As we begin,
Let's slow things down for just a moment.
You don't need to be ready.
You don't need to have clarity.
If you're listening to this,
That is enough.
Notice your body.
Notice where it's supported.
Notice your breath,
Just as it is.
There's nothing you need to fix here.
Many people come to therapy frustrated with themselves.
They notice they keep ending up in the same places emotionally,
Or the same kinds of relationships,
Or the same internal loops.
They say things like,
I always do this,
I should be past this by now,
Why do I keep repeating this?
And often,
Underneath those questions is a lot of shame.
Here is a different way of understanding this pattern.
Patterns are not signs that you're broken.
They're signs that your system learned something important.
At some point,
Often early,
Often quietly,
Often unknowingly,
Your nervous system learned how to deal with the situations you were experiencing.
It learned how to stay safe,
How to stay calm,
How to stay connected,
How to reduce the pain that you were feeling,
How to survive emotionally.
Patterns form when those strategies get repeated.
Not because you are failing,
But because they once worked.
It's actually out of a successful pattern of getting the outcome you wanted,
Which is so often feeling less emotional or maybe even physical pain.
One of the hardest things about patterns is they can feel automatic.
They show up before you can think.
They show up even when you know better.
That doesn't mean you're not trying.
It means your nervous system is faster than your logic.
And that's not a flaw,
That's biology.
If you're willing,
Bring to mind one familiar pattern,
One place where you've said,
Why do I keep doing this over and over?
Maybe it's a feeling that comes up a lot.
It could be something like,
Why do I always come back to feeling sad?
Why do I come back to feeling angry?
Why do I cancel plans?
Why do I blame someone for this or that?
Take a moment and think about it.
Notice when this pattern tends to show up,
What happens before the feeling comes or the action happens?
Is it around certain people?
Does it happen after other particular emotions?
Maybe other particular situations or stressors.
Now,
Notice what happens inside you when the patterns appear.
What thoughts show up?
If it's an emotion,
Are there any other emotions that come along with it?
What happens in your body?
So here's the new process.
Instead of asking,
Why do I keep doing this,
Thinking this,
Feeling this way?
And try gently asking,
How has this pattern helped me at some point in my life?
How has this pattern protected me?
Maybe it goes all the way back to early childhood.
Maybe it doesn't.
But what did this pattern protect me from at one point?
You don't need the answers right now.
Just asking the question opens up the possibility of creating new pathways in our brain,
New ways of thinking.
And we're not solving anything today.
We're changing the relationship.
It's important to say this clearly.
Understanding this pattern does not mean we approve of it.
It does not mean you have to keep it.
It means you stop attacking yourself for having it.
Self-attack,
Shaming,
Getting down on ourselves.
They keep patterns stuck.
Those lower vibrational actions and emotions,
They keep energy stuck.
Understanding the higher vibrational energies,
Compassion,
Acceptance,
Not approval,
But acceptance,
Clears energy to move away and pass through and get us to the next place.
Puts us in the opposite of stuck.
It moves things along.
And this tool isn't meant to be used perfectly.
It's meant to give you a moment of pause.
A moment where you say,
Oh,
This is just my pattern.
This is my body going into autopilot and doing what it's always done.
This is something I've learned.
I don't need to change my behavior in this exact moment.
We'll get to it later,
Right?
The first step is just,
Okay,
This is a pattern.
This is not who I am.
My identity is not tied to this pattern,
To this emotion,
To this action.
I don't need to fix it right away.
Take that pressure off like a coat that we've been wearing,
This coat of shame,
This coat of needing to fix and change and not be this way.
Take that off.
The first step is just,
I understand this is not me.
Just recognizing this creates a big shift.
Over time,
Awareness creates choice.
Choice creates space.
And space is where new responses can grow.
You are not late.
You are not failing.
You're learning how to understand yourself.
And the understanding is the secret sauce for growth.
For getting out of stuck and into moving forward.
Into moving forward differently.
Into moving forward with more love.
Into moving forward and creating a new pattern.
