Perfectly Imperfect: A Conversation About Perfectionism

A talk on the topic of perfectionism that was released in 2020 on my Podcast 'Spiritually Drunk.' From childhood superheroes to Greek gods to the Christ and the Buddha, Beau shares how these characters shaped his and many others' distorted view of themselves and what was needed to be enough in the world. The main point Beau tries to deliver is that which we all might agree on intellectually but still need practice in integrating, that we are all perfectly imperfect as we are.

Transcript

Hi everyone,

Welcome back to my second offering here on the Insight Timer app.

Nice to have you.

The first few episodes that I'm releasing here on Insight Timer actually come from a podcast that I released some years ago that I no longer actually release on.

I stopped it in August of 2020,

But I thought I would release some episodes that I did there that kind of give you an introduction to me a little bit and my kind of character and personality,

And some topics that I thought were fun and that I will continue to expand upon in the future a little differently.

Most of my offerings now stem solely from the metaphysical text,

A Course in Miracles,

Which I have been a student of for a little over 10 years and continue to study and now teach from.

And I will continue to do more recordings and talks on A Course in Miracles in the new year and plan mostly to do a once or twice a week weekly offering live to have discussions around the shadow and or what might be getting in the way of us remembering our divine oneness and who we really are.

But for now,

Some episodes I released from my podcast back in the day,

This one being around perfectionism or the perfectly imperfect.

Welcome back to another episode of Spiritually Drunk,

A raw,

Honest,

And a little bit judgmental conversation about the aspects of our humanity that might just be getting in the way of that climb to the spiritual mountaintop.

Guys welcome back to another episode of Spiritually Drunk,

It's your host Beau Baker.

What are we going to talk about tonight?

I thought the nice topic for this evening would be perfectionism.

And you guys might be wondering what do I mean by perfectionism?

Since our podcast tends to focus on the spiritual take of things.

But I want to kind of tie in because really what Spiritually Drunk is,

Is for me helping people find the balance between their spirituality and their humanity.

It's something I suffered from from a long time.

Again,

I thought I could just focus on the positivity,

The spirituality,

The meditation,

The therapy,

And if I just focused on all of that,

That everything else would work out.

And I've really realized in the past few years just how much perfectionism has played a part in my life and kind of looking at where that comes from.

One of the examples that I can give you just from looking back is as a kid,

You know,

I grew up watching superhero TV shows,

Cartoons,

Movies.

I loved Batman.

I loved Superman.

I loved He-Man.

Think about those names.

Batman,

Superman,

He-Man,

Voltron,

Thundercats,

Captain Planet,

The Care Bears.

That's right.

I listened.

The Care Bears were amazing.

They were like cute,

Cuddly,

Powerful superheroes.

They were like the loving little childhood superheroes.

Loved the Care Bears.

Anyways,

The Smurfs.

I mean I loved cartoons as a whole,

But anything that had this beyond human.

Now this will maybe make sense to some of you,

Maybe not,

But see for me one of the things that I remember as a kid,

And I personally do believe as a coach,

As somebody who's been in recovery for a lot of years,

I believe that every human being has some version of trauma,

Has some version of undealt with core wounds and beliefs that are shaping how they live their life.

And for me,

I think that from a young age I didn't have words to give to the fact that really I was kind of terrified of people.

I was terrified of the world I think.

I was terrified of men.

I was terrified of women.

I was terrified of being seen because I got picked on a lot.

I got picked on as a kid and you know,

So I experienced a lot of terror and feeling unsafe in my body.

And so isn't it interesting that then as a kid I'm getting put in front of the TV and I'm getting taken to movies and I'm reading comic books and I'm seeing all of these examples of people that have beyond human capabilities and that these people seem to be less impervious,

Is that the right word?

Less impervious to pain and getting hurt.

And they're beyond the pain.

They're beyond the unsafety.

They're beyond the terror.

I mean and these are well known,

Made up people.

We all know that superheroes are make believe.

But even when we look back in human history and you think about the Greek gods and how often,

I mean there are still people that believe in the gods,

In Zeus and all of these Greek gods and mythical gods that we do,

Most people now in society think are mythical.

But even like Hercules or Achilles which I think they now know was maybe mythical or there was somebody named Achilles but maybe he wasn't somebody that if he got shot through these Achilles tendon he would die.

But he did seem to have a mom that was a goddess if I remember correctly.

But still these are people that had Samson in the Bible that had strength that were beyond human capacity.

And you know when I look back into my childhood and what started to evolve,

You know I remember probably around my teenage years coupled with all of this superhero stuff that I saw as a kid,

Now I'm seeing magazines and movies and there's tons of pretty people and there's magazines and online articles coming out saying the 50 most beautiful people in the world.

The best looking guy.

You know when you start to hear people have these conversations and these people are famous.

There's tons of famous people in the world and not all of them are beautiful,

Right?

But they're either really pretty and they're famous or they just are famous because they're known.

So they're really known.

And all of these things are starting to work into my mind about what it means to be perfect or that I need to ascribe to all of these qualities or some version of these qualities all rolled into one package and I'll be the complete me.

If I have the right hair,

If I have the right outfit,

If I speak with a certain tone and clarity,

If people hear me,

If I get enough likes on social media,

If I'm non-reactive in situations,

If I'm peaceful,

Right?

See there's even spiritual perfectionism,

Right?

Because we have ideas about people that we grew up with.

Spiritual figures,

Religious figures,

Buddha,

Jesus,

Mohammed,

Gandhi,

Thich Nhat Hanh,

The Dalai Lama,

Martin Luther King,

You know these people that are revered having doing amazing things in life.

These spiritual figures.

But when we start putting the superheroes and we start putting the religious figures,

We start putting the top-tier athletes and they're all just shredded physically.

They all are just specimens of perfection physically.

And it kind of leads to this idea that anything that is beneath that in my mind I register as I'm subpar.

How do I not register that?

How are we expected not to register in our mental mind,

In our process,

Or in our stored memory that there is this higher version that we could all be at potentially and that to be there would equal a more comfortable experience as a human being?

If I have more money,

If I have the looks,

If I have the outfits,

If I have the big house,

If a lot of people listen to me,

If I have a lot of followers and likes and people that speak about me to the world,

This must mean something.

I must be arriving to a closer state of perfection.

And it's come to my attention in the past week.

I mean even I think I've talked about this on the past episode,

But for a long time I witnessed my father look in the mirror as a kid.

And I don't think that that made me think,

Oh I need to look in the mirror,

But maybe I need to look in the mirror and judge constantly if the thing that's looking back at me is up to par.

If it's looking somewhat like what I see out in the world and in the news and in the movies and on TV,

Am I thin?

I'm judging my physicality.

And I don't really know if it's more of the superhero thing I saw as a kid or if it's some of the spiritual implants that I had as a kid about what it would mean to be my most authentic self,

My highest self,

That perfect spiritual self.

I mean so many of us,

I don't know,

Like me,

Have been taught about a path of enlightenment.

And as I've gotten older,

The idea of what it means to be enlightened has changed.

Instead of this idea that there's some place I will arrive at where I will be beyond my humanity,

That it won't exist anymore,

That the irritability,

The unrest,

The reactionary human,

The disgruntled human,

The lustful,

Really the seven deadly sins is a good way,

The guy who lusts,

The guy who's greedy,

The guy who's full of pride,

The guy who's jealous and slothful,

That this will no longer exist,

That it will fail to exist.

And on some hand I have to be honest,

I don't know how not to seek that.

But one of the things I'm starting to realize is,

For me,

That I think perfectionism doesn't have anything to do with outer qualities.

I think perfectionism is an inner recognition that how I am,

How we are,

How life is,

How any given moment is,

That it's absolutely perfect as it is.

And that if I arrive at a state where I actually am able to notice a moment,

Whether that's noticing me,

Noticing me and someone else,

Noticing anything,

That if I can notice any moment and that on the other side of that moment there's no need or thought or idea or plan for anything else,

That that is perfection.

Because I simply am in the is-ness of now with no other thought.

And I think that that's what it means when people say like,

To be human is to be flawed.

That humanity is in fact imperfect.

And that maybe it's still okay for us to strive,

Whether that's through this work that we do,

The journaling,

The therapy,

The writing,

The meditation,

All the stuff we do,

But that the other thing that we need to do is deal with our humanity and accept our humanity.

Accept it as it is.

To know that I can have moments of now-ness and stillness and acceptance and that maybe I can expand those moments more and more through the spiritual work,

But that part of the human work is just being with the humanity and noticing it.

And simply noticing it like,

Oh that's there.

There it is.

Instead of this,

I'm not enough as I am,

I see and notice the humanity,

But let's continue to move towards this more enlightened,

Loving version that we're not quite at yet.

Instead,

Oh I am that now.

Like the moment that I recognize everything is perfect with the moment,

With me,

And I don't attach some other thought or feeling of,

Ugh,

Not quite,

Not quite.

Can I just be?

Nothing else.

That's perfection.

That is perfection.

The perfection is it is as it is.

I am as I am and I'm beautiful.

And I think that starts with me starting to acknowledge myself more,

Guys.

I think it starts with us acknowledging our self more as we are.

Looking in the mirror and saying I'm perfect as I am.

Or when we notice our self looking and comparing.

And by the way,

You know what,

I'll get to the action in a second on how we can,

Let's call it combat,

Combat the perfectionism with action steps.

But I found an article on perfectionism that I think kind of speaks to it a little bit.

And I like reading articles that are fun.

So this one's called,

The Problem with Perfection.

Why would you seek being perfect?

The desire to be perfect burdens many people and ironically dooms them to unhappiness.

At first we might think that trying to be perfect is desirable.

Let's take a deeper look at that belief.

Perfection suggests a state of flawlessness without any defects.

Seeking perfection at a particular task might be achievable.

And certainly students can strive to attain a perfect grade.

Or you can try to accomplish a perfect job at something.

Yet the goal of being perfect in life is altogether a different story.

A machine or electronic device may operate perfectly,

At least for a while.

Yet over time it will begin to wear down and require repair.

I suggest that the very notion of perfection is rooted in the paradigm of Newton's mechanistic universe.

Humans,

However,

Were never intended to be perfect.

Consider the expression,

I'm just human.

We need to remind ourselves that the goal isn't to emulate a machine,

But to embrace the imperfection of being human.

In our culture we move relentlessly toward greater emphasis on achievement and goal orientation.

When we do so we seem to lose the capacity for wonder and awe.

Could you imagine looking at a magnificent rainbow and complaining that one of the colors wasn't perfect?

Not only would that be ridiculous,

But we'd also be ruining the splendor of the moment.

And yet that is exactly what we do when we judge ourselves for our imperfections.

We forget that as humans we are part of nature as well.

As such,

We would benefit if we came into acceptance of the natural state of life,

Which by the way happens to be imperfect.

Perfectly imperfect.

I have often counseled people who are plagued by their need to be perfect,

And I have come to see that their pursuit of perfection is really a disguise for their insecurity.

It becomes a statement that I'm not good enough just as I am.

When we do that we judge ourselves.

Ironically if someone ever could achieve this impossible state of perfection,

It's likely that very few people would tolerate him or her.

For the perfect individual would be a constant reminder to all others of their shortcomings.

Not to mention that they probably wouldn't be much fun to be with.

Who would really tolerate,

Let alone enjoy being with someone who is so perfect?

Usually we strive toward being perfect to compensate for a sense of inadequacy.

People who want to be perfect usually have an exaggerated sense of their own shortcomings.

They typically received messages earlier in life that they weren't good enough.

So they decided that only by being perfect would they be beyond reproach.

Perfectionists tend to think that other people are somehow better or superior to them.

So they need to be without flaw just to catch up.

This is a terribly damaging myth.

Individuals who seek perfection are acutely sensitive to the judgments of others.

In fact these judgments are most often imagined.

Everyone has an opinion,

But elevating someone else's opinion to the status of being a judge is really silly.

After all,

Someone else can't really judge you unless you confer upon him or her the power of being a judge.

The only perfection is in being present.

Yet the perfectionist is never present.

The closest thing to perfection is in the ability to be fully present.

Without any distracting thoughts measuring or grading ourselves.

Yes,

We're free to be really in the moment.

It's at the moment that we're truly alive.

Yet the perfectionist isn't typically present.

As they're either busy critiquing the past and replaying their every decision or worrying about the future.

So you see the perfectionist is never really present.

Isn't that ironic?

The pursuit of perfection limits our ability to be present and literally robs us of the vitality of life.

It is unachievable,

Unimaginable,

And frankly undesirable.

So why pursue it?

Your time would be far better spent in delving into how to heal the insecurity that catalyzed the desire for perfection in the first place.

Perfection is a terribly misplaced goal and most often compensation for what really troubles us.

In the emerging worldview of a flowing and participatory universe,

The construct of perfection has no basis of validity.

It remains rooted in an outmodeled,

Outmoded,

Maybe outmodeled,

Maybe to say worldview and constrains our happiness.

Shifting our beliefs about perfection can permit the burden that it imposes to lift.

That's a great article,

Right guys?

Short and sweet.

But you know,

I wanted to argue something that he said in there.

It's kind of an interesting out there theory,

And then I'm going to wrap it up.

Which was that the idea if we arrived at this state where we were very Buddha-like and Christ-like,

But isn't it interesting that in the world that people killed Christ?

People that have really arrived at this state of flawless humanity,

That it makes people uncomfortable and that the idea to seek that or to be like that,

Why would you do that anyways because it would just make people feel uncomfortable around you?

And maybe that's not what this person was saying,

But I just want to state that as I was saying for me,

I still have the intention to seek to evolve into a version of myself that is more at peace and more neutral and more loving.

And to seek to be these kind of Christ-like,

Buddha-like,

Gandhi-like,

I don't want to say beyond human,

But these elevated ways of being in our humanity when we practice these aspects and teachings and action steps that have been taught us and that have evolved over the years with psychotherapy and psychology and trauma work and certain things that can heal these deep core beliefs that have us pursuing perfectionism in the first place.

But I will also say that I would like to think that in us remembering our own magnificence,

Our own worth,

Our own perfect imperfection,

That to really arrive at this own internal state of perfection is about being present now with ourself.

It's not an outer thing.

There's no outer quality or outer thing we need to acquire to arrive at feeling more perfect inside us.

It's us feeling that inside of us that then the outsides will align,

That when we might feel more abundant,

Feel more loved,

When we love ourselves more,

When we treat ourselves with kindness and acknowledge the perfection within us,

The magnificence,

In moving to remember and stand in that place of inner beauty,

To stand in that place of I am absolutely enough as I am,

That I am absolutely lovable and powerful and worth,

Powerful,

Worthy,

Loving,

Divine,

That these are the qualities of who I am beyond my own mental constructs of insanity,

That the truth is that we are all perfect and that my remembering this truth,

That I am innocent,

That I am lovable,

That I am powerful,

That I am whole,

That there's nothing wrong with me,

That I deserve all the wonderful aspects of the co-creation of life,

That when I walk around in the world standing in that truth,

Actualizing that,

That it gives other permission to do the same.

See,

When I walk around that something's wrong with me,

I'm imperfect in a bad way,

I don't have enough,

I'm not enough as I am,

Who would want to be my friend anyway,

I'm not doing what I should be doing,

Kind of blame,

Shame,

Guilt,

Not enough,

Unworthiness,

Human imperfection,

The bad side of it.

When I walk around actualizing that,

I actually give others permission to do that.

I reinforce that.

So what I would say is with detachment and non-clinginess,

That I still will continue to strive for a more evolved me,

But that what I will say is that I recognize in this moment the perfection of this moment,

Which is me,

Which is where I'm sitting recording this episode in my home in Laurel Canyon.

I am perfect and so are each and every one of you.

Every one of you right where you are listening is absolutely perfect as you are.

And all you need for perfection is not a cape and not more followers on social media.

All you need is to pause and close your eyes and tell yourself internally and recognize this within yourself.

And you will see that you have the perfection that you've always been looking for,

That we all do.

So little action steps,

Look in the mirror,

Look in your eyes and say,

I love you exactly as you are,

That you're perfect exactly as you are,

That you're enough as you are,

That this person that I am is enough as I am.

And walk that out in the world.

Goodbye.

Reviews

Thank you for sharing your thought and your understanding of our human nature .
❤️🙏

Really enjoyed this one. I never realized the Care Bears were super heroes but you’re right 😅

This is so well done! Thank you Beau. The message and examples are so spot on!