Welcome to this meditation which draws on the wisdom that helped me to personally heal from narcissistic abuse.
I invite you to begin by finding a quiet comfortable space,
Minimizing all distractions so that you can focus on this.
If it feels good then close your eyes or soften your gaze.
Take three deeper breaths,
Inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.
With each exhale release any tension in your jaw,
Your shoulders and your hands.
Set an intention for this practice such as may this meditation help me heal and help me to rediscover my inherent worth.
Then pay attention to the natural rhythm of your breaths.
Notice the rise and fall of your chest or your belly.
Feel the temperature of the air at your nostrils as you breathe in and as you breathe out.
Maybe notice the sound of your breath.
When thoughts arise acknowledge them without judgment and return to the breath.
Moving your awareness through the body now as you begin to gently pay attention to how your body feels today.
Starting at the top of your head,
Scanning down through the body,
Noticing areas of tightness and areas of ease.
And wherever you find tension imagine breathing into that space and on the exhale visualize the stress dissolving like smoke in the wind.
Realizing that your body is your anchor and in this moment you are safe.
Settling deeper into your breath.
Allowing your awareness to rest in the steady rhythm of the inhalation and the exhalation.
Considering the teaching of impermanence reminds us that all phenomena whether joyful or painful are transient.
Nothing remains static not even the sharpest edges of suffering.
Like the changing seasons the landscape of your heart is always in motion.
Let's explore this truth together.
Bring your mind to a storm you've witnessed.
Recall how the sky darkened,
How the rain lashed the earth and how the thunder shook the air.
Now remember the storm did not last,
The clouds parted,
The sun returned.
In the same way your pain no matter how all-consuming it feels is not a permanent state.
It is a passing weather pattern in the vast sky of your being.
Just as you're not the same person you were a decade ago,
You will not be the same person a decade from now.
Your wounds will transform and so will you.
What felt like an endless winter eventually gave way to spring.
The same will be true for this pain.
It rises and falls away because it too shall pass.
You're not bound by what was,
The abuse was never the truth of who you are.
It was a temporary distortion,
A conditioned pattern of another's unhealed suffering.
Place a hand on your heart and feel its steady beat.
A reminder that your body like all things is constantly renewing itself.
Every cell,
Every breath is an act of letting go and beginning again.
May you be free from suffering,
May you be kind to yourself,
May you accept your wounds without shame.
May you trust in your capacity to heal.
When resistance arises during your practice and there's a voice that says this is pointless,
I don't deserve kindness or I'm too broken to heal,
Meet it with tenderness.
This resistance is not your enemy,
It's a wounded part of you,
Shaped by the echoes of narcissistic abuse.
That fears vulnerability and clings to old patterns of self-protection.
Pause and name what you feel,
Say silently,
Ah resistance is here.
Notice where it lives in your body,
A tight jaw,
A closed throat,
A knot in your stomach.
And breathe softly into those spaces,
As if you're whispering,
I see you,
You're allowed to be here.
Now visualize your wounded self as a child,
This child carries the confusion,
Shame or fear that you've internalized.
See them sitting alone,
Perhaps curled into themselves,
Believing they are unworthy of love.
Approach this child with the same gentle presence you would offer a scared toddler.
Kneel to meet their eye level,
Open your arms,
Inviting them for a hug.
Let your posture say,
You are safe with me,
I will always be here for you.
If it feels difficult to extend care,
Recall a time someone showed you unconditional kindness.
A grandparent,
Teacher,
Pet or even a fictional character.
Channel their energy,
Feeling its warps and say to your inner child,
I'm here.
Your pain matters,
Your voice matters,
You're not what they said you were,
You do matter.
Knowing that you did the best you could,
With what you knew then.
Abuse is never your fault,
Now we learn,
Now we grow.
You need not heal the child in this moment.
Simply sit beside them,
Feel their weight soften against your chest.
Imagine wrapping them in a golden light that dissolves shame as sunlight melts frost.
Over time,
Visualise that child merging back into your body,
No longer separate or exile.
Place their small hand in yours and maybe see that you're walking together into a meadow of tall grass.
Hear yourself saying,
We are whole now,
Wherever we go,
We go together.
Narcissistic abuse can leave us clinging to questions,
Like why me?
What did I do wrong?
Acknowledge these thoughts.
Then imagine placing them on a leaf.
See yourself carrying this leaf to a river bank and setting it gently on the water.
Watch as the current carries it downstream,
Farther and farther,
Until it disappears from sight.
The river does not judge,
It simply moves things along.
Now anchor yourself in the present.
Breathe deeply and name a sound that surrounds you.
Maybe your own breaths or the traffic on the street.
Now name a sensation,
Maybe the surface beneath you or the air on your skin.
And now name a smell,
Maybe the aroma from a plant or fresh linen.
With those observations,
Sense the solidity of now.
The weight of the past cannot compete with the immediacy of this moment.
You are the awareness that observes,
Untethered and whole.
Being the observer is your true nature.
The spacious consciousness,
Untouched by trauma.
Like the sky,
It holds clouds,
But it's not defined by them.
Each breath returns you here.
Vast,
Still and free.
Victim or broken,
These are not truths.
Identity is fluid,
A collection of passing thoughts,
Sensations and stories.
Beneath these shifting layers lies your true nature.
Luminous awareness,
Stillness and freedom.
To reconnect with this essence,
Visualize a lotus blooming in your heart.
Its roots sink deeply into dark,
Fertile mud.
This mud is not a floor.
In nature,
It nourishes the lotus.
Just as your wounds have cultivated resilience.
The lotus rises through murky waters.
Petals unfolding,
Unstained.
Reaching towards the sun.
With each inhale,
Imagine the lotus expanding.
Its delicate layers opening wider.
And with each exhale,
Feel it radiate light.
Gentle,
Warm and steadfast.
And this light spreads through your chest.
Down through your arms.
Down into your legs.
Until your entire body glows.
Let it radiate beyond you.
Dissolving old narratives of shame or inadequacy.
As the light grows,
Sense the stability of the lotus' roots.
They anchor you without chaining you.
You are both grounded and free.
If doubts arise,
Return to the lotus.
Its very essence is a testament to beauty born of darkness.
Like the lotus,
You rise.
Your past strengthens you.
This is your true self.
A radiant presence.
Carry this knowing forward.
You are the lotus.
Always blooming.
Always rooted in your inherent worth.
May you be peaceful.
May you be loved.
May you walk forward with wisdom and grace.
You yourself,
As much as anybody in the entire universe,
Deserve your love and affection.
