occur?
Are they things that you plan for?
Things that you force into existence?
Things that you work toward and finally achieve once and for all if you only worry about them enough?
My guess is that none of these are true for you,
But that you might still find yourself using strategies like these in order to get happiness.
To get contentment,
Satisfaction,
Relief,
Fulfillment,
Connection,
Or whatever you might call that ultimate goal,
That thing that we're all grasping for.
As we grow up in life,
We learn that in order to get the things we want,
We have to grasp for them.
Like grasping for a glass of water to satisfy your thirst.
But this thing,
This ultimate thing that we're all after,
Is so elusive.
And it seems that the more we try to grab it and hold onto it,
The more it actually slips right through our fingers.
It's a frustrating paradox.
And I think it leads to a lot of the pain that we experience.
Whether it be anxiety,
Sadness,
Anger,
Or just general dissatisfaction.
The feeling that something's missing at our core.
And so what do we do?
Here's my take on how we can actually quote unquote get that thing.
So here's where the visual comes in.
If you would now,
Take one of your hands and make it into a really tight fist.
You could also just do this in your mind if you like.
And now slowly open up the fist into a completely open hand.
And spread your fingers out as wide as you can.
And you might close up into a fist and then spread back out into an open hand.
And now tell me which one of these positions is able to receive anything.
The closed fist or the open hand?
And you might have guessed it,
The hand needs to first be open in order to be able to receive.
There's a line that goes,
Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a mystery,
And today is a gift.
That's why it's called the present.
And that's the way that I see the present moment.
That it really is a gift that is always available and it's always right in front of us.
It's right in front of you right now,
It's right in front of me right now.
If we would only open our hand up for long enough to receive it and accept it.
And I think it's the same way for all of those underlying things that we're on a deep level trying to get.
Like connection and fulfillment.
These things that if we could only open our hand up for long enough then we would be able to receive them.
Now I understand our addiction to the closed fist.
Efforts that we make to try to exert control and to try to get the things that we want.
It provides some feeling of security,
Some sense of certainty,
Even if it's of the totally dissatisfied and frustrated variety.
While with an open hand there's uncertainty,
There's vulnerability,
There's full possibility of this unique moment.
You don't really know what it's going to be like.
In the next five seconds you don't really know what this moment,
If you're totally open to it,
Is going to be like.
So it can feel a little scary.
But that's where the most beautiful moments in life occur,
In relationships for example.
Deep connection is only available if you expose and show who you really are.
Because if you're the closed fist and you're trying to put on some sort of persona that you think other people want to see,
Then you're sort of guaranteeing that you will never be really accepted for who you truly are,
Authentically.
And that takes opening up the hand and showing that side and taking the risk in order to be able to receive connection.
So let's move into a little practice for a few minutes here of becoming aware of whatever parts of you have clenched up,
Have flexed,
Have embodied this sort of closed fist that is fighting against your experience in some way.
And then through noticing that,
Allowing yourself to gradually open that hand back up and become a completely open hand that can receive all of what's happening right now without any need to change your experience at all.
And you can notice whatever parts of your experience have tightened back up,
Whatever might have become flexed or tense.
We all sort of carry different parts of our bodies that are flexed at baseline.
I think this is sort of a manifestation of a low level anxiety that's always there.
So see whatever parts those are for you.
It could be in your jaw,
Your stomach,
Your shoulders.
Just notice those and see if your body knows how to soften them.
And let's take a few deep breaths here.
Not forcing them to be deep,
Not forcing them to be any particular way,
But just follow the breath all the way in and all the way back out wherever it stands out to you.
And on the out breath,
See if you can just let that go completely.
Notice if you're restricting it or holding on to it in any way.
And just see if you can let it go all the way and just wait for the breath to come back in naturally on its own.
The breath is constantly happening without our conscious awareness,
But when we start to pay attention to it,
We can find ourselves trying to control it or to change it or to try to make it deep or to exert control.
And so here's a perfect example of the open hand,
Letting go of any need to change or manipulate the breath and just following the natural course as it moves in and out.
Feel yourself as this hand,
Like your whole body,
Your whole experience as this hand.
And just notice in whatever way you can notice yourself as the closed fist.
And then just allow yourself to open up that hand gradually.
You might notice it close back up and then again,
Open it back up to receive the full possibility of what's happening only in this moment.
Just see if in an intuitive way you can notice the fist closing and then also intuitively see if you can just rest into the hand gradually opening back up to be able to receive what's available only now.
And I'll give you a few minutes here to experiment with that.
And you'll hear a bell to start and end this experimentation with the open hand.
All right,
How was that for you?
I feel like in this sort of exercise to give you guidance through it would be almost counterproductive.
So,
I hope you were able to get an intuitive sense of that feeling of opening the hand,
Of opening up fully to this space where the most beautiful moments in life occur.
And you can find them anywhere in whatever you're doing as long as you open the hand up enough to them.
An experience of nature,
Not of your mental concept of nature,
But really encountering a tree or a lake or just the street you walk down every day.
It can be an experience of work,
Of fully giving yourself to the work you're doing and immersing yourself in it,
Releasing the expression of your creative energy in whatever it is that you do.
An experience of a relationship,
Of that feeling of being totally engaged and in tune with another human being.
An experience of eating,
Of appreciating the substance that is actually becoming a part of your body in this miraculous way and that has all kinds of textures and flavors.
There's a line that goes,
Don't eat your lunch for breakfast.
And I like that as a reminder to let go about thoughts of what the future could hold while I'm actually engaged in something really only right now.
This deep experience of the present moment is available to you at all times.
If you only just open the hand up enough to be able to receive it.
If you're eating breakfast,
You can eat breakfast fully.
If you're working,
You can work fully.
If you're exercising,
Relaxing,
If you're procrastinating even,
Just make the commitment to procrastinate fully for the time being instead of a half-assed procrastination while you simultaneously feel guilty about what you're doing.
If you're making dinner,
Doing the dishes,
Making your bed,
Just do these things.
And so I'd like to finish here today with a short story that comes from the Zen tradition.
I think it illustrates this concept kind of nicely.
And before I tell it,
You can now adjust your posture for a moment.
You notice that you might have tightened back up or slumped over or you can just stay as you are.
You can come to a fully conscious cycle of breaths all the way in and all the way out.
And just rest into the natural rhythm of the breath.
Notice any resistance to what's happening right now.
Maybe some particular distracting thought,
Some tension or even some pain.
And see if you can allow that to sink through you on the out-breath,
At least just for the next few minutes.
And so here's the story.
There was a university philosophy professor and he wanted to learn more about Zen philosophy and the practice of Zen.
So he reached out to a local monastery and the head teacher there agreed to have the professor come and visit to learn about Zen.
So in preparation,
The professor studied up on Zen,
Tried to learn the basics so he could have a really engaged discussion with the Zen teacher.
Finally it was time for the visit and the professor made his way to the monastery.
The head teacher brought him inside,
Sat him down at a table and prepared some tea for the two of them.
While the Zen teacher was preparing the tea,
The professor started speaking excitedly about theories of philosophy,
His current understanding of Zen,
How it compares to other theories and traditions.
He was very eager to show the teacher what he knew so he wouldn't have to waste any time on the basics.
And so as the professor was talking,
The teacher walked over and began to pour the hot tea into the professor's cup.
And when the professor's cup was full,
The teacher kept on pouring.
The tea started to spill over the brim of the cup and onto the table and onto the floor and the teacher just kept on pouring this hot tea.
As the professor noticed this,
He said,
Stop,
What are you doing?
The cup is overflowing.
And the teacher stopped pouring,
Took a moment and then said,
Like this cup,
You are full of your own opinions,
Speculations and expectations.
How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?
I love that little story.
I think it makes the point that by holding on,
By closing the fist,
By attempting to exert control,
You directly block the clear perception and awareness and possibility of what is really available only right now.
So I hope you found this visual of the closed fist and the open hand helpful.
And then another way to think about it is emptying your cup,
Regularly emptying the cup so it can be filled with all that's available in this moment at any time,
No matter what you're doing.
And I wish you well.
Thanks for joining me.
