Healing The Inner Critic - Insight Timer Live

In this recording of an Insight Timer live event from July 2021, Catherine explains the origin of our inner critic, and shares how we can move from ruthless self-judgment to loving self-acceptance. She then guides a gentle and trauma-informed shadow work practice that recognizes and heals your inner critic, softening its grasp and leading you to wholeness. The inner critic was a brilliant adaptive strategy to keep us safe growing up, and as adults on a healing path, we get to choose freedom.

Transcript

Welcome everybody today to healing the inner critic.

And this is a very,

This cuts very close to the bone for me today.

And I noticed as I was telling folks before that before this live,

Like last night,

This morning,

I had a ton come up.

It was almost like my system was reminding me.

Oh no,

Girl,

You still have a lot of your inner critic to heal.

It's shifted since I became a mom two years ago.

Dee says,

What inner critic?

I know,

Right?

And I'll be talking about how the inner critic shifts with the phases of our life.

But for me,

It really shifted when I became a mom and it just kind of started talking about different things.

And I'll talk more in more specifics about that later.

But it's like my body was just reminded me like,

Yes,

You've done so much,

Like huge celebration for how much you've healed that inner critic.

And there's still,

This is still a journey.

There's still,

There's still a long way to go.

So I'm hearing that it came up for some of you too this morning.

Yeah,

That's just,

That's so often how it works,

Right?

Like whenever you go to a healing session or an event,

It's almost like like the the divine cook is like cooking up all of your stuff to put out on the table for you to to heal.

So it's right there.

So let me talk a little bit about just my personal experience of the inner critic.

And I noticed myself like I tune into my body sensation right now.

I'm feeling nervous and my heart's palpating because this really is.

It's hugely it's been a huge challenge for me in my life,

The struggle with the inner critic.

So and I'm really grateful for all of your witnessing today and the opportunity to share part of my journey with it.

So as a lot of you know,

Who follow my work,

I grew up in a situation like many of you did of where there wasn't any overt abuse going on in the way that's popularly understood as abuse,

Right?

Like I wasn't hit or physically abused.

I was very rarely verbally abused.

The majority of abuse in my childhood came from emotional neglect.

And having two parents who were struggling in their own ways with mental health in ways that was were completely undiscussed.

Like and as an empath or as a highly sensitive little being,

I just picked up all of the unspoken pain of my parents.

And that became like this orchestra blaring in my head at all times,

Like this pain in my house.

And my dad is on the spectrum.

He has a flat affect,

Which means he doesn't have facial expression,

Really.

And he struggled really intensely with depression my whole childhood.

And so I had a mom struggling with anxiety,

A dad on the spectrum,

Also struggling with depression.

And here I was like soaking it all up.

And needless to say,

I didn't exactly feel safe and safe to take up space,

Safe to be myself,

Safe to say no,

Safe to get angry.

None of that was a possibility for me as a kid.

And I'm sure many of you can relate in your own way to what I'm sharing,

Because people who are drawn to me and my work often have a similar origin story to me.

Because that's who I'm healing myself and I'm healing people who've gone through what I have more or less in their own way.

So anyway,

So my personal way of adapting to my childhood,

Because we we all as brilliant children adapt to the circumstances of our upbringing in order to get approval.

Because to a child who's completely dependent for years and years and years on our caregivers,

Right,

For a child,

Approval means safety.

I mean,

Mic drop,

Approval means safety.

If my caregivers approve of me,

Then I'll have my needs met and we need our needs to be met.

Right.

So what we all do,

And I'm sure your your minds are going thinking about how you did it in your own way.

What we all do is we form an ego.

We form a personality that is the good boy,

The good girl,

The good non-binary kid.

Right.

And we and that becomes who we want to identify with.

And then everything that's an authentic part of who we are,

But that didn't get that approval growing up that goes into the recesses of our psyche and is it goes into our bodies.

And that's called our shadow.

So this is the definition of shadow work.

And I am a shadow work practitioner and teacher.

So the definition of shadow work is any process that helps you to uncover and integrate what is in your shadow.

In other words,

The parts of yourself that you had to put away in order to adapt to the circumstances of your own childhood.

That is shadow work.

And that's what we're doing today.

And that's the lens that I work through.

And so anyway,

What is the inner critic in this constellation here that I'm talking about?

Osan says,

I have so much shadow.

Yeah,

I hear you.

All of us do.

And the truth is,

The more this is not an if you have a shadow,

Everyone has shadow.

Right.

It's just part of being human.

We all have shadow.

The question is how much of you is in shadow,

Because the more regimented your upbringing,

Generally speaking,

The more you'll have in shadow.

Right.

The more very specific the behavior requirements were for you to be good,

The more of yourself and all your wildness you had to put away into shadow.

Right.

So you can kind of think for yourself,

Like how much was your childhood maybe like child driven,

Child led,

Wild free.

Right.

Like that tends to produce the least amount of shadow.

And I'm not saying this is good or bad.

Right.

I'm just saying that's what each of our experience was.

But generally,

Yeah,

If you had if you were punished,

If there were a lot of rules,

If you were abused,

Right,

This is all going to point to you having a lot of yourself in shadow.

And generally,

Having a lot of ourselves in shadow is connected to what what is very the misnomer of mental illness.

Right.

I don't think mental illness is mental.

Mental illness is systemic and embodied and is very complex.

Right.

A lot of what we call mental illness comes from having a lot in shadow and thus being disconnected from yourself.

A lot of mental illness is from disconnection with your own self and thus feeling numb,

Feeling depressed,

Feeling anxious,

Feeling lost.

But I've talked about that in more detail in a lot of other places.

But anyway,

Let's get back to the inner critic.

So what the inner critic is,

And my perspective is,

So you we go back a few steps back to that child who's being raised in a certain way.

And who's feeling very unsafe,

Like to use myself as an example.

Right.

So here I was with my dad depressed on the spectrum and my mom with anxiety,

Nobody talking about what was going on.

Certainly nobody validating my feelings or talking me through.

Oh,

Wow,

This must be really hard for you,

Catherine.

Like,

No,

I never heard anything like that.

Right.

Or it's okay to feel upset.

Right.

No,

Never anything like that.

So when I when I go back and I imagine what it was like to me as a kid,

I just like feel my whole body become rigid because so what I see is I see my dad's expressionless face,

His exhausted,

Depressed,

Just expressionless face.

And even though mostly he would be silent.

This is hard for me to talk about some is good.

Take a deep breath.

But very often what would happen is he'd be totally silent until I did something he didn't like,

Which was not easy to predict what that would be.

And then I would get a very,

Very biting harsh criticism for that thing.

Or like I would get like I would make something like,

You know,

God forbid,

Sounds while I was chewing my food at dinner.

Again,

My dad's on the spectrum.

He has his own specific needs and sensory stuff.

But as a kid,

That was extremely difficult to like not be able to make sounds right not be able to chew my food.

I'm just breathing into that because that's really hard to to think about and imagine.

So long story short,

I never knew what my dad was going to criticize me for.

And I felt completely alone and unsupported and in the pain that I experienced growing up,

As I'm sure most of you did as well.

And so what I did and what all of us do when we feel desperately alone and desperately unsafe growing up.

And again,

You don't have to have been hit to have been desperately unsafe.

Childhood trauma developmental trauma takes many,

Many forms,

Including emotional neglect.

That's all we need to feel desperately unsafe.

And again,

I've talked a lot about that in other places.

But so what we do when we feel desperately alone and unsafe is we split.

We split ourselves.

And sometimes this is called fragmentation.

And there becomes two aspects of us.

There are many but there for the purposes of today I'll talk about to there's our vulnerable self,

Which again,

For the purposes of simplicity,

I'll just call our inner child.

Our vulnerability,

Right,

Our soft self.

And then there is the inner police,

Or I call the bad friend,

The part of ourselves that we develop to keep us in line to keep us behaving in that way that we think will keep us safer that will keep us giving the getting the approval of that parent who it was hardest to get approval from.

That is the inner critic.

The inner critic is that internal police that keeps you in line,

Based on how you perceive the rules of your upbringing and specifically based on the exaggerated voice of the parent or caregiver that was hardest to get love from hardest to get approval from.

So,

Natalie said can it be siblings.

Yeah,

Sure I've definitely worked with people with whom it's been a sibling to for the majority of people it's a parent or caregiver might be a sibling.

Just think about for yourself who would be for you the person who you desperately wanted approval from.

Yeah,

Thanks for bringing that up.

So just think for yourself right now if you're not there already like who who is that person.

Sometimes it's called a power person in our early life yeah Renee says roles can shift.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

For me it was very clear that it was my dad but for you it might be somebody else.

Absolutely.

Yeah,

I'm hearing from other people it was a sibling to.

That's really good to know.

Okay.

So,

Now think for a moment and if you like you can post in the comment think for a moment about some of the things that you most frequently hear from your inner critic,

Some of those phrases.

And see if that overlaps with that power person.

Mine is,

If you indulge yourself you might as well die.

And being worthy means staying hungry.

Never be satisfied never enough.

Those are all things.

I'm hearing people saying their inner critics are saying you're too sensitive.

They really don't like you they'll find out you're a fraud.

Yeah,

So a lot of people here I'm sure that will relate to the you're too sensitive.

D says you're lazy,

Messy.

Yeah,

Definitely your grandmother I'm hearing.

Yeah.

Too emotional you're a crybaby.

You were never meant to be born you're a mistake.

Wow.

You're not good enough you're not worthy you can't achieve your dreams.

Even if you tried well.

You're not good enough to heal.

Yeah,

You can't do it.

Yeah,

Self bully.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And isn't this tragic that we have internalized this violence against ourselves.

Yeah.

If I says can't get anything right.

Yeah,

It's so so tragic.

Yeah.

And so take a moment to really breathe and recognize if you can.

Just how much pain,

You must have been in,

In order to split yourself like this and create an inner police that says this to you.

It had to have been desperately intense and alone for you,

Growing up.

Yeah.

So,

I want to move into our practice pretty soon.

I want to point out that especially for those of you who feel like you were told,

Like you're too sensitive,

Your crybaby,

You're too emotional,

Make sure you check out my podcast,

Which is called tender revolution.

And most of the episodes are here on insight timer.

So I think you'll find a healing balm in that podcast because that's exactly who I'm talking to.

Those of us who were told we're too sensitive.

Yeah.

Let me just scroll back and read some work comments.

Hazy.

So could you talk about abuse that wasn't verbal at least like at least your parents acknowledge your existence.

What about parents who didn't even talk that didn't even talk to you or acknowledge you're in the same house.

Well,

You basically grew up in complete life or death survival mode you have intense intense trauma,

He's intense.

There's no words to describe how intense that trauma is.

Because actually.

So I went through domestic violence survivor support training,

Like training to volunteer for an organization.

And what we learned in that training is that when abuse is when it has no beginning or end like when we're hit that has a beginning and then middle and end right when when there's a verbal comment has a beginning a middle and ends it ends,

But like emotional abuse other invisible kinds of abuse.

It's ongoing and our system just stays in this elevated state of hyper vigilance.

So your,

Your whole system is being activated,

That you're basically in life threatening situation and that creates an immense amount of symptom ology and challenge and PTSD I mean,

You're looking at complex PTSD there.

Yeah.

Yeah,

So being invisible,

Like Heather says being invisible was sometimes worse than verbal abuse that's because to our bodies it is so from the from the perspective of psychophysiology the nervous system that is worse than verbal abuse like being considered invisible.

And means you could die at any minute because if the people you depend on don't see you.

And you might as well just be wasting away and dying right.

Yeah.

Natalie any comments on being told thinking these things are all in my head.

Your family tells you nothing happened.

That's called gaslighting.

And that's also an extraordinarily damaging form of abuse,

So you can Google gaslighting,

If you want so anytime someone else tries to convince you that your experience is invalid or wrong,

That's called gaslighting.

Yeah.

And it makes you feel like you're crazy.

And that is one of the most damaging things you can do to a human being.

When I used to see people one on one night for trauma recovery and shadow work.

I used to get a lot of folks who,

Because they didn't have specific memories of the trauma,

You know they thought it was all in their head but then their body was having all of,

We're having all these symptoms.

And I always say trust your body your body knows what you've been through your history is embedded in your body.

So our minds do all kinds of things you know we most of us forget trauma right away because of traumatic traumatic memory is different from regular memory.

In a lot of different ways,

And it's the norm to not remember trauma.

It's the exception to have.

Yeah,

It's the exception to have memories of it.

Yeah.

Yeah,

He's a of course you blocked all of it out.

Yeah.

So let's just take a moment there's been a lot of really deep pain shared here this this small this morning for me so I'd like each of you to just take a breath,

And there's a lot of intensity here so notice just kind of reel in.

I know there's so much reaching out to others and you know of course we all have the people who are suffering in our hearts.

And also,

Just take a moment to come back to your own experience and notice how is it impacting your body.

Right now to have been hearing all of these stories.

I don't mean to say at all that it's bad at all to be sharing your stories it's extremely important and I thank you for it.

It's just important to acknowledge to that.

It might have triggered something and you to hear other people's stories.

So,

Let's just do a little quick screen break everybody and look,

Look around your space so break away from the screen.

Look around your space maybe even get up and shake it off a little bit.

Like I'm rubbing my hands together I'm kind of shaking it off.

Notice your breath in your own body.

Yeah,

Because most of us on this call will identify as empaths right like most of us are very sensitive and will really tune into other people's experience so I want each of us to come back to ourselves for a moment.

Just maybe put your hands on your heart and breathe in and say I'm here.

I'm right here in this body.

At this time.

Even kind of bring your hands to your body to your face and just feel the perimeter of your own body to know that you began and end right here,

At least in your physical form.

Get your back.

The shape of your legs just the back body just really come home to right here again continuing to look around your space,

Shake it off if you need to and just come on back.

Yeah.

We're going to be starting our practice in just a minute here.

Okay.

You'll feel a little bit better a little bit more in yourself.

Little bit more grounded I hope.

I just recently learned that there's this.

There's a condition called screen apnea or email apnea which is our tendency to not breathe when we're looking at a screen.

And I know for me that's,

That's true and maybe it's true for you too.

But I always have to remind myself to breathe when I'm looking at a screen and looking around a space really helps me.

It's kind of like a reset for a nervous system,

Like saying yes like I am in a physical space in a physical body because it's so easy to just be all up in our heads when we're on a screen.

And that creates anxiety,

Like when we don't feel grounded in our physical form.

It just creates more anxiety.

Exactly.

Yeah,

Exactly.

So what we're doing is,

Since many of us are prone to dissociation from our own trauma history is we just go there really easily for example when we're looking at a screen so coming back home to the body is absolutely essential.

Yeah.

Alright,

So let me just describe a little bit of what we're doing today in the practice.

And then you can choose whether you feel ready,

Whether it's right for you to do that right now with us,

Or,

If you can wait and again I'm recording this it's going to be on my insight timer teacher profile within this next week.

So maybe you want to listen today and then do it later with the recording you just,

You just listen to what to what we're going to be doing and decide if that sounds good for you right now.

Alright,

So what we're going to be doing,

And those of you who've done shadow work with me or done any of my shadow work meditations on insight timer of which there are many.

I'll feel familiar to you.

What we're going to be doing with our inner critic is all have you,

If you're participating today or on the recording.

I'll have you really visualize and feel in your body like here and feel your inner critic,

And what they're saying to you is that you're going to be doing a very recent event,

Where they felt really strong like that voice was really strong in your head.

And then what we're going to be doing is the technique that I do in my dialogue with a shadow aspect meditation here on insight timer.

Which is will will take that bookmark of that,

How it feels in your body and emotionally to have that inner critic voice,

We're going to be then imagining allowing our active imagination to create a figure that is your inner critic.

So what is the figure of your inner critic,

What it what do you just intuitively see when you see your inner critic there before you,

It might be surprising.

And then we're going to do a very compassionate encounter with that inner critic,

We're going to see and hear them,

Witness them,

Ask them what they need.

And then,

Since here since feel ourselves meeting that need for them,

And it will just,

It can bring up a lot of emotion for many people,

They notice that it's a child part of themselves,

But doesn't this or maybe it looks kind of demonic,

And then it shifts,

It changes form a lot.

So just be open to what your mind creates.

And we're really going to go to a very loving place with it.

So so piece you say what if our inner critic is a family member.

So just save that judgment that they're a family member and just be open to your mind maybe showing you something else because but if it does still show up as a family member,

I would say ask it to show you what's under the surface there.

Or just show you like,

What is rather the energy that family member has and what's a figure that's a representation of that energy rather than that specific person before you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

So the shadow work experiences that I lead are kind of like their meditation.

So it's we can talk about them a lot.

But really,

When you're in it,

It'll make a lot more sense.

So,

But that is the general the arc of what we're going to be doing today.

So if you feel like that's something you want to do or try out today,

Then go ahead and start making yourself comfortable now.

So we're going to be here for about 15 minutes,

Maybe 20 minutes,

But there will be time to process after and again,

I always stay after the hour 10 to 15 minutes to help you with support or to answer any questions about things that come up today.

So if you're participating,

You can either lie down or sit up in a really comfortable way.

But this isn't the kind of meditation experience where I want you to be rigid or,

You know,

Straight spine even like,

Be in a way that you feel nurtured,

Like you can relax.

This is not hypnotherapy.

But people say that like that maybe a posture you would use if you were doing hypnotherapy,

Like so you can relax and really get into your subconscious mind.

That's what we're going for here.

So just make yourself extra extra comfortable.

If you need to get a glass of water,

Or get an extra blanket or a pillow,

Just take a minute to do that now.

And then once you're there,

If you feel comfortable doing so you can close your eyes and start to become aware of any tension that's in your body here.

We've talked about a lot of hard things today so there might be some constriction or bracing in your body without any judgment at all start breathing into those places a little bit of softness and this acceptance of yes,

Of course,

I feel that way of course there's some tension in my body it's okay.

Everything is okay right now.

It's okay to feel exactly how you feel.

Always.

And as you breathe,

Slow and deepen your breath just 10% more without forcing anything.

And know today that the absolute spirit of my work is ease.

Nothing is to be forced.

No trying.

So if ever in this practice you feel like you're forcing anything or trying hard just take a step back take a breath and come back to something simpler,

Like your breath.

Allowing yourself now to be fully supported by the surface that you're on,

Releasing the body into heaviness here.

Now in a moment,

I'll ask you to bring to your mind,

A situation recently,

Where you felt and heard the voice of your inner critic quite strongly.

So if you feel ready to imagine that now,

Go there right now.

And it's okay if you're starting just now to take a breath and relax,

Lying down or seated.

And we're bringing ourselves to a time and place where we heard the voice of our inner critic,

Very strongly.

And what I invite you to do here is to get curious about the body sensations that this is bringing up for you.

When you hear that voice of your inner critic,

What happens in your body.

Just name it.

And when you hear that voice of your inner critic,

What are the emotions that come up.

Name those emotions now.

If it feels nurturing,

You could also put your hand on your heart or your belly or anywhere else on your body that feels good.

So now perceive this constellation this collective of emotion and body sensation that you associate with that inner critic.

And allow your intuition now to create a figure with whom you can dialogue a figure that's the representation of this collection of feeling and body sensation.

And breathe now into the strongest version of your current self.

As you're standing across from this figure at a very respectful distance.

Breathe into a tall spine as you're standing.

Again,

As the strongest version of you,

You cannot be harmed by them.

If you like you could imagine divine support around you like guide or an angel or maybe you are that angel.

If you really feel like you need protection from whatever is here.

Whatever you need to do to be able to really see this figure for what it is.

So look at this figure now and notice what do you see.

Is it a version of you at a certain age.

Is it an amorphous something.

Is that kind of a demonic thing.

What do you see.

And now notice how they feel and name that how does this figure feel.

And this might this part might be challenging.

I invite you to try.

So really feeling that you're invincible here.

I invite you to look at this figure and say,

Do or say whatever you need to do.

You belong here.

You belong here.

If that feels like it's wrong or too much to say that to it just you don't have to just stick with witnessing.

Knowing that again you are invulnerable.

You're like a queen or a king or a non-binary ruler here.

You're just like regal and sovereign.

And you're offering this aspect of place at your table.

A place at the royal table.

When you say you belong here.

You belong at this table.

And as that figure perhaps takes a seat at that table.

It's not taking the seat of authority.

That's your seat.

So imagine yourself in the seat of authority at that table.

Maybe maybe a throne.

And this part of yourself is just just one of the many members of the court at this table in your kingdom.

No matter no matter what it does or says I can't harm anyone.

But it has the liberty because you are a compassionate gentle ruler.

It has liberty to say what it needs to say.

But it never gets to take the seat of authority.

So from this place of compassionate sovereignty you're just listening now to what it's saying what it's doing at this table.

And I'll and perhaps others think what if the inner critic is right.

See if you can detach yourself from any right or wrong judgments right now.

Would a sovereign ruler believe that they were right.

Or if that ruler metaphor doesn't work for you you might imagine yourself as an endlessly compassionate grandparent looking at a toddler.

And the figure is like a toddler would be.

Does the grandparent think the toddler is right.

Or are they just acting out what they need to act out from their young minds from their perhaps suffering minds.

That's the kind of energy I invite you to take on here.

There's a higher energy of sovereignty but also deep deep compassion.

So now we're going to be asking this figure a question.

And if they don't have an answer to the question or if they talk back to you all you're going to do is just validate like yeah of course you feel that way.

It's okay to feel that way.

So the question is what do you really need.

What do you really need.

If they don't know you're just going to validate it's okay not to know.

Of course you don't know.

If they're lashing out you just validate of course you're angry.

That's okay.

If they've told you what they need.

See sense and feel yourself meeting that need for them now.

How does it feel in your adult body to be meeting this need for them if that's what you're doing.

Just know that absolutely everything that comes up for you is okay here and can just be validated.

When in doubt validate and notice what you're doing with them to meet their need.

Don't ask them is there anything else that you need.

Seeing and feeling yourself meeting that need perhaps.

Notice now what this figure looks like and see if you can be unattached to any changes happening or shifts because it really doesn't matter.

There's no better or worse here but just get curious does that figure look any different now or is it feeling different from how you started this encounter today.

Has it changed form perhaps or changed emotion or body language.

And if it's still reactive against you or just doesn't trust you say something like you don't have to trust me that's okay not to trust.

And Carrie says it went from looking enraged to sad and defeated Renee says they got smaller in stature yeah both of those transformations I've seen a lot.

Yeah.

So just be with them exactly as they are right now.

And if they look sad just validate.

I see that you're really sad now.

You're really sad and defeated.

Is there anything else that they need before we transition out here.

Or anything else that would make their life easier maybe a little gift you could give them.

This is allowed to be kind of fun to.

But make sure it's on their terms so they're telling you if there's anything else or if this feels complete for now.

Okay.

So now we're going to offer it a choice and there again there's no better or worse here.

The healing is happening in the witnessing and validation the healing will not just happen if they choose to come with you here so the choices.

And in a moment I'm going to shift my consciousness.

And if you like you can come with me or you can stay right here.

There's no attachment either way so just intuitively feel into.

Are they fully ready do you have their absolute enthusiastic consent to come with you.

Or would they just rather stay there.

If they're staying there just validate that that's exactly the right choice for them and that you're right there with them.

Nevertheless,

And if they're coming with you,

You might put your hands on your heart and know that they're right here they belong.

You might even say something like you belong here.

I'm right here with you.

Terry says my inner critic only wants to feel safe and be loved beautiful.

That's,

That's commonly the case.

So feel yourself offering that to them.

Yes,

I'm here with you.

You're safe here with me.

You are loved here,

Or whatever they need to hear.

That's why we need to imagine ourselves as like a sovereign being so that we can be big enough to hold them in us right to nurture be big enough to nurture them,

Because that's that is all that they need.

And the truth is,

We actually are big enough to hold them we've just fallen prey to the belief that we're not that we're too small,

But we're actually huge we're as big as the sky,

Right.

As many meditation teachers say.

So,

If they're staying there just feel compassion for them that they're staying there,

And that's the right choice if they're coming with you.

Perhaps again keeping those hearts,

Your hands on your heart or your body and know that they're right here they're with you.

And start to very slowly,

Notice the movement of your breath in your body.

As you allow your awareness to start to come back to the room that you're in.

Knowing that they are right here with you if they've chosen to be there integrated within you now.

And if they stayed there,

They're still getting integrated into you because you're respecting their choice to stay.

That's where the healing happens.

Yeah,

So when you feel like that process is complete,

If you're here,

Just look around your space again.

Take a screen break again come back maybe palpate your body just feel that you're here in this time and place and all parts of you are back.

Carrie says I still have a major resistance to them.

That is totally normal Carrie and your job is to validate that within yourself like of course I still feel that resistance and that's okay.

They're scary.

Right,

Of course you feel that.

I hope that some of you have felt that by doing this.

You've healed some of that split so at the beginning of today's talk I talked about how the inner critic was formed because we felt terribly alone and unsafe in our childhood,

And we had to split into our vulnerable aspect,

Also known sometimes as the inner child,

And the inner police also known as the inner critic.

The inner police or the inner critic is what kept us in line and behaving in a way that would,

As we perceive to get the approval of our power person our caregivers or sibling whatever that person was for us that was hard to get love from hard to get approval from so doing a practice like this helps us heal the rift between that inner critic and our vulnerability,

And we get that vulnerable self is actually quite large vulnerable doesn't mean small vulnerability expansion vulnerability means means growth vulnerability means largeness,

Right.

So,

That's what we're doing here and so notice in yourself if you feel a little bit of that do you feel some softness.

Do you feel less of a hard edge or less heaviness.

When you think about your inner critic now that you've met them for who they really are,

And started to meet their needs.

And so full disclosure for me,

I've been working on my inner critic for a long time for many years.

And it's not that it's disappeared,

It's that how I know that I'm healing profoundly is,

I don't feel at war with myself anymore.

So,

I still hear the voice sometimes,

But I can say yes,

Thank you for protecting me and.

And I'm really okay,

Or it's really okay to do this thing it's really okay to rest,

You know,

Whatever my inner critic is is getting on my case for I can say,

Thank you for protecting me and yes this is okay I'm going to continue to do this.

I'm not split anymore in that way so it's not like this is going to vanish for you.

It's just that it's not going to control you anymore.

As you practice this more and more.

Yeah,

The voice is part of being human.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

It's just about how you relate to it that will make the difference about whether you suffer at its hands or not.

Rahul says that was very difficult but I think it was much needed.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Thank you for your courage and dropping in.

Carlos says my inner critic is like a frail version of myself.

And I to feel like it just wants to be with me and resonate with both you Terry and Brenda that it just needs to be seen in love.

Thank you for this practice.

I'm so happy that you've discovered that.

So Carrie says my inner critic prevents me from disclosing my childhood trauma to my partner I don't know how to get past that.

So the trick from my perspective Carrie is to not try to get past it.

Again the paradox of emotional healing as we resist what we resist process.

What we accept is free to change.

That's union psychology right there.

I wonder what would happen if you stopped trying to get past it and first just really completely accepted that.

Of course you don't want to want to tell your partner.

It's too hard.

What if you completely accepted that.

And then I bet something I know easier said than done right.

Absolutely.

But that's the idea.

Linda says healing has begun cried the whole time inner critic is a young me dirty to shovel dark and broken.

My heart broke for them.

I didn't expect this today but the universe brought you to me.

Thank you Linda.

You know says I was just wondering that do you thank your inner critic for when it says you don't know anything clueless and you can't even sustain in this world.

Yeah.

So you're on.

Yeah,

It can be weird to thank your inner critic for saying crap like that.

Right.

So know that you're not.

So if it doesn't feel right to say thank you please don't do it.

That goes for anything.

But the reason I say thank you is because what I'm thanking it for is the intention at the root of all that of all those terrible thing.

I'm not I'm not thanking it for those specific terrible things it's saying to me.

I'm thanking it for the root intention behind all of what it says which is to protect me the best it knows how,

Which is terribly right like it.

It's a bad protector it's a bad friend but that the energy of thank you it personally helps me to loosen the stalemate to it helps me to have some softness toward it I hope that makes some sense.

Yeah,

So Renee says confused on internalizing a person who merges with my dad versus inner critic when I expressed myself.

Renee could you ask that question.

Is that a question that you can ask directly.

So,

See,

Renee says feeling guilty for being dissatisfied disappointed for those feelings like I did something wrong and sharing feelings.

Yeah.

So whatever.

So Renee,

How do I separate them.

So,

There's a lot going on in your mind right now,

Right,

Like there's a lot of a tangled web going on in your mind wanting to analyze the way that we heal and might for my perspective is we go into our bodies with it,

Meaning body sensation and emotion.

And how I recommend doing that is doing my shadow work meditation on insight timer called dialogue with a shadow aspect which is similar to what we did today.

And maybe that will help you to,

Again encounter figures in a way that's from your body,

And not this tangled web up here,

Right,

Because the stuff is in our body it's it's this is why talk therapy and I'm trained as a counselor,

But this is why talk therapy only goes so far and it's why I dropped out of counseling school.

So,

It only goes so far it's very helpful for some things and it only goes so far so we really need to be doing this from our bodies.

Oh,

Bye bye Linda thanks for coming.

All right.

Well I'm gonna.

Oh,

Thank you so much Terry.

I'm glad you got stuff out of today.

So again thank you all so much for your donations.

If this was helpful for you today please consider donating it's a great way to communicate that.

And you can donate later too,

If you like like directly on my profile.

If things if it's,

If it doesn't work to do it right here.

And I look forward to seeing you all in the shadow work circle.

I look forward to seeing you.

Oh,

For our live next week,

Which is called sensuality as medicine.

So we're going to be doing it's totally non sexual sensuality practice,

Just with with loving touch to ourselves we're just working with the hands,

And maybe the face if that feels accessible so same time next week,

Yes.

And the sensuality practice the practice of loving touch to our own bodies is personally like where I'm extremely uncomfortable.

So,

It's my growing edge.

Personally,

It's really next level trauma healing.

Um,

So it,

It's going to be a powerful live session next week and I hope you can make it.

I'll also be recording that one so yeah so I look forward to seeing you all.

Thank you Carlos Thank you,

Rahul Thank you to everybody so much for participating in this today it was,

It was powerful for me too.

All right.

So feel free to send me a message on our circle or you can always email direct me directly to my email is info at Catherine leaguet.

Com.

If you have any other questions about anything or things you want to keep private info at Catherine leaguet.

Com is my email address.

So,

Thank you all so much.

I'm going to get going back to my family my baby.

Have a beautiful days,

And I look forward to seeing you next week and in the circle.

Bye bye.

Reviews

Thanks for the lovely meditation 🧘‍♀️ I will repeat 🔁

So beautiful and insightful, as always. My inner critic was quite small, hunched forward, red eyes, angry and sad at the same time. Beneath it a lot of powerlessness. It just wanted me to hold their hand 😪 So beautiful ❤️

Great shadow work session, much needed, thank you for your expertise and your vulnerability! Wonderful teacher!

Oh wow, what a breakthrough. I have been trying to work with my inner critic for a so long. She's this feather covered, dark, emo looking girl with knives and blades in her hands, cuts and bruises all over her. Knives stabbed into her body. She moves like a snake, smiling brilliantly, waiting to find a place to poke me from. She's never spoken to me and the breakthrough was the permission that you gave for her to not know what she wanted, as soon as I validated that, she turned around and gestured for me to remove the knives from her. I removed them all, and healed her cuts, combed her hair and just gentle massaged her hands and legs. All she wanted to do was lie down on my lap and sleep after that, she cried, howled and slowly calmed down. I'll keep working with her and using this meditation and she said, she doesn't want to be alone. 🥺

Thank you, Catherine! As usual, powerful food for thoughts (and feelings 😊!) 💙💙💙

Heart felt gratitude for this, as something that was huge frozen and dry for as long as I can remember is starting to be wet and move around 😱 🙏. Letting go of my attachment with the above is so scary but with your guidance I have been able to lean in to the discomfort and get some real relief ❤. Thank you Catherine.

For me, so much comes down to (1) nothing being off limits to explore, understand and eventually accept and (2) learning to lead with emotions rather than over-relying on reason. It’s like stepping into the sun from a dark room! Grateful to you Catherine 🙏🏻🙏🏻