Demystifying Wellness: Alex Elle, Sarah Blondin, Lalah Delia

Join Sarah Blondin, Alex Elle and Lalah Delia for an honest discussion on demystifying wellness; how can you get wellness into your life without it feeling like a heavy lift? This is an opportunity to hear three brilliant women open up and level with you on their own struggles and how they got to where they are today.

Transcript

So before we get started,

I'd like us all to introduce ourselves.

I'll go first.

I'm an author,

A certified breathwork coach,

A meditation teacher,

And a restorative writing teacher whose goal is to essentially bring people closer to themselves and their truth by way of writing practice and meditation.

How about you,

Layla?

Awesome.

And you do it so well.

So well.

Well,

My name is Layla Delia.

I am an author of the book called Vibrate Higher Daily.

I am a founder of the school and educator at the school called Vibrate Higher Daily,

The same title.

And I am a certified spiritual practitioner and a wellness educator.

And I use all of this to inform our community on vibration and how to work with vibration as a highly sensitive being,

As an empath,

As a highly reactive person,

And really coming into the knowing that it is okay to take a breath.

It's okay to be who you are with your sensitivities,

With your nuance,

To be different,

That we have power.

And more than likely,

Most of the most dynamic people you know have these traits.

And there was so much stigma growing up with mine and my traits that I felt less than.

And once I got into the world of knowing,

Wow,

Of energy and vibration,

We all have our sensitivities.

And so now my role,

As I did for myself from rock bottom,

Was to rise up and remember who I was and to now use that in my success of mind,

Body,

Spirit,

And in my stillness meditation.

And life is just completely new.

And that's the miracle.

Like A Course in Miracles,

This is a vibrational journey into miracles.

And it's really been real for me.

And I'm so passionate to move it forward on the planet.

Beautiful.

My name is Sarah Blondin.

I am a mother,

First and foremost,

A storyteller,

Meditation guide.

And I've been here on Insight Timer for so many years right now.

This is my community.

But I wrote a book called Heart-Minded last year,

Or I guess it's two years ago now.

And it's about really finding our way back to the heart as our kind of beacon and our safe hold.

And yeah,

Everything I do is just a way to help us not feel shame and embarrassment about the entire spectrum of our experience as humans.

I feel like we're such a culture of negligence and compartmentalizing certain aspects of our humanity.

And that was always such a confusing thing for me as a little girl,

Was to see that there was these two worlds within people,

And one we had no language for,

And one we had no access to.

And I was always confused,

And it made me feel very afraid.

And that fear then pushed me further and further away from my heart and my being.

So everything I do today is to kind of rectify that relationship and to say,

No,

I'm having an experience inside as well as outside,

And to tend both lovingly to this world in me as I do to the world outside of me.

This is just amazing.

So exciting already.

It's so exciting to be having an amazing conversation because we're going to be talking about demystifying wellness.

And if anybody on who's in the Insight Timer community,

Who are parents,

Caretakers of any type,

Even if you are just reparenting yourself,

We are going to be diving deep into how we can get wellness in our lives without it feeling like a heavy lift.

So I want to ask Sarah this question first.

How do you find ease in your wellness and meditation practice?

There's a lot of talk about doing it a certain way and having it look a certain way.

But at the end of the day,

It's really to each his own.

So how do you find ease?

I have relaxed so much on the whole regiment.

At first I began very regimented,

And it would have to be at a certain time of day,

And children threw that all out the window.

And there was even several years where when my children were very young,

I wasn't practicing,

My life was so infused with this interaction with my children that I was too exhausted.

The one thing that I did keep up pretty consistently was my writing practice.

And I love that that's what you use for healing as well,

Because that's the only thing that I really consistently use to sustain myself.

But I have no real strict lines.

The only thing that I really commit to is having some form of conscientious and deliberate connection with my heart and with my being.

And if the day is too full,

It will even just be a hand on the heart or a moment when I wake and I say,

Thank you for this day.

I just direct my consciousness in some sort of reverent way throughout my day.

That's what my practice once was very rigid.

It's now become a living prayer,

So to speak.

It's not so.

And then I end my day with a meditation usually.

Yeah,

Living prayer.

That's wonderful.

That's wonderful.

Yeah,

It's the way I've had to mature into my meditation practice was the whole day is meditation.

It's not just when I'm,

You know,

With my eyes closed and or doing mantras or listening to a meditation.

It's when I'm cooking and that way I get the meditation in.

And it's just like I see everything as that,

Whether I'm just sitting with my son,

Working with my daughter,

Working,

Having time alone,

Or even like,

You know,

Having having to deal with challenge.

Like I've I that's a hack that came up as well as I turn it into a meditation and I'm able to breathe through it differently.

So and this is something that I teach in my online school was that is like the whole thing the whole day is meditation.

But yeah,

The whole thing and it helps you just stay in that mindfulness area and just aware of your breath.

It has been transformative to me as a highly sensitive person.

Yeah.

I love that because first of all,

The day being a prayer,

A living prayer,

And then like the day being the meditation,

It really keeps us intact,

Right?

It keeps us connected to the here and the now,

Which I find a lot of people are talking about wellness and mindfulness in a way that feels so over there,

Like in a way that I couldn't understand.

In my new book,

We're talking about using healing and self care and wellness and mindfulness every single day in these micro ways.

And I love that you brought that up.

Like sometimes when you're cooking,

That's the meditation,

You're smelling,

You're tasting,

You're there,

Right?

Because so often we're not even in our lives.

So that's,

I really want to talk about that too.

Like how do we stay in our lives in a way that feels grounded and enjoyable,

But also accessible,

Right?

Because so many of us think we have to be on the cushion or we have to be chanting or we have to be in yoga.

Those are fine things.

But what about when we don't have access to those things?

Or what about when we are having an anxiety attack and we don't know how to access our breath,

But we have to find a way to calm down?

I'm curious to know your thoughts on that.

The only thing I can really say is the importance of developing a practice in any way so that those things don't hit you off guard so much anymore.

I remember when I was just starting my practice and my meditation practice and my introspective practice,

And I remember feeling like I really didn't want the responsibility.

And it was really overwhelming to see that I'm in charge of this and I have to tend to this world and me.

But over the years,

It started off being hard and now it's become something really sweet.

And intimacy and the heart really know they have to be honed and gathered.

So I would just say,

Just gently put something in place where you're just kind of really claiming a deeper conversation with yourself.

And it doesn't have to look a certain way.

It just has to be pivoted toward.

And I think that's one of the things that I think you really have to understand is that you don't have to do very much.

You just have to orient yourself in a certain way.

And the unfolding is quite organic and to release the pressure of what it's going to look like and how it's going to look.

Because in the beginning,

I remember thinking it had to be a certain way.

And I was going to reach a destination where it always felt good.

And that had to be totally dissolved.

And now I'm better with.

I am always evolving and I am going to hit so much part of my language shit in my life with children growing beside me,

My husband,

With the loss,

The fate of each of us,

How much we're going to lose.

I know I'm never going to be able to withstand these things totally,

Easily or perfectly,

No matter how enlightened I am.

So to throw that whole concept out that I think spirituality and the whole self-care practice kind of promotes is like we're going to get to a place.

There is no place.

And I'm OK with that now.

And I love being squeezed now.

Honestly,

Panic and anxiety have been a companion of mine my whole life.

And it's only heightened in certain aspects,

Especially being a mom and considering my children dying and my husband dying.

And I'm just getting comfortable with the squeeze.

And I think that's the real beauty of self-intimacy and connection with God or the divine or whatever you want to call it,

Is you just enjoy the pressure of everything eventually.

Yeah.

And what about you?

Well,

So,

So much of that was my same exact experience and what what I'm feeling.

And this is why I had I had to make the whole day the meditation,

Because I was like,

If I'm going to be in this world and survive on any level that it's functional,

Like I have to have this in place.

And it was that for me of for me,

It was almost like denouncing a certain lifestyle that I was accustomed to that felt really comfortable.

I had all my vices.

I had all the things.

I had all the escape mechanisms.

And when I decided that the whole day was a meditation,

Like it really helped me hone in on being present with whatever shows up,

Whatever shows up and to love myself.

And Thich Nhat Hanh was so instrumental for me in that,

Where he taught whatever shows up to take care of it as the mother of it,

Right,

As the parent of it.

And that aspect has been what I have stuck to.

And it feels so good to just say anxiety.

It's OK.

You're here.

I'm here to take care of you.

What do you need?

Right.

And then now I become the observer of my life versus just just being so subjected to it.

And that in itself is a way that I free myself.

I'm like,

OK,

Let's become the observer.

This is something I talk about in the book as well.

And then also becoming the chemist of my life.

I talk about this as well,

Is that it's it's a matter of knowing like what together creates a solution,

What together creates a toxin,

Like,

You know,

Different compounds,

Different elements together of your life.

And in the more mature I got is funny.

Yeah,

We were we had such a great talk chat before this even started.

That's kind of what we were talking about of like owning like this maturity that we're all each growing into here as women.

But it's like this of loving it and owning it.

And with that comes I,

I love all the aspects of myself that I'm really rooting in a little different now to where I hold space for the days that don't feel like joy.

I'm holding space for the days where I maybe don't feel joyous to be around.

And and that's OK.

We have to admit that we have to honor that,

Hold space for that in a community,

In a circle,

In a culture,

In a home.

And teaching our children how to move through.

And the main thing that also helps us feel good to everyone involved is to learn to not be reactionary,

But to be more responsive.

And so whereas before,

When I was younger,

A younger mother,

When I had a bad day,

Everyone in the house had a bad day,

You know,

Like not answering phone calls,

You know.

And now I'm responsive because it's a meditation.

I'm in it and I'm able to be present with my compassion.

So I don't want to now project this onto other people.

And it's funny because one time I was going through something in India.

She was like,

Mom,

You're projecting.

And I was like,

Ah,

Me projecting?

No.

But got it right there instantly.

So it's like teach your children,

Teach your household,

Whoever you're around.

Learn,

Learn the language together so that you hold each other accountable.

You're there for each other.

And as Khalil Gibran teaches us,

Even our children are our teachers.

And so and,

You know,

We all have children.

So I know that we resonate on that.

And it's just,

You know,

Sitting in the meditation has been life-changing for me.

And then remember who I am in it.

I'm just like,

I have been through so much crap in life.

I have been through so much in life.

And this was from my aunt years ago.

I remember I was going through a heartbreak as a teenager.

She's like,

Layla.

And already at that age,

I had been through so much trauma.

I was 16.

And she said,

You have been through so much more than this.

You will be OK.

You are OK after that.

You will be OK.

You're going to smile again.

And to this day,

I took those about those words still resonate whenever I'm going through a hard time.

And this too shall pass.

So just all of that together as the symphony of like,

You know,

What my life is hearing and surrounded by just really helps in rooting in like my maturity all the more.

This really helps to create this environment where I'm able to thrive even in the midst of chaos,

Whatever is joy,

Chaos,

You know,

The the the changing of the world,

The elements that just from day to day,

You don't know where you're going to be.

So it's just like the news,

The culture.

And so having this path has really helped.

I just feel like we're all so aligned together because what I hear us all saying is that wellness and mindfulness isn't this cookie cutter experience.

It's not this bliss,

Whimsical,

Always ever present like,

I don't know,

Sun goddess.

Right.

Like that's how people spell it to us.

Right.

For me,

I feel like mindfulness makes me sit by my pain,

Makes me sit by my fear,

Makes me look at it.

No one is really talking about that.

I mean,

Unless you're a Tick-Nock Khan or Khalil Gibran,

You know what I mean?

Like people in this day and age with social media,

Wellness is all coffee and tea and beautiful photos and flowers and all of that.

And it's like,

But that's not that's not it.

Wellness is when you can sit by your pain and hold it and hold yourself with compassion and kindness and throw out the idea that you have to get over the thing that hurt you 10 years ago.

You know what I mean?

Like,

How do you just sit with it?

So that's my question for y'all.

How do you sit with the things that are uncomfortable?

I know,

Sarah,

You mentioned like leaning into the squeeze and allowing anxiety and sadness to be a teacher.

So how would you take that a step further with like sitting with it?

I take it as you have no other choice.

Exactly.

I remember just recently having an experience where I went traveling for work and I'm in this gorgeous setting,

Like almost surreal pearl of beauty.

And I'm struggling with a relationship thing with one of the people.

And I'm like,

This is not the last thing I want to have in my head.

And a voice just said,

But it is.

So now what?

And it was just like,

Pop,

Like,

Stop.

This part of our brain is so developed to get us out and to safety and to comfort.

And even with all of my practice,

Like years,

Like 12,

15 years of this practice,

I still forget.

And my brain still goes to that place.

And I have just had to literally learn to put a bolster behind my back lying on the ground.

So the heart gets to open because physically what we do is buckle.

You watch your children have a tantrum.

They go into fall fetal position in their bed.

You have to peel their bodies open.

We're still doing that as adults.

So I lay on my back and I just let the waves come again and again and again.

And I fight the voices that say,

You are failing.

This is so sad that you're still struggling with this.

And I fight to sit in that place,

No matter what,

Without those voices.

And my brother is like,

I thought I was going to get clearer.

I thought I was going to get more space.

And I said,

Why?

We're living close to the symphony,

As Leila said,

Of our lives.

Do we expect that to be peaceful?

And I'm letting everything touch me.

That's going to be hard to continue to harness and to continue to hold and to continue to sit in.

But I have no other choice.

And it's kind of like,

Leave or go in.

And leaving has gotten me nowhere.

And getting in has brought me to the doorway and the gate of compassion that I now am able to transmit in my voice.

Just a sound within me now brings people in because I've sat close to my pain.

It's not even the words.

It's the sound that the spirit then exudes.

Really,

Our options are to eject.

And we've all known those people in our lives where we have watched die,

Having been in pain their whole lives.

And I use that as weighing,

What the shit?

I am going to live close to this sound instead of the out because that's the choice I want to make.

And I think that's what it really comes down to,

Is really choosing to live close to the heart,

To live close to the pain.

And like I said,

Each of our fate is loss.

But let's get real cozy with that because otherwise,

What did we do with our lives?

And turning away isn't going to make it go away.

I tell my clients that all the time.

Fine.

You want to turn?

I turned away for a long time.

I turned back around.

Guess what?

It was still there,

Right?

Like,

Hey,

Girl,

I want you to come back.

Right?

Turning away doesn't make things go away.

And I want to hear your thoughts,

Layla,

On how facing the fear and maybe even taking it a step further,

How befriending our fear brings us closer to our inner intimacy and to our inner wisdom and to our inner wellness.

Yeah.

I often say,

And this was my experience,

Is that we have to give fear a job.

If fear will just show up and it will try to bully,

It doesn't know what it showed up on the job for,

It doesn't know.

We have to give it direction.

And the job that I always give fear is to turn into passion.

Now you have to transmute into passion.

If you show up with me,

You're going to get transmuted into something,

Right?

And so it's either going to get transmuted into stagnation,

Into procrastination,

Into discouragement,

Or into passion.

And so once I was able to show that,

And these are forces,

These are forces that we're working with,

And these are energetics that are,

They exist,

Whatever you want to call them,

Energetic,

Vibration,

It's happening,

Right?

And we can't deny that.

And so once we learn how to work with these forces that show up and that we can guide them as magnetic beings,

That changes the game.

And so once I'm able to now take,

Show fear,

I see the fear showing up,

I show it another path.

And what I have done with fear now is when it shows up,

I no longer fold.

And I'm like,

Oh,

Fear?

Okay.

So this is something I really have to do.

Like it takes you right there.

It takes you right to the growth.

It takes you right to the expansion.

It takes you right to,

Oh,

Okay,

You're ready for another next level.

You're ready for a miracle.

You're ready for your blessing,

Your answer prayer.

And sometimes that comes with the vehicle that is going to have turbulence connected to it.

The journey is not going to feel beautiful.

It's not going to be a one-way stop.

You might have,

So it's like we're all saying,

Embrace the suck.

I just taught about this,

Embrace the suck.

And the suck means it's this military term where these soldiers,

They can't go out.

They can't get out of this training.

Like they have to go through.

Right.

And so how I took,

And I have a huge military family is where that comes from.

So not to trigger anyone.

I love where anyone is and respect and honor where you are with your outlook on that.

But in my own life,

Right,

In my own war that I have had to live over and over again,

Very many times it's like,

And then the nuance,

Right,

Is like,

This doesn't feel good to have to do even,

Even small things like trying to have a self-care day,

But there's an email I have to answer.

There's a meeting I have to have,

Or there's a class I have to teach.

Right.

And I really just want to be by myself.

I really need to read decompress recoup.

And,

But it's like embracing the suck of whatever it is.

Maybe it's the relationships in a liminal space.

It's uncomfortable.

Maybe it's a health crisis,

Whatever it is.

It's like throughout the years,

I've just noticed that when I just embrace what is and just get through it,

That's the,

That's the prayer answered.

And it's not so much the outcome that's the answer,

But it's me getting through it.

That's the answer.

Yeah.

And it's just so different when we look at it that way and that way fear does not stop us,

But we're still moving with it.

Yeah.

Y'all are amazing.

Woo.

I hope everyone at home knows that if you don't have your journals,

You need to get your journals,

Start this over because this is just so powerful.

Like,

I love that we're sitting together and talking about the hard stuff.

We know the beauty that wellness and mindfulness can bring,

Right?

But it is not without walking through the mud.

Sometimes I have walked through many a mud storms,

Mud puddles,

Literally feeling like,

Oh my gosh,

Is this ever going to,

To subside?

Is this pain ever going to just back off?

It is in the leaning in that we find the ease when we stop fighting and we start facing.

That is when we can start transforming.

That is wellness and mindfulness.

It's not the turning away.

It's the turning toward this.

This is just amazing.

Oh yes.

Go,

Go,

Go.

Yes.

I heard something so funny yesterday.

I like did a full body laugh.

I don't know what I was listening to,

But they said that like in the 19,

Like the early century,

You know,

The 1900s in that part of that century.

Someone called Walt Disney,

Like the most dangerous man on the planet.

They're like,

Walt Disney,

Why?

And it was said that they called him that because he,

He gave everyone fairy tales.

Like everyone thinks that their life is supposed to be a fairy tale now.

And so that aspect,

He's the most dangerous man to society,

To humans.

I was like,

What just mind was blown.

I was like,

Whoa,

Okay.

And so that in an aspect is like,

You know,

Every day on the algorithm,

We're seeing,

We see fairy tales,

You know,

It's everyone posts their fairy tales and it's like really sitting because when a lot of people turn off the Disney movies,

Especially when we were younger,

It was all about fairy tale type.

Now it's,

It's more adventure,

But it's like,

My life doesn't look like that.

It's not especially as young children,

Like going through trauma or whatever we're going through as young people,

It doesn't look like fairy tale.

And so we,

We get to this,

Our adulthood,

When we finally are taking our power back in our agency.

And then we're still looking for the fairy tale ending where it's,

It's the ending,

Like Sarah said,

It's not,

It's,

I can't remember if you said it before or during this,

When we started this session recording,

But it's not about the fairytale ending because it's always evolving.

Right.

And I say those same words.

And at one of my prayers,

I say,

I am ever evolving,

Same thing.

And so when we look,

We still have time,

Like I,

Some of the best days of our life are still ahead of us.

And that's what I have begun to know.

Like the laughs that I feel on some day,

Like there's some days when I laugh so hard,

Like it triggers the,

The gratitude for when the days I cried so hard,

I'm like,

Whoa,

Look at me laughing like this.

And look at,

Look at me feeling open in this moment,

The audacity,

You know,

The audacity to take my joy back in this moment like this and,

And act like I don't have any past trauma,

Right.

But that's exactly like how I have to respond to a life that has no way in particular looked or in no area looked perfect.

And it has looked shameful at some points,

Embarrassing at some points,

Just very rock bottom at some points.

And then there's other points too,

Where if you want to know my full story,

Like I have so many highs and so many good moments and wins.

And so,

Like I was,

I was saying,

Like when I get in the media,

A lot of times,

You know,

Well-meaning they want to know like the hard times,

You know,

What did you overcome?

But I think that we have to start looking at people's joy.

Like what makes you joyful now out of all you went through?

Like,

How are you able to still find joy?

And I think that,

You know,

That's for me,

That's the vehicle moving us forward,

Always giving us that,

That moment of expansion that we are so looking for sometimes in,

In other avenues that may not feel like,

That may not,

It feels like self-care,

But ultimately it may not end up being self-care.

That makes any sense.

So self-distraction.

Yeah,

It can be.

Yeah.

Self-distraction.

Absolutely.

I did a lot of that before.

So much of that.

I feel like all of us have at one point have distracted ourselves from ourselves.

Sarah,

Have you,

Have you been there?

My whole beginning of my life until probably 25.

And then my whole kind of trajectory got flipped on its head.

And I went,

Oh,

Because the beginning of your life,

You're so impressionable.

Right.

And for me,

External beauty was the one thing that I did really well in society was like,

You're doing this well.

So do,

You know,

Do this.

And I was like,

Okay,

So this,

This is what I do,

Right.

Whatever that means.

Yeah.

But that led me down so many bizarro realms that ended up like beating my body down.

And ultimately it was a kindness because it,

It,

It led me as all our breakdowns really do to kind of enter a deeper conversation.

Right.

And to see if I am not this,

If this is nothing to do with anything that's in me.

I remember I went on a retreat when I was kind of in crises.

It was a writing retreat.

And one of the women there at the end,

We're supposed to share with one another some,

Something that touched us about the other person.

And she was like,

I've been sitting and I've been sitting and I've been trying to hear what I could say to you that you've maybe never heard before.

And she said,

You are so,

So ugly compared to what you are inside.

And I just like broke because my whole life had been operated by and functioning by what everybody said I was good at.

And I was following this algorithm and just busted that right off.

And that's when it really deepened.

And I started committing in ways that I would have never had to love,

To risking love,

To being in relationship with my husband,

To having children,

To moving to the country where I had no recognition and no affirmation in the realms that I was used to.

That's what led me to stop the distraction because I had tumbleweed rolling down my street and I only had me to meet.

And that's when my writing practice really became more of a saving,

Like a life raft because I wanted to die.

I wanted to die because I didn't know who I really was.

And writing led me to the voice that pulled me out of that distraction and started teaching me who I really was.

That was only because I had to go through the beginning.

I think we're given this life and we have this tremendous gift that we're not conscious of because we're just so immersed in it as babes.

And then we have to forget it.

And that's what I've learned is the beauty is that we have to forget in order to find that it is a gift.

And the only way to find that it is a gift,

And this is what I've been teaching my children,

Peace and war are partners,

Love and sorrow.

They're the two sides of the same thing.

We can't have one and not the other.

My love for you is my sorrow.

It's all connected.

My joy is because of my pain.

And that's what I think the great amnesia is.

We've been sold this one-dimensional reality.

And it's like,

Why are we talking about the way to this joy and the actual joy we want,

Which is not based on material or success?

It's based on riding the waves,

Like Leila was saying.

I'm really learning to stand in all of this.

And that's where real,

Unperturbable joy comes from.

I'll say for me,

When my body was going through a breakdown,

I could no longer maintain at the output,

At the rate that I was trying to.

And I remember thinking that I had to show up so perfectly,

Even to the point of.

.

.

And one thing,

We probably all have this in common,

Is people may tell us,

Your voice is so relaxing,

Because we're all meditation instructors.

And I remember not even being able to.

.

.

It felt such a responsibility that I was not able to find my voice.

And whenever I would hear myself back,

It just did not feel good.

It did not feel good to me.

And I was like,

What is this?

What is happening?

I would watch myself back on the video,

And I would not lie.

I would cringe even.

Like,

This is some of my old video teachings.

And one thing that I did is that I have kept those up on my school.

And I fought over,

Should I take them down?

Because I really don't like them.

They feel cringey.

That's not.

.

.

I've grown into my maturity now.

It's not performance.

And I wouldn't say it's not performance where I was being inauthentic,

But I was trying to be the part.

This is what a teacher looks like,

Right?

And it wasn't until I dropped into Layla,

Layla Delia.

I had to drop into who I was.

And once that happened,

Everything changed.

I can even tell you my community grew.

I started feeling more comfortable.

Teaching didn't feel like a job anymore.

And so all of that informed my decision and has sustained it to know that there is place for me,

Space for me,

Right where I stop performing.

Like,

Right there.

That's when it starts.

Like,

That's when you're really doing the work and just being your authentic self.

And I've been able.

.

.

And again,

My throat chakra has been able to find its comfort,

To find its place,

To find its pace.

Like,

It's just really interesting.

And I used to be terrified.

I don't know what it was.

I guess this was like a premonition or something one day knowing I was going to do meditations.

But when I was coming up in my healing,

Maybe like 11 years ago,

I would listen to meditation teachers and think that that was the hardest thing on the planet to do,

Because you had to be so balanced and so shield to be a meditation teacher and to evoke this in others.

And I just remember feeling like that would be the last thing I would probably ever be able to do.

And then I had this thing always in life,

I heard other people have it,

Of like,

Whenever I hear myself on voice messages and things,

I would not connect to my voice.

I'm like,

Who is that?

And now when I hear my meditations back,

They heal me.

They soothe me.

They show up for me.

So that has been the biggest lesson that I have learned and the biggest,

I would say,

Reward even to myself for choosing to be,

To drop in to who Layla is and not who the expectations of the outer world.

Yeah.

I can hear myself back now and I no longer cringe.

I can look at myself now and I no longer cringe.

I'm tuning in.

I'm like,

This is good.

This is good.

This is me,

You know?

Yeah,

And it's something,

And I do believe like I channel.

So it's like,

It's,

And that's another thing.

I got out of the way.

Woo.

Come on now.

I got out of my own way.

I was trying,

Most high takeover.

Like that was the prayer for me.

You teach through,

I'm the vessel.

I'm thinking I'm,

I'm the power.

I'm the source.

I'm not the source.

I'm the vessel.

So that was another,

That was another thing I had to do.

So when I hear myself,

When I watch myself now,

It's,

It's channel.

It's not me trying to fix and create and say a word.

And what word can I use?

Be what it's,

It's channels.

And it's,

That's why it feels different for me now.

And that's why I can tune in.

I'm like,

I didn't even realize I said that.

I needed that.

I'm taking notes,

You know,

So yeah.

Thanks.

Beautiful.

Yeah.

Uh,

For me,

I,

I,

I still struggle with the performative.

Um,

For when I,

When I started live awake,

Everything was like,

Nobody knew who I was.

And I was just like,

I'm my little microphone.

It was just for me to survive.

Right.

It wasn't,

It wasn't attached.

It came with no attachments.

The only pure thing I'd ever done.

And,

Um,

And then when everybody was like,

Okay,

So now you're assumed you're this role now,

Sarah,

Like I didn't choose this as far as I'm concerned,

It was bestowed upon or given to as a responsibility that I'm now working continuously to try and get out of my own way.

And as soon as my face,

Like,

I was always just like,

I'm so good.

I'm so good behind.

But,

Um,

I think because I had that really harsh experience when I was younger,

The pendulum is swung.

Right.

And now I really want to hide.

Yeah.

And being seen now is really uncomfortable for me,

To be honest.

Um,

And I really have to like,

Figure out how to get into my group.

But that is my prayer these days is just like,

I am not this.

Um,

This is,

This is through me by me.

And,

And I,

And I thank you.

And just like trying to get out of my own way,

But it's been such,

Um,

It was such a beautiful experience to go and teach the other day at it,

Like kind of like a big,

A big thing.

And I was so afraid before I got on stage and I was sitting in front of the statue of the Buddha.

And I was remembering my,

My little brother's words.

And he said,

Once you get through this,

You'll gain a seat,

You'll gain your seat and your seat is in,

In you.

And there's thing,

There's nothing more important than gaining that seat.

And I,

I freaked out and blah,

Blah,

Blah.

And then I grounded and I got on stage and God was there and it was God through me.

And I don't even remember the experience.

And I just text him after.

And I was like,

I got my seat,

Bro.

I got my seat.

So,

I mean,

I'm still learning.

I'm still learning.

I'm so,

I'm so green at being a teacher.

And I,

I've kind of really had to,

Um,

It's been a tough,

Tough learning curve for me,

But yeah.

I love that so much.

I relate to both.

I find myself on both sides because I'm learning as I continue to grow and heal and expand before we were recording.

I remember saying to y'all,

Like,

I just feel like I'm being pulled expand and maybe even bloom and I'm sure I'm ready.

But I think I learned,

I am learning to release performing by allowing myself to be with today and to be in the moment of the now,

Not thinking about what's next,

But thinking about today,

How I feel in my body today.

We have a world that tells us we need to know where we're going.

We need to know what we're doing and we need to know how to get there.

It's,

We don't,

And that's okay to be a student of life and to figure it out along the way.

So I'm releasing performance by being with the present.

And that circles back to the whole pain for someone saying that once,

When you're in panic and anxiety,

You don't have to get out and you don't know how to have to get out.

Can you be with it right now?

And then right now,

And then right now.

It's like,

Yeah,

I can be with it right now and right now and right now,

But not like the whole thing.

And I always say to my husband,

Like,

Well,

I'm a writer and I'm a teacher.

And he's like,

Can you stop putting these names on you?

Like,

What if you stop tomorrow?

And that's okay.

And stop putting a name and a title and a tradition,

Like,

Just stop.

It's like right now,

Right now,

Right now.

Yeah,

The power of now.

And that really is the Zen path of this moment.

And suffering does come when we're not here now.

We're thinking about the past or the future,

The past,

And not realizing that everything is happening right now.

And that's the power.

And when each of you said that,

It was like,

Okay,

It's controlling now.

Like,

This is the narrative.

I can no longer control the narrative of the future,

The past.

And it's also like this,

These projections that we take on sometimes as teachers,

That I think,

You know,

Our community,

Like feeling like our community needs us to be a certain way.

And what I've realized is like,

The realer I get,

The more they're connected.

Like,

It's just like,

They love it.

You meet them right where they are.

And they're not looking for us to be saintly,

You know,

Right?

And it's just like,

They're looking for us to be real.

And that's the,

And when I was growing up,

I could just say that was the tone,

You know,

Of the eighties growing up in the black church.

And then growing up also,

My father also was a Buddhist.

So my mother in the church,

My father,

My mother and grandmother's in the church.

And then my father,

A Buddhist,

Like I really,

And then also the tone of just culture was like very here and,

You know,

No room for any mess.

And we keep that quiet.

But now it's like,

Where has that gotten us?

Right.

And now it's all about transparency.

Even being,

What's the word that Brene Brown uses?

Vulnerable.

Vulnerable.

Yes.

Like the vulnerable teacher.

And it's just powerful.

So,

You know,

My intention is that I really hope that people were helped by this because we're just being so real and all the people who want to do what we do.

Like,

There's a lot of people that are like,

I want to get into what you're doing.

I want to do it.

And it's just like,

You can and just know that it's not a perfect formula.

It's not even something that you can follow.

We're not even in the era of following someone straight to a T.

It's going to be your unique formula.

And what I heard from all of us was just like owning,

Dropping into who we are,

Allowing the higher power,

The divine to move through us.

And for me,

That's the most important because then you have the integrity to be what it is,

To show up on this level.

And for me,

That integrity comes back to the level of,

Am I being my real self?

That that's also self-care.

You know,

It's like at the end of the day,

Was I myself today?

And if I wasn't,

And I want to say,

If you perform today,

Give it some weight.

And that's what we have to learn as we're stepping into it.

I love that you didn't erase your old footage because that's part of the progression of you as a teacher.

And I think if we're put on the stage,

Like I just remember Brene Brown saying that too,

Like now that I'm on the stage,

I'm going to be seen and messing up in the public sphere.

So I better get comfortable with this being human thing in every aspect of my life.

So that's really,

You know,

And I started my Substack newsletter and it's helping me step into me in a greater way because I'm showing up consistently every week.

And a new me is being born in the process.

New beings,

New representations of us don't happen in our closets.

They happen co-collaboratively with one another.

You show me something about me.

I show something about you.

We together create the teachers,

The leaders.

You know,

We're not created overnight.

We're created by and with each other,

Which is so beautiful.

Which just leads me to the point that I always say self-care is community care.

That is what self-care is.

We need it in this life.

There will be ebbs and flows.

There will be points where we need to be in isolation and hibernation and restoration.

And then there's going to be points where we need our community to hold us,

Carry us and lift us.

And so they go hand in hand.

You cannot have one without the other.

So a big point of de-mystifying wellness is throwing away the idea that you have to do it on your own,

That you have to know how to do it and know how to hold it all.

The best thing you can do is hand it to someone who has the capacity to make room and make space for you.

And just can we see this together?

Can we look at this together?

And immediately the burden is lessened.

And again,

We're just told,

And that's with my work overnight.

Everybody's like,

I needed to hear this.

And I was like,

I think it's because we're desperate to hear the whole spectrum of our experience talked about.

Just desperate to recognize ourselves in one another.

Truly not the Instagram versions.

Okay,

Guys.

So Claudette wants to know how we can move from depletion in our practice to one that's restorative and helps us replenish.

Laila,

What would you say to that?

Yeah,

I found sometimes it's stepping away and allowing the practice to rest.

And knowing that at different times,

Depending on what you're going,

It's going to be a different medicine,

So to speak.

And so having grace with even your practice to know that this has been working for me all this time.

Maybe it's time to switch it up.

Maybe it's time to adapt.

And that's just the adaptability in practice has been so important to me.

And to not just have one practice,

But have like a medicine bag.

Oh,

This doesn't work.

Okay,

Let me try that.

Oh,

Okay.

Not that.

And really sit in the patience of the body allowing,

Allowing,

Allowing in another way.

Another path.

That has been so instrumental for me because I will jump practices in a minute.

Like I am not loyal to just one practice.

I'm loyal to healing.

And healing shows up different depending on what we're going through,

Where we are,

What time of the day it is.

You just have to be,

You have to be like,

We,

It's a current thing.

Like riding the waves.

Like this could be riding the waves,

Our subtitle.

Just knowing how to ride the waves of what is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think that's good.

I think you answered for me.

I think that's wonderful.

Okay.

Sarah,

Yuri wants to know how to debunk the idea that you need to be healthy to be happy.

How can we find joy in the midst of illness?

Good one.

I can only speak from my own experience.

Always.

I try not to give advice or on anything that I haven't kind of fully experienced myself.

I had a chronic chest pain for two years when I was publishing my book,

Not ironically.

But I remember just being like,

I can't,

Pain is a pain and illness kind of trigger and ignite pretty deep fears or can.

And it's pretty uncomfortable and brings you right to the gate of,

Of truth.

Ultimately that I don't get to keep this body and I have to be comfortable with what lives in it.

Remember working with this pain in my chest for two years.

And I remember getting to a point where I just said,

Okay,

After I had exhausted all the avenues of kind of healing.

And I said,

What if I pretended this was going to be with me forever.

And,

And how does that change the way I live with it now?

Instead of always trying to get out,

Like,

Again,

We've been full circle here.

Like we always try and get out to a solution.

So I said,

Well,

Okay,

If this is going to be with me forever,

How do I live with this?

Immediately it disengaged.

It pulled me out of a struggle and it pulled me away from this,

Like against something in me.

And I had to learn to just be with this pain in my body and,

And accept it as if it was always going to be a part of my life.

And I think people are really afraid to do that because they think they're opening the door to manifesting it to stay.

But I think the opposite actually happens when you accept it,

It kind of disarms.

Most of our pain and our suffering comes from us resisting it.

And so for me,

Once I said,

Okay,

It's here,

It was just like,

What do you need today?

What do you need right now?

And then from that came that again,

Being squeezed by being squeezed by this thing.

And it brought me closer to my writing practice.

It brought out more beautiful prose for me that were more human,

Had a greater breadth and depth.

It brought me into just a deeper compassion and awareness for what a lot of people struggle with.

So to really just maybe just accept that it's part,

We're never,

You know,

We're never fully well,

And we're never fully,

You know,

Not well.

We're walking in both worlds all the time.

And just to really acknowledge that both our feet are in one world all the time and stop the war inside.

And then the pain and the illness can still be there,

But you're learning something about who you are in that.

And you're using it to kind of cultivate and unearth your capabilities.

And that's where the joy comes from,

Right?

Again,

It's just an extreme teacher.

I think illness and stuff like that are just really potent,

Potent instructors.

That's beautiful.

Okay.

So this last question is a really powerful one.

I'm going to take this one.

It says,

Do you think medication can prevent you from fully experiencing a connection to your higher self,

Guide,

God,

Especially while meditating?

The reason why I wanted to answer this is because I am on anxiety and depression and OCD medication.

I take Zoloft and I just started taking it at the top of this year and I fought taking it.

I tried a different medication last year.

It didn't work for me.

And I was devastated because I felt like I was in such inner turmoil.

However,

Meditation and yoga,

Connecting with God and spirit,

Like I was not able to do these things when I wasn't because I was so in my anxiety.

I was so in my depression.

And I think there's a big taboo about like needing medication.

It is okay if you need medication.

For me,

That is a part of my self-care practice.

I see a therapist,

I see a psychiatrist,

And I have to take a low dosage of medication to give me the serotonin that my body does not produce.

And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

What I have found is that I'm actually more clear-minded now while being on this medication because I can be in my body and out of my head before I was in my head and not in my body.

Again,

I'm not giving advice,

Talk to your doctors,

Do what feels right and good for you.

But I just wanted to speak from a personal experience because I tried everything.

I tried all the herbs.

I tried Reiki.

I tried acupuncture.

I tried changing my diet.

I tried CBD,

Everything.

And nothing was giving me the serotonin that I needed.

And I then felt separate from my life.

I wasn't even in my life.

And so I do not think from my personal experience that taking medication disrupts your practice of prayer,

Of getting guidance from God,

Of getting guidance from spirit,

And for being in your meditation.

I don't think it does.

It has not for me,

If anything,

It has allowed me to be more rooted and more connected in my practice because now I know,

Okay,

I'm getting,

I feel something different in my body and I am getting what I was lacking essentially.

So I love this question because no one is talking about this in the mindfulness space,

The yoga space.

Trauma-informed meditators and folks,

Practitioners in this work,

We've all had to go through something to get to where we are.

We may not all be on medication,

But some of us may be like me.

And I want people to know and feel safe to do what feels right and good for you and your body.

Talk to your doctors,

Get the help that you need.

That could be medication.

That could not be.

But tap in.

It wasn't until I tapped in that I was really able to ground down.

So that was a great question.

Thank you for asking it.

Wonderful,

Wonderful.

That was good.

I mean,

It's real life.

Yeah.

We can't meditate everything away.

And I think another part of demystifying wellness,

Like if I could meditate my pain and anxiety and OCD away,

I would have been done it by now.

You know,

I think there are,

I think that we all have different pathways.

And sometimes we have to take multiple pathways to reach our goals.

And so,

Yeah.

Yeah.

And that integrative piece,

That's been my journey as well.

It was like when I was trying to fit into the perfect self-care box,

Which usually comes with like,

You know,

As you would say,

Like maybe no medication.

And I haven't got a medication,

But I do,

You know,

Transparently have something I'm going through now,

Which,

You know,

We were talking about before with fibroids.

And I don't know whether I'm going to have to be a medication in the future.

Like,

I don't know what that entails.

I'm learning.

But as I step out of the holistic world,

That was not working for me,

You know,

As part of my self-care.

So it's integrating something else.

And I love that even our own mental health,

When we allow the path to open,

Right?

And just say that all of it is healing and not stigmatize anything and not be like it's lesser than.

It's just beautiful.

And I know someone personally who has just got on medication for adult ADHD,

And they're like,

I didn't know I could feel this good.

You know,

It's amazing.

And I've seen the clear difference.

I'm like,

Wow,

It's a totally different being.

So yeah,

It's like honor the path,

Honor that.

Honor your path.

Whatever you need,

Lean in,

Get the support that you need,

Whatever that looks like,

Like what works for me and what works for Layla,

What works for Sarah,

Be it from our meditation practice of the things we teach,

It may not work for you.

Find your flow and find what works for you.

That's a part of demystifying wellness for me.

You know,

And across the board,

Like in all areas,

All areas.

And I think that's one thing that I would say to people as well is like,

Once you're starting,

You know,

Really getting intimate with yourself in bigger and bigger leaps in your life,

The fear doesn't actually get smaller and the anxiety doesn't get smaller.

I find that it only intensifies.

Feel like you want to die.

And that's okay.

I remember having chronic,

Chronic anxiety and pain that coincided with my chest pain.

And I was like,

Every morning I'd wake up crying,

Saying to my husband,

I can't,

I can't.

I can't.

But luckily,

You know,

Something really did settle with time and I didn't have to resort to medication.

But I remember feeling,

Feeling that crunch as well.

And it's a really scary place to be in.

And I think that's what we're seeing with a lot of the mass shootings and all the horrible things.

There's no home and there's no allowance to come home in the body,

Right?

We're seeing violence and aggression because of,

It's not hospitable inside ourselves.

So let's find our way,

Whatever that means for you,

You know?

Yes,

Norway,

Whatever that means for you.

Well,

This was just a stunning conversation.

Thank y'all both for sharing space with me.

It has been an honor to just be in sisterhood and community with you.

Thank you all so much for joining us for this Insight Timer series on demystifying wellness.

We'll see you next time.

Reviews

This was powerful. As a certified wellness coach and yoga teacher with lived experiences that aligned with a lot of the ones discussed here, I found this relatable and insightful. Thank you!

Interesting and thought provoking talk between 3 wise women. Thank you Alex, Lelah and Sarah.🌼💕

Amazing conversation! So many truths. Thank you. 🙏🏼

Fantastic! Thank you! I will definitely be listening to this a few times to soak it all in.

Brilliant! Loving hearing these beautiful women sharing insights in such a loving, honest, vulnerable and inclusive manor. 💙👏🏻

Really stunning. Three of the most inspiring women on earth, talking so honestly together. What a privilege to be able to hear this. Beautiful. Thank you all. X

I loved this!!! This was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you!! 💜

Amazing discussion and so very helpful. Intelligence on/from every level. Thank you.

My three favorite teachers in the world! I How did it happen that you were all speaking to each other?? Such a gift. Thank you 🙏🏼 This conversation taught me so much about acceptance, self love, pain and wellness. ❤️

Loved this ladies thanks so much for sharing your wisdom and ways to ride the waves of life 🥰🙏

What a wonderful and insightful conversation! Thank you, thank you. 🙏🏽

Amazing and so needed. I follow all three women and they have been extremely helpful in getting me through my day as I suffer the loss of my precious daughter!! Nothing prepares you for this type of pain and it takes everything to get through the day!!! These ladies and insight timer have been instrumental on my journey! 🙏🏾♥️🙏🏾

So needed to hear this now. So many nuggets of wisdom that landed with my body and sang. Thank you. Riding the waves of life now!

Wow. Incredible conversation filled with authenticity and honesty. I love hearing from all three of these amazing women, healers, and teachers. Thank you Elle, Sarah, and Leila. I will be reflecting on this for awhile.

Ps I listened to this as I was spiraling down my own anxiety throughout the day. All divine timing. 🙏🏽✨♥️ Blessings to you all, and yo everyone who may be struggling right now. You’re not alone. ♥️

Amazing, authentic, vulnerable, beautiful conversation that was thought provoking and inspiring to find and just be who you were, are, and are becoming. Thank You

Great collaboration and insight

Really great to hear these three wise women share their ESH. Love the honesty around medication and wish more people would speak honestly about it. I’m always amazed how it has been an integral part of many many people’s journey but yet they fail to mention it in their main narrative. In my eyes it’s no different to taking insulin for diabetes or painkillers for a bad back, depending on the situation and whether it’s needed short or long term. I used to be highly judgmental of it before a personal experience. You don’t know unless you’ve walked in their shoes as they say. Much appreciated the great lessons here. Thank you 🌟

I loved the vulnerable honesty in this conversation from all of you. One aspect that challenged me was on the topic of medication but I love how you honoured each other through that. Thank you will for showing up so beautifully.

This was absolutely magical! Thank you all for being so authentic and vulnerable! So many wonderful nuggets of wisdom in here!

Phenomenal trio! Thank you!