Stop Settling: 3 Questions You Need To Ask Yourself

You were not born to settle in any area of your life. Here are my top 3 questions to discover your self-awareness and find clarity. If you are feeling like you are settling you need to listen to this episode. Find clarity and discover yourself. You have all the answers within.

Transcript

Are you asking yourself,

Is there more to this life than what you're living?

Are you tired of living the same thing over and over and over again?

Feeling overwhelmed,

Stuck,

Not clear?

Then this episode is for you.

Stick with me and I have three very powerful questions that you can ask yourself to live your best life right now.

You were not born to settle in any area of your life.

So often we get stuck in the pattern of our own thoughts,

In the pattern of thinking the same thing.

Did you know 80% or more of the thoughts that we think every day are the same thoughts we thought the day before and the day before?

They're just patterns.

And one of the key things that I help my clients with is noticing the patterns in our thoughts.

See,

It all starts with our thoughts because your thoughts create how you feel in your body.

If you have a thought that's not serving you,

It creates a feeling that is also not going to serve you.

That feeling then creates the reality.

It creates your action.

So if you are not feeling a certain way,

If you're feeling down or upset,

You're going to take an action based on that feeling.

And that creates your reality.

So it all starts with our thoughts.

And maybe you were brought up in a very humble environment,

Say,

And people,

It just wasn't normal to ask for more.

That's okay.

We're not here to blame anyone.

Maybe you didn't have a great upbringing.

Maybe you didn't see anyone around you creating the life that you would want to live.

That's okay.

I believe we come into this world to expand our energy,

To expand ourselves,

To expand our self-awareness.

And one way we do that is by being in situations that are uncomfortable.

And if you grew up in a situation that was uncomfortable,

It made you who you are to ask the really important questions of what are you ready for?

Sometimes we have these brilliant ideas of what we want in life and what we're ready for,

But we're afraid to even say it out loud.

It's almost embarrassing.

Have you ever had a big goal or a big dream and you were embarrassed to say what it was for fear of like what people thought thought of you?

Maybe it was a money goal or just any goal that you had.

And it feels really uncomfortable because you haven't experienced it yet.

And maybe no one around you has experienced it yet.

So it feels not normal.

And part of us humans,

We want to remain in the tribe.

Like billions of years ago when we had tribes,

It was very imperative for us to stay in the tribe.

We each had a role and we really didn't go above and beyond the role.

We had a role and when we fulfilled it,

We were able to survive.

And when we were outcasted from the tribe,

That meant we wouldn't survive many times or we'd have to go find a new tribe.

So nowadays we've come so far we don't have to fit in from the tribe.

And in fact we're trying to be our own selves.

And we can create a tribe of people that support us that are encouraging,

That are positive.

So I'm gonna get right into asking you these three really important questions.

And these questions I'm about to ask you are so powerful.

So get out your pen,

Pencil,

Something to write with,

A journal notebook or the back of an envelope.

It doesn't matter.

We're not here to be pretty.

We're here to be messy and real.

And maybe go to a place that you can just be by yourself when you answer these three questions.

And be really,

Really honest with yourself.

So the first question,

I want you to notice how you feel.

Everything is energy,

Including you.

Everything around you is energy.

We're not separate from source energy.

Whether you believe in God,

The universe,

Whatever you believe in,

We're not separate.

We're a part of it.

And your body is going to tell you,

Does this feel expansive,

Constrictive,

Or neutral?

And I'm gonna go explain what each of these mean.

So this is what I want you to pay attention to.

Our bodies are like magnets.

They're going to expand or repel.

Or they're gonna stay neutral.

And our bodies will tell you everything it needs to know.

Our body,

Your body,

Is always guiding you.

So have you ever been really,

Really excited?

Or maybe you have a déjà vu where you go into someplace and it just feels like home.

Or maybe you're with a friend and that friend just feels like home to you.

Everything about it just feels warm.

You want to hug them.

You feel like you've known them forever.

Maybe it's a certain place.

You just love going to the certain place.

It's just you.

This is expansive energy.

This is,

I mean,

You can just take a deep breath in and open your chest,

Open your arms.

Expansive.

It's big.

It's inviting.

It's warm.

You're being pulled towards it.

Everything in your body is saying,

Yes,

More,

Please.

That's expansive energy.

This is energy that you want to really pay attention to and listen to.

This could be when you're doing something you really,

Really love.

Maybe you're at the gym or you're painting or you're talking with a friend.

Pay attention to what energy feels really expansive and opening and exciting.

Maybe it gets your heart rate up a little bit.

You feel energized.

You don't feel tired.

How many times have you felt really tired,

Maybe at work or doing something kind of boring and then you find out some good news or a friend calls you up and says,

Hey,

Meet me here.

And you just all of a sudden have all this energy.

So pay attention to that energy.

That's how you really know something's for you by the way it makes you feel.

Our bodies will tell us everything.

I've been a body worker for over a decade and I've helped thousands of my clients really tap in and tune into what their body is telling them.

The ones that I see with chronic physical pain usually have a lot going on in their life emotionally.

Again,

It all starts with our thoughts.

So notice how you feel.

So it can either feel expansive or it can feel the opposite,

Constrictive.

And I want you to think of when you're cold and you bring your arms in and your shoulders come up and they're like shielding you and you're freezing.

That's how our energy in our body can be.

Maybe someone asks you for help and you really don't want to,

But you say yes anyway.

And you just,

You can't sleep at night because you're thinking about this thing.

You can't really concentrate.

That's what happens when we say yes to things that are not a sole yes.

Or we are a part of something or do something.

Maybe you're in a relationship that doesn't serve you or a friendship or a job.

Those are some pretty big ones,

But we have lots of little ones too.

Like doing more for people than we are doing for ourselves.

That can leave you feeling reasonable.

And your body gets tight and you start noticing you have that upper neck pain,

Upper back pain,

Lower back pain.

You just don't feel well.

You're lethargic.

You're extremely tired.

This is because our body does not lie.

Your body does not lie.

It's always speaking to you.

And then there's neutral energy.

So you're feeling good or bad.

And then there's neutral energy.

And this is energy that neither feels good or bad.

It just is what it is.

Maybe you're just going through the motions when you brush your teeth or take a shower or you're driving to work.

That's neutral energy.

It's right in the middle.

You don't really feel any good or bad.

It's just that it is what it is.

Now I want you to ask yourself,

Where are you living in your life right now?

Are most of your days feeling really expansive,

Big,

Exciting,

Energized?

Are most of your days feeling neutral energy?

You're just going through the emotions where you're going through the emotions.

You don't even remember what you had for breakfast that day.

You don't even remember how you got to work or who you talked to.

You're just going with the flow.

You're neither excited nor feeling down about anything.

You're just doing what you've always done.

And you're kind of numb.

That's neutral energy.

Or you're just feeling it.

And hopefully you're not here for too long.

It's natural to be in this or to feel and experience the constrictive energy.

But we don't want to stay there every single day.

Because that's our body.

That's ourselves telling us something's not right and we're not doing anything to fix it.

This is where we're coming from.

When we can be in this constrictive,

More negative feeling energy space and we have awareness around what that is and we fix it or we change it or we shift it.

And that's something I can help you with.

But staying on topic,

I want you to ask yourself,

Where are you honestly?

And go and write this down.

Where are most of your days?

Are they expansive and exciting?

Are they neutral energy?

Or are they tight,

Constrictive?

We're just being honest and real here.

Because when we have awareness,

We can shift it.

So even if you're spending most of your time in that constructive energy,

Give yourselves a big pat on the back and a big thanks.

Because just acknowledging and noticing something is already shifting.

You're already shifting that energy.

Now a tip if you want to take this a little further.

And when I start working with clients,

This is an exercise I call it soul work versus homework.

I call it soul work and I have them write down everything they do in a day and write down an arrow.

An up arrow if it feels exciting and energizing.

A neutral arrow if it's something like brushing your teeth.

Or a down arrow if it's taking away your energy.

Question number two.

Name what it is that you want.

What are you wanting in your life?

Either today,

This month,

This year,

In the next decade,

Whatever it is for you,

What do you want?

A lot of people when they come to me don't even know what they want and that's okay too.

Again this is all just self-awareness.

We can't build towards something if we don't know what it is.

We can't make a blueprint for a home if you want to build a home if you don't know what kind of home you want.

So it's asking the question of what do you want?

A lot of times we live for other people.

I'm asking you to live for you because ultimately that's what everyone wants us to do anyway.

That's when we're most happiest.

That's when we're really teaching our kids and our family and our friends what it is to be happy.

People want to see you happy and that starts with you.

So number two is to name something you want and if you don't know put a question mark here and come back to it.

You can you can think about this.

You don't have to decide right now.

Question number three.

If you don't have the thing that you want and most likely you don't if you wrote number two as you're wanting something,

What story do you have around why you can't have what you want yet?

It's very common for us to have a lot of resistance around money or even a really happy positive relationship.

I have clients that come to me thinking that they really don't deserve a really healthy relationship or maybe they have a story around there's not enough guys out there there's not enough girls out there or the good ones are taken or money is evil.

So if we have all these thoughts about things we're never going to receive them.

If you think money is evil or you're going to become a different person if you have a million dollars even if someone gave you that money you wouldn't take it or you would take it and then spend it because you have this belief you have this subconscious belief that that you're an evil person if you take it or it will change you somehow.

So it's really important for us to dive in and discover what subconscious thoughts are you having about these things that you really want in your life that would really improve your life and help you to become happy because it's something that's on your heart.

Even the fact of wanting something ask yourself how comfortable is it for you to ask for something that you want.

A lot of times also when people come to me to coach with me they have a hard time even asking for what they want or really even saying it out loud because it's so uncomfortable.

They're so used to just living day after day doing the same thing over and over again because to them it feels safe.

Punching in a nine-to-five job and not that there's anything wrong with that.

A lot of times people stay with that because it feels safer it feels like security versus maybe starting your own business or maybe if you're in a relationship for 10 plus years maybe it feels more safe and secure to stay than going into the unknown and leaving a relationship that may not be working out for either of you and I'm not saying leave your job or leave your relationship not saying that at all.

I'm just asking the question that maybe you are afraid or have been afraid to ask yourself and the truth is I've seen this over and over again when we are in that constrictive energy when things don't feel well we feel it in our body and your body is not lying to you.

This is a bonus question for you to ask yourself how does your body feel right now?

Hopefully you're gonna stay energized,

Excited,

Happy,

Joyful but it's very common to feel exhausted to feel tight,

Tense,

Maybe anxious or depressed or sad or just that huh neither good or bad just in that neutral energy.

So my challenge for you is to notice how you feel to name what you want to find your discover your self-awareness around the stories that you tell yourself because you were not born to settle and if you have something on your heart and I know you do because otherwise you wouldn't be listening to this right now if you have something on your heart it is for you I know that a million percent I want to share with you a little story that how my body spoke to me I was in a job that I was really unhappy in and at the time I didn't have a whole lot of self-awareness I didn't really know how to voice my concerns and I stayed at this job until my body would not let me when I get really really stressed out I know because my low back goes out and I'm out for a week I don't know if you have ever experienced this it is not fun I have to crawl to the bathroom I have to crawl to the kitchen and my back stays out for a good week it's my body forcing me to pay attention our body will scream at us if we do not listen your job is to listen to your body it is always speaking to you it is guiding you sometimes we feel lost I don't know if you're like me I used to want someone to tell me the answer just tell me what to do God I would say please tell me just give me a sign and I knew we all do you know too we get the signs in the subtle subtle energy that we feel now this is where self-love really comes in this is what I really help people with self-love is not just taking baths and taking time for yourself it is really messy work it is hard work people find when they come to work with me it is hard I help you to dig deep so we can uncover these things this these years of patterns self-love is discovering what are your thoughts that you think every single day what's really holding you back and it's ourself and that's okay because when we have the awareness around it when we observe it we can shift it so I hope this talk helped I hope these questions really help to start you off on the right track of maybe awakening the spirit within you I'm going to guide you on just a very short guided meditation again meditation is to be with ourself it's not to run away from ourself so the goal is never to clear our mind it's just to be with the thoughts and when you have those thoughts come back to deepening and slowing your breath when I'm talking or when you're listening to any other meditation and you hear those thoughts start coming back and you start thinking about what you're gonna make for dinner or what you have to do come back to slowing and deepening your breath and come back home to you I'm going to take three deep breaths breathing in through your nose exhaling out of your mouth and I want you to squeeze the palm squeeze your hands three times on your inhale tighten up your fists as hard as you can and on your exhale fully relax your hands and do this two more times work with your breath on your inhale squeeze the palms of your hands and on the exhale fully let go just notice what you notice when you're squeezing and releasing it takes a lot of work to hold on to something to white-knuckle something try to control it takes a lot of work a lot of energy and feel how good that feels to relax and let go how would it feel to trust to trust yourself to trust the universe God whatever your higher power is how would that feel to fully let go and trust how would your life be different even if you just trusted in yourself in your higher power just 10% more than you already do I want you to imagine you're putting all your worries in a suitcase everything on your to-do list it's all gonna go in this big suitcase and you're gonna set the suitcase down right beside you and I want you to envision yourself doing this every time you feel like your load is too much that you're carrying when you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed or worried I want you to imagine you're putting everything in the big suitcase and you're gonna set it down and let your higher power take over and I want you to bring your breath all the way down to the area between your hips slowing and deepening your breath feeling your head fully relax your neck your chest your stomach your hips your arms hands legs and feet fully let go and relax and you can say this mantra out loud or silently in your mind and say I am free I lean into expansion if it is on my heart it is meant for me I trust you can stay here with your eyes closed for the next minute and just listen to the music and deepen and slowing you're slowing your breath or feel free to journal I believe in you and keep shining you you

Reviews

Amazing. This will be my new Sunday evening meditation.❤️