Hello,
My name is Catherine Cook-Kotun.
Welcome to the meditation titled Being and Working with Difficult People,
Calming Down.
This is the practice for calming down in the moment when someone has upset you.
Before I start,
Be sure you are seated in a comfortable position and feel well grounded.
Bring your awareness to your breath.
Breathing in,
I know I am breathing in.
And breathing out,
I know I am breathing out.
Breathe here for three deep breaths,
Allowing your thoughts to settle or fade into the background.
Breathing in and breathing out.
Breathing in and breathing out.
And one more.
Breathing in and breathing out.
Reim to mind a situation in which someone has upset you in the past.
Note,
You might want to begin this practice with a more mild upset and then repeat it over time,
Working your way up to a more substantial and impactful upset.
These skills are most easily integrated when you take the acquisition of them at a slow and intentional pace.
So,
If this is your first time,
Let's think of something that was mildly upsetting.
Take some time and choose your experience and your person.
With the situation in which someone has upset you in mind,
Begin to dial into the qualities of the moment.
Get a sense of the room you were in,
The time of year,
The temperature.
Maybe you can recall what the person was wearing or what you were wearing.
It is helpful to bring to mind some of the details as a pathway to bringing this difficult moment to this present moment.
See what you can remember here.
Once you have the setting and you and the person completely in mind,
Begin to recall the conversation or experience.
Let it replay in your head.
As you get to the moment or moments within which they upset you,
Imagine that you can hit the pause button or the replay pause button.
Now,
As if you were able to do this while you were in the room with this person,
At that moment,
You've hit the pause button.
Bring your mind to your connection to the earth below you.
If you're sitting in a chair,
Bring your awareness to your feet,
Your sitting bones on the chair.
You're back resting against the back of the chair.
If you're on the floor,
Notice your legs and sitting bones connecting to the floor and bring awareness to your core.
Now,
Feeling grounded,
Perhaps say to yourself,
I can connect to the earth below me for a sense of groundedness as an anchor during a difficult experience.
Next,
Staying connected to the earth below you,
Bring your awareness to your breath.
Notice your breath as you inhale,
I am breathing in and as you exhale,
I am breathing out.
Know that your deep and steady breath can help anchor your heart and assist it in slowing down.
It can also help slow down the reactive parts of your brain,
Allowing you to be more intentional with your person.
Now,
Grounded and breathing deeply,
Touch your thumb to your first finger and whisper,
I can manage.
Touch your thumb to your second finger and whisper,
Can.
To your third finger,
Manage.
And your fourth finger,
This.
Touching your thumb to each of your fingers,
One for each word,
Repeat,
I can manage this.
I can manage this.
I can manage this.
I can manage this.
Repeat this four more times with a whisper and then four more times speaking silently to yourself.
I can manage this.
I can manage this.
I can manage this.
I can manage this.
And then four more times to yourself.
Now,
Come back to your moment and your person and press play.
As you bring to mind your difficult situation,
Bring to mind the sensations you experienced in your body,
The emotions that arose in the moment,
And the thoughts that you had as they upset you.
Now,
Ground yourself,
Find your breath,
And repeat,
I can manage this.
Imagine yourself in intention,
Letting go of reaction,
Breathing.
Now,
Imagine the person slowly fading,
Softening so that their impact is smaller.
Imagine them just standing there,
Not talking,
Not aggressive,
Not acting out,
Just standing.
Ground yourself,
Find your breath,
And say,
I can manage this.
I can manage this.
Holding the person in your mind,
Still,
Watch them with peace.
Thumb to first finger,
I.
Second finger,
Wish.
Third finger,
You.
Fourth finger,
Peace.
Now repeat,
I wish you peace.
I wish you peace.
I wish you peace.
Four times that is a whisper,
I wish you peace.
I wish you peace.
I wish you peace.
I wish you peace.
And now silently to yourself.
After the final time that you wish them peace,
Imagine yourself full of choice and intention and walk away.
Imagine you walking into the very place you are in right now and grounded here in the present moment.
Breathing in,
I know I am breathing in,
And breathing out,
I know I am breathing out.
You can practice this with increasingly difficult people and situations.
You can take this into your life and as a person is present,
Ground,
Breathe,
And find your anchor words.
And you can manage,
And you can offer them peace.
I can manage this.
I wish you peace.
As you practice,
You will notice an increased ability to be less reactive and an increased ability to connect with your intentions.
Remember these practices don't prevent difficult things from happening or even change difficult people.
However they do help us reduce the chance that we will make difficult experiences and difficult moments with difficult people worse.
Take a few breaths here and allow this meditation to settle.
You might want to take a few moments just breathing,
Considering what the meditation means to you and for you.
You may even want to journal about it.
Thank yourself for taking a few moments to listen and be in mindful self-care.
And thank you so much for listening.
