Today we're going to make space for self-doubt.
We are sometimes holding our breath on the edge of making decisions right before we face our fears or when we stare into the face of something we care deeply about.
That we want,
That we might need,
That we've been striving toward.
We hold our breath.
We aren't sure what's next.
There's no possible way to control the people,
Places and things that will come together to create the next experience of our lives.
It's inevitable that doubt springs up from our chest,
Naturally arising whether we are prepared or are at peace with the next step.
It's one of the most vulnerable moments of being human.
It speaks to us,
Wondering if we have what it takes,
Panicked about our performance or abilities or character,
Unsure of how we will feel about an outcome or about ourselves as a result.
What if I told you,
Dear listener,
That doubt comes not to undermine you but to ask you to hold its hand across the line that you seek to jump?
What if it just needs reassurance that you will not abandon you in the process of learning how to live and live with whatever comes next?
It's in our attempts to eradicate self-doubt that we increase suffering to a paralyzing degree.
We see doubt as a threat instead of as a humanizer and equalizer built within us all.
It's a reminder we don't know everything but we are all here trying.
We are all here living with some sort of unknown because in life there is always more to be revealed.
What if self-doubt is just a thought or feeling that requires your compassion?
What if it's not supposed to be the roadblock to living that we can sometimes make it out to be?
Are we waiting to live because we fear the doubt that creeps into our view?
Let's practice taking our own hand,
The hand of doubt,
And not asking it to be more confident.
We are going to be with it,
Coexist,
And let that doubtful voice know that we are present,
Curious,
Listening.
I invite you to close your eyes if they are not already and turn your attention to your breath.
You're only here to notice there is nothing for you to do or be right now besides turning that awareness to your breath,
Your inhales and exhales.
Notice the cool air,
How it travels in through your nose,
Up into your sinus cavity,
Down the back of your throat and into your chest,
Deep into your belly,
And follow the warm exhale the same way that it came.
Notice these sensations of breathing for the next few moments.
With your next inhale,
Allow your breath to travel to each cell of your being.
Feel the tingle of the aliveness of your body,
Head to toe,
Tips of your fingers,
Palm of your hands.
Continue each cell in you to take a breath with you.
Allow your breath to find the cells that have been holding on,
The ones that brace themselves in the face of doubt.
Allow yourself to notice these cells in your body as if you were witnessing them for the first time.
Notice the way that they carry heaviness of the unknown.
Notice how much they care about you and your well-being by sometimes grasping harder at whatever feels firm.
Imagine that with this next inhale,
You are giving them permission to breathe with you.
Wherever these cells live in your body,
Whether it's all over or just in certain parts of you,
Imagine them inhaling the cool air,
A much needed breeze for them.
And then imagine that they exhale with you,
A much needed release.
Sit with this part of your being,
This doubt,
And breathe together for the next few moments.
I want you to imagine now that you're extending a warm hand,
A comfort,
A connection to the doubtful parts within.
Make contact.
If at any time the contact becomes too intense,
Return your attention back to your breath until you are ready to return to sitting with the feeling of doubt.
With your warm extended comfort,
Imagine saying this to your doubt.
I see you.
You are welcome here.
I'll make space for you.
Thank you for reminding me that I am human,
That I care,
That there's a softness within me that needs to be cared for as I move through life.
Thank you for reminding me that I am human,
That I care,
That there's a softness within me that needs to be cared for as I move through life.
Can you speak these words to these parts of you?
Allow yourself to notice how doubt is receiving your comfort.
Imagine that its sharp edges are being softened,
That the hard exteriors and tight interiors are melting away.
Imagine they're being moved with the lightness of the breath.
You do not need to eradicate all tension.
Just notice it shift however it does as you continue to permit it to breathe.
Notice that you are not your doubt,
That it arises and subsides to different degrees over time and experience,
That you can witness it without becoming it or acting on it,
That you can feel it,
Have a relationship with it that allows you to cross lines in this world together,
To take risks together,
To face the day hand in hand and that you don't have to be anything or anyone else more than this,
Different than this,
That the healing is in the connection to you,
Not the removal of these parts that exist in you.
Continue to imagine this experience for the next few moments,
A couple of minutes or so,
Breathing with your doubt,
Paying attention to the breath moving in and out of you and the parts of doubt,
Extending warmth and connection while the music plays.
You can continue on here in silence after the meditation ends.
I hope you can bring this sense of openness and togetherness with you into your day and should you struggle,
You always have a place to return to make space for your humanness.
Take care.
