Understanding Overthinking (Talk & Q&A)

Thinking is not the problem - the problem is identifying with the thinking. This talk helps you re-connect with your True Self, and - as a result - to stop believing your thoughts. The talk is followed by a Q&A session and answers questions such as: how to be with my thinking instead of suppressing it through activity?; what to do when someone is not replying to my message and I'm overthinking it?; how to avoid getting ill because of overthinking?; and more.

Transcript

Hi everybody and welcome to this talk on understanding overthinking.

And the first most important thing is to know how to embrace our thoughts.

One way to do that is to sit in meditation and observe them and watch them come and go.

And when we do that for long enough,

Sooner or later we realize that we are not these thoughts.

They come and go,

They keep changing.

I remember the first time I was told that thoughts have a tempo.

It was an insight,

A revelation for me.

You know,

At different times our thoughts are slower and fewer and at other times they are more and quicker.

And it is those latter times that we tend to not like so much.

But what matters more here is that they keep changing.

The flow of thoughts is not constant.

It keeps changing both in content and in speed and in all sorts of ways.

So it's important to understand that we are not these thoughts.

These thoughts are something that we observe,

That we are aware of.

And we are this larger awareness that is observing both the thoughts and the feelings that come in the mind and in the body.

So embracing our thoughts is knowing this.

It's knowing that we are not really affected by them.

That this awareness,

Our true self,

Is constant and it's not changed by thinking.

No matter how many thoughts there are,

You,

Your true self,

Is always there behind them,

Observing them,

Watching them.

And the overthinking is just these thoughts,

Judging thoughts and thinking about thoughts.

And also not only thoughts but so many different things in our lives that thoughts can go wrong and need fixing and need changing,

Etc.

And often these big amounts of thoughts are underlined by a feeling,

A tense feeling in the body.

And sometimes the feeling is too tense and so it comes up with something that we can actually feel and embrace and observe,

Which is the thoughts.

But if you can,

It's always good to kind of go behind the thoughts or beyond the thoughts and feel the feeling in the body that brings them up.

And that's another way to embrace all of these overthinking thoughts.

The problem is not so much the amount of thoughts actually.

The problem is identifying with the thoughts and believing that they are true.

So when there is a thought saying that a particular situation needs fixing,

It is more of a problem to actually believe this thought and try and fix the situation than to sit with it,

Watch it and let thoughts unfold until we see that actually the situation is not that problematic at all.

It might require some kind of action and solution from us,

But it is not a problem in itself,

It's just our thoughts that make it a problem.

And once again this can happen through meditation by observing the nature of thoughts and where they come from and especially what happens after we have released or processed these tense feelings in the body that give rise to the overthinking.

And then we see that it's just a pattern but it's not true per se and we can remain more present no matter how many thoughts and tense feelings there are in us.

One key message of this thought that I want to emphasize is to not try to find a solution if a thought says that there is a problem,

But instead to question whether that thought is true,

To question whether there really is a problem and to sit with all of the emotions and the thoughts that come around a particular situation until it is seen that there is actually no problem.

You may have noticed actually,

The reason why I say this and how I know it's true is that if a particular situation is stressing me out and I try and find a solution and fix it,

Then even when I fix it,

My stress,

My tension is not over,

It's not done with.

So then it moves on to the next thing and I find another problem and another problem.

No matter how many solutions and things I fix in my life,

The problem remains because the problem is the emotion,

The tense feelings that project themselves onto our environment,

Our circumstances,

But also on the thoughts and the feelings themselves.

So again,

We should just sit and allow these thoughts and feelings to come up until they dissolve.

And I promise you that this will happen eventually when we fully allow our thoughts to just unfold and when we fully feel the feelings that are there,

Then what is true behind them stands revealed,

Then we know that peace and love and happiness is our true nature and it is the constant and we can just rest with this and be and accept things more and more,

The more we go on this spiritual path of understanding ourselves,

Our thoughts and our emotions.

Maria,

You said that's me.

I think it's not just you,

It's a lot of people,

Including myself at times,

You know,

It's actually quite difficult to see these projections because the mind is so convincing and it says this person is the issue,

This situation is wrong and it's fixing and it comes up with so many reasons why that's true.

But still it is not true.

All these reasons still come from this tension that has just come up in the body.

We should question all of these reasons and compare also how we see that person or that situation with previous times because maybe in the beginning we saw them more truly and there was love and connection and happiness and then this thinking and this feeling started coming up that shifted our perspective but it's just something in us that we should sit with until we see this initial love again.

Yes,

Maria,

It is not easy but it also gets easier and easier and also reminders are always useful.

And actually one thing to do which is linked to reminders is that a big step in understanding overthinking and dealing with those thoughts is the recognition that it's happening.

So anytime you feel like you're overthinking something or that there is a feeling in the body,

Then you can tune into Inside Timer,

It's a great place or YouTube video,

Something that is a reminder of what is true and that points you back to a kind,

Gentle and easy way for you to be with all of these thoughts and feelings.

Thomas,

Hi.

What if the situation involves someone else and they're not willing to communicate?

It does sound like a tricky situation when you see a problem with someone and they're unwilling to communicate back.

I think if they're really unwilling to communicate,

The best thing you can do is to sit with what you feel needs to be said.

You can even write them a letter or an email without sending it,

Just to get what you want to be said out of yourself and feel like some kind of communication process has happened within you.

And even that will make it easier to accept the situation and maybe have more patience or just to make space for the other person to also go through what they're going through and the reasons why they're not communicating.

What I find sometimes is that when something doesn't happen in the world,

Like when I'm expecting a message from someone or when I want things to happen a certain way and they're not happening,

Then there is something within me that needs to shift a bit.

I need to understand something about the situation and then suddenly messages come and what I've been expecting comes.

And it's usually when I have no huge desire to get that message or when I've released some tension around the situation.

There's some kind of opening up that happens there.

Thomas says,

It's not a big deal but a close relation said they were upset after a situation.

I have messaged them but they haven't replied.

It seems strange because if it upset them,

Why don't they read my message to see what I've said?

Yeah,

And in these situations where we're waiting for something,

I think that's probably where overthinking happens the most.

Because the mind begins to imagine all sorts of scenarios as to why they haven't read the message,

Why they're not replying.

Did I do something even more wrong than what I think I did?

You know,

Just thoughts like this.

And usually again,

The funny thing is that there's a reason that we have completely not expected as to why they're not replying.

That is very simple and maybe they just apologize,

You know,

Saying,

Oh sorry,

My internet connection was down so I couldn't read messages.

Something like that.

Yeah,

So it is about feeling these things that come up and knowing that they're not necessarily true.

And that in this situation especially,

You don't actually know why they're not replying.

So yes,

Just being patient is the best thing you can do.

And also it sounds like you have done your part,

You know,

You have messaged them,

You have explained what you need to say.

And so that's it.

Your part is done in this.

The bow is in their hands now.

And sometimes that's the best we can do.

The best we can do is to be our kindest and most loving self.

And then even if it's not appreciated or it's not seen,

That's not our issue anymore and we know that there is no fault in us,

In our behavior.

That's also a way to embrace this overthinking and forgive ourselves and them.

You said earlier that you like to keep busy and push the feelings and the thoughts away.

And I think a lot of people do that and also I think sometimes there's no choice because the feeling is so strong and you just need to do something.

But what's also interesting is that it takes a lot of energy to do that because it takes energy both to suppress the feelings and also to do something in the world.

And when we open up to the feeling and it releases,

Then there's a lot of tension that is released and also a lot of extra energy that becomes available to us.

And this is true creative potential because it doesn't come from a feeling of I need to do something.

It comes from a feeling of I am free and I can do so much out of fun I choose to do this.

It's a very different energy to your activities and they tend to also bring more results.

Yes,

Some are absolutely.

If not processed,

They manifest as illness,

Stress or disease.

And that's the pattern.

If we don't see them early enough,

Then it gets kind of worse and worse because the body and the mind is trying to tell us,

Notice this,

Notice this,

Look at me,

You know,

I'm here,

Don't push me down.

And once we go into the feeling,

Then it is allowed to dissipate,

To dissolve.

And the more we are on this journey,

The more aware we become of the whole body and the mind and the background thoughts and the thoughts we are more conscious of.

And the quicker we can see that there is something that needs attention and we can go into it and feel it before it turns into a bigger illness or stress.

You know,

Karen says sometimes they are overwhelming and that's true.

It's sometimes very difficult to do this.

Actually a lot of people,

You know,

They work a lot of the time and then they have a holiday and during that holiday,

The first few days,

They are just sick.

It's because they have finally allowed their bodies to rest and they finally relax in their minds and in their bodies.

And the sickness then is releasing.

It's the body saying thank you for finally allowing me to rest.

And often we don't like being ill on holiday,

But actually it's a good thing because we are becoming more present.

We are coming in the body.

We are noticing what's there and allowing ourselves the rest that we need.

I think I will end the event here if there are no more questions.

So thank you all for being with me.

It's been a real pleasure to talk about all of this overthinking and thank you for all your questions and for sharing what you shared.

Please do follow me on the platform because I've been doing more events recently,

So just to make sure you're notified.

And if you liked this talk or any of my other meditations and talks,

Please feel free to share them with people that you think they're relevant to.

And one last thing,

Donations also help me a lot because first I know that what I've shared is relevant to you in some way.

And also I can then find you on the platform and we can continue the conversation and they help me know what is important for the Inside Timer community and to keep serving you all.

Thank you so much.

Have a really beautiful day.

Love to you all.

Reviews

This was exactly what I needed to hear as I have been panicking over sending a message to someone who has not responded (exactly what the q and a was about). My mind has been giving me all sorts of fearful explanations.
I will accept this as a message from the invisible world. Thank you!!