Healing Resistance To Rest - Insight Timer Live

In this recording of an Insight Timer Live from November 2021, Catherine shares the surprising truth about why most of us resist taking the rest we know we need and guides you into a gentle and deeply loving shadow work exploration with the part of yourself that keeps you from letting go. Trauma-informed.

Transcript

Welcome,

Everyone to healing resistance to rest.

So I'm going to talk a little bit before we get into our restful shadow work practice in just a few minutes.

And then we will practice and then at about the hour,

I'll have some time for questions.

And if anything comes up for you in our practice today that feels like too much or that you need support on,

Just know that I'm always here a few minutes after the hour to offer that support.

So do not be shy about asking for it,

Please.

All right.

So I want to talk first a little bit about rest and why this completely necessary natural process is so challenging for us.

And rest is just as necessary as night is today,

Right?

Or yin to yang or hot is to cold and our nervous systems as mammals need periods,

Need cycles of activity followed by rest.

So all of us,

Like all of us as nature,

As part of nature,

We require rest.

We require downtime.

And by rest,

I don't mean something like spacing out on the couch with your phone.

By rest,

I mean restorative,

Letting go into this is enough for this moment.

This is enough for this moment,

Letting go,

Releasing,

All doing.

And my personal struggle with rest is that,

Well,

Pretty much my whole whole life,

I've struggled with some kind of insomnia,

But it got extremely acute after the birth of my daughter,

Who's now two years old.

So I spent about a year where I would sleep zero,

One or two hours a night,

Regardless of her waking pattern.

So it's just that my mind would not shut down like I couldn't get my brain waves to slow down.

And I was just I had severe postpartum anxiety,

You could say.

I was having anxiety attacks every night in the mirror,

Like mention a bedtime or when the sun started to go down,

I would start having anxiety because I would be so terrified of not being able to sleep and then having to be the mother to my daughter the next day and be completely responsible for her when I was having visual distortions and just feeling like a complete shell of a person and crying all day.

I mean,

That many of you know that part of my story.

But so rest is something that I've personally really struggled with.

And actually,

Last night,

I only got about three hours of sleep to not because of my daughter.

My daughter sleeps like a champ.

But it's interesting what the universe does to prepare me for my teaching.

It's like,

OK,

Catherine,

Here's a personal story for you to talk about when you teach.

So there are a couple of different layers to why rest tends to be extremely problematic and challenging for many of us.

It all has to do with trauma.

But there are two layers of that trauma.

And I want to start when I start talking about the association with difficulty,

Difficulty resting with trauma,

I want to start with sharing a really deeply beautiful and poignant quote from Resma Menachem.

Resma Menachem is a somatic experiencing practitioner and a social worker and an anti-racism activist.

And his book is My Grandmother's Hands.

So the quote goes like this.

Trauma in a person decontextualized over time looks like personality.

Trauma in a family decontextualized over time looks like family traits.

Trauma in a people decontextualized over time looks like culture.

I'll say that one more time a little more quickly.

So trauma in a person decontextualized over time looks like personality.

Trauma in a family decontextualized over time looks like family traits.

And trauma in a people decontextualized over time looks like culture.

So just take a breath into that and what might be swirling around for you after hearing that.

So there are two layers of trauma that we have that make resting so difficult for us.

One is cultural trauma,

Or as Resma Menachem said,

Trauma in the people.

And one is our own personal trauma.

And the personal trauma that we experienced growing up is a reflection of cultural trauma.

The cultural trauma just feeds through our own families and becomes our own personal unique version of trauma.

And for those of you who are new to trauma-informed work,

I'm using a very general definition of trauma as a situation that's too much,

Too fast,

Too soon.

Or a situation where you just felt unsafe,

Like you couldn't rest,

You couldn't be fully seen and heard for who you are.

And when I say unsafe,

I mean,

Physiological,

Completely without your conscious control,

Your body's sensation of being either under threat or able to rest and digest and connect.

Because those are two physiological states that our body has,

Safety or not.

So we live in an overculture here in the Western world,

And now because of global Americanization,

Right,

Like also in the Eastern world.

We live in an overculture that is infected with toxic patriarchy.

And what I mean by that is we've exiled the feminine.

And the feminine is the restorative principle,

Is rest,

Is the moon to the sun,

Right,

The night to the day.

The feminine is the unknown.

This is the heart of the witch burning.

This is the heart of colonialism and the eradication of indigenous peoples.

This is unbalanced toxic masculinity.

And the masculine principle is constant forward motion.

The masculine principle is the positive,

The light.

The that manifest destiny,

Which was that theoretical basis for why,

You know,

The white colonizers thought they could just come to North America and make it their own.

So this is the masculine without the balance of the feminine.

And that's what toxic patriarchy is.

So we live in this whole overculture that has so exiled so put into shadow the principle of rest and which is also the principle of embodiment.

Because when we rest,

When we stop doing and simply let go into being,

We encounter something that's very scary to unbalanced masculine energy.

And that is we encounter our own death.

Because when we rest,

We are embodied when we slow down,

Cease the forward movement and just be and breathe.

Well,

Here's our body and thus here's our death.

Here's the mystery.

Here's the unknown.

And that's the heart of feminine energy.

That is,

And feminine energy is food for our soul.

And that's one reason why our culture feels so empty to most of us,

Especially if you're here on Insight Timer,

If you're a seeker,

Right,

You're looking for something.

You're looking for meaning,

You're looking for nourishment on a soul level that you're not getting somewhere else.

And that is the feminine.

That is rest.

So the feminine is in the shadow of the overculture,

Meaning it's the principle that is exiled,

That's seen as less than.

And the tragic reality is that if you think about your family and say if you had,

You know,

A mother and a father,

I'd venture to guess that you saw that most of us saw our mothers never resting.

Right,

And maybe our fathers would,

You know,

Fall asleep on their armchairs.

I know.

For me that was the case it's like my mom was the one who was the household manager who was rest less,

Who was never able to stop moving who had all the responsibilities,

You know.

And so,

Paradoxically perhaps it is the women or the feminine beings that seem to be embodying this the most that the difficulty with rest.

Right.

So it's the very ones of us,

Who's,

You know,

Are biologically tuned with our menstrual cycles to take rest,

You know,

Like we are our biology actually like requires us to rest but we push through it.

We push through it,

We push through it right like we give birth and it's basically like we've been hit by a truck,

Our entire body is reorganized and then we're expected to bounce back right so it's paradoxically it's,

It is tends to be the women and the feminine beings who have that great difficulty and I and then we keep perpetuating this so I see my husband my husband is amazing.

I know a lot of you have heard me talk about him he's Carlos and he's just the most emotionally intelligent supportive man I've ever met.

And,

And yet he feels like it's okay,

Because this.

It's okay to relax on the couch and watch a movie.

It's okay to,

You know,

Relax in his chair,

And kind of nap,

And I'm just kind of walking by like,

Who is he to just do that and so I have to wash the dishes,

And then I go and I wash the dishes and I feel resentful because I didn't communicate clearly and,

You know,

Does anybody notice that pattern in your own relationships,

That somehow it's,

It's the men who feel more permission to rest.

It's the women who keep doing and doing and doing and then get resentful but we actually haven't even asked them to help,

Right,

Because we have this programming that we saw our mothers work themselves to the bone and become unhealthy.

So,

That is,

That is the over culture layer that we're struggling with so especially the feminine among us who saw our mothers.

Never rest right we're perpetuating that exile of the feminine principle in ourselves.

And so then there's the personal layer of the trauma.

The personal layer is what we experienced in our own growing up where we had to be hyper vigilant in order to feel safe enough that for most of us you know if you're if you're interested in my work.

You probably had some kind of a difficult childhood,

Where you weren't seen or heard for who you are,

Where it wasn't safe,

You know to just be it wasn't safe to rest.

Growing up,

Where there were expectations of you.

There was perhaps abuse and so we develop a nervous system that is always expecting a threat in the environment.

And this is not under our conscious control this is part of your autonomic nervous system,

Which in our nervous system is just our physiology is way of detecting whether our environment is safe or not we have no conscious control over it.

As like you know an anemone,

Like that sea creature who like has all these tendrils,

And then if you poke it it goes,

It's not deciding to do that.

Right,

That's like our nervous system,

Either we feel either our nervous system is detecting safety,

And that releases a cascade of hormones that allows us to that allows our digestive system to work properly.

It allows our heart rate to slow down.

Versus,

If it's if we're,

You know,

Being poked,

And our nervous system feels a threat in the environment.

Well then we're going to release the cascade of hormones that like cortisol and adrenaline that hype up our heart rate that stop our digestion from working properly among many other things and stop our brain waves from slowing down.

Because we are our systems are detecting threat in the environment,

And then you can't sleep.

Right.

And so,

The amazing thing about knowing about neurophysiology,

And this and the nervous system is that it's not your fault.

Right.

So this inability to not sleep to not come down.

That's just your nervous system,

Right,

You didn't choose to have that nervous system,

You brilliantly adapted and your upbringing to have that nervous system because your body detected danger,

Right.

And danger can also mean emotional neglect.

By the way,

It does not have our bodies like your body knows whether you felt safe in your childhood or not whether you felt warm and nurtured your body will tell you yes or no.

Let go of the story,

Let go of what our culture seems to believe counts as abuse because,

Or trauma,

Because that's not real,

Your body will know.

But the,

The amazing truth is that even though we didn't have a choice about how our nervous systems came to be,

And we have this double whammy of that cultural trauma and the personal trauma that creates our body as it is today and our difficulty route with resting.

Even though we didn't choose this,

We can very much heal it in our adult life we can heal it.

And it just takes practice,

And it takes a practice of again and again coming home to yourself.

Coming home into that feminine principle of non doing and enoughness in this moment and breathing deeply.

And then with time,

So embodied work is always gradual right it's not a silver bullet over time gradually you will your body will start to feel safer.

And if you're really interested in this nervous system stuff I highly recommend going to my teacher profile and going to the recording of the insight time we're live called nervous system,

Retuning for empaths.

It's called nervous system retuning for empaths,

Because I go into a lot more detail about the physiology of this,

And of being a highly sensitive person in general,

And how that relates to trauma and the nervous system.

So what we're going to be doing today is shadow work because that's what I do I'm a shadow work teacher and practitioner.

And for those of you who are new to this work.

The shadow simply means all the aspects of our authentic self that we had to censor,

Deny,

Minimize or repress in order to get approval from our childhood home from our culture.

And shadow is actually,

That's,

It's beautiful it's just the unknown about us and shadow work is any process that makes our unknown known that brings to light and integrates those parts of us that have been exiled.

Yeah.

Natalie say what about sleeping too much.

So I know those of us who struggle with sleep or like,

Oh jealousy.

No,

I get that Natalie I've heard about that from a lot of people so sleeping too much.

That also has a nervous system reasons which I won't get into but it's also.

It can also be a form of resistance or depression.

And if you're here after the hour I can address that more specifically for you.

Alright,

So what we're going to be so so shadow work.

So the shadow as I said,

Are these beautiful parts of our authentic self,

They're parts of our wholeness that we had to put away in order to get approval.

So,

Shadow speaks to us in two different ways in our daily life in other words,

There are two different kinds of shadow flags,

Where we experience something and we and it shows us.

Oh,

That's part of my shadow that's asking for my loving attention and integration.

The first one of those flags are triggers.

The second one of those flags is our resistance.

Triggers and resistance so triggers are when we seem to react emotionally quote unquote too much to a situation or kind of over the top.

And our resistance means when there's something that we know is genuinely good for us but we can't seem to engage in it.

It's resistance you can also call self sabotage.

And the whole recording on insight time are called healing self sabotage by the way if so,

Note that if you're really interested in that.

So resistance you can also say is self sabotage and a lot of us have resistance to rest.

Alright so Mel yeah longing for this the space is beyond triggers yeah,

The more shadow work you do,

The more versed you're going to be in working with your triggers and now I mean after doing this for 20 some years and it won't take you that long at all.

But like,

When I notice a trigger I'm actually excited by it,

Because it means there's something there's part of my wholeness that's returning to me that's asking for my attention.

All right.

And thank you Cindy for writing,

Writing stuff down.

So,

What we're going to do now is this because we're going to move into practice together.

Oh,

But at first I want I'm just looking at my notes,

I forgot to say something really important about resistance.

So,

Here is the interesting thing about resistance,

Because the heart of shadow work as I see it is actually loving our resistance instead of resisting the resistance,

Because most of us like feel guilty or bad about our self sabotage.

But so here's what resistance is.

We resist that which we most need to just note that we resist that which we most need.

We've built a fortress around it around this thing that we need in ourselves,

Because it's too vulnerable for us,

Because it's something we weren't able to get when we were young,

Because it didn't get us approval.

We just steeled ourselves away from it.

Right.

So an example is,

Like if it wasn't safe for you to rest in your childhood,

Right.

You might look at your partner and see them like lying on the couch and get really triggered by it.

And actually that's because they're exhibiting exhibiting the very behavior that you could not have and get approval at the same time.

And so your system has built this defense around it this fortress that associates that behavior with danger,

That it's dangerous it's not safe to just let go and rest and just be lazy,

You know,

So I'm going to judge it,

I'm going to distance myself from it just keep myself safe.

And so resistance is really fascinating psychologically.

And so,

If you have resistance to resting or letting go or being enough or acting as if you deserve abundance acting as if you deserve goodness right.

If you resist this,

This is difficult for you means you weren't able to do this growing up.

And thus you've developed defense mechanisms around it.

Yeah,

I want to rest I just don't know how well we're going to do that right now.

So,

We're going to be moving now into our practice which you can do either seated right here,

Or I invite you now to find a space lying down,

Either on a yoga mat or the floor or a bed or a couch or anywhere comfortable.

Shadow work is not a kind of meditation,

Right,

Need you to have rigidity,

It's quite the contrary.

So we're going for softness and comfort just as long as you know that you can stay awake and not you know space out but if you're in this live you probably don't have that problem.

Yeah,

Fine just take a minute now to find your space and prepare for some practice.

And what I'm going to be asking you to do in just a moment is to take a position that feels deeply restful to you,

Either on the floor or seated here.

And do your best to listen to your body and not take a shape that you might have learned somewhere like yoga,

Maybe a deeply restful position is like a Shavasana for you like lying flat on your back but for most of us I think it will look more like curled up.

Maybe on your side maybe with your knees up.

Maybe if you're seated you could just curl your knees into your chest like I'm really inviting you to listen to your body,

Instead of making your body.

Have a shape that look that performs restfulness.

Does that make sense.

Take a minute and really tune in what feels like the most deeply letting go shape for your body right here.

Yeah V to you say it feels so vulnerable to get into that field position.

Precisely.

That's what we're going for here.

Yeah,

Of course if anything feels like so vulnerable that you don't feel safe or you feel panicky,

Please don't do that.

What we're going for is a sense of vulnerability of softness of exposure because when we when we're vulnerable,

We're expanding.

When we're vulnerable,

We're growing.

We're growing into something that isn't quite in our comfort zone so that means growth,

Right.

I'm seeing people and fetal positions I'm seeing people legs up the wall.

Yeah.

And so again I invite all of you to not take a pose that you learned,

But to listen to what your body is asking for.

And for many of us this will be something like a fetal position it's not going to look pretty,

Particularly.

So,

Everybody should everybody who's participating in this should be there right about now so be in that position and just start to breathe.

And find now your consciousness,

Dropping down,

Down,

Down,

All the way into the land that you're on into the earth.

Experiment with what this might mean for you to drop your awareness down.

Your body is heavy.

Falling down into the land,

Allowing yourself now to be held by the land you're on.

Perhaps acknowledging.

If you're somewhere that had indigenous people on it before your ancestors came,

Acknowledging those indigenous keepers of that land.

You don't have to know their names just acknowledging that this is land that has been tended by people for many,

Many thousands of years.

And that when you let go into this land you're letting go into this whole web of belonging that we forget we're part of when we're distant from nature when we're distant from ourselves as nature.

Breathing and dropping your consciousness down now.

And keeping that awareness of connection to land now bring your awareness to your breath.

And feel your belly your abdomen.

If you have any judgment at all simply make note of is there tension in your abdomen.

Is it difficult to invite the breath that far down in your body.

Because when our system is geared to respond to threat in other words when our system feels unsafe our breath is in the chest.

And the sympathetic branch of our nervous system kicks online which means the rest and digest functions come online.

We start to breathe slower and deeper.

So see now if you can invite a slightly deeper breath,

Slightly slower breath.

Every exhale,

Allowing the body to get heavier to be received by the land.

Breathing and inhaling slowly and deeply.

Exhaling to heaviness into land.

And know what tension you notice in your body.

If there's any points such as shoulders or jaw or fists.

Notice and make note.

Breathing and inviting softness to those places without trying to fix or change just inviting very gently.

What if I could soften here.

Just 10% more.

Noticing now the places that hang on to the tension.

And simply acknowledge that these are places where your body is bracing against feeling something.

We don't need to feel that right now.

Simply make note.

This is where my body is bracing against feeling something.

This tension is the armor I couldn't have growing up.

That my body has created for me to protect me from these feelings.

Body tension is the armor we couldn't have growing up that our body creates for us to protect us from pain.

And as we soften,

Befriend ourselves,

Gradually feel safer with ourselves and our bodies.

That tension just naturally opens up.

We don't have to do anything.

In fact,

We shouldn't try.

We don't have to do anything.

So release any frustration at yourself or judgment of yourself for having this armor.

You need that armor and it will gradually soften on its own.

So now allow this question to resonate in your being.

What if this right here is really enough?

What if this right here and all that I am right now is really enough?

Notice how your body responds to that energy of the question.

There might be some inner voices that have something to say about it.

You might find that you have become distracted or spaced out.

Simply with your next breath cycle,

Bring your awareness right back here.

To this question of what if this and all that I am right now is really enough?

We are going to transition now in our awareness to getting curious about our resistance and the shadow parts of us that are speaking to us out of that resistance.

Making yourself very comfortable.

So continuing to make your body comfortable and switch position at any point.

Take a deep breath and really tune your awareness now to the voices within you who are resisting this being enough.

Or maybe it is tension that you notice cropping up in your body when you invite that total letting go into enough.

Maybe it is an emotion that arises for you.

Name right now how that resistance is showing up.

It could also be over thinking or distracting or maybe even falling asleep.

Your resistance could show up in many different ways.

Naming now in your mind what that resistance looks like for you right now.

So Carrie says shaming self for being lazy.

Yeah.

And so we are going to now be moving into a really gentle experiment in shadow work with this resistance.

So now I invite you to become totally aware of this voice of resistance or body sensation or habit or emotion that you notice coming up.

And allow your imagination now to create a figure out of it.

Allow whatever is your first impression to be true.

Allow your imagination to become very vivid and just create either you at a certain age or an animal or an amorphous blob or a color or another person,

Whatever this figure might look like.

Just get curious about what it is.

There is no right or wrong here at all.

Naming what that figure looks like now in your mind.

So,

For example,

If Carrie's resistance is self shame,

She will allow her imagination to create a figure that is the embodiment of that self shame.

And I personally do it in myself.

It looks like a big black blob.

And now what we'll do is I invite you to imagine yourself as the most loving,

Empathic witness as the most deeply loving,

Compassionate version of you and the strongest version of you too.

Imagine yourself now across from this figure at a respectful distance just in a certain room of your imagination's creation.

And you're standing so tall.

So feel the tallness of that most loving,

Strongest version of you.

You as this version of yourself are looking across the room at this figure that is the embodiment of your resistance now.

And you're looking at them with such openness and compassion,

Knowing that they cannot harm you or anyone.

You're just like a queen or a king or other ruler,

Right?

You have that sovereignty about you that this being cannot harm you.

But you are so open,

Generous and loving.

And now from this perspective,

Name what you notice about them,

Their body language,

Their emotion.

What do you notice?

Just make note for yourself.

And now from this place of strength and love,

We're going to validate some of the things we notice about them.

We're going to look like this.

We're not going to say what we want to say to them.

Rather,

We're just going to mirror back what we see them experiencing.

For example,

I see that you're really afraid.

Or I see that you're hunched over and you don't want to talk to me.

It's OK.

So this is all with this energy of it's completely OK to feel as you feel.

Or maybe this figure feels looks angry at you or hostile.

You're going to validate that to I see that you're very angry at me or I see that you want to kill me or other people.

It's very important that this be unconditional right here.

And bringing this energy of acceptance and yes to all that they are,

All that they feel.

This is how you integrate a shadow.

It's acceptance.

So just deep breath and say one more validation to them.

One more thing that you notice.

I see that you are.

And now we're going to ask them a very important question.

We're going to just go with whatever the first impression is that you hear them say.

If they don't have an answer,

You're just going to continue to beautifully validate that it's OK not to know.

So here's the question.

It is what do you really need?

What do you really need?

Amanda says this figure needs her to see it.

This figure says see me.

So now whatever they tell you,

See sense and feel yourself meeting that need for them.

And if it feels vague and you're not sure what to do,

Like if they say I need love or I need you to see me or I need acceptance,

You can ask them a follow up question like how would you love for me to demonstrate love for you right now?

Or how would you love for me to see you right now?

And they'll show you.

Continue to breathe deeply here.

And whenever that cycle of meeting needs feels complete enough for now,

You might ask them another time.

What else do you really need?

And see sense and feel yourself meeting that need for them.

Notice how your adult self feels being this empathic witness for them.

Everything is OK.

And notice too,

Just out of curiosity without attachment just get curious about if this figure has changed.

Has it changed form or has its posture shifted or its emotional state?

If not,

That's completely OK.

The healing has already happened.

The integration and the healing happens because of your empathic witnessing and acceptance,

Not because of the change you might or might not see.

And in Amethyst you say that the figure said it wants to have control over you.

Yeah.

So what I would suggest doing is to imagine that you are a sovereign queen or being right.

You rule this kingdom.

They can't have control over you.

They can't.

But you can validate.

I can understand why you would want control.

You must be very scared to need to have that control.

Does that make sense Amethyst?

That's really important for you to sit in the seat of authority.

It's kind of like a grandparent and a toddler.

Right.

The toddler will try and have control but there's no way that it actually has control.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

So with a very deep breath here,

Simply ask this figure now,

Is there anything else that you need to feel complete for now?

Knowing that this will be an ongoing relationship within yourself.

This is part of yourself that has been exiled.

And oftentimes these shadow aspects appear malicious,

Violent,

Controlling.

Your job is to validate that and I know everything in our culture,

Again our culture of patriarchy of only light,

Of only positive,

Doesn't have a place for this.

It's this turning toward the pain but that's exactly what we need to do to be whole.

That's exactly what we need to do in order to feed our souls.

From the trance of disconnection from ourselves and from nature,

We need to be able to turn towards our pain with loving acceptance.

Now just tune into this figure here as we're going to wrap up in just a moment and give them a telepathic message that in a moment you will be shifting consciousness.

Would they like to come with you or would they rather stay there,

Knowing that the healing again has already happened.

They don't,

It's not better for them to come with you.

It's just about how they feel.

Do they want to come with you or where they feel most comfortable staying where they are.

Go ahead and place hands on heart or wherever you identify as your center here and take some deep breaths,

Knowing that regardless of whether they're coming with you or not they are part of you.

You might if it feels appropriate sense them right here with you now as you very slowly start to imagine the room that you're in,

The walls around you.

Opening your inhale,

Noticing where your body contacts the surface you're on.

And very slowly bring yourself back open the eyes and take whatever movement feels needed here for you that your body is asking for.

And then the other part of it says is this healing the inner child or the shadow.

Well the inner child is part of the shadow.

The shadow is the collective of all of the parts of ourselves that have been too vulnerable for us to identify with too much to whatever parts of ourselves that didn't get us approval growing up that weren't the good boy good girl good kid.

And all of that that's not in that box is shadow.

And so our inner child is a representation of our vulnerability.

So yes it's part of shadow.

That's why a lot of shadow work looks like inner child work.

All right,

So just continue to come back to yourself here to this time and place.

Find a seat now if you were still lying down in that restful position.

And we'll just do a little experiment.

As you imagine yourself taking deep rest.

Now,

Maybe taking that field position or doing something that your heart longs for that feels deeply restorative.

As you really imagine yourself doing that now does it have.

Do you have the same resistance toward it.

It's just an experiment,

Or is there a sense of softness now.

I love that Casey that it was impactful for you at this time,

And you realize the message you took is that you don't need to do anything to be here in this body at this time.

Yeah,

I love that.

So simply noticing what swirling around or what has settled for you after doing that.

Breathe shadow integration.

Continue to breathe deeply and move in any way that your body is calling for.

Let me know and I'm more than happy to support.

If anybody needs any clarity about anything,

I am here.

I know it sometimes takes time to come back.

Heather you're so welcome.

Thank you for being here.

V2 says,

You're so amazing.

Thank you.

You are a gift.

I'm really relaxed and I'm generally a shark.

Did you mean to write that?

That's funny.

Movement is life.

The coach,

The couch rest resentment is so me that I laughed.

Well,

I'm really curious now V2 and anyone else that that notices that you get triggered by people relaxing on the couch,

For example.

I wonder if that will have softened for you since doing this and I bet it will.

Because what I noticed after doing shadow explorations and integrations is that things that have triggered me in the past just kind of don't anymore.

It's softer.

I'm not promising that after just one go if you're new to this.

But with practice,

It really is true.

Like,

I'm really not like,

Of course I get triggered by things but I don't react out of the trigger because there's so much space now in me between the trigger and my response to it from this work.

Like I,

I take triggers as an invitation for integration and wholeness and not as something that I,

You know,

I believe I don't believe my triggers for what they are.

Andrea says,

True rest and release always makes me cry even just the thought of giving it to myself.

What can you say about crying.

Okay,

Well Andrea I love talking about crying and I love crying.

So,

The coolest thing and most resonant thing I've ever read about crying.

And I'm someone who's cried,

At least once a day every day for my whole life,

And they used to think there was something wrong with me when I was a kid because I would just cry all the time.

So I understand,

But the most beautiful thing I've read about crying is from the elder of the dog or a people maledoma so may who's,

I've learned so much from the dog or people are in West Africa,

And in Burkina Faso,

And what he writes in his book,

Which one was it I think it's called ritual is maledoma so amazed book that this is from as he says that crying is simply the release of unprocessed energy.

So anything any energy that's within you that needs to be released comes out through crying.

It's like when we lose someone or something those tears are like the release of all the love we have for them or all of the just the ways that we wanted to connect with them and feel for them that we don't get to anymore right or.

That's how I think about crying is it's simply a release of unprocessed energy.

And unfortunately in the culture that we're in.

We have a lot of judgments against it and many of us were punished for doing it as children,

Which is so destructive.

Because it's like we were punished for having a release valve on like a steam release valve right that's how we just get excess energy out.

Yeah,

I hope that makes sense Andrea.

L says how do you rest.

Yeah,

It's a process right.

So what you write makes me think that your nervous system is probably in a deep response to threat.

Right,

If you're,

If you're so unable to rest.

You probably have a lot of you probably have a baseline of a lot of adrenaline and cortisol in your system that keeps you up.

And it's just a practice,

And I.

So this is for everyone.

The number one thing you can do to help your nervous system calm down to help you become embodied is to slow down.

And we don't like to hear this in our culture.

Right,

It's very challenging,

We need to slow down and what I mean is this.

When you're moving through your day when you're literally like walking through your house,

Getting things done,

I invite you to notice when you're moving quickly.

And know that when you're moving quickly,

You're up here in your head,

You're not in your body,

And see them if when you notice you're moving quickly because we all do most of the time,

Right.

Take a deep breath and see how slowly you can make those movements or do what you need to do.

So for example,

When I'm like because I'm a mom to a two year old to have a husband you know so if I'm like moving through my house doing laundry or dishes.

Because I'm just a normal person.

Just like that,

Or trying to get some dinner on the table.

When I notice my rush.

I take a deep breath.

Most of the time,

Sometimes I just go about and I rush right but when I notice it.

I take a deep breath.

And then I kind of think,

For what,

Why am I rushing,

And then I remember that there's only right here in this moment,

And that I deeply value being in my body.

And I'm going to see how slowly I can do the laundry and I don't mean like in a dramatic kind of like slow motion way.

I just mean like in a reasonably slow way how can I do laundry so that I'm present with the texture of this fabric right here.

And the way that the detergent container feels in my hand when I pour it in,

You know,

That's what I mean.

It's kind of like how in some because I have a background in Buddhism so it's like in some Buddhist retreats they have you help with cooking or you can choose to help with cooking and you mindfully cook like I'm chopping this carrot this stroke at a time,

Then this stroke,

Or you work on the grounds and you shovel just this shovel like just this movement of my arm just that one.

And it can be,

It can be infuriating to those of us who have this conditioning which is pretty much everyone.

Right.

V2 says,

You're right I'm not someone who loves slow constantly is of late telling myself to slow down.

Yeah,

That is beautiful,

Profound embodiment to slow down.

Cindy says my resistance figure was my mom and she was angry the really interesting thing is I was not triggered at all very peaceful and empowering.

I love that.

Yeah.

I have lots of comments I haven't seen.

Amethyst says I feel an active open space in my chest able to take deeper more deliberate breaths now thank you.

Thank you.

I'm at this so much.

And peace says as a person academia this is such a challenge but I'm pushing the boundaries in my department,

And I hope it helps transform the culture what kind of department are you in peace because I used to be an academic to in a German department.

Christine says,

I saw my repressed anger and resentment and ill inability to speak my voice and take up space.

Yeah.

I loved her and witnessed her and thanked her and validated her.

I offered a space in my heart for her and have invited the beginning of our friendship into my soul I am celebrating with you Christine,

Beautiful.

Thank you so much for sharing that.

Rachel you say but there's just too much to do to slow down.

So I challenge you Rachel anyone who has this belief because this is a program it's not real.

There's too much to do to slow down.

If that is really the case it means you're doing too much.

If you're doing so much that you cannot slow down legitimately.

You're working yourself to death.

What are you living for.

Right.

What for.

What are you doing all of that for,

You know,

And I know I'm a working toddler mom.

And I left a day job,

You know working at a university,

Because I noticed that I was doing too much and I was high functioning depressed,

And so maybe there's a life change in store for you or for other people who have this.

But,

Yeah,

Amanda says I already feel so tired throughout the day I fear I would feel more tired if I slow down.

Well,

Amanda think about like in meditation.

When you slow down and you're,

And you've,

And you sense your breath.

What I noticed that there,

There can be a clarity that comes with that,

That isn't a sleepiness.

So it's a combination of slowing down but into presence and not sleepiness I just wonder if you could play with that.

Okay.

Cindy says,

The noticing of rushing and deliberately slowing is working for me every day to calm my nervous system that's so great.

Oh and Rachel and anyone else who like feels like there's too much to do.

Please read two books,

Two books,

I have two books for you.

Okay.

The first book is do less by Kate Northrup.

And if somebody could write these down that'd be great.

Do less by Kate Northrup.

And then the second book is called the big leap by gay Hendrix.

The big leap by gay Hendrix,

And in that book he talks about time bending,

Or he calls it Einstein time.

Actually Kate Northrup takes this idea from him and uses it as well in her book,

Do less.

But gay Hendrix talks about the fact that when you think about being present when you're present with something with something with yourself with what you're doing actually time expands,

And it's,

I won't get into it totally but it's absolutely fascinating it's like,

It's actually how we change how time works in our lives,

Exactly by slowing down and being present,

And we find we actually have more time to do what matters most but again the books are do last by Kate Northrup,

And the big leap by gay Hendrix.

Tanya says sometimes when I'm feeling overtaken and that speedy whirlwind I make my meditation for the day a movement based one instead of sitting to do a task slowly.

Awesome.

It takes 10 minutes instead of one and I was present for the entire duration of it it sets a more mindful precedent.

I love that.

Thank you for sharing that Tanya.

Beautiful.

Oh and Abby the author of the ritual book is called Maladoma Somae.

His main book is called Of Water and the Spirit.

It is one of the most beautiful books I've ever read.

And learning from him learning from indigenous African wisdom has been absolutely transformative for me personally and for my work.

I've pulled in a whole part of my soul.

Yeah,

Maladoma Somae ritual and then his main book is called Of Water and the Spirit.

That's a like a biography,

Autobiography of him that's amazingly magical and wise.

Okay and Vicki says my problem is there's too much to do to slow down when my body finally gives out because it's too much.

When I ask for help from others.

I've always met with resistance and it ends up being easier to do it myself.

Yeah,

I totally get that I mean,

Asking for help can be a lot of labor and organization or making arrangements so that you get the help you need.

I know that as a mom as well.

I invite you to so Vicki and anyone who really truly feels like there's too much.

I invite you to say no.

Just experiment with what you can say no to and set boundaries to.

Yeah.

And I talk a lot about boundaries in my other work.

Oh,

And I should mention as well.

So for those of you who resonate with this work with shadow work with what I'm teaching,

We have a circle on insight timer called shadow work.

There's like 680 beautiful folks in it and we are going to be doing something very cool in our circle very soon that my wonderful insight timer assistant Catherine with a K will be managing we are like cooking that up right now.

So we do like 30 day challenges in the shadow work circle we do other stuff and there's going to be something different and very cool coming up in the next while the next month or so.

So,

Make sure to join the shadow work circle.

You just go to the main page and insight timer tap the circle icon on the bottom and then search for shadow work and you will find us.

And that's where we gather as a community between lives and where we do cool stuff together and you can reach out and get support from people who are engaging with this work just like you.

And then,

Make sure to follow me as a teacher here on insight timer too.

And thank you all too for donating today if you found this helpful if you learn something donating is a great way to communicate that so thank you thank you.

It sounds like some of you have do last by Kate Northrop yeah that's great.

And the big leap is both those books are really classic.

A lot of people have benefited hugely from them.

And Christine,

You got the book how to be an adult yeah that's that's like my favorite book by David Rico awesome awesome.

Okay,

Christian says how about when setting boundaries and saying no causes more anxiety because part of my shadow is needed is the need for external validation yeah welcome to the club.

Yeah,

So saying no and creating boundaries will create anxiety for a lot of people and and the trick is to start slow to set just a little boundary.

Just a little boundary and I talked so much about boundaries and other places.

I have to go pretty soon so I can't get into it now but but start very slow like what can you say no to that's of less consequence.

And then,

What you're doing is you're building up the capacity of your nervous system to handle more charge to handle a little bit more of the know the response to know.

Okay,

Vicky I'm glad you're not giving up.

I know it's really hard,

Especially at home.

Thank you for your donations everyone.

Yay.

So Dana says sometimes I have a difficult time discerning what is resistance to part of myself or resistance toward the actual threat or something that is some something or someone that is unsafe.

Yeah.

So what I would say Dana about that is that.

So yes,

Your body totally has innate wisdom of what is unsafe.

And your body also has,

You know your defense mechanisms to parts of yourself there actually or things or activities that are actually genuinely good for you.

So what I would do if you have like,

Like let's say there's a person in your life that you're uncertain about right whether or not to spend time with them,

Whether they're good for you or not.

I mean,

In regard to people I say if there's any doubt,

Then they're not good for you.

I'm not going to be honest,

But just sit with yourself if there's any person or situation that you're in doubt and you're wondering is this is this like true resistance to something that's actually unsafe or is this defense mechanism resistance to something that's good for me.

Sit with yourself in stillness.

And just take a few minutes to really arrive within yourself.

And then I like to like hold out my palms and have the two options there.

And I weigh them and I,

Or I just do it in my mind and I sense,

Which one feels warm.

And which one feels cold.

Or another way to do it is which option feels expansive and which option feels like a contraction,

You know.

I like the warm and the cool and the cold because sometimes a contraction is a good thing,

You know,

If something's actually unsafe for us.

It's a correct,

Like healthy protection,

You know,

So what feels warm or what feels cold.

I hope that helps Dana to discern about your resistance.

Let's see.

And Robert I know you were late on this is being recorded so you can catch this on my teacher profile within the week for everything that you missed.

So Natalie so I do have to go in the next couple minutes but I will address the sleeping too much.

I don't have a ton about it to say Natalie except for.

I would do the meditation I have on my teacher profile called,

You could do either shadow work for inner child healing or dialogue with a shadow aspect and do that.

Using the part of yourself that wants to sleep too much and explore that explore where that comes from.

And I think you'll get the answers that are right for you there because I could give you like sort of I don't know a lot about sleeping too much.

I know that it can sometimes have medical causes as well like thyroid stuff for,

But I'm not a doctor.

By a long shot.

Yeah.

That will be helpful.

Okay.

Thank you all so much for showing up today.

I'm going to take off.

So this is,

As I said this is recorded.

So what I'm going to do is just do some really light editing,

Some putting in some music to it and then I submit it inside timer and it usually takes them three to three hours to put it up on my teacher profile so you should see it definitely by the end of this coming week.

So if you miss any part or you want it to do any part again.

Oh thank you,

Johanna.

Great Nicole glad you're following us and make sure to to join the shadow work circle if you want to keep up between lives and then be the first to know about other stuff that I do.

And also,

If you want,

Like a written book explanation of my shadow work process that I teach a few different kinds of shadow work processes so the one called empathic witnessing which is very similar to what we did today.

I have that all written out on my free ebook,

So just go to my the link on my teacher profile under about.

There's a link to my website there and it'll be very clear how to get my free ebook there with all of this written out.

So,

Yeah,

Why alone you said I fell asleep yeah you got rest.

Alright everybody I hope to see you in the circle and elsewhere and in future lives I should be probably going live again in a few weeks I know we have holiday coming up.

So,

Maybe not until the end of the month.

I'll see you next where and next time.

Reviews

I appreciated your talk about toxic patriarchy and colonization as the denial of the feminine and the body’s need for rest. This shadow work of making the unknown known by inviting the unknown and even accepting limits to knowing and letting go of the need to know feels like a way to allow the mind to rest and bring calm to the body that can be integrated as rest for the spirit, heart, and soul.

Thank you for this talk. It feels like a perfect way to start another cycle, another orbit around the Sun, this first day after the Winter Solstice.

(Note: The recording repeats the last half hour.)

This helped me more than I could put in to words. Her work is amazing and truly helps me heal.

Incredible and profoundly helpful, thank you so much Catherine 💜

Very informative and new ideas to think and learn about. I appreciate your wisdom. 🙏

Excellent guided practice and discussion of shadow work. Very similar to IFS (internal family systems) work that I've been utilizing for some time in therapy. Thank you.

🙏 March 10, 2022

Incredibly insightful. Thank you so much for using your gifts and unique knowledge to help bring deep healing to others. My nervous system is so messed up and sleep has been a huge struggle my entire adult life. I've tried almost everything out there but this is a really helpful and unique perspective that gets to the core of my struggles.

Innumerable ways Catherine’s teaching bring clarity to my life experience. Great~full for the impeccable reflection, personal sharings, & spaciousness cultivated in intense areas of my existence.

Great talk and méditation. Very helpful.
Thank you for sharing. 🙏

Deeply impactful. Catherine is such an insightful and empathetic soul. I attended the live event but having this recording as a resource is really helpful.

Thank you x1000 for sharing your wisdom. I do not have resistance to rest, but it is easy enough to translate these methods to what I most resist and yet also most desire. This process is so hard but so necessary. Blessings for being one of my guides 🙏🏻🙏🏻