3 Ways To Boost Your Self-Esteem

This talk examines the importance of cultivating authentic self-love to boost our overall self-esteem and sense of worthiness.

It highlights three practices you can integrate in your life now to start moving towards self-love and self-gratitude and away from self-deprecation. In time, you begin to rewire your brain to focus on your basic goodness and lovability.

This becomes the ultimate form of self-care because you begin to show up in your life with more love for yourself and others.

Transcript

Dear Friends,

Welcome back to Sessions with Self.

And in this edition,

I want to talk to you about something that I don't think it's enough play.

And that's the topic of self-love.

If you think about it,

From the time we are school children,

We hear about the importance of cultivating qualities like confidence,

Resilience,

Bravery,

Willpower,

Discipline.

The list of quote-unquote must-have qualities that we learn are needed to make it through life is endless.

While all of these qualities are important,

Do we ever really learn how to cultivate self-love?

We exercise our bodies,

We practice meditation and mindfulness,

We sit in webinars and take online courses for hours to sharpen our skills as professionals in our careers,

As creative people,

As artists,

As leaders,

As parents.

But shouldn't we be practicing self-love?

Wouldn't we have a dedicated time and space to appreciate ourselves and all our gifts and qualities?

Because let's face it,

If you don't fully and truly love and value yourself,

All that other stuff is irrelevant.

For some,

This may wreak a little bit of self-obsession or being conceited.

However,

This is not about thinking you're flawless or better than anyone else.

Instead,

Self-love is about developing a conscious,

Healthy sense of belonging and comfort within yourself.

Self-love is the ultimate form of self-care and the most important thing to find healing,

To be at peace and to show up every day as your best.

Understanding self-love is about cultivating a wellspring of inner happiness that no one and nothing can ever take away from you.

So as someone who struggled with self-esteem when I was younger,

I want to share with you three simple practices I regularly did for almost two years every single day that helped boost my self-worth and my overall self-esteem.

And I can tell you the benefits were dramatic.

Something in me shifted.

I went from someone whose default mode was to always point out my fault and find all the reasons why I was unworthy to someone who started focusing on my loveability.

In time,

By doing these practices,

My brain became wired for self-gratitude instead of self-deprecation.

So let's start with the first one,

Which I think is a really important point because it dispels a myth that we all grow up with.

And that's about personality quirks.

Self-love starts with embracing your quirks.

Because your quirks,

Believe it or not,

Are actually a superpower.

Yes,

You Wonder Woman,

Yes,

You Superman,

Your quirks make you extraordinary.

You know what I'm talking about.

Those qualities about yourself that you learned were a bit strange and that you should hide from the rest of the world.

Yes,

Those qualities.

They are defining qualities that make you who you are.

So honor them,

Because when you do,

You realize that your so-called quirks are your actual strengths.

So why do I say this?

Because your quirks give you your unique flavor as a human being.

No one is quote unquote,

Quirky in the same way you are.

Each quirk that you embrace is really just a tiny glimmer,

A tiny speck of the full,

Complete expression of life that wants to come through you.

It's your place of true beingness in the world.

It's you at your best.

And most importantly,

When you honor qualities about yourself that you've been hiding or pushing away or been told that you should conceal from the world,

When you begin to honor those,

You begin to meet yourself authentically with love and maybe for the first time.

So how can we honor our quirks?

Here's a quick exercise to help you connect with these qualities.

First,

Start by identifying all of the qualities,

Personality traits that you've been hiding from the world or that you were made to believe you should hide.

Create a list in your journal.

A good way to do this is to ask yourself what subtle qualities or traits about yourself kind of make you crack a smile or giggle like you are enjoying your own private inside joke about yourself.

Those are the qualities you want to zero in on.

Now consider this,

How can you openly share and integrate those quirky qualities into your life to enhance your relationships,

Your work,

Your creative endeavors,

And your overall life experience?

Answer that.

Then revisit these answers every couple of months and see what you have learned.

What has changed in how you experience yourself and your day to day life?

Note it down and then keep doing this exercise.

Are there any new quirky qualities you can add over time that you're learning about yourself?

This is a great way to connect with the parts of yourself that you may have been pushing away.

The second practice you could regularly do to boost self-love is simple and it may sound a little ridiculous at first,

But it entails just simply saying,

I love you every single day.

But here's the twist.

Do it standing in front of a mirror while you're squarely looking at yourself in the eye.

This practice is both powerful and revealing.

The first time I did it,

It literally brought me to tears.

For one,

Eye contact with yourself and with other people can be crazy powerful.

It's a sign of respect that says,

I see you,

I notice you,

And I'm here with you.

For many of us,

Our natural inclination is to look away quickly when we lock eyes with other people.

This likely might also be the case when doing this with yourself,

But part of the power of this exercise is to give yourself the grace to continue staring into your eyes despite feeling uncomfortable.

And by adding in the words,

I love you,

This becomes the ultimate form of self-respect.

Think about how natural it is to look into the eyes of your partner or child and say,

I love you.

We never missed a chance to offer this gift to those we care about,

But it's a whole different experience to give yourself this same level of respect and attention.

This is the gift of being seen that every human being longs for.

But you are offering it to yourself.

How amazing is that?

Make this a daily ritual by doing it when you are brushing your teeth or when you're combing your hair.

Eventually you will condition yourself to unconsciously tell yourself,

I love you,

Every time you are in front of a mirror.

It's pretty wild.

Trust me,

Try it for a month and see what happens.

And the third practice I want to share with you is what I call five things I love about myself.

This entails starting a new journal that is a hundred percent dedicated to self-love.

Call it your five things I love about myself journal and spend 10 minutes every day doing just that.

It doesn't have to be anything fancy.

It just needs to be honest and authentic.

Five simple sentences of what you truly love about yourself.

If you want to make it more elaborate and get into more detail,

By all means.

But the point of this exercise is to create the habit of acknowledging what you appreciate about yourself.

Because as humans we are conditioned to do the opposite,

To point out all our flaws and all the ways we are missing the mark.

This simple journaling exercise will train your mind to lead with your basic goodness and loveability.

It might seem a little awkward if you are not used to outwardly acknowledging yourself like this.

You might also find that you are thinking really hard to come up with things to write down that you love about yourself.

But here are some key ideas to focus on.

Appreciate the best parts of your personality.

Remember those quirks?

Focus on them.

Give some love and attention to your talents and skills.

Acknowledge the effort and passion that you pour into your projects,

Your work,

Your creativity.

Thank yourself for how dedicated you are to your family,

Your friendships.

Are you an especially good friend?

Are you really generous,

Patient?

Are you really funny?

Go ahead and use this space and time to gush over yourself.

I promise no one will know.

The reason this exercise works is because what you focus on in your mind always grows.

And when you focus on your best qualities,

You strengthen those qualities and become more aware of them in your daily life.

And the best reason of all,

The hidden side effect of self-love is that you have much more love to share with the rest of the world.

Because when loving yourself is easy,

Loving others becomes just as easy.

If not easier,

You become a better partner,

Parent,

Sibling,

Friend,

Colleague,

Boss,

And so forth.

So if you have a hard time wrapping your head around the idea of practicing self-love,

Do it for the people who matter most in your life.

So I leave you with this one question.

What is one quality you love about yourself?

Think about it.

Hold it in your mind.

Do you have it?

Now walk away from your phone or your computer,

Away from the screen,

And find the nearest mirror and say,

I love you.

Reviews

Beautiful practices and suggestions sir ✨ Me luvs a good mirror work moment and a journal listing my 5 things. I will try to do this more often and have used Window markers to make a fun reminder on my bathroom mirror ✨ I appreciate this and U! 💖

Helpful

Anthony’s wise words re Self Love, quirks et al, have already made a difference.

Just what I needed to hear!

Powerful. I will try this, since I struggle with confidence. Thank you

That was lovely. Thank you for sharing one of your quirks of helping others with us. Wishing you a happy day🥰

Wonderful! Thank you!!

Bookmarked for reminders. This is so useful, I often feel quite lost around self love. I understand it as a concept but not sure I know it. I will start the exercises today and listen to this often. Thank you. 😊

I am constantly trying to keep pace with my inner self even in the Autumn of my life.
Things are so different now .