Working With Difficult Emotions: (From Tea And Cake With Demons)

In this practice, we begin with a short talk, and then segue into a meditation where we get settled into the body, and prepared to work -- lovingly and skillfully -- with whatever emotional material is present. From the book Tea And Cake With Demons: A Buddhist Guide To Feeling Worthy

Transcript

So,

We're going to do that.

We're going to move into an emotions-based practice.

And I frequently joke with this practice that I feel kind of reductive saying it,

But we're actually just going to take a little bit of time to feel whatever it is that we're feeling,

Right?

And it sounds reductive because what else do we do with our feelings besides feel them?

And also,

If you are anything like me,

You have probably come up with a number of different strategies for never actually feeling what you're feeling,

Particularly if it's a less than preferable or uncomfortable feeling,

Right?

So I know for me,

Some of my favorite strategies are like good old fashioned repression,

Where I just like stuff whatever I'm feeling deep,

Deep,

Deep,

Deep down and I like cover it with some comfort food and some Netflix and maybe pour like a little bit of wine on top.

And then it's like,

Yay,

Well,

Now I don't actually have to feel what I'm feeling.

Second strategy that I really love is the kind of like hot potato method,

Just tossing my feelings at other people,

Because then at least I'm not alone in the way that I'm feeling,

You know,

Especially if a loved one is nearby,

I'll just kind of like chuck my feelings at them.

Third strategy,

Maybe my favorite strategy is the strategy of if I can figure it out,

Then I don't have to feel it.

And this one I think can be pretty sneaky,

Right?

Because it seems like we're doing something really productive with our feelings.

But there's this sense of over analyzing of,

You know,

What am I feeling?

Why am I feeling this way?

Who else is implicated in the situation?

How does this route back to my childhood trauma?

Because you know,

It always does.

And we kind of like go down these rabbit holes where it's like,

Okay,

Well,

I figured it out.

Now I don't actually have to feel it.

So I think what we're doing here is we're taking a radically different approach,

Which is that we're just going to make some space,

Again,

In the theme of acceptance,

For whatever it is that we are honestly feeling,

Whatever it is that's arising for us.

And rather than needing to like,

Reframe it or figure it out,

Or like,

You know,

Switch the dial to something that's a little bit more positive or enjoyable,

We're just going to hang out in our feelings for a little bit and make some space for whatever is there.

Keeping this this spirit,

As we do in meditation,

Of just unconditional positive regard of just generous acceptance,

Allowing whatever it is that arises to be seen and to be held by us.

And I can't think of a more loving act that we could offer ourselves than that.

So wherever we happen to be,

Just taking a moment to decide on our seat.

And as always,

If you're on a chair or couch,

Just finding a seat where the feet can be flat on the ground,

Making some contact with this representation of earth here.

Sturdy,

Stable.

Then just deciding on our gaze.

So eyes open or eyes closed,

Your call.

And we'll take just a few moments as always to open practice by opening our senses.

Just receiving the sound of the room that we're in.

Turning the attention over to sound.

Using the sound of the space that we're in.

Taking in the tonal quality.

Welcoming whatever noises happen to be present.

Staying open to the sound of our space,

Turning the attention to touch.

So taking a moment to feel into the body here.

Centering ourselves in our physical form.

Feeling the shape that the body makes.

That light pressure where the body makes contact.

Taking in the texture of clothing on the skin.

Temperature of air in the room.

Keeping our senses open here,

Dropping into the feet.

Feeling the feet.

Space between the toes.

Texture,

Temperature.

Feeling into our direct experience.

Tracing what it's like today.

Tracing the attention across the shin bones.

Circling the kneecaps.

Grazing through the thighs.

Landing in the hips.

Bringing the attention to the belly and the chest.

Taking a few moments here in the belly,

The chest,

Barrel of the front body.

Beginning to establish that firm contact with the body breathing.

Feeling the way the breath moves in the body today by its own volition.

Tip of the nose,

Back of the throat,

Belly.

Then wherever,

However,

The breath is most easily felt in the body.

Just dropping our anchor of attention here,

Home base,

The place that we return to.

We'll take a few moments moving into practice here to give the mind a chance to stabilize,

The body a chance to settle by working with the singular instruction that as our minds wander which they naturally will.

It's noticing when we've left our breathing,

Acknowledging what's capturing our attention and then gently,

Firmly coming back to the breath in the body.

Again,

If we find our attention drifting here,

No big deal.

That's what the mind does.

Just acknowledging where we've landed,

Light touch of recognition and feeling the body breathe.

Then just allowing the eyes to gently shut if we haven't already.

Taking a moment right off the top here to drop into our temperature check.

It's opening up with the inquiry,

What does it feel like to be me?

What does it feel like to be me?

Right here,

Right now,

No filter.

In that spirit of non-judgment,

Seeing if we can notice what's arising here without assigning meaning to it one way or another.

We're just accepting what's arising,

Getting an honest read.

What does it feel like to be me?

For us today,

The response to this inquiry might be pretty obvious.

It might be that there's a strong mood or emotion that we are bringing into practice.

Something residual from the day,

The week,

The year.

Perhaps at the moment there's not much there at all.

That's okay too.

We're just leaving the door cracked open for whatever presents.

What does it feel like to be me?

Whatever is sincerely there for us,

Just noticing if and where that presents in the body.

Simple presentation of this mood or emotion.

Bringing our attention here,

Just beginning to work with it directly.

Perhaps noticing if this mood or emotion has a particular sense of space.

Maybe there's a specific area of the body that it occupies.

If so,

Perhaps noticing if it feels expansive here,

Contracted here.

A little of both,

Maybe neither.

If this is a rather tender feeling in the body,

It might be worth even bringing our touch to this space.

Letting our central nervous system know we're safe.

It's okay to feel here.

Going back into the question,

What does it feel like to be me?

Perhaps noticing if this mood or emotion has a particular velocity,

A way that it moves in or through the body.

Maybe it's a bit speedy,

Sluggish,

Still.

Again no need to figure it out,

Just feeling here.

Turning to look at the mind.

It's getting a sense of what our thoughts are doing.

If we found ourselves wrapped up in analysis,

Judgment,

Narrative,

Again just seeing if we can loosen the narrative a little bit.

Dropping out of this space between the eyebrows and back into the body,

The raw material,

Direct experience.

What does it feel like to be me?

Noticing if and how that presents.

Continuing to work with it directly.

Perhaps noticing if this mood or emotion has a particular temperature associated with it.

Maybe it feels hot.

Maybe it's on the cooler side of the spectrum.

Perhaps noticing if this mood or emotion has a particular density to it.

Does it feel thick,

Solid?

Maybe it's a bit more wispy,

Ephemeral.

Not really much of anything.

This sense of weight or weightlessness in the body.

What does it feel like to be me?

Then if we've been working with a particularly strong,

Tender,

Inflamed emotion in the mind's eye,

Just noticing that box sitting in front of you.

Turning the clasp and opening the lid.

Very gently placing this emotion inside.

Closing the lid.

Turning the clasp.

And placing the box on the shelf in front of you.

Recognizing that we are not getting rid of this emotion by any stretch.

We're just keeping it safe until we can spend more time with it directly.

Just allowing our contemplation to dissolve.

And bringing the attention back to the breath in the body.

Taking a moment to rest our attention here.

And the body breathe.

Then closing out our practice today.

Maybe just placing one hand on the heart.

One hand on the belly.

Making our bodies for getting us this far.

For sharing the emotional information that it carries.

Just giving ourselves a little bit of thanks.

And as you're ready,

Letting formal practice drop.

And coming back into the space together.

At your own pace,

No rush.

Reviews

This was really powerful and incredibly helpful. I really appreciate this offering, needed exactly this today. Thank you!! ❤️🌟🙏

Thank you so much Adreanna :)
I really needed this today- I have a heavy, aching heart because of something which is going on right now.
This really helped me feel better
Sending so much gratitude and compassion

A really calming meditation, will be doing this again and again!🙂

Beautiful. Thank you 💙