Hello,
And welcome.
I'm Bessie,
And today we're going to discuss a topic that many of us struggle with.
Letting go of resentment,
Especially towards friends who have hurt us.
Letting go of resentment is not a quick fix,
And it might feel like an impossible task at times.
However,
It's important to remember that letting go is more for your own peace and well-being than for anyone else.
Holding on to resentment can be damaging,
Both emotionally and physically.
I,
Too,
Have experienced my share of this,
And it's a working progress for me as well,
As this is probably one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do.
In this talk,
I'll guide you through a step-by-step process to help you start releasing those negative feelings and move towards healing and forgiveness.
Feel free at any point during this talk to pause the video and jot some things down.
It will be handy to have a notebook around or a journal,
And I really do encourage you to make this self-study a part of your daily life.
Let's begin.
Step one to letting go of resentment is acknowledging your feelings.
It's okay to feel hurt,
Angry,
Or betrayed.
These emotions are valid,
And recognizing them is absolutely crucial.
There are other layers to this where external people may tell you that what you're upset about is trivial or not important.
A lot of us grew up with a shake-it-off,
Dust-it-off,
Grow-up,
It's-not-that-big-of-a-deal mentality.
So it's really,
Really important to validate your feelings,
No matter how big or how small.
Three ways.
Daily journaling.
Take a few minutes each day to write down your feelings.
Describe what happened,
Describe how it made you feel,
And why you think it hurt you so deeply.
Try and do this without judgment and try and do it with some self-kindness.
Second,
Talk it out.
Sometimes discussing your feelings with a trusted friend or therapist can help you gain perspective and begin the healing process.
An alternative tip to talking it out is,
If talking it out isn't an option,
Whether it be with a trusted friend or having a courageous conversation with the friend that has hurt you,
Is try writing a letter to that person.
You don't need to send it.
This exercise is solely for you.
Express all your emotions and thoughts in the letter.
And once you're finished,
You can choose to keep it,
Destroy it,
Or store it away.
This process can be incredibly cathartic.
For me,
Acknowledging my feelings was one of the hardest parts.
I had to face the reality that I was deeply hurt by someone I trusted.
That felt really,
Really confronting and really vulnerable.
Writing down my feelings helped me see the situation more clearly and allowed me to process my emotions in a healthier way.
Take this opportunity to pause the video if you need to and write down some thoughts.
Step two,
Understand the impact of resentment.
Now,
This goes way beyond the few minutes that I'm going to cover this in this talk,
So feel free to do your own research and delve deep into this.
But let's begin with recognizing how holding on to resentment affects you.
It can lead to stress,
Anxiety,
And even physical health issues.
I had a client who was breaking out in hives and there was no other explanation as to why this was happening.
Understanding the negative impact can motivate you to let it go.
Reflect on your health.
Notice any physical symptoms that might be related to your resentment,
Such as headaches,
Tension,
Or insomnia.
Develop a mindfulness practice.
Spend a few minutes each day in mindfulness meditation.
I know meditation can sound confronting,
But if you meditate for one minute a day,
You have a mindfulness practice.
You can try focusing on how your body feels when you think about the resentment.
This can help you become more aware of its effects on your well-being.
I noticed that holding on to resentment was taking a toll on my health.
I was constantly stressed.
I was constantly tensing my jaw.
Practicing mindfulness helped me because I became more aware of these physical symptoms and motivated to work on letting go.
Step three,
Practice empathy.
Try to see the situation from the other person's perspective.
No,
This doesn't mean excusing their behavior,
But understanding their actions can sometimes help you feel more compassionate and less resentful.
Here's an empathy exercise that you can either pause the video and do right now,
Or jot this tip down and you can do it when you've got some more time.
Write a letter from the other person's perspective.
Try to understand what might have driven them to act the way they did.
Try a meditation on compassion.
During your meditation practice,
Focus on cultivating feelings of compassion and empathy,
Both for yourself and the person who hurt you.
Practicing empathy can be incredibly challenging.
It may feel almost impossible to see things from the other person's perspective,
But when you try,
You might realize that everyone has their own struggles and reasons for their actions.
It's most important to recognize that this understanding doesn't excuse the other person's behavior,
But it may help soften your resentment.
Step four,
Decide to forgive.
Oof,
This is a hard one.
Forgiveness is a powerful tool for letting go of resentment,
And probably the hardest one.
Remember,
Forgiving someone doesn't mean condoning their actions.
It's about freeing yourself from the burden of anger and bitterness.
Start with affirmations.
Use affirmations to reinforce your decision to forgive.
For example,
I choose to forgive and release this burden.
If you have a post-it note,
Write it down and put it on the mirror in your bathroom so you look at it every day when you brush your teeth,
Twice a day.
Try a forgiveness visualization.
Visualize yourself letting go of the resentment.
Picture it as a heavy weight being lifted off your shoulders.
These are just two ways out of many that can help you move towards forgiveness.
And it's important to understand that this isn't a quick fix.
It's not something that you're going to do and then all of a sudden be rid of any resentment or anger that you may be holding.
You may have been holding this for 20 years.
Deciding to forgive was a significant turning point for me in some of my friendships.
It wasn't easy and it took a lot of effort.
And I'm not going to sit here and say that I don't have situations in my life that I'm there yet.
But each time I repeat affirmations or visualize letting go,
I do feel a bit lighter.
It's an ongoing process and some days are harder than others.
But I promise you,
If you begin this practice,
It will be worth it for your own peace of mind.
Take a moment to pause the video here.
Write down some affirmations on some post-it notes that you can post around.
Step five,
Release and move forward.
Once you've worked through your feelings,
As long as that takes,
There is no timeline to this.
It's time to let go and move forward.
This step most certainly may need to be repeated,
As letting go is often an ongoing process.
So create a ritual.
Develop a personal ritual to symbolize letting go,
Such as writing down your resentment and then tearing up the paper or burning it safely.
Focus on positivity.
Redirect your energy towards positive experiences and relationships.
Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Creating a ritual can be a powerful way to let go.
Writing down your resentment and then safely burning the paper,
For example,
Watching the smoke rise,
Feeling that sense of release.
It may symbolize a commitment to moving forward and focusing on the positive aspects of your life.
And that's just one example.
Take a moment here to pause the video and write down a ritual that you might create that will help symbolize letting go.
Letting go of resentment is a journey.
It is not a destination.
It takes time.
It takes patience.
It takes pain.
It takes uncomfortability and consistent effort.
Remember that this process is more for your own peace and happiness than for anyone else.
And by acknowledging your feelings,
Understanding the impact of resentment,
Practicing empathy,
Deciding to forgive and actively releasing the burden,
You can move toward a healthier and more peaceful state of mind.
Thank you for joining me today.
Thank you for letting me be vulnerable.
Thank you for being vulnerable and listening to this talk.
And I hope these tools help you on your path to healing and forgiveness.
Namaste.
