Working Through Shame

Here you explore your experience of shame, its purpose, and its origins. You consider your reasons for carrying the shame you have, whether it’s serving you to hold onto it. A guided visualisation assists you to release shame that is no longer of value to you, and to transform it into what is valuable. If you experience a lot of distressing shame, and focusing on it makes you feel overwhelmed, it would be wise to seek assistance from a mental health practitioner before doing this exercise.

Transcript

Shame is a universal human experience,

And when the dose that we're feeling is in proportion to its source,

It can teach us how to live more harmoniously with our values.

Many of us,

However,

Are burdened with excesses of shame,

Which is extremely painful and limiting.

This exercise helps us to explore the shame that we're carrying,

And release the excesses of shame that are getting in the way of living an authentic and valued life.

Engaging with shame can be confronting and uncomfortable,

So take some care now to ensure that you are comfortable,

And can maintain a balanced and motionless position for the duration of this exercise.

As you settle into your comfortable posture,

Breathe into your body,

Filling it with air.

Let the breath coming into you settle you even more deeply into your resting pose.

Let each breath get a little deeper.

Let each exhale get a little longer.

And breathe yourself into a relaxed and comfortable way of being.

Let your eyes gently close and let them rest in their sockets,

Leaving seeing for another time.

As you notice what it feels like to have your eyes released from the duties of seeing,

Let yourself notice what your mind's eye is seeing,

And how busy it is at the moment.

Nudge it gently to let go of all that conscious thought,

Loosening up.

And let it slide slowly shut,

Closing your mind to thinking.

Just as you've closed your eyes to seeing.

Let yourself notice the difference it makes to the peace and calm of your experience,

To let your mind's eye rest along with your body.

Now let yourself settle on something cleansing and purifying.

Maybe water that washes over you,

Rinsing off any impurities.

Maybe wind that blows through you,

Blowing away the things that have accumulated on you through your challenges,

But that you would be better off without.

Or perhaps a fire that can burn up the residues that are no longer useful to you into smoke that billows away.

Or maybe an energy moving through you,

Transforming the old and stagnant into the new and vibrant.

Take a little time now to find out what works for you today for you to cleanse and purify your mind and body.

Now take some time to draw this cleansing force into you,

Starting with your head.

Let it move down through your head to your neck.

Let it move down over your shoulders,

Down your arms,

To your hands and fingers.

Let it move through your torso slowly,

Through your insides,

Into your pelvis.

Let it move on through your hips and your legs and your feet,

Cleansing,

Transforming and purifying you as it moves through you and out of you.

And as you notice how you feel after this cleansing force has moved through you,

Let your breathing deepen a little more.

As your breathing deepens,

Let your muscles release and relax a little further.

As your muscles relax,

Let yourself sink into yourself,

Focusing fully on your inner experience.

Shame is a difficult feeling to sit with.

It makes us feel really bad,

Bad about ourselves.

And we want to shrink away and hide from the world when shame is with us.

Shame is complicated.

Sometimes we end up burdened with shame that doesn't belong to us.

Consider a child walking through a playground.

This child's skin is not the same color as most of the people's skin where he lives.

An adult calls out to him,

Making comments about his skin color,

Telling him to go back to where he belongs.

The boy is instantly overwhelmed with shame and wishes he could disappear.

Whose shame is he feeling?

Where does that shame belong?

Consider a young teenage girl walking along a street where a high rise building is being built.

There are men working on the building and they notice her and they whistle at her,

Call out to her,

Making comments about her body.

And they laugh together when she looks up feeling embarrassed and frightened.

Whose shame is she feeling?

Where does that shame belong?

This is how shame works when there's an imbalance of power.

The powerful are free to behave as they wish and the shame of their behavior can get displaced onto the less powerful.

Sometimes it gets stuck there and the less powerful person takes on that burden.

Sometimes without even realizing that it wasn't theirs to begin with.

When has that happened to you?

When have you been saddled with someone else's shame?

Are you still carrying that now?

Take some time to look into yourself and get a sense of the shame that you're carrying.

Allow yourself to get in touch with the shame within you,

Where it sits in your body,

How it weighs you down.

Let yourself really picture it and all its features,

Its color,

Its weight,

Its tone,

Its texture,

Its presence within you.

Get to know this old feeling.

And as you're exploring the shame that you're carrying,

Let yourself notice which portions of it are yours,

What shame belongs to you.

As a messenger letting you recall where you've fallen short of your values,

Where it's helpful to be guided,

Instructed towards a more authentic way of being.

Let yourself take note of that shame and receive the lesson it's offering you.

And as you take that lesson and develop wisdom.

That shame might be willing to transform.

Perhaps with the aid of the cleansing force you used earlier,

From shame to wisdom and positive intentions for your future.

And as you keep exploring the shame within you,

Let yourself get familiar with the shame that you're still carrying that really doesn't belong to you.

The shame of the wrongs and the judgments of the powerful who have not used their power kindly and wisely.

The shame you carry about things that are not yours to change,

Like the body you were born in,

Or the circumstances of your life.

The things that have happened to you and the way others have chosen to behave.

What shame have you been carrying that belongs to someone else or something beyond you?

See if you can release that shame from your body and help it out of you.

You could send it back to the places and people where it belongs.

Or you might just release it and let the universe decide where it belongs.

And you could do this by drawing in that cleansing force and washing through yourself,

Focusing on wherever you need it most.

Take some time with this.

Let yourself explore the shame that you don't need to hold on to.

And let it release for yourself of it.

Unburden yourself.

If it was yours to begin with,

That's fine.

Let that be.

And let it transform into learning,

Wisdom,

And intention for future action.

Let yourself rest in the knowledge that you don't need to hang on to it once you've taken on the wisdom.

Now that you've taken some time to sit with the shame you are carrying,

You might notice more quickly when shame comes up again in your body.

And that can invite your curiosity.

Is this mine to make wisdom from?

Or does it belong to someone or somewhere else?

Now that you've realized that your shame is there to offer you wisdom and growth,

You may find yourself more open to shame's helpful messages.

And you may turn it more quickly into growth and guidance.

Now that you've taken time to release some of the shame you've been carrying for others or other circumstances,

You may find yourself more prepared to resist taking on the burden of other people's shame or shame that belongs elsewhere.

More able to leave it out there in the world and walk away lighter without getting drawn in.

You may wish to take the image of the cleansing force with you,

Tucked away in your mind,

Ready to help you out whenever you need it,

To protect you from shame that isn't yours or for when you've taken on too much shame and you need some help to transform it.

Whenever you're ready,

You can slowly return to the presence of your body,

The place that you're in.

And you can gently resume presence here,

Wiggling your fingers and your toes,

Opening your eyes whenever you're ready to end this practice.

GONG

Reviews

Thank you and this guided meditation was very helpful 🙏🏽

🙏🏻

Really nice guidance, had a big sigh at the end like my body could settle in and feel grateful after this acknowledgment

That you. That was very clear and helpful.

Wasn’t my favorite because it helped you to hold on to shame by acquiring wisdom from it rather than just letting it go ❤️🙌🏾, K

Amazing , this really helped to understand the burden of someone else’s shame and how to work to release it 🙏

I very much enjoyed giving people back the shame they put on me about my body. It was like a big handful of mud I put back into their hands. Thank you so much. 🤗

🙏💖🙏

Thanks! I needed that today.

Very useful practice, thank you

Thank you for validating that the shame I’ve carried all my life isn’t owned by me. Beautifully paced meditation 🙏

Good one, thank you.