I don't meditate to control my thoughts.
I meditate so my thoughts don't control me.
There is a common misconception that meditation is about clearing the mind and making it quiet.
It's why many people who try meditating for the first time quickly give up,
Exclaiming their thoughts were racing non-stop and they couldn't turn their brains off,
Which is what they believed was the goal.
Even after years of meditating,
My mind still wonders whether I'm in meditation or not.
Now,
However,
When I watch my mind running around like a puppy playing in the backyard,
I can call it back at any time.
Sort of like saying,
Come here boy,
And the mind obeys.
It's not about tying the puppy to a tree with a short chain so it doesn't go anywhere.
That would be cruel and only drive it mad and more resistant to structure.
It's about differentiating between playtime and paying attention time.
The key is balance and discipline.
If you've ever had a dog,
You know that even when they are well-trained,
Certain things still grab their attention.
If your dog sees a squirrel,
He will ask you with his puppy eyes,
Can I please chase it even though I know I can't catch it?
Our mind doesn't run after squirrels,
It just keeps chasing thoughts with more thoughts,
Often in the form of worrying,
Which usually turns out to be a complete waste of time.
Part of mindfulness practice is the ability to decide when the mind can run free and when it needs to sit.
Otherwise,
It's like the dog taking you for a walk instead of the other way around.
That metaphor might not resonate with you if you're not into puppies.
So let's look at the quote,
Nobody can drive you crazy unless you give them the keys.
If we compare life to a car ride,
Then we need to be selective about who we allow into our car and certainly picky about who gets to ride in the front.
So first things first,
Claim your spot in the driver's seat with your hands on the wheel.
Random thoughts will cross your mind and some thoughts will be as disturbing as roadkill on the shoulder of the road.
But those thoughts are not you,
They are byproducts of everything to which you have been exposed.
Unless you seal yourself off in a bubble,
Unsettling ideas are bound to infect your thoughts,
From violence in movies or on the news,
To songs that can easily hook your attention and try to hijack your mind.
The idea is not to turn off the world around you,
That would be like closing your eyes while you drive.
It's funny how we try to control so much in life when most of it cannot be controlled.
Some people even call themselves control freaks,
Yet invest very little effort into learning how to control the one thing we can't,
Where to focus our attention.
Once we learn how to do that,
We can respond instead of react to what's happening around us.
To do it skillfully,
We need to practice.
It's no different than learning any other skill.
Meditating so your thoughts don't control you doesn't have to be done cross-legged with incense burning.
You can meditate while jogging,
Painting,
Gardening,
Or even while brushing your teeth.
The moment your mind wanders,
Bring it back.
Start by watching your mind like you would watch a movie.
Go into the quote-unquote theater and pay attention to what's happening on the screen.
Watch the movie in your mind with curiosity,
Not judgment.
When your thoughts stray,
You will see that all these thoughts are just like advertisers trying to grab your attention.
You do not have to buy everything that they are selling.
You can just say,
Thank you for the information,
And move on.
It's very liberating,
And it's precisely why I don't meditate to control my thoughts.
I meditate so my thoughts don't control me.
