Healing Body Shame - Insight Timer Live

Due to our own trauma and internalized systems of oppression, most of us feel far from home in our own bodies, carrying deep shame and even hatred for our sacred vessels. In this recording of an Insight Timer live from June 2022, Catherine shares how we create pathways to self-love to heal this shame, and guides a gentle practice to help us inhabit our bodies with presence and joy. Trauma-informed & anti-oppressive. Meditation music by Jamiel Conlon.

Transcript

So we're here today for healing body shame.

And I know that my heart's really heavy today.

My womb is really heavy today because of the overturning of Roe versus Wade yesterday.

And it's,

I wonder if you're there too.

I wonder if you're feeling it in your body.

And it's interesting that I was going to talk about something different today.

And then I felt this guidance to talk about body shame specifically today in the middle of last week.

And I changed the topic and it's just interesting.

So yeah,

I'm seeing among you there's fury,

People are reeling,

Very much feeling it,

Yeah.

So we're gonna be doing a lot of body listening today and allowing because that is one way that we heal body shame.

So there will definitely be space to feel as much as you want to feel today,

As much as feels nourishing.

Yeah,

Georgina says feeling very low energy and defeated.

Yeah,

Of course.

I find myself pendulating between that,

Right?

Like rage,

Defeat,

Hopelessness,

Sometimes even a spark of like,

Maybe everybody is just gonna see more and more clearly how effed up everything is.

Maybe there's gonna be a renewed sense of like motivation for change,

You know?

So I have that too,

But it's all of that,

Right?

Like it's a swirl of all of that.

Yeah,

Xanadu says,

I hope that it will ultimately help us to rise up together.

Exactly,

That's my hope too.

That's my hope too.

So let's just start today,

Before we get into any more talking,

Let's just start today with a body check-in.

It might also feel like too much.

And if that's true for you,

There's no need.

Remember that sometimes we need to numb and disconnect,

And that's part of the process.

That's part of the titrated process of healing from trauma.

Titrated means a little bit at a time,

Right?

We don't go full on all the time or else we re-traumatize ourselves.

So part of trauma-informed work,

Part of trauma-informed care is knowing that we need to close sometimes to protect our hearts,

And then our bodies will tell us when we're ready to open and feel again.

And it takes a lot more patience and slowness than we would like usually,

Right?

I just want everybody to know that when we do these body check-ins,

It's absolutely part of the process to be numb,

To be disconnected,

And we're going to accept every single part of your process,

Including those,

And we're going to honor those as ways that your body is brilliantly protecting you,

Right?

It's kind of like that part in a,

I don't do electrical work,

Right?

My husband does,

But there's part of it,

Something in an outlet or in a fuse box that if charged is too much,

It automatically shuts off,

Right?

To protect someone from getting shocked.

And that's what numbing and disconnecting does for us.

Sometimes it is a habitual,

Sometimes it becomes an addiction,

Right?

The numbing and the disconnect,

And that's its own issue,

But it is also part of our healing.

We just need to stay close to it and love it and stay awake,

And then it will open on its own accord,

But it will not open by us forcing it.

Yeah,

Gee,

Me too,

Right?

You say,

I tend to judge myself when I find myself numbing.

Yes,

Absolutely.

Yeah,

And again,

We have to also be mindful,

Right?

And just ask ourself,

Is this numbing behavior part of my necessary self-protection,

Or is this an addiction and an avoidance strategy that I could bring a little bit more fire to,

Like without forcing?

But there's no,

I can't give you a formula for this,

Right?

There's no exact right way.

There's no right way to approach this,

But just two things.

Are you being honest with yourself,

And are you being gentle with yourself?

That's what's important to keep in mind with numbing or anything.

Number one,

Are you being honest with yourself,

And are you also being gentle with yourself?

Sometimes when we're numbing,

We're not being honest with ourselves.

Sometimes we are being honest with ourselves when we're numbing because it is absolutely too much.

So this is a relationship that we get with our bodies,

And because of body shame and because of our internalized systems of oppression,

This is a relationship that we have to build because it's been taken from us,

Yeah.

So if it feels right for now,

We'll just do a one or two-minute body check,

Body listening,

Which consists in closing your eyes if you feel comfortable doing that,

Or you could keep them open.

We're going to tune into our root,

Our sit bones,

And we're going to simply notice the tension that's in our bodies and notice what's needed.

That's what we're gonna be doing.

So if this seems like something that you'd like to do,

Just go ahead and close the eyes for just a minute,

Or you can keep them open,

And start to take a slightly softening,

Deepening breath here.

As you notice the support of the surface that you're on and allow your body to receive that support,

To sink,

To melt down.

And as you arrive in this softening space,

Notice the sensations in your body that draw your attention the most,

And name it in your mind.

Is that tension in shoulders or chest or belly perhaps,

Maybe in your throat?

And as you breathe,

Just imagine giving space to those places,

Creating space,

Softening,

Allowing,

And naming what's here.

What's here?

Is there an emotion at the root of that body sensation?

Softening,

Opening to what's here.

And if you find your mind distracting,

If you're getting sleepy,

If you're clicking on other things,

Just know that that's 100% part of the process.

Be gentle with yourselves,

Loving,

And just bring yourself back to the next breath right here.

Of course,

It's hard to pay attention to the body.

Your body has not been a safe place for you.

Of course,

It's hard to be here.

Just this next breath,

Notice the sensations in your body now that you've given them a little bit of space.

Has anything shifted?

And it's not better,

By the way,

If anything's shifted or not.

We're just getting curious.

We're not trying to make anything happen.

Just noticing what's here right now with honesty,

With gentleness,

With curiosity.

So with loving gratitude for your body,

For everything that it's shown you,

Just go ahead and bring yourself back to this moment and open your eyes if they were closed,

And look around your space to orient yourself in the here and now again.

You might give yourself a little hug or a movement,

Whatever feels right as you arrive back right here.

And if anybody feels called to share anything about that process,

What you noticed,

If anything surprised you,

I know we would love to hear it in the chat.

Amy says,

Thank you for not shaming me when I caught myself clicking online.

Yeah,

Of course.

We're not here to compound the shame.

Everything that we do,

Everything that we have an impulse to do has what it considers to be your best interests at heart.

We do everything we do for good reasons.

Like,

Of course we pick up our phones.

Of course we click other windows online.

Like,

This is hard stuff.

It might seem like just sitting,

Right,

Just listening to the body,

Just paying attention,

But that's a monumental shift for most of us.

Because most of us are used to filling the space,

Filling the silence with the next entertainment,

The next distraction,

The next hit of dopamine on our phone.

You know,

How many likes did I get for that?

I mean,

I do that.

Everybody does that,

And that's the world that we live in.

And it's just a process of remembering again and again.

We will always forget,

And we can always remember.

And it's not about shaming.

And Amy says,

Then the compulsion was surprisingly easy to break,

To put down the phone and breathe.

It was comforting then.

Normally the anxiety escalates and I cannot put it down.

Anxiety escalates and I feel powerless.

Today was so easy to mindfully put it down.

I'm so glad,

Amy,

I'm so glad.

And G says,

A wound came up for me pretty immediately.

Being constantly judged and criticized by my family growing up made me feel very on guard about my body.

Yeah,

G,

Absolutely,

Of course.

And Jodi says,

Dopamine hit as your new key phrase.

Yeah,

So I could do a whole live about dopamine and our culture's total addiction to dopamine hit.

I mean,

My addiction,

All of us are,

I mean,

All of humans,

Everybody with a human brain is addicted to dopamine.

And raising a toddler,

Raising an almost three-year-old,

It's like,

It is hard,

Hard work to keep her not addicted to dopamine in the way that society wants her to be.

Takes a lot of sheltering.

Dopamine,

We get dopamine in a lot of different ways,

But one way is like changing images,

Sounds.

If you think about a TikTok video,

The rapid change of scenes creates like a dopamine flood in our brain.

And that's why those videos are so hard to stop.

It's literally addicting.

Like TikTok just lives on our dopamine addiction.

But again,

Like that's a whole tangential thing I could talk about for a long time.

Isadora says,

I have a chronic discomfort in my throat and chest.

Today I named it Freddy the Froggy,

I love that.

And I love the lightness you're bringing with it and the humor,

That's so helpful.

Amy says,

I'm trying not to over-identify with chronic illness.

However,

When you said the body is not safe,

Oh my God,

Yes.

In total transparency,

After decades of healing and eating disorder,

I'm 51 years old.

And finally,

Five years completely sober from anorexia,

Bulimia,

And compulsive exercise,

And now a disabling chronic illness.

I'm learning to love my body in practice,

Yet today I could drop right in.

So glad to hear it,

Amy,

Congratulations.

That's huge,

Huge accomplishments there.

Yeah,

So as many of you know who know my work,

Who know these talks and practices that I lead,

I will almost always start with maybe a little practice like we did just to ground and get a taste for the material.

And then I'll tell some personal stories.

So get very personal,

And then I get very collective,

Situated in collective context,

Because we are the way we are,

And our bodies have the imprints that they do because we swim in the water,

Right?

So we talk about the collective,

And then we bring it back to the personal again and do a deepening practice together near the end of the live,

Where the personal is powerfully situated in the collective context.

So that's the arc for today as well.

So I wanna start by really deep gratitude to this book,

And get it if you don't have it.

It is a classic,

The Body is Not an Apology by Sonia Renee Taylor.

This book is where I got the term body shame,

And I credit her with much of what I've come to think about body shame and how informed I am about it.

Like a lot of it comes from this book.

It's a New York Times bestseller.

There's a little blurb by Brene Brown right there.

So glad that some of you are reading it.

Yeah.

So the question is,

Whatever this is,

If we think about body shame,

It is so layered and so complex and so heavy,

And it affects each of us in unique ways.

Well,

The ways that are unique to us,

But also very much collective and shared with others.

It's hard to know where to begin with this conversation,

But I will begin with this question,

Which is largely rhetorical,

And you can ask it within yourself.

Where did this shame come from?

Where did you learn the lie that your body needs to be different for you to be lovable?

Where did we learn these lies?

Where did it come from?

Yeah.

Think about when you were a toddler,

And certainly some of us had trauma in our toddler years related to the body,

But for many of us,

We had a really different relationship to our body in our young childhood.

When I consider my daughter,

Who's almost three,

She loves running around naked.

She'll show everybody all her parts.

She knows all the correct names for all of her parts and loves to say them loud and proud,

And she just shows up.

It is so healing for me to see how she is in her body.

And I remember,

And I also see in pictures,

That I was something like that too.

I wasn't quite like her,

But I remember just a glimmer of that freedom,

And I ask myself,

When did that end,

Right?

And how did that end?

And I was even,

And some of you know this and some of you don't,

I was a gender nonconforming person when I was young.

When I was about,

Well,

I never chose dresses to wear.

When I was five,

I wanted to have a mullet cut.

I mean,

It was,

Let's see,

When I was five,

I was born in 84,

I don't know,

Do the math,

89.

It was that time in history when mullets were a thing,

And so I wanted to have a mullet,

And I had spiky hair up here,

And I would spike my hair with gel.

Like when I was five,

Between the ages of five and 11,

I had this haircut,

And I only wore boys' clothes,

And I only wanted boys as friends,

And I only wanted,

You know,

You wouldn't catch me dead with a doll.

I just wanted to play with the fiercest dinosaurs,

And I would enact all of these dramatic torture scenes with my action figures.

Sure,

Sure,

Grow up to be a shadow work practitioner,

You know,

But like,

This is who I was when I was a kid.

You know,

I was gender nonconforming.

I never,

Like,

Identified with a different pronoun,

But also that wasn't a thing back then,

So I don't know what would have happened.

But anyway,

Something shifted for me around,

You know,

10 or 11 years old,

Where I started getting really seriously bullied,

Also because of facial hair that I had.

So I had a mustache and a unibrow by the time I was 11,

And that paired with gender nonconforming clothes in a public school,

Like you can imagine,

What ensued.

And it didn't help that I was really smart as a kid,

And like,

Always was with the teacher,

And you can just imagine.

So something happened with puberty,

Where I think it was probably the levels of estrogen that were changing in my body,

Because something I learned from Kimberly Ann Johnson is that estrogen,

One of the functions of estrogen is it makes us care more about what other people think of us.

It has a kind of fawning and fitting in mechanism to it.

Like,

It makes us social,

It makes us care more about being liked.

And so it was at that time that I started to become aware that I would be more lovable,

Or so I thought,

I'd be more lovable if I looked traditionally feminine.

I would be more lovable if I looked traditionally attractive,

Quote unquote.

And of course,

I didn't think that back then,

But that ended up being what happened,

And then the rest is history.

And in my adult life,

As again,

Many of you know,

I have struggled,

I still struggle with chronic undereating and all of the usual entrapments.

So what I believe happened to me and what happens to us,

And especially if you are a woman or a femme,

But also if you're a guy in your own way,

I got a virus,

I got the mind virus.

And some of us are more easily blinded by the mind virus than others.

The mind virus that says that some bodies are better than others,

I mean.

The mind virus of colonial,

Capitalist,

White supremacist patriarchy,

Right?

The mind virus that says some bodies are more beautiful,

Some bodies are more worthy.

And people like me who have a body that looks more like what's been considered to be higher on this body hierarchy are more easily blinded by that virus.

So as a white,

Able-bodied,

Thin,

Cis,

Hetero,

Conventionally attractive person,

That blindness just hit me over the head,

And it continues to.

This is really vulnerable for me because I still struggle quite a bit with body image,

And I'm really ashamed to say that.

And I'm also feeling shame right now because I don't want to make this about me,

And I know that black,

Brown,

Disabled,

Trans people have it so,

Like are hit so much harder by body shame than I am.

So I feel shame in saying that I struggle with this because there's a mean girl in my head that says,

Are you effing kidding me?

You think you struggle with this?

So there's a lot of guilt,

But I want to read a quote from Pema Chodron,

One of my favorite books of all time,

When Things Fall Apart.

And she says,

Being preoccupied with our self-image is like being deaf and blind.

It's like standing in the middle of a vast field of wildflowers with a black hood on our heads.

It's like coming upon a tree of singing birds while wearing earplugs.

And I'll just read the first part of that again.

Being preoccupied with our self-image is like being deaf and blind.

It's like standing in the middle of a vast field of wildflowers with a black hood over our heads.

And this entrapment that our culture teaches us,

It's like a steel trap.

I kept having this image of like a hunter's trap,

Like a steel trap that like catches my leg and won't let go.

And it is absolutely necessary for us to be trapped in that feeling of shame and not good enough,

My body's not good enough,

My body needs to be different in order for capitalism to survive.

Do you see that?

So this trap is necessary because we have to keep wanting to be different in order for capitalism to survive.

We need to keep feeling not good enough.

So I'm so aware that this poison is in me and this blindness and that dark hood over my head.

And it's extraordinarily uncomfortable.

And I'm so aware that people whose bodies don't look like what's called the default body in our toxic culture,

Like suffer in a way that I can't even imagine.

And I also know that Adrienne Marie Brown,

Which I hope that many of you know her and her work,

Adrienne Marie Brown is the author of Pleasure Activism.

And she posted on Instagram recently,

She said,

I am black,

I'm fat,

I'm queer,

I'm multiracial and I'm the freest person I know.

And part of what was behind her saying that was that because she has all these intersecting marginalized identities,

Her eyes are really open.

She's experienced those levels of body shame.

She's experienced being an outsider on so many different levels.

That her eyes are open,

She can see it.

And because I have the body that I do,

I feel very blinded and I feel completely indebted to black and brown and disabled teachers and teachers of other intersecting identities that have experienced body shame in ways that I haven't.

I feel completely indebted to them for showing me the way.

I feel like I'm a blind person,

I have this cane and I'm just like trying to like find my way out of this body shame,

Out of this trap of being on a certain place on this toxic body hierarchy that I am.

Something that's also really vulnerable is that like I recently really,

Really struggled.

I was literally reading this book on the couch and whitening my teeth at the same time.

And I was just laughing at myself.

Like really,

Catherine,

Are you like,

You're reading this book,

You're sitting on your couch,

You have this ridiculous tooth whitening thing in your mouth.

And when I felt into it,

And this is especially for those of you who feel similar kinds of guilt that I do.

When I felt into it,

I finally decided,

I had been struggling for months and months and months about whether or not to whiten my teeth.

Because I was like,

It's ridiculous.

That is so like,

You couldn't get more white supremacists than that,

Right?

Like white,

White,

White,

White teeth,

You know?

Like,

This is absurd,

Catherine.

This is not in line with your values to whiten your teeth,

What are you doing?

But the fact is,

Is that every single day,

Probably 10 to 20 times a day,

I considered whether or not to have black tea.

And I love black tea and coffee.

And I was torturing myself with the fact that like,

Oh,

I'll just give up black tea and coffee,

It's okay.

I'll just give it up.

And I won't have to whiten my teeth,

But I love black tea and coffee.

So I was torturing myself with these thoughts.

And I finally landed that it was a kind of harm reduction for myself,

That I,

As the addict,

Would give myself a little injection.

Okay,

I'll whiten my teeth to free myself from these thoughts.

They're torturing me,

Whether or not today to have black tea or coffee.

I'll just whiten my darn teeth,

It is okay.

This is not a path of perfection.

And I will be gentle with myself and just allow myself this,

You know?

So this is not a path of perfection.

It is not a path of black and white thinking because remember,

And I think bell hooks says this,

Remember that that black and white thinking is patriarchy,

That either or is also the toxic programming.

So how can you be gentle with yourself as you navigate these eyes that are opening to body shame for yourself?

We're all in this culture.

We all drink the water.

We're all on this path.

If you're in this live,

You're on this path.

And I know there were so many comments that I missed.

So I'm just gonna scroll back really briefly here.

Okay,

Amy,

Thank you so much for bringing up the puritanical shame about adolescent girls' development.

Yeah,

Yeah.

So again,

Circling back to that question,

Like,

Where did this come from?

Like,

As Megan Watterson says,

Megan Watterson is author of Mary Magdalene Revealed,

Which is an incredible book.

She said,

The body is our soul's chance to be here.

The body is the soul's chance to be here.

And isn't that beautiful?

This is absolutely sacred,

Right?

This is our temple.

This is our soul's chance to be here.

How did we come to this war with our soul's chance to be here?

And if you came to my Healing the Mother Wound Live last week,

We talked a lot about the origins of our nourishment barrier,

The origins of this inability to be satiated,

The inability to be enough,

Which especially afflicts women and femmes,

But it afflicts everybody.

This origin of the inability to be satiated goes way,

Way,

Way back,

Way back.

And it started somewhere in Europe.

And I wanna credit my teacher of decolonialism,

Dr.

Rosales Mesa for this,

By the way.

I'm gonna write her name in the chat.

So everything that I teach about decolonialism and colonialism and unlearning colonial programming,

It's really comes from her.

I'm gonna find her on Instagram.

So it started somewhere,

Somewhere sometime shrouded in mystery,

Thousands of years ago,

Probably in Europe somewhere,

That a group of humans decided that domination was better than coexistence.

We started dominating,

Dominating the earth,

Using resources,

Dominating one another.

And thousands of years ago in Europe and everywhere else in the world,

Cultures like human indigenous cultures were goddess centered,

Right?

Were centered on the feminine.

If you look at the little statues,

The Venus statues are sometimes called that were created many thousands of years ago.

I think everywhere in the world,

They are voluptuous feminine statues,

Right?

Have you all seen those,

Those Venus statues?

They're like full bodied,

What we would call fat,

Full bodied feminine,

Full breasts,

Full belly.

So how did we go from worshiping that,

Which is so deeply feminine and like,

What's more feminine and nourishing than a full bodied,

Full bellied woman,

Right?

The creator of life.

How did we go from that to Twiggy the model?

You know,

Like what we see today to wanting to be as small as possible,

How did that happen?

And just feel into the violence that had to happen for that to shift in that way,

The violence toward the female body,

Which is also violence toward the earth because the earth is our mother,

Right?

The earth has created us,

Women create us.

They're the nourishers,

Right?

Any of you who have breastfed will know that you are literally food for another person.

I have literally been food for somebody that is remarkable,

That's magical.

And so Greece,

Ancient Greece happened,

Ancient Rome happened,

Roman imperialism happened and pretty soon Christianity happened,

At least the version of Christianity that was about control and colonization and white dominance and white European men colonized the world.

With this notion driven by their understanding of Christianity,

Note that I don't say Christianity,

I say their understanding of Christianity,

That it was literally the white man's burden to civilize the world,

Right?

It was the white man's burden to convert and to quote unquote,

Civilize the savages,

Quote unquote.

And so this mind virus was spread around the world and it did contain the Genesis story,

Right?

The Genesis story wherein Eve was the bad one and was exiled,

Can't trust the feminine,

Can't trust the natural,

You can't trust yourself,

Can't trust the earth,

We have to control.

So part of this mind virus is control instead of care,

Control instead of care.

And that became capitalism and here we are.

And capitalism,

As we said before,

Relies on our feeling,

Not good enough,

Actually relies on what Sonya Renee Taylor calls body terrorism so that we keep buying,

So that we never feel satiated.

So this is the cocktail that we're all swimming in.

So of course we feel body shame,

You know?

I didn't even talk about the witch burning.

I didn't even talk about,

You know,

There are so many other things I could have talked about,

Particularly the shame of women's bodies,

You know?

But those of you who are women or femmes,

Like will resonate in your own body,

You know,

I don't have to tell you.

And by the way,

The documentary,

Misrepresentation,

You need to see it if you haven't already.

It's like 10 years old,

But it's amazing.

I'll write it.

Representation,

It's M-I-S-S,

Like misrepresentation.

It's about what it's like for women in the media.

Have you all seen that?

Like it is mind-blowingly good.

It's a must,

Says Ixi.

Yeah,

It is so good.

And yeah,

It made me think like,

Oh,

No wonder I'm so scared about being a woman in the media like who's out there,

You know?

Because it's not a safe place for us,

Especially if you're a woman with opinions.

But just take a few moments to breathe.

Like whatever I share about colonialism,

That's huge,

Right?

It often brings up a lot.

So just take some breaths into however it lands in your body some movement.

One of the reasons I find it essential to contextualize our personal experiences of shame in that context of colonialism is to free you of personal responsibility from it.

It's a burden is lifted from your shoulders because yes,

Like we are responsible for ourselves and our life ultimately and also you are so not alone.

And there are very good reasons why you have been programmed the way that you have to hate your body,

Especially if you're a woman or a femme.

There,

I want you to see that it's not your fault.

It is not your fault that you feel this way about your body.

It is not your fault.

So can you feel how this isn't your fault?

I just want everybody to take a deep breath into it's not my fault,

How I feel.

It's not my fault.

It is not my fault.

No matter how you look,

No matter what your gender is,

It affects you.

This comes for all of us.

Body shame comes for all of us,

Both in our own unique ways based on our intersecting identities and also in ways that are shared by everybody.

Yeah,

Jodi says,

And I can stop trying to fix me.

Yeah.

Where I believe healing,

The healing world is going,

Where I very much hope it's going,

Where it needs to go is this realization that this is not just about us in our little meditation room doing our own personal work,

Right?

The personal is the collective.

We're all healing together.

And when we work on ourselves in the most intimate personal ways,

That is also working on the collective.

And we also need to work with others in the collective,

Right?

We also need to take action.

We also need to donate money.

We also,

You know,

Both and the personal and the collective can only ever evolve together.

Like what Sonya Renee Taylor says,

One thing she says is that this radical self-love is our essence.

You know,

Love is who we are.

Love is our essence.

And when we choose more and more to embody that love,

It overflows just like if you think of an ecosystem with an oak tree,

Right?

When the oak tree grows big and strong,

And this is her metaphor,

Like when the oak tree grows big and strong,

Of course it can provide shade for others.

Of course it affects the ecosystem.

Yeah,

And we,

You're right,

Kelly,

We don't ever heal alone.

We are always in partnership.

Even if we don't believe we are,

We are always in partnership.

We are always together.

And human beings cannot,

We're not meant to heal alone.

We can't,

We just literally can't.

Our social engagement system,

Our nervous systems aren't set up that way,

Right?

The ventral branch of our vagus nerve,

Like here we have the dorsal and the ventral part of the vagus nerve.

The ventral part is totally,

Enervates our face.

It's like our way of feeling safe,

Because in a nutshell,

The vagus nerve helps us to feel safe and to regulate our nervous system.

It's so totally related to facial expression,

Which is our signaling to others,

Right?

So it's like the human being is physiologically built to receive signals of safety from other people.

That's how we're built.

And that's what polyvagal theory from Stephen Porges,

One thing it's taught us,

Because he does that work specifically with the ventral part of our vagus nerve.

Yeah,

So we are meant to heal together.

We have to,

Our survival depends on it,

Both as individuals and as a collective.

Yeah,

So deep breath to just tune in to how everything's landing with you.

And I want to guide us in a brief second practice today,

Where we,

And I'll tell you about it,

And then you can choose whether you want to participate.

We're gonna be tuning into an inviting,

A feeling of yourself as a young child inside your body.

And it doesn't matter if it's a memory,

Like we're not going for like a memory here.

We're just going for your imagination,

Which is really your inner wisdom,

Right?

Showing you this image of yourself as a young child in your body.

And we're going to let your imagination show us what you're doing.

Maybe you're outside playing with some bugs or climbing a tree or playing with a favorite toy or talking to somebody or on somebody's lap.

Like,

We're just gonna let your imagination show you what you're doing and who you are and how,

And more than anything else,

How it feels to be in your body as a young child.

And then we're going to name that feeling and see if we can bring that into our bodies as adults.

And this is just,

Of course,

Planting the seed.

Planting the seed that this gradual process of healing body shame is possible and that we have already experienced the love and embodiment that is our birthright.

We've already experienced it in our body at some point in our past.

It's in there.

The antidote to body shame is in here because it's our essence.

We weren't born to feel shame about this vessel,

About our soul's chance to be here,

Right?

So if you'd like to participate for just a few minutes today,

Go ahead and either close your eyes or have a soft gaze and feel the support of what's beneath you.

Letting whatever has landed in your body from our time together today,

Just settle,

Giving it space,

Noticing if there's tension in your body,

Bringing softness and space to those places,

Not trying to make it go away,

Just bringing loving acceptance there.

And when you feel ready,

Allow your inner wisdom,

Your psyche to show you,

To really bring you into an experience of being in your body as a young child that is joyful.

If you have to just use your imagination and create one,

That's perfect too.

Imagine yourself as a young child and just use whatever image comes up first as the right one.

And now really feel yourself in that body now.

How does your heart feel in this little body?

How does your throat feel,

Your belly?

Are you running around?

What is your body doing?

In this scene,

Does your body feel open or closed or combination?

Name what you notice here.

If it feels impossible to feel joy or lightness as a child,

And it might,

Then imagine that that child self is now in the arms or in the lap of your most loving,

Empathic self,

Or maybe a kind of angel or higher self.

You can bring in divine support.

If this feels really hard to access joy as a child,

Just bring in that divine support and give them what they need.

And then notice how it feels in their body,

In that child's body when they receive that support.

And if you're able to access this joy,

This feeling of inhabiting the body with light and joy,

Being connected to your body,

At one with your body,

If you're able to access something like that,

Invite that feeling to expand.

You might imagine it as being a light of a certain color that's just expanding through your body,

Nourishing every cell of your body.

With every breath,

Inviting it to expand and nourish your cells,

Correcting and replacing that toxic inheritance of body shame with a knowing of the natural divinity of your body,

The joy and connection that is your birthright in this body.

And remember,

This isn't about forcing anything.

If this feels forced,

Just stay with that divine support figure in nurturing your child self and connect to the love that might be there,

Perhaps a feeling of enough of satiation,

Of connection.

And so as you breathe,

When you've anchored into some kind of feeling of love and connection or maybe joy,

Start to see,

Sense,

And feel yourself growing now from a child slowly into your current adult self and keep the thread of that feeling,

Of that light in you,

Radiating through your body and see if now you can land in your adult body and invite a similar sense of satiation,

Of perhaps even joy,

Belonging in your body right here.

And if it feels impossible,

Just say it's okay to yourself.

It's okay to feel that way.

Of course you feel that way.

Just hold yourself exactly as you are with so much love.

Just a few more breaths as we fill ourselves with the love that we are,

The love that is our body.

We've just been taught to forget that.

We've been taught to forget that our bodies are love.

They are our soul's chance to be here as love on this planet and that love is your inner beauty.

That is your soul right here.

And it can also be the love that you're showing yourself when you say something like,

It's okay that it's hard to feel this.

You don't have to feel this all the way.

Anything like that,

That's the love too.

So when this feels complete for now,

You can go ahead and take some deep breaths and with intention to keep some amount of this feeling around you or in you.

Just experimenting with what would it be like to live with this in my body,

This love,

This satiation.

You can come on back,

Open the eyes if they were closed and look around your space now.

Take any movement that you need.

Thank you all so much for practicing.

It's the tip of the iceberg.

And I will say that actually the most important part of that whole process could really have been your choice to say it's okay that it's hard to feel this.

That might be the most healing thing you could have ever done today.

Do you see that?

Because you all know I'm not a love and light kind of spiritual teacher,

Right?

So I'm not like filling you with light just to fill you with light.

My intention is to fill you with light so that we illuminate the stuck places,

So that we illuminate the places in you that for very good reasons have not been able to let that light in.

And that's the shadow work then is to choose to turn toward those places and say it's okay.

It's okay that this is hard.

It's okay,

Of course.

Of course you can't let that light in.

Look at the culture you've lived in your whole life and your ancestors have lived in,

Sweetheart.

This is not your fault and it's okay.

That's really what we're going for here.

I'm not gonna beam love and light on you and expect you to be okay.

Never works.

Yeah,

And it's okay if it hurts and we're not gonna force anything.

Do you see how this attitude is the love that heals body shame?

Do you see that?

It's not about imagining yourself filled with light and love.

It's about choosing to change your attitude toward yourself that no matter how you're feeling right now,

You are going to love what is.

You're gonna accept and be here for yourself.

That's the healing of body shame.

And when we practice,

When we practice that turning towards ourselves no matter what,

That heals that ancestral collective wound that we are never enough because we become enough.

We belong to ourselves.

When we turn toward ourselves in the moments when we would have judged ourselves before,

When we turn toward ourselves with love.

Hmm,

Thank you all for being here and thank you for your donations.

By the way,

If this was helpful for you today,

A wonderful way to show that is donations or by leaving ratings and reviews on any of my meditations on Insight Timer.

It's also a wonderful way to show support.

And thank you so much to those of you who do leave those ratings and reviews because it's so impactful for how this work is able to get to more people.

So thank you,

Thank you.

And we can also continue this conversation in the Shadow Work group.

So for those of you who don't know,

I'm the admin of a group on Insight Timer of over a thousand people called Shadow Work.

And it's a great place to put in your requests for topics for lives that I do or connect with other like-minded people.

Yeah,

It's really a heart-filled,

Love-drenched place.

I love it.

So that's the Shadow Work group here on Insight Timer.

Thank you all so very much.

I'm gonna go back to my sick husband and sick toddler.

Thank you all for your well wishes.

And I'll see you in the Shadow Work group or next time I'll probably be gone for a couple weeks on live,

But I'll see you in a few weeks again.

And so much love to each and every one of you.

Take care,

Bye-bye.

Reviews

In reflecting on Catherine Ligett’s solo practice talk about body shame, it’s clear she brought an extraordinary blend of empathy, insight, and vulnerability to the discussion. Catherine’s approach to this deeply sensitive topic felt both welcoming and profound, creating a space where listeners could genuinely feel seen and understood.

Her talk was grounded in a compassionate perspective, moving beyond surface-level discussions to address the origins and complexities of body shame. Through her words, she built a narrative that didn’t shy away from the raw truths about self-judgment and societal pressure. Instead, she leaned into these themes with both wisdom and care, allowing the audience to see body shame not as an isolated struggle, but as part of a broader, shared human experience.

Catherine’s use of metaphor and storytelling gave the discussion a poetic depth, inviting listeners to reflect on their own journeys and offering them a vision of acceptance and healing. Her pacing allowed space for listeners to sit with their own thoughts, to absorb the weight of her words in real time, and to feel the possibility of moving toward self-compassion.

This practice talk was both an enlightening and encouraging experience—a reminder that body shame, though deeply ingrained, can be understood and gradually transformed with kindness and self-acceptance.

A true gift for our relationship with ourselves. Thank you deeply for showing me the light I need to nurture into a supernova.

Inspiring. Thank you for sharing 🙏🌺.

An incredibly healing and profound teaching. I didn't realize how much paralyzing shame I've been carrying, the shame of feeling not good enough and then shame for being depressed about it Thank you for your insights into how damaging the culture we live in is on our psyches and that it's not our fault. This was a big step for me.

Every single one of your practices brings another layer of understanding and healing to my journey. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️