Welcome everyone to nervous system retuning for empaths And I am so deeply excited about this topic and I thank you so much for being here today or if you're listening to the recording for tuning in because the information I'm going to be sharing today is Original to me as far as I know it I don't hear other people talking about what it means to be empathic intuitive highly sensitive Etc in terms of the nervous system in terms of what we know about the latest findings in neurophysiology and psychophysiology Insomatic trauma healing.
So that's the lens that I work through and What I'm sharing with you today has helped me beyond measure as an extreme empath and an introvert Oh hi,
As my welcome what what I'm sharing with you today has helped me In all of my relationships.
It has helped me to end the toxic codependent patterns that I experienced through most of my life to marry somebody who is absolutely unbelievably supportive Uplifting we have an amazing connection.
We have an amazing baby together I wouldn't have been able to end the toxic relationship pattern.
So I have without this information I'm sharing with you today and Yeah,
And I'm able to share my truth Openly,
I'm able to express my feelings my needs I'm able to know what I need in the first place,
Which was new for me a couple years ago I'm able to express that openly to my intimate people And know that they will love me all the more for it.
I know that I can be more of myself and be differentiated and set boundaries with my husband or with my friends and they will love me all the more for it And this is a complete 180 turnaround from how I used to do relationships,
Right?
Slinking around feeling like other people's emotions were my responsibility I say slinking around because that's what it felt like like walking on eggshells Believing I was because I was so Involved in my own healing work and because I was so hyper aware of the states of others believing it was my responsibility To kind of do their healing for them or to act a certain way so that they would feel a certain way,
Right?
I mean,
That's the definition of codependency And by the way,
I did a whole live recording on specifically codependency That's been very helpful for a lot of people and you can find that on my teacher profile on insight timer But what we're talking about today will help you with codependency as well So it's by the way,
It's also helped me this information has also helped me to run a successful business To ask for the money that I deserve in my business to without just collapsing and guilt Because I'm so used to I was so used to giving and the idea of taking from someone else You know,
Even if I know in my head that I'm giving them something that's valuable beyond measure and is changing their life The idea that I'd be taking resources from them.
It used to deeply disturb me,
You know And so Doing this nervous system healing has also helped me in my business to have a successful business where I do I'm able to sell things that I'm not able to sell I'm able to sell things without collapsing into myself and sobbing and just feeling like the lowest thing in the world Because I'm asking something from someone else,
Right?
So the the benefits of this work I could go on and on but they really are beyond measure and I believe that in order to really know how to heal something we have to know Where what it is how it started we have to know?
What the beginnings of the pattern were in our life And so I want to talk first of all about from my perspective what it means to be an empath or What it means to be a highly sensitive person an intuitive whatever you personally identify with And it basically means that We are overwhelmed by the experiences of other people that we are acutely highly aware of the same We are acutely highly aware of the states of others and that our awareness Affects our functionality in the world.
So our awareness of their states Affects like how able we are to enjoy social connection,
You know to have Constructive healthy relationships to go to that party to go to that network networking event where we might meet someone that's important for our business,
You know,
Like The list can go on and on and on about what being an empath can impact as far as our Ability to make the life that we desire,
You know Because it impacts how we feel around other people and our ability to be with other people and So here's what I have found about The empath origin story You may relate to part of this you may relate to all of it So in my perspective We are born.
So if we are empathic What happened to us when we were young?
Is we were born as an old soul,
You know,
Or we had an innate kind of sensitivity And we were born into a family Where either overtly or implicitly we got the message That there wasn't any space for us to fully express Ourselves our own feelings to their fullest extent our own needs to have needs in the first place our own desires We couldn't and again,
Maybe we got this implicitly or explicitly We couldn't both Be big have our full range of feeling get angry say no Have opinions that contradicted those of our caregivers.
We could not both be that way And get their full approval at the same time And someone's saying says you're telling my story I think i'm telling just about all of our stories and this is my story,
Right?
So,
Um,
I grew up in a family without any Overt abuse,
Right?
So from an external perspective,
Um through the lens of our culture,
Which is sick But through by an external perspective,
You know,
I grew up in a suburban middle class family with a loving mother and father And all my physical needs were met,
You know,
I could go to the grocery store and get whatever food I needed I could you know,
I went to good schools.
I Like I was well taken care of on a physical level But when you look closer What I know now is that I'm a survivor of emotional neglect In other words I have both of my parents were struggling,
You know with emotional challenges that nobody talked about Um,
And as an innately sensitive person as an innately sensitive person as an innately sensitive person as an innately sensitive being their unspoken pain was The only thing I could perceive right So They're like my parents pain.
So my mom struggled deeply with anxiety even though I mean like in the 80s and 90s nobody talked about you know,
Very few people talked about anxiety She really struggled deeply with anxiety and my dad is on the spectrum.
And of course nobody knew that like uh,
This I know that now about him,
Right?
My dad's on the spectrum and required a very Rigorous rigid environment in order to be okay,
You know,
So And his he also struggled with depression,
Uh,
Very acutely and so there was anxiety there was depression There was spectrum disorder,
You know happening in my home growing up in this outwardly very healthy very loving appearing situation and so I cried all the time I just I was a kid who just cried and people were very concerned about me You know my parents not my my dad was kind of tuned out,
You know But my mom was deeply concerned about me.
It's like Katherine why like Katherine just cries like she If anything is too intense for her She just cries and and my mom did not get that because she had shut down her own feelings,
You know,
Very young And my teachers at school were very concerned about me because I cried all the time and um But for me,
I didn't have a choice.
It was just like how my what my body did um and Pretty soon.
I learned to repress that You know,
So when I say the term emotional neglect What that is is when we grow up in a way where our feelings couldn't be seen and heard for what they are You know where we were given the message either explicitly or or implicitly by what we saw modeled or not modeled We're given the message that we that it's not okay to have big feelings or or inconvenient feelings That's emotional neglect That's emotional neglect You might say something like well,
Isn't that normal to grow up like that?
Yeah,
Because we're living in an emotional dark age Like we're living our our western culture is completely insane in terms of how we view emotions and we're just now coming out of that You know,
We're just now realizing that the greatest single predictor of adult happiness is emotional intelligence Is emotional intelligence specifically cultivated as a young person?
And In the words are emotional awareness,
Right?
So if you're born Just to back up a little bit So if you're born an innately sensitive person and your household no matter how healthy or loving it might appear if your household was an environment in which you could not Be acknowledged for having your feelings be seen be heard Be validated And also to be taught strategies for how to help yourself regulate you know like Who grew up that way?
Like none of us did right?
Especially not if you're on this on this live today and so we So here's what happens to us developmentally to make us empathic To make us empathic So you all know that Children are brilliant at adaptation,
Right?
Like I have a two-year-old it is Miraculous beyond all words to see her just be a sponge to us to language to our facial expressions to how we talk about things like like It's miraculous beyond words what kids do to adapt And we're all brilliant at adapting and we all As kids were extraordinarily completely dependent on our parents or caregivers We're utterly completely dependent on them for our survival.
So all kids No matter how wonderful our upbringing is we all end up Exaggerating the parts of ourselves that get approval from our caregivers and minimizing or repressing the parts of ourselves That don't get that outward approval right each and every one of us does this It's called those when we repress or minimize those parts of ourselves that don't get approval.
That's called going into shadow And this is shadow work,
Right?
Shadow work means retrieving those parts of our Authentic self that we had to submerge in order to get that approval in order to be the the good girl The good boy the good non-binary child that we needed to be to survive our childhood So here's what we did That made us into empaths So we're this innately sensitive being right?
So that's a strength of ours.
And of course That's that's supported by our caregivers,
Right?
Because everyone wants a compassionate kid Everyone wants a kid who who supports them.
I do as a mom right to an extent um and so We end up Exaggerating this strength of ours To tune in and become aware of the other person's state And we exaggerate that to get approval,
But we also exaggerate that to survive Because a lot of us grew up in households where there was unspoken pain and we had to be hyper vigilant about Where is my parent at today?
Right like or with my dad.
So my dad's on the spectrum and he has a flat affect and a flat voice and so I I thank my dad in large part for my intuitive abilities because I had to develop an insanely attuned pattern recognition system in order to know where he was at Because he would um say things that were abusive and kind of out of the blue Like highly deeply critical things or deeply,
You know,
Like verbally abusive things things that shut me down so it's like My system was just on alert.
Like where is he at?
Where is he at?
Where is he at now?
Where is he and i'm sure you all can relate in your own ways to that,
Right?
So again,
Like every part of ourselves if it's a muscle and we practice using it it gets stronger I believe that this is a large part of the stories of most intuitive and psychic folks out there in fact,
I mean I have a lot of friends who work as professional intuitives And I haven't met a single one who doesn't have a traumatic childhood right or a childhood in which they had to Really use that muscle of that heightened awareness to be safe To know where people were at in their household and respond brilliantly and kind of predict You know predict how somebody would act in order to stay safe Um so one thing that we learned and this is why um,
This is why empaths have such a deep struggle with relationships the message that we got like from the pattern that I just described is that I can't Be authentic.
I can't express all of myself And be loved and be connected at the same time to someone else.
I have to be a certain way You know,
I have to be tuned into them.
I have to be tuned into you In order to get love back And that's how we land in codependent patterns.
That's how many of us land in abusive patterns That's how many of us land in situations with narcissists Because that's the pattern and believe it or not Our bodies are attracted our bodies repeat traumatic patterns Because to our bodies to the from the perspective of the nervous system,
What's familiar equals what's safe?
That's why some of us can only be sexually attracted to someone who feels unsafe in some way because it's familiar That feeling in your body that you get when you're around that other person will be familiar To the feeling you got when you were around usually it's the mothering parent The mothering parent is usually our imprint for our attachment relationships,
But that's a whole other whole other talk Yeah So it's it's just it's hard.
It's incredibly lonely being an empath and and having these relationship patterns that seem unhealable Because again we learned and i'm just looking down at my notes if you see me looking down We learned that we could not be both connected to someone intimately and fully express who we are at the same time In other words another way to frame that is we never developed a healthy ego Those of us who are empaths Again,
Like there don't get me wrong.
There's a lot of beautiful things about being an empath I deeply appreciate it in myself in a lot of ways and I do consider it a divine gift in some ways but also Being an empath in terms of not developing a healthy sense of self.
It's also a disability Being an empath means that there's part of us that is underdeveloped Because again,
We could not develop that ego.
We couldn't We couldn't say no we develop our egos By saying by being able to take up space when we're honestly when we're toddlers and babies by saying no by feeling anger you know,
Um Like for how many how many of you?
Got upset and you were held and nurtured through the feeling and not not given the message to stop How many of you had a caregiver that said?
Just let it out.
I can handle your big feelings Just let it out.
Tell me more about it.
Tell me more about how you're angry Tell me more about how this makes you sad,
Right?
This is what I strive to be as a parent and this is not how we grew up You know Yeah,
People are saying definitely not I definitely didn't grow up that way definitely told to suck it up You were yelled at for expressing never right?
And thus we end up as adults with broken emotional systems with broken nervous systems with broken senses of self Because here's the thing is our emotions are us our emotions are our life force energy moving through us And when we get the message Um that We can't be big.
We can't take up space.
We never develop that sense of self.
We just learn to shut it down and this my friends Leads to depression and anxiety in adulthood because we never learn how to be safe with ourselves We never learn that How to be ourselves we lose connection to our inner compass We lose connection to Our life force energy we in in spiritual terms.
We have to close our hearts in order to survive and so actually being an empath is a really strange combination of actually being ultra open in one sense But also very closed off if you're really honest with yourself.
You have a wall up around other people Out of self-protection,
Right?
So isn't that a funny thing about being an empath like having this kind of hyper openness?
But also when it really boils down to it,
Like you've got walls up And that makes it really hard for us to receive love from other people or to receive money Like if we have a business to receive abundance a lot of empaths struggle in like struggle greatly and deeply with money and it's because this this energy flow doesn't happen with within us because we closed ourselves to receiving Goodness from others because when it all boils down to it,
We don't trust other people Right,
If you're really honest,
You don't trust other people even though you kind of fling yourself into helping them Or like take on the responsibility for their feelings You don't really trust other people because again like you learned that you can't have you can't expect Of you can't express who you are and be loved at the same time And thank you all so much for your donations if this is helpful for you today There's no better way than donating to express that so I thank you so much No matter how much you can donate.
I just appreciate it so much.
It's a great way to communicate that this is helping you Let me just look at my notes again so anyway,
So we like um We don't have a healthy sense of self right we don't have this healthy ego so um from the perspective of the nervous system um Here's how this works So I just want to invite you To do a super quick exercise with me and this is just like 30 seconds I'm just going to have you imagine like I want you to feel in your body.
Thank you for your donations everyone so much.
Um I want you to kind of feel in your body what it feels like to have a hypersensitive nervous system You might be like oh gathren.
You don't have to do an exercise for me to feel that I feel it all the whole time But I really want you to feel it and I'm adding a disclaimer here in post production on this track to let you know that this uh visualization does include activating your Nervous system and so if you're somebody who experiences anxiety or other symptoms,
Which Which is like everybody listening to this,
Right?
What I recommend is just simply listening to this guided visualization before considering doing it and going inward Uh yourself,
Especially if you're listening to this track by yourself What i'm going to guide you through just to tell you is i'm going to guide you through feeling in your body what it's like to be in a dark alleyway by yourself and Hearing a noise that could potentially signal danger behind you And then I will lead you back to a state of realizing that there is no threat and safety So if you're hearing this being like,
Oh no,
I that will be too much for me Then please just listen Um,
Don't do it yourself or even fast forward a couple minutes.
Um,
If you don't want to hear it There you go So make your choice and see if that feels right for you And if it does feel right for you to practice with us I know that it will give you a very accurate embodied sense for what hypervigilance Really feels like in your body.
Okay,
Here we go We'll begin this short visualization by imagining that You're walking by yourself in a city And it's dark outside You go down you have to go down this dark alleyway in order to get where you're going And you're not quite sure if this is safe And you start walking down the alleyway And I just want you to imagine what are your senses doing right now as you're walking down this dark alleyway Just breathe and notice how is your hearing being affected right now?
How is your sense of what's around you right now?
And now imagine noticing that your senses have changed in this way Imagine that you hear a sound that startles you You hear a sound that could be somebody behind you Notice what your senses are doing now Notice what there's might be might be some tension in your body,
Right?
Breathing here as you acknowledge the sensation in your body And then Look behind you in this visualization And notice that the sound wasn't dangerous at all In fact,
You notice that there's a dumpster behind you and there's a crow Picking at garbage on top of the dumpster and a piece of garbage.
Let's say a An aluminum can had fallen to the ground causing the alarming sound behind you In light of this observation notice if your system relaxes in any way It was just a crow I'm safe here There was no danger Breathing and noticing that your senses are being affected and you're breathing and noticing how that impacts your body here What changes about your senses and how they are tuned right now?
So just um Start to come out of it you can open your eyes This is how it felt to grow up as you This is how it felt this is how your nervous system became highly sensitive Because when we grow up feeling unsafe Again evenly if outwardly you had the most loving parents your physical needs were taken care of If you are a survivor of emotional neglect if your feelings were not seen heard or acknowledged you felt unsafe mic drop You felt unsafe right And so this is This high alert is how your nervous system developed and I like to say like your nervous system got turned up to 11 from a mammalian perspective It means that what your body is doing is tuning.
It's literally a tuning of your nervous system to detect predators Your nervous system is highly attuned to detect predators because remember we're mammals We have a prey mode in our body we have a predator mode We have a mode,
You know,
And you're basically in prey mode,
Right?
And this is why we're introverted.
This is why we can't stand parties This is why we can't stand loud noises because our senses are turned up to 11 It is freaking exhausting,
Isn't it?
If you need to shake out that exercise,
Please do so the dark alley exercise i'm sorry if it That brought up stuff for you.
Um But I just really like to help you get real about Just how unsafe you felt from a body perspective from a nervous system perspective Yeah,
Because again when we see the wound for what it is that's when we can heal it we can't Yeah,
That's a lot I could say about spiritual bypassing right now,
But I Spiritual bypassing never works to heal uh from overwhelm or or the challenges of being an empath.
It just doesn't Yeah So the question is what do we do about that?
Right?
How how do we heal our nervous system when We grew up in this way that it's turned to 11 How do we heal?
How do we heal so just feel into your body right now Let's notice where you're at.
Maybe look take a little screen break and look around your space That helps us to orient to come into this time and place helps us get back into our bodies Because you might be feeling like a lot's coming up for you because I might be describing.
Um Things that land in a certain way for you,
Right?
So Nicole says I have no clue what it means to be relaxed.
Yeah.
Yeah We learned that it's not safe to rest if your nervous system is on high alert if you're in the mode of detecting predators How can you relax?
You can't how can you experience pleasure?
A lot of empaths experience a lot of sexual challenges Because our bodies are closed right?
We don't trust at a really basic level,
Right?
Um A lot of us have trouble feeling pleasure in any In any you know part of our life a lot of us.
Um So here's something that you might really relate to that.
Maybe no one's talked about before in your life You might find that having fun is really hard and you might Be noticing that you work really hard at healing yourself In a way that just might be a trauma response and not actually Relaxing for you.
Does that make sense?
So a lot of us Who felt unsafe in our childhood?
We then just we approach our healing journeys In this way,
That's hard on ourselves Because it's too It's actually even harder to think about pleasure and letting go of the trying Letting go of the effort because we're basically used to running To to keep moving,
You know in terms of the nervous system.
It's mobilization,
Right?
We're just used to mobilizing to doing something all the time If i'm not doing and that includes healing if i'm not doing my meditation every day or my yoga If i'm not doing my mantras or my affirmations,
You know Something terrible was happening You know,
Um something terrible will happen,
Right?
I used to be an addictive So I used to teach yoga,
You know Along with a lot of other things I used to do I used to be a yoga teacher a trauma certified trauma-informed yoga and mindfulness teacher And to be completely honest,
I used yoga like a drug,
You know I used meditation and yoga as a coping mechanism and as It was part of my way of controlling myself to be honest like to controlling my state because it was so scary to do nothing It was so scary to just be because when I was just still with myself,
I felt the hypervigilance in my nervous system Right,
Even though I didn't have a name for it because i've just been studying the nervous system for the past few years You know,
So like I didn't have a name for it back then Um,
I didn't even and I thought like this isn't bad enough to be anxiety,
Right?
Because I can just do some yoga and meditation and feel better.
But the trick was I couldn't not do it and be okay right Yeah So doing nervous system healing work has allowed me to be okay Without doing any of that and I love yoga and meditation and I do it most days But it's a bonus and not something that I need to be okay,
And I hope that that makes sense Yeah So david says oh my god,
That's how I use martial arts study and practice Yeah,
We all have our things right?
We all have our little ways to be okay when when our nervous system is hypervigilant,
Right?
And and our and unfortunately our culture just condones it and supports it right because our entire culture has a sick nervous system Right our entire culture,
Especially in the united states.
We're constantly running We're a culture that's constantly running and running to the next thing because we can't stand to be with ourselves That's what I think anyway Yeah All right.
So I want to do a quick.
Um,
Oh pauline meditating is absolutely not wrong I like I said,
I love meditation.
I do it almost every day,
You know Um,
I'm just saying to i'm saying that it it helps us to heal if we can become aware Of why we're doing a thing,
Right?
And if and and the the problem is if we need it in order to be okay Right.
Maybe it helps us feel better and that's great um but like I know that I was personally using it as a drug.
Um,
Because if I didn't do it I would just throughout the whole day.
I would be like,
Oh,
Oh,
I just feel so out of it,
I just feel so um let's see how would I put it like Like scrambled or like I was just judging myself for the actual natural state of my nervous system I believe mindfulness meditation yoga is an unbelievably powerful tool for healing trauma,
You know So i'm not saying that I hope that everybody understands that Yeah,
Pauline but and and sometimes it's you know,
It's okay to need it to be okay It's just about having the awareness that there might be something on a nervous system level to heal That would allow you to be okay even without it,
You know Yeah so um I want to do a somatic exercise with you all Uh that might bring up some high card.
No problem.
I'm recording it if you came late that goes for everyone who came later um All right.
So what we're going to do now is i'm going to invite you to just take a pose with me It's like a power pose um And we're going to see what happens in our bodies when we do it Okay,
So just a little bit of a precursor tracy You can't watch this later But you can listen to it later because i'm recording it on my computer here and i'm gonna it's going to appear on my inside Timer teacher profile within the week.
You can listen to it again So make sure you follow me as a teacher on insight timer and then you'll know exactly when it gets uploaded all right so um What we're going to be doing now is taking victory pose Some of you have done this with me before um Victory pose is standing with one arm above your head and it might seem very simple but for a lot of us who are empaths,
Um who struggle with Expressing the self with taking up space with with um speaking our truth,
Right?
Uh This can be really this can bring up a lot and so In terms of how to heal the nervous system um what we know now from neurophysiology and particularly the polyvagal theory which i'm so steven porges Is the scientist who came up with the polyvagal theory?
I'm an enormous nerd for that stuff.
Um and super long story short about it is we know now that um Our bodies are giving us the signals about whether we're unsafe or not,
Right?
Because we as humans like to overthink things we can rationalize anything we can say like we can say like oh You know,
I had a great childhood like yeah My parents really loved me and I had all my knee.
I was so privileged You know,
I had all my needs taken care of,
You know,
I grew up in a cut in a wealthy country You can like And all of that's true.
I'm not saying that's not true,
Right?
All of that is true And also your body will not lie,
Right?
It's our bodies that really show us where our nervous system is It's our bodies that really show us if we felt safe or if we feel safe now or not,
Right?
And it's this yes,
And just like katherine's saying like This is yes and consciousness like yes,
Our parents loved us like crazy and our bodies Felt unsafe growing up because almost all of us feel unsafe growing up Even if we have the most wonderful parents again because we live in the culture that we do We live in nuclear families.
We're not evolved to live in nuclear families,
Right?
Like I could just go on and on about reasons that we feel unsafe But particularly if our emotions were not seen heard acknowledged validated We will feel viscerally unsafe And become hyper vigilant in adulthood and empathic so We're just going to experiment and see what this brings up for you So you might be feeling in your body when you do this pose You might be feeling weird.
You might be feeling like you want to get out of it You might feel even like some mild panic And if you feel anything that is overwhelming like anxiety or panic,
Please get out of it immediately and just shake it off Because it seems simple just take a pose,
Right?
But your body it will be impacting your body in a really powerful way Okay,
So you can totally do this in a chair if standing up isn't accessible for you By sitting down and just so i'll be modeling it in both ways sitting and standing here So if you want to there's my crib in the background my baby monitor By the way This is my office slash nursery for my baby.
So in a chair You just Take one hand you lift your chest You lift your chin and you take your dominant arm and lift it above your head and I have my hand in a fist If you're choosing to do this stand up if that's standing up if that's accessible for you You do that similarly you stand up You lift your chest You lift your chin up and you raise one fist above your head And just start to breathe like allow your knees to relax there might be a tendency to lock them So allow your knees to be soft Your chest lifted your chin lifted And this is just an experiment.
We're just noticing what's happening in your body We're just noticing the thoughts or judgments that are coming up in your mind Let's take this for another moment or so Diane says it's making me cry.
Yeah,
And whatever comes up do your best if if it feels Doable for you in this moment do your best to allow it allow the tears Allow the anger to allow whatever's coming up And then let it come up And then let it come up and let it come down And then let it come up and let it come down And then let it come up and let it come down And then let it come up and let it come down and let it come up and let it come down and let it come up and let it come down Yeah David says dizzy and a hot flash.
Yeah again.
This is powerful stuff everyone.
It seems simple But from a nervous system perspective,
This could be very threatening to you,
Right?
Because you were raised to feel like taking up space Declaring your victory declaring your deservedness to be here.
You were raised To think this is life-threatening for you Yeah Lorianne says oh my gosh the slight shift of putting my chin up release tears.
Yeah,
Gilbert says almost nauseous Yeah,
And again if anyone's too uncomfortable,
Please get out of the pose shake it off But I encourage you if it feels like it's okay See if you can stick with it and allow the wave of what's arising for you to come up to crest and to naturally come to a close Allow the wave to move through your body Amanda says Check I think you feel I think that's chest hurts feel heavy.
My mind is saying put your damn hand down Yeah,
So which parents voice is that?
Because it's not yours All right Melissa says felt okay,
But pain in stomach So you have a little pain in your stomach.
So actually so that might mean that There's some that your body is feeling it,
But your mind is suppressing the actual emotion that's coming up for you Vanessa says fighting an urge to tuck my chin back down Nicole says almost nauseous guts react.
Yeah So you all know that an enormous amount of our nervous system is in our gut,
Right?
It's the second brain Yeah All right,
Tracy says throat is shaking tears coming terry says felt empowering.
That's great Diane says I have a right to be here words coming and tears Yeah Kim says initially felt numb,
But after a few moments feels heaviness in my chest.
Yeah Christine says flashing back to my little girl self trying this.
I love that Those of you who know me know i'm all about inner child work.
I love that All right,
So We're just going to Shake like move through that When you might feel like staying in this pose and that's wonderful or if it feels complete for you for now Just going to move through it.
Maybe some Just rolling the shoulders or walking around Maybe looking around your space maybe just walking around your space a little bit right now Yeah,
Steve says tight chest and hard breath Dog came by and wanted to be mean and say go away urged to look down defeated.
Yeah Meg said I felt proud to start then it started to change to fighting shame.
Yeah Okay So just move through that in whatever way feels um Nourishing for you and we're gonna come back again.
Feel free to stay in this position As long as you like if you feel called I invite you to find a seat again if you're not there already And we're going to now just do a very very brief Shadow work exercise with the sensations and emotions that came up for you there So and again if you have other questions or need support about anything that came up from that I'm staying out for the hour and I'd love to answer your questions or offer that extra support All right.
So what we're doing now if you feel called Is so what we're going to do just so you can assess your readiness for doing it Is i'm going to have you really viscerally like imagine feel sense Exactly what came up for you as you took that pose and then i'm going to Have your psyche show you An earlier time in your life or maybe the first time in your life when you felt that same Sensation,
All right,
So it is a semi-regressive process.
So if you're comfortable with that Or if you just want to listen for now and maybe do it on the recording later If you'd like to do it just have a seat and close your eyes if that feels okay for you And again really bring back as much as you're able bring into your body how it felt for you to hold that pose And if you if this is too much and you need to take a break,
Please take a break.
Yeah Remember this is not about forcing anything.
Yeah,
So diane or anyone else if it feels like too much Disconnect from the screen get yourself a drink of water Take a little walk if you like you can listen to the recording later.
Okay?
But if you're doing this mini shadow work practice just sit and bring up However much of that emotion or body sensation feels okay to bring up right now in your body You might even put your hands or both hands on a place Where you really feel it maybe throat maybe chest really gently very very gently And just start to breathe and imagine just allowing allowing it to be there like yes,
This is what's coming up for me right now This is what's coming up for me right now and that's okay And now allow your brilliant intuitive mind To just show you a first impression now What was the first time you felt like you were breathing?
Be When was the first time you felt these body sensations or these emotions in your life?
And just allow yourself to go there now in your mind,
To see yourself at a certain age.
It doesn't need to be a memory and for most people it won't be a specific memory.
See yourself as a certain age with a person or people or maybe you're by yourself.
Just notice where you are now.
Noticing where you are now.
And now we're going to switch gears a little bit and I'd like you now to not be in the perspective of your younger self but instead to feel,
Sense,
See yourself as the strongest version of your adult self,
Of your current self and you're just standing very tall at a respectful distance from your younger self now.
You're just looking at them.
And you notice what you notice about them.
Noticing your younger self's body language now,
Naming it.
Naming the emotions that your younger self is feeling,
Naming those.
Making sure that you keep this respectful distance between yourself and your younger self because we don't want to do to them what we want to do to them.
This needs to be on their terms.
So keep yourself from saying I love you or from giving them a hug.
Just stay back and witness.
What you're seeing now is the pain that was unseen for you.
Trauma expert Peter Levine says trauma isn't what happens to us.
It's what we hold inside in the absence of an empathic witness.
You are that empathic witness for yourself right now.
You're just seeing what was unseen.
And sometimes that can be the hardest thing.
Breathing with all the sensations that might be coming up for you as you witness this.
And you're going to be looking at your younger self now just with so much compassion,
With such an open heart.
Looking at them with this open heart.
You're going to ask them a very important question.
And just see if they know the answer and if they don't,
That's okay.
Just ask them,
What do you really need?
What do you really need?
And if they seem open to you meeting that need for them,
Go ahead and see,
Sense and feel yourself meeting that need now.
If they feel hostile toward you,
Angry,
What you're going to do is just validate that.
When in doubt,
Validate it's okay to feel angry at me.
It's okay.
If they don't know what they need,
You just validate that it's okay not to know what you need.
If you're meeting that need for them,
Really feeling your heart,
What it feels like to be meeting that need right now.
And then ask them,
Is there anything else,
Anything else that's needed before this is complete for today?
Is there anything else that's needed?
And see and feel yourself meeting whatever that might be,
If so.
And now when that feels complete enough for now,
Really tune into them and offer that they can come back with you if they choose that your consciousness will shift in a moment.
And they can come with you if they choose.
And if they choose to stay,
That's just as good.
Whatever they naturally want to do to stay where they are or to come back with you.
Even if they choose to stay know that they live right here in your heart.
They are you,
You are them.
And if they're coming back with you also know that they're right here.
You are there for them.
They are here with you.
They are not alone in their pain anymore.
And whenever that feels complete enough for now,
It is very slowly see that scene fading as you imagine in your mind,
The walls around you or wherever you are,
Start to feel the breath move in your body.
And when you're ready,
If your eyes are closed,
You can open them and just now take some glances around your space,
Just looking around,
Maybe giving yourself a little hug,
Just knowing that you're right here in your body at this time and place now bringing back all parts of yourself.
Might even want to stand up and walk around a little bit or take a drink of water.
Yeah.
And I'll be staying,
You know,
For the next 10 or 15 minutes to offer any support or answer questions and Diane,
I'm glad that you came back.
And I'm also glad you took a break.
So if there's some hostility between your child,
This child aspect of you,
Also known as the inner child,
There's some hostility,
Your job is to validate that.
And I know that that's not what we're what we're what we want to do,
Right.
But that's where the healing will be is to validate.
I hear that you're angry.
I hear that you believe that I abandoned you.
Of course you feel that way.
Anyone who's been through what you have would feel that way,
Sweetheart.
The trick is to soften to just keep softening,
Keep softening through every part.
Yeah.
So Vanessa,
You heard anger to validate I always say,
And those of you who know my work know that I say this a lot when in doubt validate.
This goes for inner work with our inner child.
This goes for parenting.
This goes for emotional support.
This goes for if you're a counselor.
When in doubt,
Validate,
Just repeat.
I hear that you're angry.
It's okay to be angry.
Yeah.
So Carl Jung,
Of course,
Like the grandfather of my work,
Carl Jung,
He we know from from Jungian psychology that what we resist persists.
And what we accept and soften into is then free to change our whole culture again,
Especially American culture,
But Western culture in general,
Teaches us to run from pain,
Right to go to the next thing to buy the next thing to smile,
To use toxic positivity,
Right.
But in so doing in running from the pain,
Instead of going through it and softening into it,
We just perpetuate it and it gets deeper in us and it controls more of our life from the unconscious.
Yeah.
And if we desensitize to pain,
We also desensitize to everything else,
You can't close your heart without closing to everything,
Right?
Yeah.
So here's some.
So a couple of you are like,
Not sure I went deep enough.
Not sure about this.
This is just like a super teaser for my work,
Right?
Like,
So go to my teacher profile page on insight timer if you want to do a lot more of this because I have full length shadow work meditations there.
I recommend one called shadow work for inner child healing,
Which is a full half hour,
Much more in depth of what we did today.
Because there's a lot more aspects to it that we could do,
But we just did a really minimal version today.
Yeah.
And Nicole,
You say,
I can't communicate with my inner child like a mom.
She doesn't trust me and I don't,
She doesn't trust me like I didn't trust my mom,
Which is completely natural.
So Nicole,
Your healing then is to work right where you are and validate that.
Like of course you don't trust me.
So this is really an important,
This is a game changing thing for a lot of people for inner child work.
Say to them,
You don't have to trust me.
You don't have to trust me.
And that will decouple that bracing against that I think you'll find will soften the interaction.
And remember that we're not goal oriented here.
It's not better to be in a certain place with your inner child.
It's,
It's perfect to be right where you are because that's where we have to work.
That's where you're growing edges.
Amanda,
How often to do things like this you ask as often as feels like it's nourishing to you,
Right?
So okay,
So Catherine says,
It scares me also.
I'm sick of crying.
Yeah.
So Catherine or anybody else who might feel like this work kind of gets you into a pattern that feels like it's an old pattern instead of like a productive release of emotion,
Please listen to my podcast called the inner parent.
So I have a lot of meditations on insight timer,
Including most of my podcast episodes.
My podcast is tender revolution.
And most of the episodes are here on insight timer.
And please listen to the one called the inner parent because it will help you to differentiate is this emotional experience I'm having,
Is it actually a productive release?
Or is it actually me just repeating a pattern,
For example,
Of depression or a pattern of anger or something that's actually a trauma response,
Right?
Because this is this can be a tricky thing because feel it to heal it.
Yes,
But to an extent because sometimes,
Sometimes feeling patterns can actually be that trauma coping pattern instead of the productive release.
And so I talk about how to differentiate that in that podcast episode.
Yeah.
But this work so this is how we heal our nervous systems,
Right?
So so again,
Peter Levine,
The founder of somatic experiencing,
Which is the most worldwide acclaimed method of somatic trauma healing.
So he says,
We have to both work bottom up and top down in order to heal the nervous system.
In other words,
We have to both work with the body directly like we did,
And also with our psyche with our mind with our thoughts with our,
I would say with our inner child,
We have to go through it both directions to heal our system so that we can feel safer in the world.
Okay,
So there was there's a couple of you asking about getting support for this work.
Yes.
So a few ways that you can go deeper with it.
So I don't personally offer one on one sessions anymore.
I used to for years,
And I've transitioned my business to online courses for now and you know,
Stuff like this.
So if you want to go deeper,
You can email me.
So first of all,
Join the shadow work circle here on insight timer.
So the shadow work circle,
If you go to like the insight timer homepage,
And you click on the circle icon at the bottom of the screen and you search for shadow work,
You'll find our shadow work circle.
And that's where we we connect between lives,
People.
People get support,
They share their personal experiences,
We support each other,
I might book recommendations,
And we recommend meditations from insight timer to each other,
Like,
It's just the shadow work circle is a wonderful,
Wonderful,
Beautiful heartfelt community that I'm the admin of.
So make sure you join the shadow work circle if you're not already.
And also if you click,
So make sure that you follow me on insight timer as a teacher so you know when I release new stuff because I do a lot,
Including this recording.
So again,
I'm recording this I'll be it'll be posted on my teacher profile here within the week.
And,
And make sure that you go to my teacher profile and you click on the link that's there I think it's a link tree link,
Because you'll see some things there that are very related to today's topic that will also be ways you can go deeper with it.
And if you want to work with someone one on one,
I actually train practitioners to do that and I have some truly wonderful trainees I could refer you to most of them are licensed social workers or licensed mental health counselors as well.
I train a lot of psychotherapists to do this kind of stuff.
So reach out to me you can also email me directly at info at Catherine leagate.
Com to ask for those those recommendations those referrals,
Because I always say like this work,
Like especially if you want to do my shadow work meditations on insight timer which are more in depth,
Make sure that you have support whether that's a trusted friends that you can always call or text to get support when things come up for you or ideally professional qualified support,
Either a counselor who you love or another healing professional who you trust with your heart so because a lot,
A lot can come up.
Right.
And again,
Today was just the tip tip tip of the iceberg.
I'm glad that it was helpful for you.
And thank you so much.
I love my earrings too.
I wore these last time I went live too because I just love them so much.
Does anyone else have any more questions that are remaining that I didn't get to?
Or is anyone else need a little bit of extra support with something that came up because I'm absolutely here to address any of that.
So there's some not there's some nausea for you for a few people here.
Yeah.
Literally a lot comes up.
I get it now.
Throwing up.
Yeah.
So nausea can be a lot of different things,
Right?
So like when I use the years ago,
Right,
When I worked with people one on one in my home office and I worked with people on a meditation table and I was doing energy work while leading them through this process.
A lot of nausea would come up for folks and sometimes it was a release.
Sometimes nausea is a release like or literally,
You know,
Letting it letting it come up.
Sometimes it's our body like because it's really centered in our gut writer in the solar plexus.
When your body feels unsafe,
Like when you've done something that your body learned in childhood isn't safe,
For example,
To take up space like that pose we did to to talk to your inner child in that way to validate your emotions to feel emotions because most of us in Western culture are absolutely terrified to feel big feelings.
We don't have them the nervous system capacity yet to handle big feelings,
Right?
So this work is helping us build that capacity.
It's like the more the more you can feel your big feelings and be supported in that,
Right?
Because feeling them alone is not going to help you build capacity necessarily feeling the feelings and receiving support and that can also include supporting yourself.
So yes,
Diane taking a nap is an absolutely normal reaction and anything that feels nourishing to you.
I always recommend to people go on a walk outside.
So whenever I would work with people one on one,
Because people would usually like have one or two or three sessions with me and be good for a long time because so much would come up.
I would say walk in nature like like because our house has some nature like a block away like a park.
I'd say like that go out the front door,
Take a walk in that park and just look at the trees and you'll be amazed that it helps you ground yourself,
You know,
And just come back to center.
Let's see.
Okay.
Looking at some comments.
So Laura says my heart is hard.
So Laura,
I want you to just validate that just it's okay for my heart to be hard.
Because asking your heart to open and this is why I have such an issue with so much kind of spiritual healing is that when we when we force our heart to open it's like asking a soldier to take off her armor in the middle of battle,
You can't do that,
Right?
It's actually violent to force anything especially to for us to force ourselves to open when you've spent your lifetime protecting yourself for very good reasons,
Right?
So that's why we need to approach this work with great gentleness,
Great gentleness,
Always softening always validating.
Know,
Know that we live in a culture that does the opposite,
Right?
Do more,
Toughen up,
Be hard,
You know,
Just push through it,
Right?
That's all a trauma response.
None of that is healthy.
None of that will help you heal your nervous system will help you heal is turning again and again to gentleness to yourself,
Turning again and again to how can I soften through this instead of harden and often softening means validating it's okay to be hard right now or it's okay to feel numb.
I can't tell you how many people I've worked with where the most transformative time for us was just like,
Complete acceptance of the numbness,
Complete acceptance of the hardness,
Like,
Or like I work with someone I'm training someone to do this work right now,
Who she has a pattern of wanting to hide and an incredibly transformative point for her was when she completely accepted that it's totally appropriate to hide,
We need to hide just like an animal in the forest has to hide,
Right?
Like,
We have to have moments where we hide,
We have to protect ourselves.
It's mammalian,
It's healthy.
It's like,
You can't feel safe if you can't,
If you're not able to defend yourself,
Right,
And hide.
So when we accept the parts of us that are parts of our shadow,
Right,
The parts of us we want to repress,
Minimize,
Deny,
Force ourselves out of,
And we fully accept those,
That's actually when our most transformative healing happens.
Carg,
You say part of radical acceptance?
Yes.
In fact,
Tara Brock was my very first spiritual teacher when I was a teenager,
I went on retreat with Tara Brock before she was a big deal.
That was right when radical acceptance her book came out,
But it's kind of a tangent.
Let me get back to some of your questions.
Terry,
You felt empowered during the victory pose?
You didn't do anything wrong.
Just celebrate that.
That's amazing.
Celebrate it.
Omar says,
Hi,
Catherine,
Are you born an empath?
Or does it develop from something?
Yes.
And both Omar.
So I talked about this at the very beginning of the live today.
So we're,
I believe that we're born innately sensitive or an old soul,
You know,
You could put it that way.
But then we exaggerate that strength of ours to the nth degree in order to adapt to our childhood,
It becomes the way that we felt loved and approved of,
Right,
Is to just exaggerate that strength of ours.
So I would say yes,
Yes,
And we're born with a tendency to,
To be sensitive to be kind of brilliantly intuitive,
But then that that muscle just gets used again and again and again.
Yeah,
Let's see any other questions that okay,
Elizabeth says,
I keep isolating myself,
Is that okay?
So it'll be a balance for you right of complete acceptance that you need to isolate yourself to protect yourself,
And that's completely okay.
And then just like,
Tiny little baby steps of what happens if I make an experiment,
If I do a little experiment of not isolating myself at this time,
Not like going to a party,
But like maybe going to a store or something like that,
You know,
That might be less triggering.
Exactly.
But you're lonely.
Yeah.
So it'll be a balance for you.
I can't tell you the right,
You know,
The right thing to do.
But the really important thing is just holding yourself through it.
Like,
Yeah.
Andrea,
I'm actually a professional astrologer.
You say,
Are you into astrology?
Yeah,
That astrology was the first intuitive work I did back in 2008.
I started reading people's charts.
So and I used to,
I still occasionally will read someone's chart.
It takes a lot of time,
It takes a lot of prep.
But yeah,
Louisa Gabor Mate is one of my teachers.
Gabor Mate is like,
I've learned so much from his work.
My work is very inspired by him.
So yeah,
Attachment and authenticity.
Absolutely.
Yeah,
It's something I've also learned about from him.
Okay,
I know there was a couple questions I didn't quite get to.
Okay,
So Melissa says,
Where is the most important place to start the work?
Inner child healing?
Yeah.
So how to start this work.
So if you want to go deeper into this work,
My first recommendation would be to do my meditation on insight timer called shadow work for inner child healing,
Because that will be a more extended version.
It's a 30 minute version to be precise of what we what we did today.
And then definitely join the shadow work circle,
You know,
Click on the link on my teacher profile to see other ways to take this deeper.
Yeah.
But you can also ask any of these questions in our shadow work circle in between lives.
I'm really active in that circle.
I'm absolutely happy to answer anyone's questions in that place.
Okay,
What other questions?
Diane,
Your Pisces,
Scorpio moon and Scorpio rising.
Wow.
Water,
Water and more water.
I am a Virgo sun in the 12th house with a Libra rising and a Gemini moon.
Yeah.
So I'm really a goofball deep down with my Gemini moon.
Oh,
Well,
Thank you all for being here.
I'm going to get going and find my baby.
Thank you,
Esme for being here so much.
Thank you all for being here.
This has been a really fun experience for me too today.
Oh,
Thank you,
Omar.
It's a blessing to have each and every one of you here.
So much love to everyone.
Thank you so much for your donations too.
That is such a great way to communicate that this was helpful for you.
So thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
It's always it always is so hard for me to leave these.
So thank you all.
I really do feel as as I am an empath,
Just like all of you,
I really I can feel I can feel your support,
Your love.
And I've been working,
You've all helped me to increase my capacity to receive love.
Because it was really overwhelming for me when I first started doing these lives.
I was like,
People like what,
200 something people from all over the world are with me right now,
Like seeing and hearing me and then like sending me all this love.
Like my nervous system could not handle that at first.
And I would just cry and cry and cry afterwards,
Like beautiful tears.
Right.
But like,
I don't I don't have that same response anymore.
Like I can actually handle the love.
So thank you all so much.
So the name of the circle is just called shadow work.
Shadow work circle.
Well,
Thank you all so much.
I will see you in the shadow work circle.
So hard to leave.
All right,
Well have a beautiful day.
Beautiful evening,
Beautiful morning wherever you are.
And I look so forward to seeing you next week.
Next week,
We'll be doing.
So if you enjoyed,
I should have mentioned this earlier,
But if you enjoyed the somatic work so taking that pose today,
Make sure you come next week,
Same time,
Same place because we're doing my dance to heal practice together,
Which is just it's all somatic practice.
It's all doing things like that,
Taking these poses,
Seeing what happens in our bodies.
And I have a playlist on Spotify to accompany that class.
It's called dance to heels.
You can just search for my name on Spotify to find that playlist.
And yeah,
I love it.
Okay.
I'll see you all next week and have a beautiful day.
