Imagine a heavy bag of dirt on the floor.
It's in the middle of the path between your front door and the bathroom,
And you have to walk around it or step over it multiple times a day.
It's an obstacle at which you frequently curse,
Regularly trip over,
And sometimes stub your toe against.
All that chaos,
Yet you refuse to clear the path because it would require too much work,
It's just too heavy,
Or the excuse I hear most often,
That's easier said than done.
People regularly choose to live with the dirt and bruised ankles rather than do whatever it takes to clear their path.
Walking around the dirt seems easier because it involves no heavy lifting,
But passivity is a behavior pattern that contributes to our own suffering.
Before we know it,
That pattern presents itself in other areas of our lives as well.
Depending on childhood household dynamics,
Many of us took our very first steps on eggshells,
So we may not be aware that life without landmines is even an option.
If we don't clear our path,
As adults,
Life can quickly turn into an obstacle course,
Especially when we end up with multiple piles of dirt to navigate around.
We are not talking about actual dirt,
Eggshells,
Or landmines,
Of course.
We're talking about real-world obstacles,
Such as miserable jobs that we refuse to quit,
Toxic relationships we can't seem to abandon,
Dietary or fitness indecisions that affect our health,
Uncomfortable living situations from which we could move but don't,
And so on.
All too often,
Making big changes seems like too much work,
So we keep on keeping on.
Is this phenomenon a simple case of not trusting ourselves?
Or are we the human equivalent of the terrible urban legend about the frog in hot water,
Where the frog will immediately jump out of boiling water to save itself,
But if the water is very gradually heated,
The frog will remain in the pot until it boils to death?
What are we waiting for?
Growth is uncomfortable,
But so is staying in situations you have outgrown.
Are we waiting for someone to save us?
Why don't we rescue ourselves?
Do we feel undeserving of a better life?
Are we looking for permission to change?
I ask because my well-educated,
Intelligent friend just told me she needs to get her therapist's approval before taking the first step to ending her unhealthy marriage.
Indecision is a decision in and of itself.
People tell me that even getting fired,
Though initially tragic,
Ended up being the best thing that ever happened to them.
I've heard countless personal accounts of people moving to a new city,
State,
Or country,
Scary as it was,
Kick-starting a wonderful new life.
These success stories are not rare,
Tragedy is.
What will it take for us to trust our ability to thrive?
When I say our behavior patterns present themselves in different ways,
The way we do one thing is the way we do all things,
Imagine there are certain topics you are uncomfortable discussing with anyone,
Even your spouse,
Doctor,
Or best friend.
You are more likely to spend your life avoiding those conversations than you are to invest time to overcome the discomfort itself.
That's exactly like walking around the dirt on the floor instead of cleaning it up.
It's fear holding you back from fully living.
A fear of heights,
For example,
Would have you looking at the Eiffel Tower from the ground instead of seeing Paris from the top.
Fear will run your life if you let it.
I am terrified of public speaking,
Yet I am able to do it multiple times a month because I am less afraid of fear than I used to be.
The shift is in seeing fear itself as a speed bump,
Not a dead end.
Once you do that,
You realize that even a hundred piles of dirt can be removed with some diligence,
Determination,
And patience.
It's why we work on building those skills in the first place,
Isn't it?
Go slowly,
Of course,
But go forward.
When you love yourself,
You make better decisions,
And the reverse is also true.
We are not just products of our past.
Our decisions today affect our tomorrows.
So start now.
