Putting Yourself First

You're sacred, your things are not. Learning to put yourself first is what decluttering is all about. It's okay to question what's in your life: is this serving me or not? When you let go of clutter, you take back your life.

Transcript

Hi,

It's Brooks.

Thanks for joining me.

Today we're going to talk about putting yourself first.

Making yourself primary.

With clutter busting,

It's basically what it's about.

Most of us have been taught since we were very young that things are more important than us.

That our wealth and life,

What we're worth,

Is measured by what we have and what we do and the people in our lives.

And so we end up believing that we're secondary.

That we're not enough.

And we often find ourselves wishing or thinking if I just get this,

Then I'm going to be okay.

If I just get this thing,

This job,

This person,

This amount of money,

Then I'm going to be enough.

So there isn't that feeling I'm enough as I am.

We spend our lives amassing things in a sense to become valuable.

Not knowing that we're already valuable.

So when you start to clutter bust,

It usually comes about the point where you feel like I'm tired of being secondary.

It doesn't feel right.

I can never be enough.

I can never get enough stuff to be enough.

So I'll tell you a few stories from the clutter busting front lines.

To support this.

Let's talk about this deeper.

Let's look at it deeper.

Before I actually became an official clutter buster,

I went over to my friend Craig's apartment.

I went and hung out with him.

And I couldn't sit down on the couch.

He was sitting at his office on his chair.

And I went to sit on the couch.

But the couch was piled high with stuff.

And I naturally said can we go through these things on your couch so I can sit down?

He goes yeah.

So he got out of a trash bag and I picked up one thing at a time.

And basically asked are you using this or can you let it go?

And they were like Burger King wrappers,

Empty Pizza Hut boxes,

Junk mail.

And we went piece by piece.

Initially he was a little resistant at first but then he got into it.

And so it went faster as we went along.

And we got to the bottom.

We got everything off of the sofa.

And there's the sofa.

So the state of the sofa was the springs were busted.

And my friend Craig is a little overweight so he sat there a lot and basically the sofa got worn out.

And I think he got embarrassed about that.

And rather than just throw it out he just started covering it up.

Because again you don't want to get rid of something.

It sounds silly to say it out loud.

But the truth is we often do hang on to things that aren't serving us.

Because in our minds it increases our value.

You know if I let this go I become less.

Even if it isn't actually doing anything for us.

Even if it isn't making our life a better place to be.

And this came up when I asked him about it.

I said okay the sofa can you fix that?

Can the springs be fixed?

He goes no.

I go can we throw it out?

And he says really?

I can do that?

So again there's this feeling of not even considering that.

He could have let it go.

And I said yeah.

You can let it go.

And there's this look of relief for a second.

And then there was this feeling of freedom.

Like he wasn't beholden to this thing anymore.

That he was more valuable than this couch.

And you could see his heart swell.

He just looked like a happier person basically.

So he said what do we do with the couch?

And I hadn't become a clutter bust yet so I didn't know about these things.

But I said let's put it out on the street.

On the curb.

Someone will come and get it.

He goes really?

I go yeah I think so.

So we put it out there.

And we carried it downstairs.

We put it on the curb.

And we went back upstairs.

And we continued clutter busting even though we had already taken care of the sofa.

Because there was a momentum there.

That often happens.

The momentum kicks in.

You don't want to stop because it feels so good to get your life back.

It feels so good to no longer be secondary.

Once you get that permission oh yeah I'm valuable as I am.

You start to become ruthless in a really good way.

Like looking around what else is on a pedestal above me?

What else is interfering with my peace and well being?

So we're working and after about 10-15 minutes we heard a truck outside.

Someone in a truck had come by and picked up the sofa.

So that was pretty good.

Oh and he also had this,

He's a writer so he didn't have a desk.

He basically propped his computer up on this filing cabinet.

On the top of a short filing cabinet.

And there was papers all over the floor as a result.

So I said it might be nice to get yourself a desk.

He had to think about it for a moment.

And he had the money for it.

And again it was that feeling of can I put myself first?

Maybe he's trying to save money or maybe just who knows whatever.

But he realized oh yeah I can put myself first.

And we went to Ikea and we got him a desk and brought it back and set it up.

So it changed his life around.

And he actually helped me because he said you should do this for a living.

And I said really?

You think people would pay for this?

And he goes oh my god yes.

So I started doing it as a job.

And here I am like 20 plus years later I'm still a Clotter Buster and I love it.

The other story I wanted to share was there was this woman at this university.

She was a manager there.

And she was in charge of all these people.

Very powerful and very creative.

And she was a very talented person there at the university.

And as we started to work often times people reveal stuff to me.

Like we're going through their stuff and as the stuff starts to go,

As the clutter,

The things that no longer serve them start to go,

They start to open up about their more deeper beliefs about things and she started revealing how she gets so busy at work that she doesn't have time to go to the bathroom.

And so I said to her,

You know I said do you need to go right now?

And she goes yeah I do.

And I said okay well we're going to stop and you're going to go and she goes I can't we've got to finish this work.

And I go this work is about you stopping and going to use the restroom.

And she had to think about that for a second.

She had to really reconsider her whole belief about life.

In a sense you know.

It's like really I can do that?

I can stop and go use the restroom.

And I said yes.

It's nice that you're a manager.

It's great.

It's wonderful.

You obviously like your job but you've made yourself secondary to your job and you're never going to be happy.

So let's take care of you.

So she said alright.

So we walked over to the bathroom and then I waited outside and she went in.

She came back and she looked so relieved.

I mean I'm sure physically she was relieved.

But I think personally,

Psychologically there was a change.

I took care of myself.

And it's a beautiful thing.

We don't have to earn taking care of ourselves.

We don't have to be worth taking care of ourselves.

Like suddenly you know earn that worth.

That worth is inherent.

Because we're alive we're worth it.

Because we're alive we're primary.

Because the alternative is that we're constantly getting and doing things to become valuable in our own eyes and then perhaps thinking that we're valuable in other people's eyes.

You know we're accepted.

And I've worked with a lot of very wealthy people.

A lot of people that have all the things so to speak.

And they're not happy.

You know.

I guarantee that.

Things are okay.

In and of themselves the things in our life,

The activities in our life,

The people in our lives,

They're all okay.

You know if they're serving us.

If they take care of us,

If they support us,

If they give us energy.

You know they don't diminish us.

They don't reduce us.

They don't make us secondary.

If they're simple,

If they're simply yes this is part of my life and I like it.

And I use it.

Then it's okay.

So we can still enjoy things.

But we feel fulfilled.

We feel happy.

We feel peace of mind.

When we make ourselves primary.

And we feel I'm okay as I am no matter what's going on in my life.

No matter how much money I have.

No matter how healthy I am.

No matter how spiritual I am.

No matter if I'm single or married or no matter whatever.

Because things are gonna come and go.

Things come and go in our lives.

Money comes and goes and comes and goes.

Health comes and goes.

Comes and goes.

You know.

What's there as long as we're alive is us.

Is you.

And you get to put yourself first.

And a great way to do that is to question the things in your life.

To look around and question them.

And look at how you live your life with a curiosity.

Questioning with a curiosity.

In curiosity there's openness.

There's no judgment.

There's like hmm I wonder what things I have in my life that aren't serving me.

I wonder what actions,

What activities,

What relationships in my life aren't serving me.

And then the world opens up to you.

You know.

And you get your life back.

And as you start to let the clutter go you get your life back.

And it's the best thing that you can have is to get your life back.

So I wish you the best.

And thanks for spending time with me.

And take care.

Reviews

I love all of your talks. I’m about to move house and so I’m going to put into practice lots of the physical clearing of clutter! Thank you so so much for everything that you’ve taught me.