Instead of imposing ten commandments on us to follow in order to secure a pleasant afterlife,
Buddhism encourages us to avoid certain behavior patterns if we wish to have a pleasant life.
Rather than threatening us with eternal damnation if we fail to follow a prescribed code of conduct,
The Buddhist law of cause and effect,
Karma,
Simply states that our thoughts,
Words,
And actions have consequences.
If you wear a t-shirt in a snowstorm,
You will be cold,
Not as a form of punishment,
But as a natural byproduct of questionable life choices.
That's why I'm not a fan of words like right and wrong or good and bad,
Which sound definitive and judgmental.
I much prefer to view our behavior as either beneficial or detrimental to our intended outcome.
If your intention is to live a peaceful life,
The Buddha outlines some beneficial traits that we can all practice,
Such as diligence,
Conscientiousness,
Equanimity,
And mental flexibility,
Just to name a few.
He also outlined what is detrimental to a peaceful life.
Resentment,
Jealousy,
Cruelty,
Spitefulness,
Rage,
And so on.
Again,
You won't be punished for being jealous,
For example,
But you will suffer from the inherent emotional distress that is jealousy itself.
The same is true for lethargy,
Laziness,
Worry,
Attachment,
Doubt,
And ignorance.
Of the twenty or so contributors to our misery,
This episode focuses on satya,
Often translated as hypocrisy,
Dishonesty,
And deception.
Hypocrisy is challenging to discuss because people don't like being caught in a lie.
One of my teachers used to say the most difficult thing for us to see is ourselves.
We don't just conceal who we really are,
We curate and advertise an enviable version of ourselves for others to see.
And we have gotten so good at this,
Many of us actually believe the distorted projection is real.
Just think about the disparity between the you who shows up at work,
The other version of you who shows up at church,
Your evil twin behind the wheel of a car,
Your doppelganger around family members,
And let's not forget your digital avatar pretending to be someone else entirely on social media.
We wear these masks to hide our shortcomings,
Not only because we live in a competitive world obsessed with perfection,
But also because we are filled with shame and regret,
Yet we still crave respect,
Validation,
And admiration.
And if you grew up like me in a house where you are expected to be perfect in order to prove that you are even worthy of love,
Faking it is a natural trauma response,
But it isn't sustainable.
Pretending to be what you are not gets truly exhausting after a while,
Which is why you typically only see the elderly reach a breaking point where they no longer care what other people think.
They are my heroes.
In Buddhist Boot Camp,
There is a chapter called Repentance,
In which I list all the things I've done in the past that I now consider terrible.
But when HarperCollins first published the book,
They wanted to remove the chapter because they said it paints me in a negative light.
After years of therapy,
However,
I am at peace with my past,
And I know that where I'm going has nothing to do with where I've been.
We are not defined by what has happened in our lives nor by anything we have done,
We are who we choose to become today.
I'm not saying it was easy to publish a list of my biggest downfalls,
But it was easier than pretending to be something I'm not,
And then trying to live up to an ideal of perfection that no human can attain.
I am,
After all,
As flawed as anyone,
And I am challenged by obstacles like everyone else.
So,
The chapter stayed in the book.
As Kurt Cobain said,
I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.
I believe we all clumsily stumble along this path of life.
We fall,
We get back up,
And if we don't learn to extend ourselves some grace and a sense of humor,
Life will be unbearable and happiness unattainable.
Gandhi's definition of happiness is when our thoughts,
Words,
And actions are all in alignment.
That's why hypocrisy is one of the most detrimental hindrances to inner peace.
Hypocrisy is the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which your own behavior does not conform.
I'm going to say it again,
Hypocrisy is the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which your own behavior does not conform.
This creates an internal conflict so intense,
Many people consider themselves peaceful,
Spiritual,
And even religious,
Yet they judge,
Spew hatred,
And wish harm on certain individuals or groups,
All under the guise of serving the quote-unquote greater good according to them.
But when you hate the hater,
You become a hater.
The way to escape this torment is to be completely honest with ourselves about ourselves,
And to live with authentic transparency,
Which I realize is both terrifying and liberating at the same time.
So,
Let's stop judging,
Condemning,
And shaming ourselves or others for making mistakes.
You are not better or worse than anyone else,
So there's no need to pretend to be flawless.
In fact,
Buddhism encourages us to do the opposite.
It challenges us to acknowledge our shortcomings rather than conceal them because the act of hiding them would itself be a form of lying and deception.
You are invited to remove the mask and walk the talk in order to eliminate the internal conflict.
Start small.
Look at your own online posts over the past few months,
For example,
And see if they either distort reality or are a direct contradiction to who you think you are.
My buddy Steve just did this and realized that his online presence is significantly more hostile and even vile than he would ever be in real life.
He decided he no longer wants to be the raging loudmouth he has been online,
And he self-corrected to be the peace he wants to see in the world.
That's the path to living in harmonious alignment within yourself and with the world around you.
I regularly give myself a report card to gauge how closely I live in line with my core values,
And that is your homework assignment as well.
Take an honest look in the mirror,
Without a mask,
And consider how you might better practice what you preach.
No judgment,
No condemnation,
Just self-reflection.
Are you wearing a t-shirt in a snowstorm and then complaining that it's cold?
Either put on a jacket,
Come inside,
Or quit whining about the weather.
Don't shy away from your reflection in the mirror.
Of all the obstacles on the spiritual path,
Hypocrisy may be the hardest to face,
But it is the easiest to overcome.
