Compassion Vs Empathy

Empathy is the ability to imagine and share the feelings, emotions and views of others. But if we only practice empathy, we may get overwhelmed ourselves, if we empathize with those who are experiencing extreme suffering.
Compassion ('Karuṇā') goes beyond experiencing others' suffering; it focuses on wishing them to be free from all pain and hardship. Developing the intention: "May you be free from all suffering" is not weighing us down, but uplifts and beautifies our own mind.

Transcript

One point would be the difference between empathy and compassion.

That's a really important point.

Empathy is the ability to experience or to imagine what other beings feel,

Their point of view.

What other beings feel and experience,

Their point of view,

Their kind of emotion,

Their kind of feelings they have.

For example,

When other beings are suffering,

Empathy enables us to recognize what is their suffering and to become aware that other beings are suffering.

That is obviously a necessary condition for developing karuna,

For developing compassion.

If we have no awareness that others are suffering,

It would be impossible to feel gender and compassion for them.

Only once I am aware that they actually do have a problem,

Only then can I bring up the intention,

May they be free from that.

So there is a connection between these two.

In order to really get our compassion going,

We need the ability to feel empathy so that we become aware that other beings experience suffering.

It's actually a great exercise.

If we really start looking,

We usually find that they also and particularly as a monk,

I remember sometimes even on flights,

These long flights going back to Europe,

And then the people sitting next to me recognizing I am a monk,

Complete strangers,

And sometimes they tell me their hardship and their pain for hours there.

It's quite amazing,

There are some quite successful people.

I remember this one guy,

He was a surgeon from Brazil,

Sitting next to me and then telling me about his awful divorce and all the pain.

As a monk,

I notice it's maybe even particularly strong.

But in general,

Once we start digging below the surface,

Although they are all saying,

How are you,

I am fine,

If you start digging below the surface,

They are not 100% fine,

They all have their share of pain and suffering.

And often,

Particularly the ones who are so difficult,

This is already a great relief,

Often if you are dealing with someone who is just so difficult,

Then you maybe hear that they are going through an awful divorce,

Or they just lost a child to cancer,

Or they have just been diagnosed themselves with cancer,

Or maybe they have chronic migraine,

Excruciating pain.

Once we find out about that,

It's much easier,

And no one can let go,

One can forgive their being difficult.

That is all empathy,

Being able to become sensitive to that,

To be able to perceive that,

To be aware of all the kinds of pain and suffering that other beings experience.

But there is a problem if we leave it at empathy,

Because it can become overwhelming if you fear the pain and suffering of all these beings that may just crush us,

Or even just take animals.

We can go vegan,

But even if we go vegan,

There are still billions of animals being slaughtered every year and living this utterly miserable life in the big animal farms,

Like in the places of torture.

Or even human beings,

If you read about Afghanistan,

Syria,

Or famine in Africa,

And all these things,

And you see that,

We may be able to give some donations for some charities to help them,

But there is no real way to completely eliminate that suffering for us.

And when our empathy is strong and we leave it,

Just that empathy,

We may get crushed by that.

It's often challenging when we do the pilgrimages to India,

Because in India,

The suffering is not right into your face.

And you see these old people who may have no one to look after them,

And they have to be begging on the street trying to survive,

And they are really old,

Or handicapped people,

Or people within a leprosy.

And some people find it overwhelming.

But this is where compassion comes in,

And I'd like to call it the miracle of compassion,

Because compassion goes beyond mere empathy.

Compassion means it's no longer just experiencing the suffering of others empathetically,

But it's now focusing on the wish,

May they be free from that,

May they be released from that suffering.

That is one step more.

And that wish,

That intention,

That aspiration,

May they be free from that suffering,

Is actually uplifting.

And it can be applied,

Even if we witness kind of an unbearable suffering,

Which we cannot materially change.

The moment when we really wish,

And think,

And feel,

And hope,

And intend,

May you be free from that,

May they be released from all that pain,

We can notice how our mind starts soaring above the suffering.

That intention is so wholesome,

So beneficial and good,

That it uplifts our mind.

And I think it's one of the most skilful ways of dealing with an extreme suffering which we may witness,

And where we may be unable to physically change it.

So just trying to make the point that we have to go beyond mere empathy,

Beyond just sympathetically feeling the suffering of others,

And we have to really focus on the intention,

The wish,

The aspiration,

May they be released from that,

May they be free from that.

And it's very important to understand that this intention can be formed independently from any way of actually practically helping them,

Because often we can't do it practically.

If there are these huge forest fires,

There are so many animals,

Once we start thinking about that,

How much they suffer in these gigantic fires,

Like in W.

A.

Now,

I have lived there,

I can imagine what it's like.

All the animals in the forest,

Maybe you can put out some water or do some little thing,

But there is still endless suffering.

But even if we can't change it,

We can form the wish.

May you be free from that,

May you be released from that suffering.

That wish can be done independently from any practical application.

It may sound counter-intuitive,

But if you try it out,

The mind is quite capable of doing that.

And that intention then will uplift our mind,

Feels really good.

So the great way of dealing with suffering we witness,

Or we become aware of,

Which is in danger of overwhelming us and making us depressed,

And there would be nothing served.

If we have only empathy and not the wish,

May you be free from that.

We may end up depressed and despondent ourselves,

And that wouldn't help anyone.

If we have compassion,

We can rise above the suffering.

The other important point is directing compassion to oneself.

When we do that in our meditation,

It's a good test.

We have to very mindfully look how does our mind respond.

We may direct compassion,

Karunan,

To many beings,

And our mind may respond quite positively.

And then when we now try to wish ourselves to be free from all pain and suffering,

How does the mind respond to that?

Is it exactly the same like to others?

Or can we notice some resistance,

Some hesitation?

It's really important to notice that,

Because for whatever reason,

It seems that deep down many human beings nowadays don't really want to be free from pain and suffering.

In fact,

This is known that some people,

For example,

Want to punish themselves.

They feel they're not good or they feel guilty.

Or maybe they have been rejected by parents or by a spouse or partner or whatever.

And some of them they have deep down a subconscious usually.

They're not fully aware of that.

But subconsciously they feel that they should be suffering.

And in our meditation,

When we now direct compassion to ourselves,

In the way the mind responds,

We may be noticing that we may have that issue.

And if we notice that,

Then it's so important to really start working in developing compassion for ourselves.

It's so important that we really,

Deep down,

Even subconsciously,

Feel that we deserve to be liberated from all pain and suffering.

It's very known that there are people who are self-harming,

Burning themselves or cutting themselves.

Why would anyone do that?

There's obviously some wish to harm themselves,

Some wish to suffer.

There's an avibhava tanha,

The craving for annihilation or destruction,

Which might sound counterintuitive.

We have tanha craving for sensuality,

Craving for being and becoming.

As the Buddha pointed out,

There's also this craving for annihilation and destruction and self-destruction.

We may not notice that this takes over,

That this is not driving subconsciously in our mind.

This is one reason why do people take these drugs?

Why would someone take,

In particular,

Twagna like ice,

Methanophetamines,

Which is so destructive in a short time?

Why do people have other really self-destructive habits?

And maybe driven by this craving for annihilation and destruction and self-destruction.

And maybe connected with a lack of wishing ourselves to be truly free from suffering.

So we can contemplate that the Buddha instructed us to have compassion to all beings.

And it's unconditional,

Absolutely unconditional.

Any conscious being,

Any living being,

Any being at all,

Is automatically qualified to be free from suffering,

To wish that to them.

So it doesn't matter what we have messed up,

It doesn't matter if we have made mistakes,

It doesn't matter if we feel guilty about something.

We always resolve that we will do better in the future,

We try our best to do better in the future.

But for the past,

Nothing is a reason or a cause not to wish ourselves to be free from pain and suffering.

And if we notice that resistance in our mind,

Then we notice that it's an air where we have to contemplate,

We have to meditate on,

We have to work with,

Until we can generate a fully genuine wish that we are free from pain and suffering,

That we are well and happy.

Another comment regarding the formula we use,

With a little mantra.

In this meditation I suggest that may all beings be free from suffering,

But we can adjust that to whatever resonates with us.

Maybe for you works better,

May all beings be healed.

Or we can also focus more on the causes of suffering.

May all beings be free from greed,

Hatred and delusion.

May all beings be liberated from defilements.

One can be quite creative in whatever expresses to you best in words your wish for others to be free from problem,

Trouble,

Pain and so on.

It can be a good exercise now,

Already not just reflecting what is the best formula there,

What really expresses freedom from suffering best in your personal perception.

We can use that one,

We can have some variation.

If it's getting too boring we may want to introduce a slight change in the mantra we are using.

But on the other hand to make the meditation deeper,

Once we find some formula that works then we have to just stick with it.

A very good question.

As long as asking is there any benefit for the other beings who we are wishing to be free from suffering.

As I mentioned it feels actually very good for ourselves to develop compassion,

But how about all the other beings,

Do they get anything out of it?

I am convinced that we are mentally influencing each other,

But a very subtle influence.

So even if you are just sitting there quietly and wishing to one other being that this being may be free from suffering,

I think that there is a very subtle effect on that being.

And if you meet some of these great Ajahn,

Some of the great enlightened masters who have a strong faculty of compassion one can feel that.

I remember when we had our Buddha statue ceremony,

The pouring in Thailand,

It was actually exceedingly stressful for me because I was supposed to be the host,

But I had no real clue what was going on,

I can't speak the language.

I arrived,

The ceremony was in the early morning and I had just managed to arrive and Ajahn and Nan couldn't come and I wasn't quite sure what needs to be done and so on.

I was supposed to be hosting that,

I was really stressed out and I couldn't sleep at night.

And then the Lumbar Lirim was already there and when I came in I just bowed to him and said hello and I suddenly felt so relieved.

It was like someone didn't even say anything much,

Just meeting him and it felt like some of this pressure and tenseness and stress and suffering was just somehow taken away.

In the case of the Buddha that would have been very powerful.

That's why so many humans when they encountered him gained this spontaneous faith.

So I certainly have full faith in that,

That when you have strong compassion that the other being will feel a little bit of mental relief.

But they also gain,

Because when you develop compassion you usually don't sit only quiet meditation all the time.

But once you have strong compassion in your meditation and then you come out that will usually spill over into action.

And if you really feel compassion for all beings then outside your formal meditation I trust you will be acting in such a way of decreasing other's suffering rather than increasing it to the best of our ability.

Obviously we can't physically take all suffering away from all beings,

It's not possible.

But we can certainly contribute.

So the more we develop compassion the more in our daily life this intention will still be there,

Still in the background of our mind.

And that can become a driving force and motivation for everything we do.

They actually say that the Buddha had this Maha-Kaduna,

The great compassion.

That was the main driving force for him while he was teaching,

While he was making all the effort and establishing the Sangha and teaching and sharing his understanding and the way leading to freedom from suffering.

So what do I think about engaged Buddhism?

I think it's great,

Particularly in the lay community.

I don't think one should be an unengaged Buddhist,

One should express one's mental attitude and also in speech and in action.

However,

My understanding of the intention of the Buddha for bhikkhus is that their engagement is in disengaging from the whole world.

And the way the Buddha established the rules for monks and nuns was deliberately meant to very much limit our engagement with the world.

We don't have money,

We can't accept money,

We can't even cook,

We can't do gardening,

We can't dig the earth,

We can't damage plant life.

The most basic things now you can manipulate the world externally is already taken away by that and was deliberate because the way how we should engage is by disengaging our mind from all conditioned phenomena and to work in that direction and then to share the path leading there and the insights leading there.

That is our main task.

In practice,

Not everyone,

Even those who are ordained,

Find that very easy and it's quite common for monks to be actually quite engaged.

Many people seem to find that the meditation,

To really be focused on internal meditation mostly is quite difficult and then monasteries now offer quite a bit of opportunity for that.

Of course,

In teaching,

Many monks are very engaged in teaching and then in doing ceremonies,

Rituals,

Chanting,

Even other things.

So depending on whether one is a monk or a nun or in lay life and depending on one's own character,

The level of external engagement and pure internal meditation will differ.

But the ideal monk,

So to speak,

The ideal bhikkhuni,

The ideal nun,

The way the Buddha describes this is the main effort in internally liberating oneself and then sharing that,

Teaching that,

Inspiring that in others because that is the only way to really end suffering.

Once you contemplate that and you really wish other beings to be free from suffering the more you understand the Dhamma,

The more you realize the only way for them to be free from suffering is actually in attaining Nibbāna,

Becoming enlightened,

Developing the ad-fult path and ultimately experience freedom from greed,

Hatred and delusion,

Understanding the Four Noble Truths,

Dependent origination and abandoning all attachment,

Abandoning all craving because that are the two causes of suffering.

So once you see what is the two deep cause of suffering quite naturally the better you see that,

The more your effort will go in eliminating these deep underlying causes because you see that is the most effective way of dealing with the whole problem of suffering.

If people can't quite see that yet then it's naturally that they will work more on other causes which may not be quite so deep.

I think it's compassionate to finish on this hot day now and we can share methods with all beings.

Now let's now present the sharing of aspiration.

Through the goodness that arises from my practice,

May my spiritual teachers and guides of great virtue,

My mother,

My father and my relatives,

The sun and the moon and all virtuous leaders of the world,

May the highest gods and evil forces,

Stay the spirit of beings,

High in spirits of the earth and the lord of death,

May those who are friendly,

Indifferent or hostile,

May all beings receive the blessings of my life,

May they soon attain the treat for bliss and realize the deathless.

Through the goodness that arises from my practice and through this act of sharing,

May all desires and attachments quickly cease and all harmful states of mind,

Until I realize nirvana in every kind of birth,

May I have an upright mind with mindfulness and wisdom,

Austerity and vigor,

May the forces of delusion not take hold,

No even I resolve,

The Buddha is my excellent refuge,

And surpasses the protection of the number,

The solitary Buddha is my noble lord,

The sangha is my supreme support,

Through the supreme power of all beings,

May darkness and delusion be dispelled.

We can pay respects to the Buddha,

Then the Sangha.

Aradhana sambhaya sambhuto bhagava uttam nagavantam nathivadhi sva-kato bhagavadam mo bhagavadam sami sva-pattipanno bhagavadoh sava-kasamro sambanamani

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