When You're Tired Of Trying To Fix Yourself

This track is for anyone who feels tired of trying to fix themselves or finally get it right. It gently explores the difference between the part of us that keeps striving and the awareness that’s already at peace beneath the struggle. Rather than offering techniques or something new to achieve, this is an invitation to pause, soften, and rest for a few minutes. If you’ve been searching for relief, this is a space to remember that nothing essential about you is missing.

Transcript

Hello everybody,

Welcome back to my channel.

If you've ever been here,

Or maybe you haven't been here,

I don't know,

But it's so nice to have you today.

This is a track about basically this journey of spirituality,

This journey of undoing this journey of enlightenment,

Or whatever you might call it,

That it's much easier than we think.

But if you're anything like me,

It's very normal that you might find the path of awakening or enlightenment like a big struggle.

It feels like there's something always pulling at you,

It feels like it's a constant effort,

And it just feels like it's never done.

Maybe there's a high and then there's a low,

Maybe there's freedom and then it's gone,

But it seems like there's no constancy to peace.

And so I just wanted to release this as kind of a listening meditation,

Or more of like,

Maybe it's you've been praying to spirit,

And maybe this could be like the answer of your soul talking to you when you feel like all is really desperate and kind of lost.

Maybe you can listen to this as a reminder that maybe it's just not as hard as you think it is,

That it can be much lighter this journey.

So here we go.

For now,

Maybe you can just sit still wherever you are.

So let's just sit here for a moment without trying to solve you.

Because that is the first thing to see.

You are still trying to solve the you that you think you are.

And that is the whole not,

Not because that is bad,

Not because you are failing,

Not because you are the ego,

But because that is simply what the mind does when it believes there is a self to be improved,

Surrendered,

Purified,

Dissolved,

Or perfected.

You are trying to get the self you think you are out of the way.

But the one trying to get that self out of the way is the issue.

It is the self.

It's the same self.

So the whole effort becomes circular,

Exhausting,

Noble,

Sincere,

But also fundamentally impossible.

That tightness in your chest is not anger at someone or something outside of you.

It is the strain of trying to use the dream character to exit the dream.

And that cannot be done.

This is the part that almost no one really says clearly.

You do not wake up by improving the dream character.

You do not wake up by dissolving the dream character.

You do not wake up by surrendering the dream character.

You wake up by noticing you were never the character.

And that noticing is not something that the you you think you are with a name and a birthday and a zodiac sign and a nationality or a gender.

That noticing is not something that that self does.

It is something that is already happening right now.

The fact that you can even describe your struggle in so much detail is the proof.

There is already an awareness here that sees you trying.

It sees you striving.

It sees you wanting to be valuable.

It sees you wanting to hear the voice.

It sees you trying to die.

That awareness is not trying to do anything though.

That awareness is simply watching.

And here is the general almost shocking truth.

That awareness is the Christ,

The awakened state.

The one nature,

Whatever word you call it,

That we all are.

That awareness is that.

Not some essence waiting to take over the body.

Not some essence that will descend once you disappear.

Not some essence that will speak in a thunderous inner voice.

It is the quiet witness that is already here.

Watching the you you think you are run in circles and loving you anyway.

You keep waiting for the voice of Jesus or Buddha or whomever to arrive as something unmistakably not you.

But the voice is so intimate,

So close,

So without drama that you keep overlooking it.

Because it sounds like this.

It's okay.

You don't have to fix yourself.

That's it.

No fireworks,

No heavy command,

No takeover.

Just relief.

And the you you think you are,

It doesn't like relief.

It likes progress.

It likes transcendence.

It likes getting somewhere.

But the Christ in you,

The one nature you are,

The enlightened self in you that is already alive in you is not going anywhere.

It is not trying to become more embodied.

It is not waiting for you to get out of the way.

It is not frustrated with you.

It is not six months away from a beautiful breakthrough.

It is simply here watching this whole thing like a parent watching a child try to untie a knot that was never tied to begin with.

When people or teachers or gurus say the you you think you are with a name and a past has to die,

It gets interpreted by that self as I need to try harder to disappear.

But what it actually means is you don't have to carry this character anymore.

You don't have to end them.

You don't have to purify them.

You don't have to spiritualize them.

You don't even have to surrender them.

You just stop treating them like it is you.

That's all.

And here's the part that will feel almost too simple.

The next time the tightness comes in the body,

The next time the reaction to your family member comes,

The next time striving or overachieving comes,

You don't ask,

How do I surrender?

You don't ask,

How do I let spirit take over?

You don't ask,

How do I get out of the way?

You simply notice,

Ah,

The me that I think I am is trying very hard again.

And something in you might smile really gently.

And that smile is the Holy Spirit.

The one answer that creation gave in this dream of insanity.

That smile is that spirit,

Not effort,

Not transcendence,

Just a soft,

Kind noticing.

Maybe you have been waiting 20 years or a lifetime for a dramatic inner voice.

But the Christ in you,

The true nature we all are,

Does not shout over you.

It waits for us to stop listening to the shouting.

And what remains is almost embarrassingly quiet,

Almost disappointingly ordinary,

Almost too simple to be the thing you've been seeking.

It feels like this.

You are already whole,

Fine,

And perfect.

But the you,

You think you are,

Hears that and says,

I don't feel fine.

I'm still so reactive.

I still want to be valuable.

And the voice says,

Yes,

And you already are.

But not because the you,

You think you are is fixed,

But because that self was never the problem.

You keep trying to become valuable by getting out of the way.

But your value was never dependent on that self being gone.

Your value is the awareness that is seeing this entire struggle unfold.

That awareness has never once been in conflict.

It's never once been angry.

It's never once been behind.

It's never once been striving.

You are not waiting for that to arrive.

You are learning to recognize that it has been here the entire time.

And what does that look like in the world in this dream?

It does not look like doing nothing.

It does not look like selling everything you own,

Like I did.

It does not look like disappearing.

It looks like living as the you,

You think you are,

While knowing that you are not that.

Teaching what you love,

Dancing,

Building the vision of your heart,

Engaging with family,

Feeling the tightness,

Laughing hysterically,

Crying,

And all of it happening inside a vast quiet okayness that is not trying to edit the experience.

That is what Christ embodiment actually looks like.

Enlightenment,

Any embodiment,

Not possession,

Not takeover,

Not some mystical override.

Just profound gentleness toward the character that you used to think you were.

You don't need to hear a new voice.

You need to trust the one that has been whispering the same sentence for a thousand years.

You don't have to do this anymore.

And maybe the you,

You think you are keeps saying,

But I'm not done yet.

And that inner voice just keeps smiling.

Reviews

Thank you so much Beau for this beautiful new track! Such a great reminder to remember who we truly are. Awareness is always here, like we are watching everything unfold on a moviescreen, without being moved/touched by thoughts and/or emotions. The steady observer, the silent witness, Awareness! Such a relief that we are already that, always have been and always will be. And let's treat ourselves with grace and trust Awareness.
Grateful for your insights Beau and looking forward to your next live, sending you blessings 🙏🤗🩵

Amazing and simple truth! Absolutely brilliant! Thanks Beau!

👏👏👏💖💖💖 Thankyou for this Beau 🙂
I am so done with trying to fix myself...20 years is long enough 😅. I've always tried to be authentic all my life but it's bothered others... (without explanations) I know better now 🙂
For those I love who I think are ready to hear your message I will be sharing this with them🙂💕
( Yes it's me Beau Angie from Scotland who attended your classes regularly for about 3 years)🙂 🕊💖🙏