One of my favorite pastimes is trying to solve crossword puzzles,
Not the difficult ones,
I assure you.
The other day,
One of the clues was Unruffled,
For which the correct answer was Serene.
People everywhere are currently ruffled by world events,
Either stressed or anxious,
Sometimes angry,
Fearful,
Worried,
Overwhelmed,
Or all of the above.
The antidote,
Of course,
Is Serenity,
But there's nothing more patronizing than telling someone who is freaked out to calm down.
That's because when someone is drowning,
That is not the time to teach them to swim.
One of the steps in the Buddhist Eightfold Path is Mindful Speech,
And the Buddha advised us to consider five things when it comes to Mindful Speech.
It needs to be honest,
It needs to be helpful,
It needs to be spoken with kindness,
The intention needs to be to foster positive connections,
And just as importantly,
Mindful Speech needs to be timely.
Sometimes,
Something needs to be said and it may even need to be said by you,
But not necessarily in the exact moment you want to say it.
We need to know our audience and we need to read the room.
Saying the right thing at the wrong time can actually do more harm than good.
That's why non-violent communication calls unsolicited advice a form of bullying.
So,
To practice Mindful Speech,
I personally use the WAIT acronym,
W-A-I-T,
Which stands for Why Am I Talking?
It serves as a reminder to pause before speaking.
WAIT can also stand for Why Am I Texting?
Why Am I Troubled?
Or Why Am I Triggered?
I've learned the hard way that even the most true and kind words can create conflict if the person speaking them or hearing them is not in their right frame of mind.
So,
Next time you feel the urge to speak,
Wait.
And while you breathe deeply for a few moments or days,
I want you to gauge whether the other person or you are agitated,
And if so,
Consider silence as a potentially better alternative to anything you might say or what the other person might be receptive to hearing.
I know we sometimes feel a sense of urgency to say something immediately,
Often even before we have all the information or look at the big picture,
And I'm not suggesting that we need to remain silent forever,
Only that we more often than not skip the important step of pausing,
Waiting for serenity to return,
And then speaking from a calm place of empathy and compassion,
Not reactivity or rage.
After all,
Trying to smooth ripples only creates more waves,
Or as Alan Watts put it,
Muddied water is best cleared by leaving it alone.
Waiting isn't passive.
When waiting is intentional,
It is active,
It is a choice.
So,
I'm not suggesting that you stick your head in the mud,
But I'm also not trying to light a fire under your feet.
I am simply a reminder that trying to steer a ship in the middle of a storm can rip the sail,
It can break the mast,
And it can destroy the rudder.
I know your intentions are good,
And I 100% agree that if we patiently wait until serenity returns when the weather clears,
We will very likely be lost at sea and probably facing in the wrong direction,
But we will at least be in one piece and able to shift into mindful action at that point.
Our Buddhist Boot Camp Sangha meets in person and online every month to discuss these topics,
And although opinions were strong at the beginning of this conversation about waiting,
With some people calling for immediate action to bring the ship back on course with a fierce sense of urgency,
Other expressed how tired they are,
Absolute exhaustion from fighting and needing a break.
So,
What we collectively established is that we do need a few people on the ship's deck bailing water in the storm,
But we also need people below deck resting and gathering their strength to take over when they are up for the task.
It's the balance of doing and being,
Doing and being,
Or in the words of Frank Sinatra,
Do,
Be,
Do,
Be,
Do.
That's what skillful mindfulness looks like.
We wait so we can respond serenely instead of reacting irrationally.
Patience is not about how long you wait,
It's about how well you behave while you are waiting.
So,
When in doubt on how to act,
Wait it out.
Nothing lasts forever,
And Buddhism has given us the tools we need to endure and get through difficult and turbulent times together.
Holding space for one another and walking together on this incredible journey called life,
Through storms and calm waters,
Do,
Be,
Do,
Be,
Do.
I can't believe I actually said that.
Thank you for being a soldier of peace in this army of love.
I appreciate you.
Namaste.
