Buddhism invites us to contemplate who we are,
Not what we are.
Unfortunately,
We spend our entire lives obsessively curating an outward projection of what we are based on ethnicity,
Race,
Gender,
Age,
Career,
Diagnosis,
Addiction,
Religion,
Or anything else that can be labeled.
We essentially construct an identity instead of building character.
As a result,
Our brains have been rewired to no longer see other people for who they are either,
Reducing everyone to mere labels such as homeless,
Rich,
Conservative,
Liberal,
Christian,
Criminal,
Bisexual,
White,
Black,
Queer,
Poor,
Muslim,
Autistic,
Introvert,
Extrovert,
And everything in between.
But a doctor from an Ivy League school,
Or a parent of three kids,
Or a perfectionist with anxiety,
Is not who we are,
And I think we have lost sight of that.
And although it's tempting to blame social media for amplifying the performative aspect of identity expression while muting the importance of character development,
Social media didn't create division and discord,
It only brought it to light.
The intoxicating power of being your own public relations manager is exhilarating.
So,
People wear a mask and pretend to be who they are not,
And then they try to live up to the image they have projected,
Or the one that is projected onto them,
Creating an internal conflict that gets increasingly more difficult to keep from boiling over.
It's up to us to look beyond the label of Granny Smith or Honeycrisp and just see an apple.
Period.
We can avoid falling into the ego trap by focusing on who we are,
Not what we are.
But to do that,
We need to implement a couple of spiritual practices into our daily lives.
The first practice we need to implement?
Don't try to fix others,
Because you can't.
Just by eliminating that one habit,
You successfully sidestep the slippery slope of a superiority complex,
Identifying as a healer,
Or a leader,
Or a coach.
We are all teachers and we are all students.
Remember,
Your ego is not your amigo,
And it's not who you are either.
It's part of you,
Sure,
But it doesn't define you,
Even if you want it to.
The second step to developing character involves exercising radical honesty by being truthful and sincere,
Not just publicly,
But with yourself.
That means no more projecting an idealized or filtered version of your life for others to see.
Acknowledge your own imperfections and struggles,
And you will begin to erase the discrepancy between your inner reality and your outer mask.
And the third step to building character is one of the most challenging ones for many of us.
The third step to building character is eliminating the need for external validation.
You do this through anonymous acts of service and generosity.
The key word here is anonymous.
That means keep your opinions to yourself and let your life be your message,
Not your words.
I know these practices go against social convention and pop culture,
But they do reflect ancient spiritual teachings found in Buddhism,
Christianity,
Sufism,
Hinduism,
And so on.
Jesus telling us to do good deeds in secret has somehow become cliché,
But it's really good advice.
Again,
The goal is to avoid the ego trap.
As a rule of thumb,
The easiest way to tell the difference between identity and character is that identity is performative,
Character is silent.
The real you cannot be labeled,
It cannot be photographed,
And it cannot be quantified.
Your character permeates beyond the restrictions of a physical body,
Space,
And time.
You are not your profession or your education.
You are not your dietary restrictions or your addictions.
While working with people who struggle with PTSD,
It's been fascinating how some patients are open and receptive to trying coping skills and strategies to no longer be debilitated by it,
While others shut down and refuse to even listen because they now identify with their PTSD,
So they see us as a threat to their very identity,
And they reject any notion of a version of themselves without it.
Each of us is many things,
But not one of them defines us.
So,
For a few minutes each day,
Tap into the quiet voice of wisdom that has been inside of you all along.
That is your character.
It isn't loud,
It isn't curated to perfection,
And it doesn't seek attention.
It is,
However,
Profoundly courageous,
Genuinely sincere,
And a far more reliable guide to life than any fleeting trend,
Cause,
Or bandwagon.
The reward for building character won't come in the form of a title or validation from your peers,
Family,
Friends,
Co-workers,
Or strangers on the internet.
The reward for building character is an unshakeable sense of purpose and belonging,
Inner peace,
Integrity,
And a moral compass.
As Evan Esser said,
Character is what's left after you lose everything that can be lost.
Character is who we are in the dark.
Let your life be your message,
Not your words.
Who are you when no one is watching?
That's your character.
