Welcome,
This is the fifth of a series of meditations on being present now.
I am Italian and I live in Italy so I speak English as a second language.
If my ascent,
My lexical and grammatical errors do not interfere too much with your mindfulness practice then I do really hope that you can find some hints or insights in these meditations on the art of being present.
I've practiced vipassana meditation for many years with different lay and monastic teachers and I have a strong scientific background so I'm sharing with you my personal experience on this ancient practice of the science of the mind.
We are going progressively from about the 15 minutes of the first meditation to the 30 minutes of the tenth and last meditation.
So this one will be about 21 minutes.
Let's start as usual by bringing our attention to our breath.
Let's follow the breathing all the way in and all the way out.
Inhaling and exhaling with awareness.
Awareness of the movement of the breath in the body,
In the chest and the abdomen.
Aware of the different feelings happening right now in the body.
We are training our mind to stay still,
To stay here on what's happening moment by moment.
And we're using the breath and body sensations,
The feelings in the body as an anchor for the mind.
But as the nature of the mind is very complex,
It naturally tends to go away,
To get lost into thinking or following maybe a strong emotion or fantasies.
So with patience we have to bring our mind back to our breath.
In breath and out breath.
And while we are exhaling we can also let go,
Let go of all the tensions in the body and the mind.
In breath and out breath.
I can feel the chest expanding and contracting,
The abdomen rising and falling.
I am here,
I am feeling it moment by moment.
I am maybe also feeling other sensations in my arms,
In my back,
In my neck or in the legs.
It's ok if sensation calls for my attention,
I go there with my attention.
Maybe I need to move a little bit,
Maybe I need to straighten up my back so that my head is aligned with the spine and the shoulders are relaxed and my legs are strong.
I feel my buttocks pressing against the cushion and the chair and so my position is strong.
If it's not necessary to move I try to stay still and follow the breath,
Following this little movement in the front part of my body as a wave,
Coming and going.
I can also feel the noise of my breathing.
I can finally live with it.
I can also feel the sound of my breathing,
The air coming in through the nostrils,
Down through the throat and then out.
And if there are sounds around,
Maybe close to me or far in the distance,
I hear them too.
I hear sounds without interpreting,
Without getting lost in thinking,
Judging.
I'm just hearing.
And I can also repeat mentally this word,
Hearing,
Hearing.
And then I let the sounds,
Thoughts,
Emotions all in the background.
Like they're moving in the distance.
Why?
My attention,
My wise,
Non-judging attention goes back to the breath,
To the breathing.
I inhale and I exhale.
Now inside of me there is a huge space,
A big huge space.
That's the space of awareness.
And in that space I can see thoughts coming and going,
Emotions,
Sounds,
Sensations.
Everything arises and then passes away.
An emotion,
A thought,
A sensation arise and then if I don't grasp it,
If I don't get attached to it or if I don't get in conflict with it by wanting it to go away,
It naturally goes away.
If I try to make it go away,
I will probably get stuck with it because I make it solid like it was something consistent,
Solid.
While if I let everything be just the way it is,
I can see how everything comes and then goes away.
That's the nature of things.
Nothing is unchangeable.
Everything moves all the time.
Thoughts are moving,
Emotions,
Sensations,
Everything is always changing and I can bring my attention,
My wise attention,
My awareness,
My mindfulness to this ever-changing reality.
It is825 B.
C.
To become aware of what is happening inside of me,
I need to train my mind to be still,
Following a process like the breathing,
And not get lost into ideas of what things are,
But being present to the actual happening of things.
And to not get lost into imagination and fantasies,
We use sensations in the body,
Which are strong and real.
Sometimes having a pain,
A painful sensation is good.
It's like a blessing,
Because now we can go there with our wise attention,
Without judging the painful sensation,
But knowing it.
How is it?
Is it burning?
Warm?
It's pooling?
It's throbbing?
It's pulsating?
How is it?
Is it moving?
Vibrating?
Whatever sensation arises that's calling our attention,
We go there.
We go there with a caring attention.
And we can also repeat mentally the word knowing,
Knowing.
We're just knowing this sensation.
Go there closer and closer to the sensation,
Just to become aware,
To be present,
And learn to embrace it,
To accept it just the way it is,
Without getting in conflict,
Without developing aversion or hostility toward the sensation that is me.
So I don't want to get in conflict with myself.
I need to embrace,
To hug my little sensations.
So the wise part of me,
The adult wise part of myself can go there and take care of this little sensation that wants my attention,
My wise and non-judgmental attention.
There's no judging.
There's no good or bad.
There's just what is present right now in my body.
Maybe I need to take a deep breath in and a deep breath out.
And while I'm breathing out,
I let go of all the tensions in the body and the mind.
And if I realize that I'm judging myself for the situation,
I let go also of the judgment.
So I'm not adding judgment on judgment.
If I'm judging,
Let go.
And go back to the breathing.
In breath and out breath.
Inhaling and exhaling.
Exhaling and exhaling.
And if I become aware of aversive thoughts towards myself or other people or situations,
I just see them.
There is maybe hostility or anger or maybe some fear or anxiety.
Whatever emotion is attached to this thinking,
I just become aware of it without judging myself,
Without wanting to be different.
But just seeing,
Knowing.
I'm just knowing the thoughts that are passing through our mind.
Because if I see them,
I can embrace them.
And if I love them,
Then they simply go away without doing any harm.
But if I don't want to see them,
But they are there,
Then I create trouble.
Because I create conflict and by avoiding them,
I'm not loving them.
I'm not accepting.
I'm not embracing them.
And so they will stay there.
They will become solid,
Sticky.
I will be stuck into this thinking.
While if I let all kind of things that are inside of me surface into awareness,
Then I can embrace them with warmth in my heart.
And by loving this sadness or anger,
Hostility,
Aversion,
Fear,
Whatever,
It's there that I don't like,
Disgust,
Whatever,
It's there,
By loving it like it was a little child that wants to be loved,
By loving it,
Then it will naturally go away.
Maybe it will take time.
Maybe it's a strong emotion or a strong idea.
Maybe it's a conditioning that I have had all my life,
So I have to be patient.
Maybe it will take years before my ideas finally are not so solid anymore about that person or that situation that I'm stuck with.
But I need to start somewhere.
So by paying attention to the rising and falling of the abdomen,
By following my breath,
I become aware of what is here right now in this very moment.
And I learn to love it just the way it is without wanting to be different from what I am.
And knowing that this is the only way out,
That this is the only way that brings to real love,
Real openness.
That's good for myself and for all the people around me,
Because if I can find peace inside myself,
Then I will be a peaceful person and I will bring peace all around me in my environment.
I can always take a deep breath or five deep breaths and let go,
Trusting that this process can bring tremendous transformation in society by starting from me.
