Aloha,
My name is Kate Belafiore.
Welcome back to Introduction to Mindfulness.
This week we're going to explore mindfulness of emotions and dealing with difficult emotions.
There's a river of feelings flowing through us,
Changing moment to moment if we pay attention,
And sometimes more than one at a time.
We might notice emotions like angry,
Bored,
Proud,
Doubting,
Desire,
Resistance,
Jealousy,
Hurt,
And also joy,
Rapture,
Love,
Delight,
Ease,
Calm,
Bliss,
Contentment.
Naming the emotions gives us some distance,
Some separation,
An ability to witness.
Instead of being in the boredom,
Identifying with it,
We can gain some perspective,
See ourselves having the emotion of being bored,
Allow it to be.
Yes,
This too is part of being human.
As I said last week,
The life of an emotion is about 90 seconds.
We think we've been sad all day or anxious for months,
But when we really pay attention with kindness,
We see that our emotions change frequently if we stop telling ourselves the story about what brought that emotion on.
There are distinct waves,
They arise,
Stay for a while,
Pass away,
And maybe begin again.
Other waves might fill in the gaps.
In the practice of mindfulness,
We tune in to how we are feeling moment to moment,
And it can help to name the feelings.
It might go like this,
I'm so sad,
Sad,
Sad.
Feel it in your body.
I wish this would go away,
Wishing,
Wishing.
I hate this sadness,
Hating,
Hating.
So sad,
Sad,
Sad.
I'm afraid this will last all week.
Fear,
Fear.
Okay,
I can be with this.
Confidence arising.
I'm not doing too bad.
Pride,
Pride.
It's a river of ever-changing feelings.
Research has demonstrated that mindfulness training increases our access to balance,
Resilience,
And accurate perception,
Even while experiencing strong emotions like fear and shame.
We have an increased capacity to tolerate stress,
To acknowledge what's going on inside us,
And then choose a wise response.
In being mindful,
We create more space inside of us so that we are not overwhelmed by each thing that comes along.
The classic analogy is that of adding a cup of dye into a puddle versus adding a cup of dye into a lake.
Having more spaciousness in your being means that you can absorb stresses without them coloring your whole sense of self,
Allowing you to maintain your equanimity.
Neuropsychology calls this expanding the window of tolerance,
And naming the feelings helps expand the window of tolerance.
We find that we can be with what is rather than resisting or avoiding it.
Violins are powerful and deserve our respect.
We can hold them with loving awareness,
Bringing compassion,
Trust,
And confidence.
There's no need to suppress them.
And being able to stay centered and calm has a ripple effect.
If you lay a violin on a table and then play a violin next to it,
The strings of the resting violin will vibrate,
Will resonate.
We resonate with other people and even with our culture.
Think of the vibe on the island of Maui after the fires in Lahaina and Kula.
Panic,
Dread,
Grief,
Confusion.
And also friendliness,
Helpfulness,
Willingness,
Strength and unity,
Lahaina strong,
Maui strong.
I care and by this caring,
May your suffering be eased,
Radiating calm.
This unity of emotional vibration is based in the oldest part of the brain,
The lizard or limbic brain,
And is called limbic resonance.
We are wired together.
Mindfulness,
Loving awareness can hold it all.
Sitting for meditation is a good place to practice this ability to expand the window of tolerance.
As we sit quietly,
Sometimes deeper emotions arise,
The unfinished business of the heart that we've been too busy or too distracted to feel.
Grief or loss,
Conflict,
Frustration.
Sometimes memories bring the emotions.
Sometimes we'll feel the emotions and think,
Why am I so depressed?
It doesn't matter.
Just welcome each feeling with mindfulness and compassion,
Naming it,
Being with it,
Watching as it arises,
Stays and passes away.
While in sitting meditation,
We make a path,
Literally a set of neural connections to remain calm in the face of strong emotions.
And then that path is there when we need it in everyday life.
