Highly Sensitive People - Are You Playing the Victim?

As a highly sensitive person, we feel and sense other people's feelings, moods, and attitudes. This often translates into - how can I change myself to make a situation/relationship better or happy? I can feel something is "off" so how can I fix it? Have you ever felt "attacked" by other people's energies? Have you ever thought you could change yourself enough to make someone else happy? The truth is that we are not responsible for how other people think and feel. Please note: This audio is ripped from a video.

Transcript

Hello,

Let's begin by taking an intentional breath together.

Closing your eyes if you feel comfortable.

Coming to a long spine,

Inhaling deeply,

And exhale,

Releasing.

Beautiful.

So today's video,

I wanna talk to you about a highly sensitive person in victimhood.

So this might be a triggering episode,

And if so,

I invite you to just keep an open mind and just allow what I'm saying to sink in.

You don't have to believe anything I say.

You don't have to believe anything anyone says unless it feels right with you.

So keep an open mind and let's get started.

So the reason I think that highly sensitive people are,

Especially prone to being and playing the victim,

Is because we are so in tune with what everyone around us wants.

We're so in tune to the different feelings that maybe someone's having,

To the different actions.

We feel like all around us,

There are people who are wanting and desiring things,

And we have to somehow mold ourselves and fit ourselves to meet those expectations.

And we delude ourselves into thinking that that's our job.

We delude ourselves into thinking that as a mother,

As a sister,

As a daughter,

As a boss,

As an employee,

That we need to make people around us happy by doing things that make them happy.

But there are two premises there that are wrong,

And the first is,

Yes,

We can feel energy,

And I absolutely feel energy.

But I think to the degree that we know what it will take to make someone else's energy different,

I just don't think we have that.

I don't know if anyone has that,

Because the thing is,

We are all meant to have our own experience.

And it's almost,

I don't wanna say good or bad,

Because I don't wanna make moral judgments,

But it's almost worse if we are deciding,

Well,

This person's upset,

So I'm gonna try to do things to make them not upset.

This person's not doing the thing that they should be doing,

So I'm gonna do this so that they feel inclined to do it.

We make all these things up in our head.

We make all these stories about how if we do one thing,

Someone else will do something,

And then they'll feel okay.

And then because they feel okay,

We'll feel okay,

Because we won't sense their energy.

We won't sense the situation.

But the very first thing we need to do is realize that we are not responsible for anyone else's energy.

We can feel it,

And we can be empathetic to it,

We can be sympathetic to it,

But we are not responsible for changing it.

I'm gonna say that again,

Because it's really important.

We are not responsible for changing someone's energy,

For changing someone's moods,

Someone's thoughts,

Someone's feelings.

That is up to them.

That's up to each of us to do for ourselves.

So when we fall into this,

Oh,

I'm a highly sensitive person,

Which means I can feel other people's energies,

Which means I'm always feeling attacked by people's energies,

I always am trying to shield myself.

The reason that you feel this is because you don't accept where other people are,

Right?

You wanna fix them,

You wanna change them,

You want everyone to be happy,

Which is a great thing.

I want everyone to be happy too.

But they have to come to that themselves,

Right?

You can't force anyone to do anything,

Even be happy.

So I think that's our first premise,

That we haven't accepted that other people can have an experience,

And they can have a bad experience,

And it's not up to us to fix it,

Right?

It's not ever up to us to fix it.

Our goal and our desire and our job is to think and feel the things for ourselves.

So first,

If you've been on my channel long,

I feel like every video I'm talking about accepting,

Accept where you're at,

Accept where other people are at,

And know that you get to choose what you're gonna react to.

So maybe as a highly sensitive person,

You feel your boss is angry,

And then your first initial thought is,

Okay,

He's angry.

How can I either fix that?

How can I avoid him?

How can I move in a way and make myself different than how I would act if he was different,

Right?

So you're molding yourself to whatever someone else is feeling,

And when we do that,

We actually do a disservice to everyone too,

Including ourselves first and foremost,

Because we're not living in our truth,

In our identity,

In our authentic,

We aren't living authentically,

And when we're not living authentically,

We aren't really here.

We're not doing what we're meant to be doing here on this earth,

Just being ourselves,

And we're doing a disservice to them as well,

Because we're not letting them have an experience.

We're not letting them be angry,

Because we're trying to fix them.

We're trying to do something different with ourselves to make them feel different.

It's just not,

It's not our responsibility,

And then what usually happens after that,

Right?

So maybe you're like,

Oh,

Boss is angry.

Well,

I'll just,

I'll do this report really well.

I'll double check it.

I'll make sure everything's dotted and eyed and crossed and teed.

Everything's perfect.

He'll be so thrilled because this report is perfect,

And then you give it to him.

Guess why he's still angry?

And then what happens?

You take it on as your fault,

Right?

If I would have just done this instead of this,

He wouldn't be so angry.

He was already angry and I made it worse.

I tried so hard to fix myself so that he could feel better.

It didn't work.

It's all my fault.

We play the victim.

We become a victim.

We become a victim of our own making,

Right?

Because we didn't let someone have an experience.

We didn't let them,

We thought it was our responsibility to change it,

And it's not,

It's not our responsibility.

As a highly sensitive person,

We feel it.

We know,

We think we know.

We don't always know,

Right?

How many times have you walked into a room and you felt a bad energy,

But you didn't quite know what was going on,

Right?

It could have been anger.

It could have been a sadness.

We don't always know.

If your boss is angry,

He could be angry about his taxes.

He could be angry about his wife,

Be angry about his kids.

He don't know.

So I think we try to,

We like to tell the story that we're highly sensitive people but we're not psychics,

Right?

And I think sometimes,

At least for me,

It's fun to think that we are.

And we probably all have stories of when we had like a gut instinct about someone or something and it wasn't right.

And we feel like our intuition or our psychicness spoke to us and that may be well,

And that may be true for you.

At least for me,

I think if I'm buying into my story about what's happening,

It's not my intuition.

It's my ego that wants me to think that I'm like psychic or like I know something's happening.

Usually,

You know,

We probably do know that something's up,

But we don't always know why.

And again,

Maybe you do.

Maybe you're more psychic than me.

That might be true.

But I would just question and ask you to think,

Am I buying into this story because I think it's cool?

Am I buying into this story because I know for,

Without a doubt,

100% what is going on?

And am I buying into this story so that I can change my actions in order to fix something that someone else is doing?

Right?

That's the key.

Because a lot of times,

The purpose of being highly sensitive is not so that we can bend over backwards so that the un-highly sensitive people can feel better.

It's not the purpose.

This,

In my opinion,

Of course,

Take it or leave it.

To be highly sensitive for me is actually because I am getting to explore this beautiful gift that I was given.

Just like,

You know,

Someone's really good at basketball.

Someone's really good at running.

I think it's a gift.

And I get to explore its depths.

I get to understand its limits.

I get to explore and evolve myself.

It gives me an opportunity to connect with people.

It gives me an opportunity to connect with the world so much deeper,

Right?

I mean,

I'm sure,

You know,

Your experience or my experience,

A highly sensitive person's experience of nature,

Of beauty,

Of an art gallery,

Of a waterfall,

Is just so much more depth and intensity and beauty,

Right?

Than maybe a non-highly sensitive person.

And that's our gift.

But part of that gift is knowing its limitations and knowing that we may feel a sensitivity towards someone,

Towards something,

But it's not our responsibility to change it,

Right?

It's not our responsibility to change it.

It's only our responsibility to notice how we're feeling and to choose the thoughts then that line up with how we want to feel.

So I think highly sensitive people might feel like they are a victim in more ways than non-highly sensitive people,

But I would invite you to challenge that.

Playing the victim is never very empowering,

That's for sure.

It's never gonna get you to where you wanna go.

If you always think that someone,

Somewhere else,

Something else is dictating how you think and feel.

If you think,

Well,

I'm highly sensitive,

So I can't work in a certain environment because I can feel all the energies.

That's extremely limiting.

Do you really wanna live your life that way?

Do you really wanna live your life thinking that because of a gift that you've been given,

You're limited,

You can't do something?

Or instead,

Would you rather know and acknowledge,

Okay,

This is how I feel when I step in here.

Can I change that?

Can I change my thoughts?

Can I say I see that there's anger here,

I see that there's frustration here.

Not my responsibility,

I don't have to take that on.

It's a practice.

I'm not saying that it happens overnight,

But I think it's really,

Really important as highly sensitive people that we don't shy away from things because that is where our evolvement's gonna come from.

It's where we're gonna become deeper and truer people and we're gonna change the world,

But we can't be scared of it,

Right?

So I hope that you enjoyed this video.

Thank you for taking an intentional breath with me.

I look forward to seeing your comments down below and I'll see you in the next video.

Reviews

Thank you Allie, namaste 🙏🏾☀️

Wow, this was so well-spoken! Thank you!! 💜🫶🏻🦋

Accurate!

That is truly relevant. Your words speak volumes

Thank you, This is exactly what I needed to hear, this is what I do and it took me a long time to see it. I am very grateful to hear you speak of it.

Interesting

That was very helpful. Thankyou

Thank you for gaining an insight into changing a mindset with your clear cut thoughts. So important for me. 🙏

This hit home for me. It really made me think about the way I do play victim.
Thank you. I needed to hear this today.