Acceptance Will Set You Free

Acceptance will set you free! I think that this is the profound realization that I've come to is that when we accept where we are free to enjoy what we have instead of continuing the chase down of more goals, more money, more work, more more more.

Transcript

Hi there!

Let's begin by taking an intentional breath together,

Closing your eyes if you feel comfortable,

Inhaling deeply,

And exhaling.

Inhaling through the nose,

And exhale,

Sighing out the mouth.

Beautiful.

So in today's video,

I want to talk about one of the keys to life.

In my 26 years,

This is one of the most profound concepts that I've truly begun to grasp.

I mean,

Nowhere near being an expert at it,

But I think it's really important to speak about and to share with each other.

And that is the concept of acceptance.

So I want to,

I'll go back a little bit of a story here for you.

And I went through kind of a dark phase,

I guess you could say.

Not very pleasant.

It was like winter time and I mean,

COVID,

It's still happening,

But it just started all to get to me.

And I just felt so upset with where I was and like nothing I did would make me happy.

And I think that's actually probably one of the premises of spiritual awakenings and really realizing that people can tell you that you can't change your circumstance to make yourself feel better.

They can tell you that life is about the journey,

Not the destination.

But yet,

We still live in a society that's goal-based,

Right?

We still live in a society that says,

Okay,

Finish high school,

Finish college,

Get a good degree,

Move up to first manager,

Second manager,

Director,

Assistant director,

I don't even know.

Move,

Move,

Move,

Goals,

Goals,

Goals,

Go,

Go,

Go,

Up to the next one,

Up to the next destination.

So we live in a society that tells us that it is about the destination and you shouldn't be happy till you get to the destination.

And you should always be striving for more and you should always have goals because otherwise,

Otherwise you're a bum.

You're destitute.

You're not worthy,

Right?

Really,

Really think about that.

We tell people that if they're not making goals and they're not changing themselves and they're not evolving,

That they're unworthy.

And we tell them that the only goals that are actually good goals are,

You know,

Stuff that's going to make money,

Stuff that's going to evolve society in some way,

Which is really convenient for the people who have goals about having a family or they have goals about something personal they want to level up and wow,

They want to get to able to be running five miles.

It doesn't matter.

Those goals don't matter because they're not helping the means of production.

They're not creating value in society by making money,

By making other people money.

So we have this premise that if you're not making goals and if you're not achieving goals and only the good goals,

Good,

That make money,

Then you're worthless.

You're unworthy.

You're,

What are they called,

Like living off the system.

You're,

You're in poverty.

You're,

You're just a slacker.

You're lazy.

We tell these stories because we want everyone in the society to be buying into the fact that the only way to feel happy is by doing these goals.

And then when we have people always striving because they're never happy because there's always another goal.

So when you have all these people always striving and never being happy and thinking the next goal will be the thing.

Well,

That's how you keep people,

You know,

A slave to their job.

That's how you keep workaholics.

That's how you keep your,

You know,

That your big company rolling because you're milking these people,

Promising them these,

This happiness that is never going to be given to them.

So I found out in the course of my life that the thing that I thought I wanted,

The thing that I worked so hard for,

The thing that I thought every time I had like,

Why am I doing this?

Every time I said to myself,

What's the point?

I thought,

Well,

This is the point to get this one thing,

To get this certain position,

To get this place in my life.

I will be happy then.

And I got it.

I got what I wanted.

And this is the story you've probably heard a million times,

But I was not happy.

I was not happy.

It didn't even give me the initial dopamine hit.

And I think that's because I worked so hard to get there and I put so many hopes and dreams into it that I will finally feel the relief.

The relief that I'm looking for whenever I get this thing,

That whenever I got it and I didn't feel relief,

It was devastating.

And it took me into a depressive spiral.

It was not fun.

And the only thing that got me out of it,

That got me to a different place was acceptance.

And that is the point of this video.

It's to tell you that if you are in a place where you don't want to be,

You're going to have to accept where you're at before you can change it.

And that might feel sad or negative,

But it's actually very freeing because whenever I was in that depressive state,

I was so mad at myself for being upset,

For being sad,

For being depressed,

For not having any motivation.

And when you add on resistance and tension and anger to the fact that you're feeling certain feelings,

You're not allowing your body to process your feelings.

So you're not allowing your body to have an experience of depression,

Have an experience of hoping for something and it not being the thing you thought.

That is part of our human life.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

There's nothing wrong with being depressed.

There's nothing wrong with being angry.

But what is bad,

If we're going to call anything bad,

Is when we don't let ourselves feel those feelings.

We don't process our emotions.

We don't let them arise.

We don't let them percolate and just allow them to happen without any judgment,

Without any anger,

Without wanting to change them.

And I was talking to a lot of people through this depression that aren't quite,

They don't have my spiritual outlook.

So they were like,

You're okay with being sad?

Are you going to like,

What?

That doesn't,

What?

I couldn't understand that acceptance actually feels better because when you're sad and you're angry at yourself for being sad and you try really,

Really,

Really hard to think positive,

It feels ten times worse.

Like,

How about like whenever people,

You know,

They try to comfort you when you're crying about something?

Oh,

It's okay.

You're okay.

Calm down.

It's okay.

Everything will turn out fine.

Those never feel good.

Those obviously are coming from a loving place,

But it never feels good to hear that.

It never feels good for someone to say to you,

Calm down.

Stop crying.

You're okay.

Because the thing is,

You're not okay and your body is trying to release those feelings by crying.

So when you allow yourself to have an experience,

When you accept that it's happening,

When you wake up,

You know,

If you've been depressed and you wake up and instead of being,

I always would try to be like,

Okay,

I'm going to have a great day.

I'm going to have a great day.

And I'd force myself to smile because that's just,

The muscle is supposed to make your brain think you're happy.

I'm like,

Okay,

I'm going to have a great day.

And I would get out of bed already exhausted because I was forcing myself to feel a way that was so far from where I was,

Right?

So,

You know,

If you're depressed,

You're all the way,

You're all the way over here.

And happiness is like all the way over here,

Right?

Most days,

If you're just like a normal person,

Feeling the feels,

You're like,

Okay,

I can wake up and I can get to happiness.

You're depressed and you have to climb all the way over here.

And it's so much work.

It's just so much work.

It makes everything worse.

So allow yourself to feel the feelings.

Wake up and say,

I'm awake and I'm going to start my day.

You don't have to feel happy.

You don't have to feel sad.

You don't have to feel anything.

I'm awake and I accept my feelings as they are.

I accept myself for what I'm feeling,

For what I'm doing right now.

And this goes for,

You know,

Emotion like depression.

This goes for a job that you don't like.

This goes for a relationship you don't like.

You have to accept where it's at because denying it and resisting it and wishing so desperately that it would change.

That's not how it works because you're just adding all of that resistance to the issue.

So I really,

Really do feel that acceptance is the key.

It is going to unlock for you.

Everything.

So if you're having any issues,

Right,

Can you ask yourself to just accept where you're at?

If you're on the intuitive eating journey,

You know,

One of the key tenets there is accepting where you're at.

Accepting that you're craving an Oreo,

Accepting that you're craving an orange,

Accepting yourself,

Accepting your body weight where it is,

Accepting your boss for how they are,

Accepting yourself for wishing something different,

But seeing that you're just a human evolving and trying.

You're out there,

You know,

You're just doing the things.

And it's okay.

You don't have to make it wrong.

You don't have to make it bad.

You're trying your best.

You're doing your best.

You're doing a great job too,

By the way.

Just bringing an acceptance into anything that you're working with.

Maybe,

You know,

It's a money mindset thing.

Accept that your bank account is the way it is right now.

You couldn't want to change it,

But you're not going to want to change anything from a place of shame.

And I think shame is the exact flip flop of acceptance.

And here's why.

Shame is what we use.

It's what we punish ourselves with when we do something that's bad,

Right?

So your boss punishes you by yelling at you for doing something wrong in a report and you feel shame.

Does that shame motivate you then to do better on your next report?

Or does that shame motivate you to,

One,

Be worried.

A worry-word.

Because you're like,

I do not want to be yelled at again.

Which makes you more prone to mistakes because you're so worried.

You're not focusing on doing a good job.

You're focusing on not getting yelled at.

You're not focusing on checking the things that you need to check.

You're focused on,

Am I doing everything right?

I don't know.

I'm scared to get yelled at.

That shame motivates you to hide.

So maybe you find a mistake in the report and you just kind of hope that your boss doesn't see it.

Instead of bringing it up and saying,

Oh,

You know what,

I see a mistake right here.

Let me just,

Let me change it.

No big deal.

You're afraid.

You're afraid of what's going to happen if you bring up this error.

Because you might get yelled at.

Because you're ashamed.

You're ashamed.

But if you come from a place of acceptance,

And this goes for everything,

Right?

So what intuitive eating is telling you that you have to have no judgement on an Oreo or an orange.

There's no moral judgement.

You can't shame yourself for eating Oreos because what happens is you create a restriction and you create in your head a general and a soldier.

The general is always yelling at you for doing things wrong,

For not doing things right,

For eating Oreos.

And the soldier is always pissed because he hates being told what to do.

And you know what happens?

Most of the time,

You know,

The general keeps everybody in line,

Right?

Except the one time he doesn't,

When the soldier goes rogue because he's so mad about being told what to do,

Being restricted,

Not allowing to be eaten Oreos.

He goes rogue,

He binge eats all the Oreos.

And then the general pops in,

Hey,

You're bad,

You're shameful,

You should feel guilty,

You should feel terrible.

And the cycle continues,

Right?

And you're like,

You know what,

Okay,

I want to get myself in line.

No more Oreos.

I'm going to be better.

And maybe you are,

But that strict can't do this,

Can't do this,

Can't do this.

I want to do it,

Can't do it,

Can't do it,

I want to do it.

Every time you deny and restrict yourself,

You are creating an opportunity for when your willpower is lower to binge,

Binge eat,

Binge whatever it is.

Whatever,

You know,

Binge spend,

I'm really good at that one.

I'm really strict with my money until,

You know what,

I deserve this thing.

Because I've been so good.

It never works.

And I buy it and feel guilty about it.

So shame and acceptance are these two pillars of their two opposite sides of the coin.

So instead of having the soldier and the general be mad at each other,

Accept it.

Say,

You know what,

I want an Oreo.

Eat an Oreo.

The world didn't end.

You just accept,

Right?

I want these new socks because they have cute polar bear on them.

There's nothing wrong.

It's not a good or bad thing.

It's not good or bad.

When we have this acceptance and we drop the shame and the guilt,

Our whole life becomes clearer.

Everything comes so much more easily,

You know,

If you believe in the law of attraction or if you don't.

But it just feels better.

It feels better to come from a place of acceptance than it does from shame.

Because shame,

I know we think it motivates and you can check out my video which I talk about like positive reinforcement.

But it does not work.

Acceptance is key.

We have to accept ourselves the way we are.

And then what does that do?

It opens us up to accept other people for the way they are.

Right?

And if we all accepted ourselves and we all accepted each other,

What a beautiful world we would live in.

Right?

It would be glorious.

So I hope you can take this principle of acceptance and catch yourself whenever you feel that shame.

Right?

When you feel that general start barking at you again and you don't have to change.

You don't have to shut them up.

You can just say,

Huh,

I noticed that.

Right?

And that's part of the acceptance.

We're not immediately trying to change our thoughts.

We're not immediately trying to control the general.

Right?

We're just trying to notice it.

Accept how it is.

And then once we get into a better place,

We say,

OK,

Is that how I really want to feel?

Is that how I want to talk to myself?

And you get to decide.

Right?

So I hope this has brought a little bit more insight into acceptance and shame and how they interplay with each other.

I would love to know your comments down below to see how these play out in your life and in what way.

Maybe your general takes over sometimes.

But thank you again for watching my video,

For taking an intentional breath with me.

I really appreciate all the comments and the likes.

And I can't wait to speak to you again.

So I'll see you in the next video.