Compassion For Self: Heart-Centered Meditation

Explore your innate capacity to feel compassion for yourself with this guided meditation, which will take listeners through a brief body scan before delving into an exercise that uncovers the intricacies of finding compassion for yourself.

Transcript

Hello,

And welcome to today's meditation on cultivating self-compassion.

For whatever reason,

It's easier to have compassion for others and for ourselves.

It's sometimes a challenge.

So today we're going to do a quick body scan to allow ourselves to arrive in this time and in this space.

And then from there,

We'll move into a focus on self-compassion using the breath as an anchor.

As you know,

You can always come home to the breath.

You can always come home to the body.

It is your vessel,

And it is worthy.

And this is an approach that is available to you at any time.

So to get started,

As with any meditation,

We're going to kind of prepare the space both externally and internally.

And if you don't have control over your external space,

In other words,

What is happening around you or to you,

You do have control over your response to it.

And we can prepare our internal space regardless.

Let those around you know that for the next little while,

You will be occupied with this meditation.

And if you're sharing space with someone and they wish to join you,

By all means,

And please do invite them.

But set aside the next half an hour or so to practice this approach to being intensively compassionate towards yourself.

So we'll start by first imagining a thread stretching down through the top of the head,

Reaching through the center body and down into the earth.

This thread holds you upright gently and anchors you to the earth while connecting you to all that is above you.

You are the human intermediary between the earth and what is below and the heavens and what is above.

Allow the shoulders to relax down,

Not hunched towards the ears.

And allow the arms to simply hang in the sockets,

Letting gravity do its work.

And just take a few deep breaths.

Allow the breath to fill the belly.

And with each exhale and subsequent inhale,

Allow just a little bit of tension to release.

And notice how when you think you've relaxed to the utmost,

You can still go yet further.

In my own life,

It has been true that we can always let go a little more.

However,

There's always more that can be let go with the exhale.

And so let this next breath be very relaxed and deep in through the nose,

And perhaps hold it for a second at the top.

And with a vocalization,

If you want,

Exhale that air,

Push that air out,

Allow the belly to empty of air and feel into the calm vacancy in the lungs.

Feel the relief of the release.

And then take another breath just like that one,

In through the nose and hold it at the top and then out.

And once again,

With each exhale,

Allow any tension that you become aware of to be released,

To be carried away on the vehicle of the breath.

And as we sit here with that thread reaching up towards the heavens at the very top of the head,

Perhaps start becoming aware of any sensation at the top of the head.

At first,

You may not notice any sensation there,

And that's perfectly okay.

Every day,

Each meditation is a little bit different.

Just like we can't walk through the same river twice,

We are different each time we sit.

So our experience is also malleable and will be shaped by those very slight,

Almost undetectable internal adjustments in the self that we bring to the mat or the cushion or whatever your context is.

And so just sit here and notice the top of the head if you can become aware of any sensation.

Perhaps it's nothing,

And if so,

Then just note that.

And then from there,

Let's allow the awareness to sort of smoothly cascade forward over to the forehead.

And here in the forehead,

There are so many muscles in the face and this part of the face does so much work for us.

So let's notice any sensation here and perhaps ask yourself if the forehead is relaxed.

Are the brows creased?

Are the temples tight with tension?

Invite them to release.

Give them permission to release.

And let's now move the awareness down to the eyes.

They feed us so much information at all times,

And perhaps even now,

If you've had a particularly stressful day,

Sometimes they don't quite want to close or they flutter.

One eye twitches while the other remains still.

Sometimes the corners are creased without us being aware until we place our focus there and just notice.

So just notice what is happening with the eyes.

Notice if you can perhaps relax just a little bit more and allow the eyes to soften.

Allow the eyes to rest in their place in the larger field of awareness that is the face,

Softness.

And as we go,

Just name whatever it is that you observe using a very small percentage of your attention and then move further down the face.

Let's move now into the jaw and into the mouth.

Once again,

This is a part of the body that does so much for us and carries a lot for us as well.

And so just notice if the jaw is clenched,

Closed,

Tight.

So many of us carry tension here and once again,

Use the breath as your vehicle of release.

With the next exhale,

Allow the jaw to slacken.

Allow it to possibly even hang open a little bit.

Nobody is watching.

And here perhaps you might place the tongue just behind the front teeth so that the jaw can be in a relaxed position and just take a few breaths like this.

Maybe the lips gently part to allow the air to escape.

Again,

Breathe in through the nose and hold the breath at the top of the inhale.

And then exhale,

Audibly or not.

And once again,

Ask yourself if you can relax just a little bit more.

And then if we move down into the neck and down into the shoulder area,

Kind of explore around and notice if there are any points of tension and once again,

Continue using the vehicle of the breath as the means of release here.

Notice again if in your concentration on what we're doing,

If the shoulders have inched up ever so slightly,

If they are now carrying more than they should.

Give them permission to release,

To rest in these few minutes that we have together.

And now perhaps cascade the attention down into the hands,

Which should also be at rest.

And here is a wealth of opportunity to detect sensation because the hands have so many nerve endings.

So much sensation is possible in the hands,

Given that they are so engaged in much of our day to day.

And so with this sensation and awareness of sensation in the hands,

Again,

Notice if there is any tingling.

Notice if you can detect warmth,

The life force moving through them.

Perhaps you might even detect a heartbeat in the palm of the hand.

Allow the fingers and the palm to just relax completely.

And if the fingers or the hand want to curl in their relaxed state,

Just allow them to curl.

You don't have to have the palm perfectly flat as long as it is in a relaxed state.

Just notice if it's relaxed or if any muscles are working against that relaxation.

And whatever you detect,

Just give it one word.

Perhaps you might say tingling or warmth.

Perhaps you still don't really feel anything yet.

And you might say numb or you might say heartbeat if you detect your pulse.

And once you become aware of the sensation,

Take both hands with their vibrations and energy and place them just over the center of the chest,

Over the heart space,

Which is above the sternum in the center of the chest.

And now allow yourself to feel your own heartbeat.

The mortality of yourself.

The beating that works for us continuously,

Whether we are aware or whether we are grateful or not.

And it is this space that we will work in today.

And so with the breath,

Once again,

Just become aware of this heart space,

This container.

And first,

We'll start by noticing any sensation here.

Notice the same sorts of things that we have been looking for in other parts of the body.

And perhaps you can experience yet more here because the breath is coursing through the body here on its way in and out.

Take just a couple of deep breaths here once again with the hand still over the heart space.

Feeling the energy flowing between the two,

The hands and the center of the chest.

The warmth of that point of contact.

And now as we sit here in this restful place that we have created for ourselves,

Now we're going to do something that maybe most of us are not used to doing.

And we're going to intentionally call to mind a situation where we felt not great about ourselves.

And this situation should not be as severe as a trauma.

We want to call to mind something that we can work with here and now in the space of this meditation.

So something that made us feel less than,

Not enough,

Not wanted,

Not loved by ourselves or perhaps by others.

So just call to mind a situation that meets those criteria.

For myself,

I might call to mind something I have been confronting just this year,

Together with all of the accompanying emotions around it.

I would call to mind the fact that I set aside music,

Playing,

Writing for 20 years.

And all the years of feeling like my voice was not worth hearing.

Like the songs that I might write were not worth sharing or listening to.

Or not just the feeling,

But the actual belief that the songs and what I might share would not be worthwhile.

So I would call to mind all those years of me not feeling like I was enough.

And so find your own example.

And then let's just sit with it for just a few moments.

Hold it in your mind and perhaps notice where you feel it in the body.

You might even consider moving the hands that are such a hotbed of energy to wherever you notice the sensation of that memory or that thought in the body.

And just continue sitting with it.

And so as you sit here with this thought,

This memory,

Just name what comes up.

The thoughts,

The emotions,

Just note what is happening in the body without getting lost in the story of it.

And if emotions come up,

Don't take them on as part of yourself.

Don't follow them where they beckon.

They are temporary and they will pass if we allow them to do so.

So just notice what is happening within yourself.

We have this awareness of this thing,

This emotion,

This experience.

And for most of us,

That will bring up the unpleasant emotion and then some resistance around it.

And we all have ways of coping with these kinds of emotions,

The ones that we think we don't want.

And so these coping mechanisms,

This resistance,

We need to let all of that fall away.

Let it go just as we let go of the emotions themselves.

And our task here is just to receive whatever it is that is happening,

To welcome it.

And this experience may be very layered.

You may feel like you have happened upon the emotion,

You've named it,

But then you find that there's still more.

And perhaps you realize instead that it's a layered experience.

One emotion gives way to another,

And then perhaps another.

And so whatever you find,

Just let them be and let them come exactly as they are.

You might imagine that you're in an open pasture and your job is to allow the animals to move from one place to another.

As you open the gate,

A herd of wild horses flows past you.

Beautiful in their freedom,

And your job is to simply let them pass.

Let them remain wild and untamed by your evaluation.

And now we're going to explore these thoughts and emotions.

You are now walking amongst them,

Feeling into their textures,

Their shapes,

Colors,

Accompanying sensations.

And just imagine that the thought or emotion,

The places or sensations in the body where you are feeling,

Not being enough.

Now you've put it under a microscope and you're going to spread out space around this thought form.

Now we're going to explore these thoughts and emotions.

You are now walking amongst them,

Feeling into their textures,

Their shapes,

Their colors and sensations.

Imagine that you've put the thought or emotion,

The places or sensations in the body where you are feeling like you are not enough under a microscope.

And you're going to spread out space around this thought form,

Around this memory,

And you're going to inspect it as if you are a scientist in a lab.

And you're going to observe what is happening with all of this space around it.

It's not touching you or any other aspect of your experience.

We're simply curiously examining it.

Or if the microscope analogy isn't working for you,

Simply imagine that you're a bird flying far overhead of yourself and observing yourself experiencing this emotion or sensation.

But either way,

You're just investigating and observing what is happening.

And as you investigate,

Do so without judgment or evaluation or reaching any kind of conclusion about whether the emotion or feeling is justified,

Valid,

Reasonable,

None of that matters.

What matters here is that you are noticing what is happening and that you are making an effort,

A valiant,

Courageous effort to be close to yourself in this moment of not feeling like you are enough.

And then as you've investigated and become familiar and allowed yourself to invite the very thing that you might want to avoid,

To sit with you and share space,

To befriend the parts of yourselves that perhaps don't feel as good to become aware of,

Now is the time to ask yourself,

As you've become familiar,

What do I need to stay sitting here with this?

What do I need to soften my impulse to run or distract from the experience of this feeling?

And if you struggle to answer that question,

Maybe ask yourself,

If I was having a conversation with a friend who was telling me about this situation,

How would I advise that friend?

How would I reassure them in a meaningful way of their worthiness for compassion?

And from the words that you might tell that friend who you care so deeply about,

You might consider forming an affirmation for yourself that you can then repeat silently whenever you have need.

What would those words of affirmation be?

You might try on a few phrases,

See how they feel.

Perhaps even say them out loud.

And while repeating those words,

Perhaps also visualize yourself on a stage in an otherwise darkened theater,

And you are seated in a chair very still.

And as you repeat those words of affirmation,

Surround yourself in your mind with white light coming down,

Coming down and soothing,

Supporting,

Illuminating.

Notice how you are comforted by this light,

How you are relaxed.

Just take a few moments further to visualize what it is that you need to be with this.

We are all worthy of compassion.

We are all worthy of love from ourselves and others.

You are the person that you've been waiting for.

And you are enough just as you are.

In the achievement-based society that we all live in,

It can be easy to feel less than.

We hop onto social media and see this curated image of other people's lives.

And then we look at our own and come away feeling the lack.

And that's not real.

What's real,

What is true,

Is you being here with you,

With yourself,

With these tough emotions and just sitting with them and asking yourself,

What do I need to just be with these emotions?

How can I be tender towards myself as if I were a small child needing comfort,

Needing reassurance?

This place of reassurance,

Of support,

Is available to you at any time right here in your own body,

In your own heart space.

And as we said before,

When we experience tough emotions,

Sometimes we do want to run away or we want to follow the emotion.

We want to run alongside the horse that is the story around it until we are ragged with exhaustion and thoroughly overtaken by our unconscious coping mechanisms.

But ultimately fear,

Discomfort,

Sadness,

Any of these that are tough to deal with,

Those are not a form of weakness.

Acknowledging them takes great strength.

And they can be a source of strength.

Our task is not to run away from them.

It is to expand the container of the heart space so that we can hold space for these emotions and hold space for ourselves as we experience them.

To really explore objectively what it is that we need and then to give that to ourselves because we deserve it is very brave.

To give yourself what you need after you have gone inward and ask the question of exactly what that is.

And so take just a few more moments to sit here with this.

Perhaps even after so many minutes,

The hands are still over the heart space or the site that holds that difficult emotion.

And if they aren't there,

Place them on the site where you felt the emotion or the belief that you chose as your point of focus here today.

And again,

Let's just feel into that place and name what you find.

If it's still there,

That's okay.

Just make note of any shift,

Whatever it is that you observe.

There is no such thing as success or failure here.

You being here,

You reaching this point in this meditation is a success and is something to thank yourself for.

It is after all called a meditation practice,

Not a meditation perfection.

And as you sit here,

Just take a few more deep breaths before coming out of this space that you've created.

And make note of any aspects of the experience that are apparent to you now.

Just name them with a very small percentage of your awareness now that we've done this work.

Take a great big,

Deep breath,

Inhale.

Feel the lungs as they take in all the air,

And then with a nice,

Relieving exhale,

Allow the air to release.

Send it on its way.

And take a few moments to give yourself gratitude for taking the time,

Making the effort to stay here.

This is where the gold is.

Allow yourself to experience that gratitude because that makes it more likely that you'll do this again for yourself.

Create that positive feedback loop.

And with that,

Still taking deep breaths.

Begin allowing the limbs,

The fingers,

The toes,

The neck to move.

Perhaps the ears touch the shoulders.

Wake the body back up,

Coming back from this deep,

Introspective space that we created for ourselves.

And now you know how to sit with this part of yourself,

To recognize when you are under a spell of unworthiness,

Which is an experience that we all share in common as human beings.

Thank you for listening.

And thank you for coming to share this space and do this very important work.

Namaste.