Hello my friend.
Welcome to humorously dull history for sleep.
My name is Stephen Dalton.
And it is my hope that as I tell you lots of different facts about particular periods in history tonight,
You find me so incredibly boring that you fall asleep very quickly.
And maybe.
.
.
Even with a smile upon your face.
It is humorous history after all.
Tonight it's a compilation.
And I'll tell you the humorously dull history of domestic animals.
Yes,
Domestic animals.
The horse,
The dog,
And the cat.
The horse gave us transport.
The dog gave us loyalty.
The cat gave us the powerful experience of being ignored in our own homes.
So,
Just before we get started.
.
.
Allow yourself to settle into this moment.
Leave the day that was behind.
Feel the support.
Of whatever you lie upon.
If your eyes aren't closed yet.
Allow them to close.
Whatever has been.
Has been.
It's history now.
Whatever will be.
Will be.
All you have is this moment.
And my voice.
So allow your curiosity to be a part of this pleasant experience as I tell you the humorously dull history of domestic animals.
Part one.
In which wolves begin to make some questionable career moves.
Long before dogs became the sort of animals who wear knitted jumpers,
And have Instagram accounts.
They were wolves.
Proper wolves.
Lean.
Weary.
And completely uninterested in being petted.
We're talking about a time at least 15,
000 years ago.
Possibly much longer.
When the earth was colder.
People lived in small mobile groups.
And survival was a full-time occupation.
Humans had no kennels,
No tinned food,
And no squeaky toys in the shape of Christmas puddings.
Wooves,
Meanwhile.
At no interest in learning.
Or stay.
And yet.
.
.
In certain corners of the Ice Age world.
These two species.
Began to notice one another.
In a slightly less adversarial way.
It's thought that some wolves began hanging around the outskirts of human camps,
Perhaps drawn by the smell of discarded bones.
Or the promise of an easy meal.
These were not the boldest wolves.
The braver,
More aggressive ones stayed deep in the wild,
Chasing their own prey.
Instead,
It may have been the more timid.
Slightly lazy wolves.
Who lingered nearby.
Watching.
Wasting.
Calculating that it was easier to scavenge leftovers than risk breaking a tooth on a reindeer.
The humans,
For their part,
Didn't immediately shoo them away.
Perhaps the wolves were useful in some small way.
Alerting the camp to danger.
Or just keeping it marginally cleaner by removing food scraps before they rotted.
Over many generations and we're talking many because natural change moves about as quickly as an elderly dog deciding whether or not to get off the sofa These camp-loitering wolves began to change.
They became less aggressive.
Their features softened.
And they grew more comfortable in the company of humans.
This wasn't the sort of deliberate breeding we think of today.
With carefully chosen pairs.
And records kept in leather-bound books.
It was simply a case of the wolves who could tolerate people producing more offspring near people.
Until eventually some of them weren't quite wolves anymore And this is where the story becomes a little more tangible.
Archaeologists have uncovered burial sites from around 14,
000 years ago.
In places like Bonn,
Oberkassel,
Germany.
Where a man,
A woman and a dog were laid to rest together.
The dark skeleton shows signs of care.
It had suffered from canine distemper,
A disease that would have killed it without human help.
And yet it survived for weeks.
Someone had fed it,
Kept it warm,
And seen it through.
Whether this was an act of affection,
Practicality,
Or both,
We can't know for certain.
But it marks one of the first clear points in history where the relationship between humans and dogs crossed from opportunistic into something more enduring.
Still.
To picture these early dogs.
As anything.
Like the eager Spaniards.
Or dozy retrievers of today.
Would be a mistake.
They were likely,
Rangy,
Unpredictable.
And smelt strongly of whatever they'd last eaten.
But they had crossed an invisible line.
They were no longer wild.
Not entirely.
And in this slow Flooding march of history.
That was quite a significant development.
Heart.
Two.
In which dogs wander into the first villages,
Mostly without an invitation.
With the end of the I say.
Came the dawn of agriculture.
An era when humans decided in a fit of ambition.
To stop wandering after herds.
And start coaxing plants out of the ground instead.
Settled life meant grain stores,
Livestock pens,
And permanent dwellings.
All of which attracted more than just the local people.
Dogs.
Or at least the descendants of those Kamp wolves.
Began turning up in these early villages.
Hiding between mud brick houses.
Sniffing at drying fish racks and generally inserting themselves.
Into the daily business of farming life.
Who are the villagers?
Dogs were a mixed blessing.
On one hand.
They kept pests at bay.
And sounded the alarm when strangers or predators approached.
Mandia Day.
They were perfectly capable of stealing a side of goat meat.
Or knocking over a basket of grain if nobody was looking.
There are ancient Sumerian records.
That depict dogs in art.
Some tethered.
Some running free.
Suggesting that humans were already dividing them into helpful and needs watching.
It's not hard to imagine some farmer.
In 7000 BC.
Muttering under his breath about the brown one that keeps sleeping in the wheat.
Still,
A bond was forming.
Some of these dogs became regular companions,
Guarding flocks of sheep from wolves.
Ironic given their ancestry.
And following their humans out into the fields.
The early agriculturalists.
No strangers to long,
Repetitive tasks.
Must have appreciated the quiet presence of a dog trotting alongside them.
And so without fanfare.
Dogs began their first real jobs.
Earning their keep in ways that would shape their reputation.
For the next few thousand years.
Part three.
In which dogs arrive in the first great civilizations.
And try not to get in the way.
And by the time humans were building cities with gates and walls Dogs were already there.
Not at the planning meetings.
But certainly sniffing around the construction sites.
In Mesopotamia.
Dogs served as hunters,
Guards,
And occasional companions.
They appear on clay tablets.
Sometimes identified by name.
Fluffy or biscuit.
But rather names that translated to things like Spicer.
Reliable one.
Which tells you exactly what was expected of them.
The ancient Egyptians with their fondness for animals of all kinds.
Were happy to immortalize dogs in tomb paintings.
Some pharaohs kept hunting hounds,
Lean and long-limbed.
Bread for chasing game through the reeds.
One particularly adored dog.
Received an elaborate burial with fine linen and incense.
All recorded in hieroglyphics.
It's unlikely this dog ever considered how fortunate he was.
In comparison to the average street dog in Thebes.
But his place in history is secure nonetheless.
Even so,
The vast majority of ancient dogs were working animals.
They guarded homes.
Herded livestock.
And kept an eye on the grain stores.
Now and then.
They probably trotted into temples.
Only to be ushered out again by priests who didn't want paw prints on the ceremonial floors.
The bond between dog and human was growing.
But nobody was yet making little beds for them by the hearth.
That luxury.
Was still a long way off.
More.
In which the Greeks and Romans get involved.
And things become slightly more organized.
The Greeks.
Never short of opinions about the natural world.
Wrote about dogs with a mixture of practicality and occasional sentiment.
Aristotle noted the different temperaments of breeds.
Some suited to chasing hares across the plains,
Others to guarding property or herding goats.
These were not observations made in passing.
They were careful records.
The kind you make when you have both an interest in animals and the time to write about them while wearing a tunic.
In Homer's Odyssey,
We meet Argos,
A loyal hound who waits twenty years for his master Odysseus to return,
Recognizes him instantly,
And then promptly dies.
The scene is moving.
Though it does suggest Argos might have been holding on for that moment alone.
The Romans,
With their love of order,
Took this interest in dogs to new heights.
They bred dogs for specific purposes.
Mustiffs regarding estates,
Lean Sighthound.
Or chasing deer.
And small lap dogs for companionship.
These were not haphazard arrangements.
The Romans were as deliberate about breeding dogs as they were about building aqueducts The villa in Pompeii still has a mosaic floor with the words Cave Canem,
Beware of the dark.
Beneath the image of a particularly alert-looking hound.
Whether this was a genuine warning.
Or a subtle joke for visitors,
Is up for debate.
But either way,
It shows that the Romans liked the idea of a dog as a deterrent.
Oh,
And I realize I've never actually explained so far how people started breeding dogs on purpose.
It didn't begin with Roman record-keeping or Greek philosophy.
It began thousands of years earlier,
When humans noticed that certain dog were better at certain things.
A dog that could keep sheep together without nipping too hard was worth keeping around.
A dog that barked when strangers approached.
But didn't bark all nice at nothing,
Was worth feeding.
Over time.
People began to pair those better dogs together.
Not out of science.
But out of common sense.
The result was the slow,
Subtle shaping of traits.
Stronger herding instincts here,
A calmer temperament there.
Long before anyone spoke of.
Breathe.
What the Romans did.
Was take that instinctive process and give it structure.
Recording and refining it so that particular types of dogs could be reproduced with relative predictability.
Dogs accompanied Roman legions on campaigns,
Pulling supply carts or guarding encampments.
In quieter times,
Dogs could be found in the homes of the wealthy,
Sleeping at the foot of a couch,
While their owners debated politics or recited poetry.
The smaller breeds were particularly popular with Roman matrons.
Who might carry them about.
As symbols of refinement.
Even so,
The vast majority of dogs in the Roman world were working animals.
They patrolled estates Kept watch over herds.
And scavenged in the streets.
The dog's value was tied to its utility.
Though affection certainly existed.
Graffiti and inscriptions from the period reveal fond nicknames and laments for dogs that had died.
The bond between human and dog was clearly strong enough to cross the centuries.
Though the dogs themselves.
Would have been unaware.
They were participating in a civilization.
That people would later write essays about.
Part five.
In which the middle ages arrive and dogs get fancy titles After Rome's decline.
Europe entered the medieval period.
And with it came a shift in the way dogs were seen.
Hunting was no longer just about putting food on the table.
With nobility.
This was a display of power and status.
Hunting dogs,
Especially greyhounds and hounds bred for scent tracking,
Became prized possessions Often given as gifts between rulers.
The nobility might spend more on a prized hunting-dog than on the wages of several peasants which was fortunate for the dog.
But probably less so for the peasants.
Dogs also appear in medieval manuscripts.
Sometimes trotting alongside knights sometimes curled at the feet of a lady in an illuminated margin.
Lapdogs became fashionable in the courts,
Their main duty being to look decorative,
And perhaps keep their owner's hands warm in drafty castles.
These small companions could be named in wills and given their own attendance.
It was not unusual for a favourite lap dog to be dressed in a tiny embroidered coat.
A detail that seems both charming and entirely impractical for an animal that might decide to roll in something unpleasant.
Working dogs,
Meanwhile,
Kept to their traditional tasks Shepherds relied on them to manage flocks.
Farmers trusted them to guard yards and barns.
And travellers valued their company on long journeys.
In some towns.
There are even laws about the keeping of dogs.
Who could own one?
How they should be controlled?
And what would happen if they damaged property?
Disputes over livestock worrying were common enough to be recorded in local courts.
And occasionally a dog would be mentioned by name in the proceedings.
A small Slightly bewildered celebrity.
Of the legal world.
Monasteries sometimes kept dogs.
Though not always without controversy.
There are records of monks being instructed to keep dogs out of cloisters to prevent disruption.
One can imagine the scene A solemn procession through the courtyard.
Only for a large hound to appear,
Tail wagging,
Carrying some unidentifiable object it had found.
It was,
After all,
A period in which dogs still acted according to their instincts,
Regardless of human ceremony.
Part six.
In which dogs take to the seas.
Whether they like it or not.
When humans decided to cross oceans for months on end in wooden ships,
Dogs,
As they often did,
Bound to themselves included in the plan.
Without ever being consulted.
On board.
They were useful for keeping the rat population down.
And a dog that was good at catching the rat became a valued member of the crew Some explorers brought large dogs ashore to help with hunting in unfamiliar territories.
The Spanish Conquistadors.
Famously brought mustiffs to the Americas.
Dog so large and intimidating.
That they often caused as much alarm as the conquistadors themselves.
These were not the sort of dogs you idly patted on the head.
Unless you are very sure of the outcome.
Meanwhile,
Smaller dogs found their role as ship mascots.
Their duties consisting of sitting in comfortable spots,
Looking hopeful at mealtimes,
And occasionally getting underfoot at exactly the wrong moment.
The ship's dog often became part of the crew's morale.
Which was important on long voyages.
Where boredom could set in.
After the first few hundred miles.
Of nothing but water.
Some dogs became so accustomed to ship life They could navigate the deck in rough seas.
Better than new sailors.
Though whether this was skill or simply a natural ability to stay low to the ground is open to debate.
A few.
Even made it into sailors' logbooks.
Their names and personalities.
Recorded alongside weather reports and sightings of distant land.
Many dogs adapted well to the sea,
As dogs always seem to do.
They adapted to the smell of tar and salt,
The creak of timbers and the occasional cannon fire.
And while they probably had no concept of global exploration.
They were.
Unwittingly.
Becoming some of the first dogs to set pool.
An entirely new continents.
Part 7 in which the Renaissance brings dogs into portraits.
The Renaissance.
Renaissance.
Depending on where you're from.
That explosion of art.
Science,
And generally showing off.
Also managed to include dogs.
Not because dogs were contributing to scientific breakthroughs.
But because they looked good in paintings.
Wealthy patrons had themselves painted alongside their favorite hounds.
The animals gazing nobly.
Into the middle distance.
As if they had just thought of something profound.
In truth,
They were probably staring at the artist's lunch.
Hunting remained a favoured pastime of the elite.
And hunting dogs became a status symbol in themselves.
The colours alone could be works of art.
In bust leather.
Grass fittings.
And occasionally precious metals.
This wasn't entirely for fashion.
A sturdy collar could protect a dog's neck from injury.
There was no harm,
Apparently,
In making it match the owner's bill.
City life,
Meanwhile.
Saw a different sort of darkness.
In the winding streets of Florence or Venice,
Dogs scavenged scraps,
Lounged in sunny doorways.
And occasionally followed strangers for no other reason than mild curiosity.
These were the urban darks of the Renaissance.
Not painted.
Not collared in gold.
But every bit as adept at finding a comfortable place to sleep.
Artists even slipped dogs into religious scenes.
Sometimes symbolic of loyalty.
Sometimes they're simply because someone liked the look of them.
The result is.
.
.
That a surprising number of masterpieces Now double as early dog portraits.
Which is likely not what the patrons had in mind,
But is rather nice for us.
Part Eight.
In which the enlightenment thinkers occasionally notice their dark side.
The Enlightenment.
Brought about great leaps in philosophy.
Politics.
And the sciences.
Though for the most part.
Dogs continued as they always had.
Cheerfully ignoring the debates about the rights of man.
Still?
Some of the great minds of the era kept dogs and wrote about them with affection.
Voltaire,
For instance,
Reportedly preferred the company of his dogs to that of most people,
Which might have been a compliment to the dogs,
Or a criticism of people,
Or both.
Breathing took another step forward at this time.
Becoming more deliberate and more recorded.
Wealthy landowners kept detailed notes on the lineage of their hunting hounds,
Pairing them for speed,
Scenting ability,
Or endurance.
This was not yet modern dog breeding,
No glossy kennel club standards,
But it was moving in that direction.
The average working dog,
However,
Lived a life much like its medieval predecessors.
They herded sheep.
Guarded property.
And walked alongside carts on muddy roads.
Enlightenment or not.
A dog's main concern was still whether it could find something to eat and a dry place to sleep.
If that happened to be next to a philosopher.
Musing about the nature of the soul.
So much the better.
Part nine.
In which the industrial revolution Changes a dog's working day.
The industrial revolution.
Was an age of steam.
Smoke.
And machinery.
And darks as usual.
Adapted without asking too many questions.
In cities,
Some were harnessed to small carts.
Delivering milk.
Or even cool.
It wasn't glamorous work.
But it was steady.
And for some.
It probably meant more regular meals than their rural cousins got.
Urban stray populations grew alongside human ones.
Prompting new laws about dog ownership and control.
There were licensing schemes.
Leash regulations.
And the occasional public grumble about the dog problem,
Which suggests that people had not yet discovered the modern trick of turning any grievance into a cheerful local news segment.
In the countryside.
Working dogs continued their age-old tasks.
Though now they sometimes competed with machines.
Sheepdogs remained indispensable.
No engine.
However clever.
Could look a you in the eye and convince it to move in quite the right direction.
The relationship between people and dogs was changing.
In some cases,
Becoming more formal and structured.
In others.
Remaining entirely practical.
Part 10.
In which Queen Victoria makes small dogs fashionable.
If history has a knack for anything.
It's for letting royalty set trends.
That the rest of society promptly tries to copy.
Even if those trends are mildly impractical.
Queen Victoria adored dogs.
Not in a vague.
I suppose they're nice,
Sort of way.
But with an enthusiasm that saw her surrounded by them for most of her life.
Kali is Spaniards.
Darshans.
And particularly Pomeranians.
The smaller and fluffier the better.
Trotted through the palace halls and across manicured lawns.
Her influence was remarkable.
In the 1800s,
If Queen Victoria had a particular dog,
The upper classes wanted one too.
It wasn't long before the middle classes followed.
And breeders found themselves.
Producing more of these small decorative companions to meet the demands.
Victoria herself is credited with popularising the smaller variety of Pomeranian,
After bringing some back from Italy.
These were not the fox-sized dogs of their earlier ancestry,
But compact fluffballs that could be carried without the need for a footman.
The Queen's dogs lived better than most humans of the time.
They had attendants.
Tailored bedding.
And an unspoken immunity from the rules that governed everyone else in the palace.
In her journals.
Victoria sometimes mentioned her dogs by name.
Not just as passing references.
But in the same tone one might use to write about close friends.
It's entirely possible that some palace guests felt the dogs were treated with more warmth than they were.
Of course,
The spread of small companion dogs wasn't universal.
Many working-class families still kept dogs for more practical reasons.
Guarding.
Hurting.
And think.
And would have found the idea of a dog that couldn't catch a rat,
Or at least bark at the postman,
Faintly absurd.
But in the drawing-rooms of the Victorian elite.
The idea of the pet dog as a family member.
Was firmly established.
And it wasn't going anywhere.
Part 11.
In which the Kennel Club and the Dog Show arrive.
By the mid 19th century.
The British had formalized almost everything.
Rail timetables Postal delivery and inevitably dogs.
The Kennel Club was founded in 1873.
Not because dogs had been causing administrative chaos.
But because dog enthusiasts wanted order.
Rules.
And above all.
Competitions.
The idea of the dog show had already been around for years.
But now it was official.
The first shows judged dogs primarily on appearance.
The shape of the ears,
The length of the coat.
The way the animal carried itself.
This must have been a curious experience.
Were dogs used to being valued for actual skills.
Imagine a sheep,
Dog.
Accustomed to a day's work in the hills,
Being told its ears were a bit too rounded to win a ribbon.
People flocked to these events,
Proud to parade their dogs,
And,
In many cases,
Themselves.
Dark shows quickly became social occasions.
They weren't just about the animals.
They were about hats,
Gloves,
And the subtle art of being seen in the right company.
There were rivalries.
Whispered criticisms.
And the occasional scandal when a dog's lineage was questioned.
It turns out that even in the genteel world of competitive grooming,
Human competitiveness.
Could be as fierce as a terrier after a mouse.
From these early shows came the modern concept of the breed standard,
Written descriptions of exactly how each breed should look and behave.
Whether the dogs themselves appreciated this precision.
Is unclear.
But their owners took it very seriously indeed.
For some,
This was the high point of dog ownership.
The chance to display a perfectly brushed coat.
Under the judging eye of someone who had,
Quite possibly,
Never spent a day mucking about in the rain with a real working dog.
Part 12.
In which the leash becomes a thing.
Of the day.
Or lead.
Depending on your geography.
As existed in some form for thousands of years.
But its journey from necessity.
To everyday pest accessory.
Is worth a slow look.
Ancient Egyptian art.
Chose dogs on what appeared to be leads.
Often in the hands of noblemen.
These were as much about status as control.
A way of showing off a prized animal in public without letting it run off to investigate something smelly.
For centuries,
Leads were practical tools for hunters,
Traders,
And city dwellers who didn't want their dogs bolting into traffic.
They were often made of rope,
Leather,
Were anything to him.
The dog had no say in the matter.
Although many probably saw it as an affront to their natural right to chase whatever they fancied.
In the 19th and early 20th centuries as dogs became more common in urban settings the leash became an essential part of the Respectable Dog Owners Kit laws in many cities.
Required dogs to be restrained in public,
Which no doubt caused consternation among owners of particularly stubborn breeds.
The modern retractable leash.
That curious device that allows a dog to believe it's free until it hits the end with a sharp jolt.
Didn't appear until the late 20th century.
Dogs were their part.
Seem largely unimpressed by this innovation.
PART THIRTEEN In which the world goes to the dogs in uniform The First and Second World Wars.
Turned dogs into soldiers of a sort.
They carried messages,
Detected minds.
And located the wounded.
Some pulled carts of ammunition or supplies.
The military valued their reliability and the fact they didn't complain about the food.
Although the food was often better than what many human soldiers were getting.
Stories from the front.
Tale of dogs navigating shell-torn landscapes.
To deliver vital communications.
Others acted as mascots for entire units.
Their presence a reminder of home in the midst of chaos.
Some even earned medals for bravery.
Although what they made of such awards is anyone's guess.
Most likely,
They were more interested in whether the meadow came with something edible.
After the wars.
Some of these dogs were sent home with their handlers.
While others stayed with new units or communities.
The bond.
Forged in such extreme circumstances.
Was not easily broken.
It's a reminder.
That while humans have often taken dogs into their service,
Dogs have.
In their own way.
Been serving us all along.
Sometimes in jobs they never signed up for.
Part 14.
In which we name the dogs.
And sometimes regret it.
From the moment humans began keeping dogs They began naming them.
Often with alarming lack of imagination.
The Romans had names like Ido,
Meaning I am faithful.
Or lupa,
Meaning she-wolf.
While medieval farmers might simply call a dog Spot.
Brown,
Or that one.
It was efficient.
If nothing else.
As dogs moved further into the realm of companionship.
Names became more playful.
And occasionally baffling.
The Victorians favoured names like Dash,
Floss,
Or a chip.
In the 20th century.
Film and television created surges in certain names.
Lassie.
Rin Tin Tin.
Benji.
Some owners named their dogs after historical figures.
Which can be awkward when you have to shout Napoleon across a busy park today,
The variety is endless.
Some names are chosen for comedy.
Others' resentment.
And a few because the dog looked like a certain name.
A logic that falls apart the moment you meet a chihuahua named Thor.
It is perhaps the clearest example.
That we project our personalities onto our dogs whether they like it or not.
Bye.
By the way.
Once met a person who called his dog.
Matt Damon only because he wanted to say the sentence.
Matt Damon just took a wee on the carpet.
Part 15.
In which the pet industry.
Becomes a force of nature.
By the late 20th century,
The pet industry was booming in ways that would have baffled early dog owners.
There were luxury dog beds,
Gourmet biscuits,
Spa treatments.
And entire wardrobes of seasonal outfits.
What began as a way to feed and house an animal had become a multi-billion dollar global market.
Some of this was of course driven by genuine care.
Better nutrition.
Veterinary advances and enrichment toys designed to keep dogs mentally stimulated.
Some of it,
However.
Was driven by the simple human joy of buying things for a creature that cannot protest.
Dogs were photographed professionally.
Given birthday parties.
And in the age of social media.
Turned into influencers.
With more followers than their owners.
And yes.
Beneath all the frills and branding Working dogs still carried out their ancient roles.
Herding sheep.
Guarding homes.
Binding lust I gird.
And standing patiently by while humans congratulated themselves on how well they were cared for.
Part 16.
In which we pass strange laws about darks.
Over the centuries.
Humans have passed some truly peculiar laws about dogs.
In medieval England,
For example.
Peasants were forbidden to keep hunting dogs tall enough to reach a deer's back.
In the 1800s,
Several European cities introduced dog taxes,
Requiring owners to pay for the privilege of keeping a dog.
This led,
Inevitably,
To people trying to disguise their dogs as other animals to avoid the fear.
A strategy that rarely works.
Unless the tax collector was exceptionally short-sighted.
Modern laws are less brutal.
But still occasionally eccentric.
Some towns have bans on dogs barking after a certain hour,
As though the dogs could read the municipal code.
Others have leashed laws so specific you'd think they were drafted with one particular stubborn terrier in mind.
Part 17.
In which dogs enter the world of work.
Wild dogs had always worked.
The late 20th century saw the rise of the professional service dogma.
Guide dogs for the visually impaired.
Earring dogs.
And mobility assistance dogs transformed the lives of their handlers.
Drained from puppyhood.
These animals learned complex skills.
From navigating traffic.
To fetching dropped items.
With an accuracy and reliability that would shame most humans attempting the same task.
Therapy dogs began visiting hospitals,
Schools and care homes their calm presence providing comfort in difficult circumstances.
Police and military working dogs took on specialized roles in detection and search and rescue These jobs were not ceremonial.
They were vital.
And the dogs performed them with the same quiet diligence they had shown since the first campfires.
It's a reminder.
That even in a world of gadgets and automation There are things only a dog can see.
Come do.
Or will do.
Simply because we asked them to.
Part 18.
In which science takes an interest.
By the turn of the 21st century.
Dogs had caught the attention of geneticists,
Behaviorists and anthropologists Studies explored everything.
From the origins of domestication.
The intricacies.
Of canine communication.
It turned out.
That dogs were astonishingly good.
As reading.
Human body language.
Better,
In fact.
Than our closest primate relatives.
Reading programmes became more scientifically managed.
Though not without controversy.
Concerns over inherited health problems led to debates about ethics.
And the need to balance appearance.
With welfare.
Some breeds were celebrated for their resilience.
Others were quietly retired from show standards.
That demanded unhealthy extremes.
Or the dogs,
Of course.
None of this matters.
They continued to live in the present moment.
Unconcerned with academic papers.
Or breathing registries.
More interested.
And whether it was time for dinner.
Part 19.
In which dogs take over the internet.
Social media.
Created a new kind of celebrity.
The Dog Influencer from photogenic perks in costumes.
Border collies performing elaborate tricks.
Millions of followers tuned in daily.
To see what the dog was up to.
Which was often exactly what it had been up to the day before.
Some of these canine stars earned serious income through sponsorships and merchandise.
Others simply brought joy to people.
Who needed a moment of distraction.
Or the darks?
The main difference was the number of times they were asked to sit still.
While someone adjusted the lighting.
It's unlikely the first campfire wolves could have imagined this outcome but then again.
Perhaps the whole point of domestication.
Was to see how far humans could be trained.
Part 20.
In which famous people refuse to be separated from their dogs.
Throughout history.
Many notiable figures have had dogs that were almost as well known as their owners.
Napoleon Bonaparte's wife.
Josephine.
At the poke.
Named Fortune.
Who famously bit the Emperor.
On their wedding night.
A sign,
Perhaps.
Of things to come.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning The Poet.
Was so devoted to her spaniel flesh.
That she wrote poems about him.
And he received his own biography from Virginia Woolf It must be said.
Was an unusually well-connected dot.
Winston Churchill kept a series of poodles.
Or named Rufus.
One was once barred from entering a cinema with him.
Prompting Churchill to tell the usher.
If Rufus can't go in.
Neither can I.
This may have been admirable loyalty.
Or a clever excuse to avoid a dull film.
Pablo Picasso at a dachshund named Lumpkin.
Who appears in several of his artworks.
Often in a way that makes it hard to tell if the dog was posing.
Or simply happened to be in the way in America.
Franklin D.
Roosevelt's Scottish Terrier Bala.
Was so popular.
You receive.
Thousands of letters from admirers and was mentioned in presidential speeches.
More recently,
Queen Elizabeth II.
Became almost synonymous with her corgis.
Each with its own name.
Personality.
And place in palace life.
These dogs.
.
.
Were not mere accessories.
They were companions.
Confidence.
N.
In some cases.
Minor celebrities in their own right.
What these stories show.
Is that no matter how powerful Silent day.
Or historically significant a person may be.
They are often happiest.
In the company of a dog.
Who neither knows nor cares about their fame.
Visit us.
The human is not a monarch.
A president.
You're a genius.
They're simply the one who opens the biscuit tin.
Part 21.
In which we wonder.
How much dogs really love us!
For centuries.
Humans have taken it.
As an article of faith.
That dogs love us.
We've written poems about it.
Painted portraits of it.
And built entire industries around the idea.
But science.
Ever determined to poke at our certainties.
Let's try to measure it.
Studies have found that when a dog looks at its human Both experience a rise in oxytocin.
They're so cool.
Bonding hormone.
In much the same way.
A parent and child do.
Brain imaging has revealed.
That familiar human sense.
Light up a dog's pleasure centers.
And experiments show that most dogs will choose their owner's company over food.
Though one suspects this depends heavily on the quality of the food.
Behaviorists point.
To the way dogs seek eye contact.
Follow us from room to room.
And lean against us.
As signs of genuine affection.
It is,
Perhaps.
One of the few areas in science where the data mostly confirms what we already hoped was true.
Course.
Dogs are also opportunists.
They've evolved alongside us for thousands of years.
And it would be naive.
To ignore as a fact.
The tower companionship.
Comes with warmth.
Shelter.
And regular meals.
But anyone.
Who has had a dog greet them.
After a long absence.
Tail wagging.
Body wriggling.
As though you'd returned from conquering a continent.
Will find it hard to believe.
It's all about resources.
The truth may be.
That love.
In the human sense.
Is complicated to measure in the dark.
But whatever it is.
Loyalty.
Affection.
A mutual shaping of two species over millennia.
It's enough.
To make us keep each other's company from the first campfire to the present day.
Part 22.
In which our story closes.
Today.
Ducks live in almost every part of the world.
They work in search and rescue teams.
Guard locks on windswept hills.
And sleep under cafe tables in crowded cities.
They attend weddings.
Star in films.
And in some homes.
Of their own wardrobes.
The path from wolf to sofa companion has been long and winding.
Shaped by human knees.
Whims.
And affections.
And by the dog's endless adaptability.
Not every dog lives a perfect life.
As a species.
They have mastered the art of fitting themselves into ours.
From the edge of the firelight.
To the edge of the bed.
Dogs have been watching us for thousands of years.
And if history.
Is any guide.
They'll keep.
Doing it.
Occasionally wondering.
In whatever way a dog wonders Why you still haven't opened that.
Cupboard.
Part one.
In which a small wildcat notices that humans have invented grain.
Mice.
And conveniently warm roof.
For most of human history.
The cat has behaved as though it has done us.
An enormous personal favor.
Merely by being.
It enters the room.
Without explanation.
Examines the available furniture.
Rejects the expensive cushion.
And settles instead.
Upon a folded newspaper.
Or the one garment that has just been cleaned.
It accepts food.
With the expression of a minor aristocrat.
Receiving an overdue tax payment.
It may allow itself to be a stroke.
But only until the precise moment at which it decides.
That the arrangement has become undignified.
Then,
Without warning.
It leaves.
This attitude has led many people to assume That cats were once worshipped as gods.
And have never forgotten it.
That idea is often repeated.
Usually by someone who's cut.
Has just knocked a glass of water from a table.
While maintaining direct eye contact.
The true beginning of the relationship.
Between cats and humans.
Is quieter.
Slower.
And far more concerned with rodents.
There is no known afternoon.
On which an ancient human points towards a wild cat.
And announces that This particular animal shall henceforth live indoors.
Sleep for 16 hours a day.
And object loudly whenever a door is closed.
The cat does not appear to have been domesticated.
Through an organized human program.
There are no ancient committees,
No careful breeding records,
And no early clay tablet entitled Proposed Regulations Concerning the Household Cuts.
Instead.
Humans begin growing crops.
Props.
Produce grain.
Brain.
Mice.
And mice.
A truck.
The Cut.
Having studied the situation.
With the calm attention for which its descendants remain famous,
Concludes that these new human settlements.
May be worth visiting.
Humans,
Meanwhile.
Notice that a small predator has begun eating the creatures.
That are eating their food.
Neither side.
Signs anything.
Neither side.
Admits dependence.
The Arrangement simply begins.
The animal at the center of this slow agreement is generally known as the Near Eastern Wildcat.
A lean,
Sandy-coloured hunter,
Related to the wildcats still found across parts of North Africa.
And Western Asia.
It does not look dramatically different.
From many modern domestic cuts.
There is no.
Great transformation from hell.
Hulking beast.
To Fireside Pet.
As there is with some other domesticated animals.
A person seeing one from a distance.
Might simply assume that somebody's tubby.
Has wandered quite far from home.
The wildcat is cautious.
Solitary.
And well suited to hunting small animals.
Especially at dawn.
And dusk.
It does not naturally seek the company of humans.
But it is capable of.
Tolerating them.
When conditions are favourable.
And the first farming communities.
Provide very favorable conditions indeed.
Around.
10,
000 years ago.
People in parts of the Near East.
Begin settling for longer periods.
Cultivating cereals.
Storing grain.
And discovering.
That a permanent food supply creates a permanent pest problem.
A sack of grain is useful to a human.
But it is also excellent news for a mouse.
Several sacks of grain.
Stored together in a warm building.
Amount to a mouse civilization.
There are meals.
Shelter.
Opportunities for courtship?
And very little reason to move elsewhere.
The mice.
Multiply.
The cats arrive.
A bolder wildcat may approach the edge of a settlement at night.
Follow the scent.
And movement of the rodents.
And discover hunting grounds more reliable.
Than this scrub land beyond.
A slightly calmer cut.
As an advantage over one that flees.
At the first sound of a human voice.
It can hunt closer to the houses and grain stores.
Humans may tolerate it.
Then encourage it.
Perhaps by leaving scraps?
Or by simply deciding.
Not to chase it away.
Over many generations.
The cat's most capable.
Of living near people.
Remain.
Near people.
They produce kittens.
That are on average.
A little more comfortable.
With the strange uprice animals who store wheat drop food.
And occasionally make unnecessary attempts at affection.
In this way.
The Cut.
Edges into domestic life.
While preserving the firm belief.
That the entire matter was its own idea.
One of the most interesting early clues comes not from Egypt.
As many mice expect.
But from the island of Cyprus.
Now,
Cats are not native to Cyprus.
Which means that any ancient cat found there.
Must have arrived with human assistance.
Resume a plea by post.
This raises a pleasing image.
Of a very early sea journey in which someone attempts to persuade a wild cat to remain inside a basket around.
7,
500 BCE.
A cat is buried.
Near a human.
At a settlement called Shiluru Kambos.
Forgive the pronunciation if it's not quite right,
Cypriots.
The cut lies in its own small grave.
Close enough to the person.
To suggest that the animal may have held some special significance.
We cannot know precisely what the relationship was.
The human may have valued the cat as a hunting companion.
A useful controller of mice.
A creature.
With spiritual importance.
Or simply an animal of which they had grown fond.
Archaeology can reveal where bones were placed.
But it cannot tell us whether the cat used to sleep on the person's chest.
And make breathing difficult.
The burial tells us that Cats and humans are already connected.
Thousands of years.
Before the great cat-loving civilization.
Of ancient Egypt reaches its height.
It also tells us that someone considers a cat valuable enough to transport across water.
This is not a minor undertaking.
Early boats are not.
Cruise ships.
There is no.
Private cabin.
No quiet corner with a bowl of water.
And no member of staff offering fish.
The journey may have involved a small wooden vessel.
A restless animal.
And several people learning for the first time that a cat,
Which does not wish to be held,
It possesses a surprising number of sharp ends.
Yet somehow.
The island of Cyprus.
They remain there.
Reproduce.
And become part of human settlement.
The Practical Partnership is already deep.
Cats protect food stores.
Humans provide access to abundant prey.
And relative safety from larger predators.
Each side gains something,
Though the cat presumably behaves as if it has accepted the arrangement only after considerable thought.
The early domestic cat does not immediately become the soft,
Varied,
Household companion familiar today.
For a very long time.
Cats remain close in appearance and behavior.
To their wild ancestors.
This is partly because.
.
.
Humans do not need to alter them very much.
Cattle are bred for milk.
Strengths.
And temperament.
Are shaped by generations of selection for wool.
And manageable behavior.
Dogs are bred to hunt,
Guard,
Herd.
Retrieve.
Curry.
And perform a growing list of tasks that eventually includes sitting patiently while wearing a birthday hat.
Cats already perform their main task extremely well.
They are small enough to live near human homes.
Quiet enough not to disturb a settlement.
And perfectly designed.
To catch rodents.
Their bodies are flexible.
Their hearing is sharp.
And their paws.
Allow them to move with very little noise.
Their eyes work well in low light.
Although not in complete darkness.
Despite the suspicious ease with which a cat can locate a person's ankle.
It's three in the morning.
Their whiskers help them judge narrow spaces.
Their claws can be drawn back when not required.
And their ability to wait motionless.
For long periods.
Makes them efficient hunters.
And unusually convincing ornament.
There is little reason for early farmers.
To produce a larger cut.
Uh,
Sure,
Sir.
Cut.
Or a cut with a particularly dramatic coat.
A cat that catches mice is sufficient.
Indeed,
For much of its history.
The domestic cat occupies an uncertain position.
Between wild animals.
Working animal.
Neighbour.
And companion.
It may live beside people without entirely belonging to them.
It enters buildings.
Hunts in fields and storerooms.
Accepts food.
And leaves when it chooses.
Even today.
A domestic cat.
Allowed outdoors.
Can move between these rules with ease.
At breakfast.
It is a cherished family member.
By mid-morning.
It is a small predator.
Crouching beneath a hedge.
At noon.
It is asleep in a patch of sunlight.
By evening.
It is standing beside an empty bowl.
Claiming,
Through repeated cries,
That it has not been fed in several years.
This may be the central fact of cat history.
The relationship develops.
Without either species surrendering very much.
Humans do not fully control cats.
And cats do not fully abandon.
The independent habits.
That once carried them through dry grasslands and rocky country.
They adapt just enough.
The cat becomes more tolerant of company,
More willing to live in crowded places,
And increasingly skilled at communicating with humans.
Humans become more willing to share food,
Shelter,
And eventually beds,
With an animal that contributes little to household work.
Once the mice are gone.
The partnership spreads.
Because it is useful.
But usefulness.
Is only the beginning.
People,
What?
Cat's hunt.
Groom themselves.
Raise kittens.
Stretch beside fires.
And sleep in positions that appear medically inadvisable.
Familiarity.
Grows into attachment.
A creature first welcomed because it removes pests.
Gradually becomes a presence people miss.
When it is absent.
In these earliest settlements.
The future importance of the cut.
Remains impossible to foresee.
No farmer stacking grain in a mud-brick storehouse.
Can know that.
Thousands of years later.
Humans will.
Photograph cuts.
Paint Cuts.
Write poems about cats.
Give cats elaborate names.
And purchase special furniture.
That the cats will ignore in favour of the cardboard packaging.
For now,
There are only villages,
Fields,
Rain,
Mice,
And a sandy little hunter.
Waiting at the edge of the firelight.
It does not approach too quickly.
It does not trust without reason.
It watches.
It listens.
And when the settlement has grown quiet.
It steps softly.
Towards the place where the mice have gathered.
Beginning one of the longest.
And well-being.
Strangest friendships.
In human history.
Part two.
In which the Egyptians discover that cats are useful.
Beautiful,
And quite willing to accept the credit.
Ancient Egypt is often presented as the point at which the cat finally receives the recognition it has always felt it deserves.
By the second millennium BCE.
Cuts are appearing in Egyptian homes.
Paintings.
Hunting scenes.
And religious life.
Having moved beyond their original position as useful visitors near the grain stores.
They are now sitting beneath chairs.
Wearing colours.
Accompanying families.
And generally behaving as though the entire civilization has been constructed to provide them with warm floors and regular meals.
You see,
Egypt is particularly well suited to cats.
The farming system produces large quantities of grain.
The grain attracts pests,
And the pests attract small hunters.
You are prepared to work irregular hours.
Without requesting wages.
Holidays.
Or a chair of their own.
Humans quickly appreciate this arrangement.
A cat can protect stored food while requiring relatively little management,
Provided one ignores the food,
Shelter and constant rearrangement of household objects that the cat itself considers necessary.
It does not need to be.
Driven to a field.
Attached to a card.
Or persuaded to carry anything.
It simply appears.
Performs its duties privately.
And later sits in a prominent place.
Looking as though it has personally secured the annual harvest.
This is an ideal working relationship,
From the cat's point of view.
The humans do the farming.
The building,
The carrying,
The accounting,
And the paying of taxes.
The Cass patrols one storeroom at dusk and is immortalized on a wall.
Cuts become visible in Egyptian domestic art.
Which tells us that they are no longer merely hanging around outside.
And hoping nobody notices.
They sit beneath the chairs of their owners during meals and social gatherings.
Often close to women of the household.
This position beneath the chair.
Has been interpreted in several ways.
It may indicate affection.
Protection.
Fertility.
Or simply the ancient Egyptian version of keeping the cat near enough.
To be admired.
But far enough away,
That it cannot place its entire body upon the bread.
Some cats are shown wearing colors.
Which suggests that people value them.
As individual animals.
Rather than regarding them as interchangeable pest-control equipment.
They may even have been given names.
Although,
Very few of those names survive.
This is unfortunate.
Because one would like to know whether Egyptian families chose dignified names connected with the gods.
Or weather.
After several thousand years of human progress?
They eventually arrived at names such as Mr.
Pickles The paintings show cuts.
Calmly occupying the household.
As if this Has always been there,
Right?
They are not shown asking permission to enter.
No Egyptian artist.
Appears to have painted the moment.
When a family debates whether the cut should be allowed on the furniture.
Perhaps because.
.
.
By the time the discussion begins.
Vicar?
Is already asleep on it.
There are also hunting scenes,
In which cats appear among the reeds.
Helping flush birds into the air.
Or joining their owners on small boats.
Scholars continue to debate.
Whether these cats were trained hunting animals.
Or whether Egyptian artists were taking a generous view of events.
Anyone familiar with cats will understand the problem.
A dog may be trained to retrieve something because it wishes to please its owner.
A cat may retrieve something because it happens to be going in that direction.
The most famous religious connection is with Busted.
Although the familiar explanation that Egyptians worshipped cats as gods is much too simple,
And,
More importantly,
Gives modern cats ideas.
Bastet begins as a powerful lioness goddess.
Associated with protection.
And royal strength.
Over centuries.
She becomes increasingly connected with the domestic cat.
And is often represented.
As a woman with a cat's head.
Usually standing upright.
And holding objects of religious importance.
With considerably more discipline than a nurse.
Actual cash could be expected to show.
She is associated with the home.
Motherhood.
Music.
Celebration and protection.
Making her an unusually busy deity.
With a broad range of responsibilities.
Her main center of worship is Bubastis in the Nile Delta.
Where large festivals are held in her honour.
People travel there by boat.
Playing music.
And stopping along the river.
To exchange remarks with people on the banks.
Herodotus describes these gatherings as lively affairs involving enormous crowds.
Which suggests that a festival Dedicated to Kurtz.
Was not necessarily quiet.
Orderly.
Or particularly interested in an early night.
Worshippers by Bronze Figures and other offerings connected with Bastet.
Craftsmen produced them in large numbers.
Traders sell them.
Officials supervise the temples.
And priests manage the ceremonies.
Thus,
Around a sacred animal.
There develops the usual human structure of devotion.
Commerce.
And somebody checking the receipts.
The ordinary household cat.
Benefits from its link with Bastet.
But this does not mean that every cat is treated as the bodily form of a goddess.
An Egyptian family.
Probably does not stop cooking.
Whenever a cat enters the room.
They admire the animal.
Associated with divine qualities.
And may treatise with exceptional care.
But this is different from.
.
.
Worship.
Although the distinction becomes less obvious.
When one observes a modern person.
Opening a fourth tin.
Because the first three have been rejected.
When cats die in ancient Egypt,
Some are mourned and mummified.
And it is here that Egyptian affection becomes organized.
On a truly professional scale.
According to Herodotus,
Members of a household may shave their eyebrows after the death of a cat.
It is difficult to know how widely this was practiced.
But it is an extraordinary tribute.
Many people today.
Are deeply attached to their pets.
Yet few would respond to bereavement.
By voluntarily removing a major facial feature.
The dead cut might be wrapped in linen.
Placed in a small coffin and taken to a cemetery.
And are buried as cherished companions.
Foreign visitors become fascinated by Egyptian attitudes towards cats and stories begin to circulate.
About the severe consequences of harming.
Some later accounts claim.
That even an accidental death could provoke public anger and serious punishment.
Exporting cuts may also have been restricted.
Though the evidence is less straightforward.
Than popular histories sometimes suggest.
The Egyptians certainly regard the animals as valuable.
And cats spread gradually through trade and travel,
Despite any effort to keep them within the country.
Sailors carry them aboard ships.
Where they protect supplies.
And discover that a vessel provides many small enclosed spaces.
In which to disappear.
Just as somebody needs to leave port.
Traders take them around the eastern Mediterranean.
Households in other lands.
Begin to notice their advantages.
The Egyptian Cat is therefore moving towards a wider career.
But for now.
.
.
It remains most closely associated with the Nile.
The Household.
And the goddess bustet.
They need you.
It has completed a remarkable rise.
It begins as a practical visitor.
Attracted by human food stores,
And becomes a family companion,
Artistic subject,
And a religious symbol.
Very few animals have managed such advancement.
Without learning to carry a person,
Guard a gate,
Or come when called.
The curse achieves it.
Mainly by being attractive.
Useful in moderation.
And emotionally unavailable.
Humanity confronted with this combination.
Never really.
Stands a chance.
Part three.
In which the cat leaves Egypt.
Encounters a Greek weasel.
And discovers that not every country has been properly briefed.
After its considerable success in Egypt.
The cat begins to travel around the Mediterranean.
Presumably expecting the rest of the ancient world.
To have heard the news.
In Egypt.
It has been painted on Tomb Wars.
Connected with a major goddess?
Wrapped respectfully after death,
And represented in bronze,
It has acquired admirers.
Religious significance.
And it therefore arrives in ancient Greece.
With what can only be described.
As an excellent resume.
Unfortunately.
The Greeks already have someone doing the job.
For generations.
Many Greek households have relied upon weasels and similar small animals.
To discourage household pests.
These creatures are quick,
Effective and agile.
Already familiar.
Though they lack the cat's particular talent.
For making usefulness look like a personal favour.
The newcomer is therefore entering.
An established market.
It cannot simply walk into Athens,
Sit beneath a chair,
And expect.
Immediate divine status.
The position has been filled.
There is no vacancy.
The household weasel has seniority.
Local experience.
And very possibly A cousin in management.
The cut must begin again.
The bottom.
Cuts do appear in Greek art.
And gradually become known as domestic animals.
But they do not occupy anything like the position they enjoyed in Egypt.
Greek writers devote their attention to war,
Politics,
Philosophy.
Tragedy.
And the alarming behavior of the gods.
The Ordinary Cut receives comparatively little discussion.
This feels like an oversight.
Socrates spends a great deal of time Asking what makes a person good.
But nobody appears to ask why a cat demands that a door be opened.
And then remains.
Seated in front of it.
Reconsidering the whole proposal.
Plato writes about ideal forms.
But leaves no surviving dialogue on the ideal temperature of a windowsill.
Aristotle.
Carefully studies animals.
Government.
And logic.
Yet the central philosophical question of whether the cat is inside outside.
Or somehow dissatisfied with both conditions,
Remains unresolved.
It is possible that the Greeks observe cats.
And decide that.
Further inquiry will only encourage them.
The animal appears in homes,
Workshops and ports slowly gaining ground.
Without producing a manifesto.
This is generally.
How cats prefer to advance.
They do not overthrow the existing system.
They wait.
Until everyone has grown tired of maintaining it.
Then occupy.
The warmest part.
The Romans are more practical about the measure.
They encounter cuts through trade,
Travel,
And contact with Egypt and the Eastern Mediterranean.
And they recognise the animal's usefulness.
Without feeling obliged to construct a temple.
Every time one enters a storeroom.
Rome admires efficiency.
Roads are built.
Water.
Is carried over long distances.
Armies are supplied across enormous territories.
And taxes are collected.
From people who had hoped the Romans might overlook them.
A quiet animal that reduces household nuisances.
Without requiring a salary.
It comfortably.
Into this arrangement.
The Romans call the cat.
Phelous although the word may initially refer more broadly.
To small hunters of this kind.
Gradually.
The domestic cut.
Becomes more familiar.
It lives around farms.
Houses.
And military settlements.
It is not usually the most celebrated Roman peasant.
Dogs receive inscriptions praising their loyalty.
Birds are kept for their songs.
And wealthy citizens collect unusual animals.
Because nothing demonstrates sound judgement.
Quite like importing a creature that requires six servants.
And dislikes the climate.
The cut continues its work.
With little public recognition.
This suits it perfectly.
Public recognition often leads to additional duties.
A Roman cut is unlikely to be dressed in armor or officially enrolled in a legion,
Though it travels wherever Roman soldiers Merchants and settlers go.
Grain stores.
Food suppliers.
And ships.
Provide plenty of reason for cuts to accompany human movement.
Across the empire.
They reach Newport.
River Towns.
And distant settlements.
Including parts of Western and Northern Europe.
No single Roman official.
Appears to organize this expansion.
There is no decree from the Emperor.
Announcing that.
Cuts shall now be distributed.
Throughout the provinces.
Was too assigned to gore.
A further shipment delayed near Carthage.
Due to adverse weather.
The cats simply move along the same routes as everyone else.
Same boardships.
Others remain near military camps.
Or trading centers.
A few presumably enter carts without permission.
And discover several miles later.
That they have made a serious administrative error.
Yet the species spreads with remarkable success.
Human empires require armies.
Roads,
Laws,
Officials,
And a great many men stamping objects with seals The cat requires one boat on which nobody is paying close attention.
There is something wonderfully appropriate about the way cats establish themselves across Europe.
Dogs earn their place through visible service.
They guard homes.
Hunt beside people.
Bird animals.
And display loyalty with such enthusiasm.
That songs are written about them.
Horses carry riders.
Core vehicles.
And alter the course of wars.
Cattle provide strengths,
Milk.
And food.
The car turns up near a warehouse.
Removes a few inconveniences during the night.
Sleeps through most of the following day.
And is eventually invited indoors.
It has found the minimum level of effort required for permanent accommodation.
And refuses to exceed it.
By the later Roman period.
Cats are no longer an Egyptian curiosity.
They have become.
Quiet residence of an empire.
Stretching across several climates.
Countless households.
They travel with sailors.
Traitors.
Farmers and soldiers.
But belong completely to you.
To none of them.
When Rome eventually weakens.
Divides.
And begins the long and tidy process of falling apart.
The cut remains.
It does not attempt to save the Empire.
It has seen the accounts.
And considers the matter beyond repair.
Instead?
It settles beside the ruins.
Closes its eyes.
And way.
For the next civilization.
To begin.
Feeding it.
Part four.
In which Rome collapses.
Monks acquire cats.
And one of them walks across a manuscript.
The collapse of the Roman Empire is a complicated subject.
Involving economic pressure.
Political instability.
Military failures.
Disputed six sessions.
And a large number of men declaring themselves emperor.
Before being murdered by their own employees.
The cut contributes nothing to the crisis.
It does not defend a frontier,
Reform the currency,
Or suggest that Rome might benefit from having fewer emperors at the same time.
When the Western Empire finally breaks apart during the 5th century.
The cut simply continues living in houses,
Farms,
Ports and storehouses.
Join the same calm indifference.
It would later display during family arguments and minor kitchen fires.
Governments disappear.
Roads deteriorate.
Town's strength.
Tax systems collapse.
Remains employed.
This is because.
.
.
Even when a civilization can no longer maintain an aqueduct.
It can generally still produce a sack of grain.
And something determined to eat it.
Across early medieval Europe.
Cuts continue their old work in barns.
Mills.
Kitchens and storerooms.
Their social position is not grand.
Nobody is building them temples now.
The Egyptian years are over.
And the cut.
Has been forced to accept.
A more modest arrangement.
Involving cold floors and rural employment.
If it darts admirably.
An animal that once sat beneath the chair of an Egyptian noblewoman.
Can when required.
Sleep perfectly well upon a heap of rope.
Cuts are particularly useful in monasteries.
Where monks spend long periods.
Copying religious and scholarly texts by hand.
A monastery contains food stores.
Warm rooms.
Khandos.
Parchment.
And men who have taken vows,
Preventing them from leaving whenever the building becomes inconvenient.
It is excellent accommodation.
The cut protects supplies.
And helps keep small pests away from valuable manuscripts.
Though its respect for literature.
As limit.
Medieval books occasionally preserve the physical evidence of cut.
Moving through the workplace.
Paw prints appear across pages.
Where an animal has stepped into wet ink.
And then continued walking.
Presumably convinced that the manuscript required editing.
Centuries later.
Historians examine these marks with great interest.
Tracing the root of a medieval cut.
Across a document.
That may have taken a scribe months to produce.
The monk's own response.
Was probably less scholarly.
There is also a famous 15th century manuscript in which a scribe complains that a cat has urinated on a page during the night.
He draws pointing hands around the damaged area.
And records the incident for future readers.
Adding a curse upon the animal responsible.
The cat's name is not given.
Which is understandable.
It had already made its position clear.
The scribe then continues his work.
Parchment is expensive.
And medieval customer service.
Offers no replacement paid.
Refund.
Or small voucher as an apology.
Not every monastic cut is remembered only through vandalism.
A 9th century Irish poem.
Describes a monk.
Working beside his white cat.
The monk searches for meaning in his books.
While the cat searches for something beneath the furniture.
And each takes pleasure in his own specialised task.
It is one of the warmest glimpses of ordinary companionship.
From the early Middle Ages.
A quiet room.
A scholar concentrating on his work.
And to cut.
Concentrating on.
Something it has no intention of sharing.
The poem survives.
Because the monk writes it into a manuscript.
Perhaps during a pause from more serious study.
This means that's the cut from the poem.
Achieve something denied to most medieval kings bishops and military commanders.
E is remembered.
Fondly.
Without having invaded anywhere.
He does not commission a cathedral.
Issue a law.
Or marry a neighboring kingdom for strategic reasons.
He sits near a monk.
And catches mice.
Wisely recognizing that This is already more useful than much of medieval politics.
Writes a poem about him.
The Little Cats fame lasts for over a thousand years.
The names of countless officials who considered themselves extremely important.
Have vanished completely.
There is a lesson in this.
Though not one that officials generally enjoy.
Cuts also acquire a measurable financial value.
Medieval law codes in parts of Europe.
Include.
Payments or penalties.
Connected with cuts.
Particularly animals proven to be good hunters.
In medieval Wales?
The laws traditionally associated with will to die.
And excuse my terrible pronunciation of Welsh.
Describe the value of a cut at different stages of its life.
A young kitten is worth relatively little.
Until it can see.
Dutch pray.
And demonstrates that it is.
Not merely consuming resources.
Once capable of.
Doing useful work.
Its price.
Rises.
This is an unusually honest assessment of a kitten.
Modern owners may describe a kitten as delightful.
Affectionate.
And full of personality.
A medieval Welsh administrator.
Looks at the same animal.
Climbing a curtain,
And asks when it expects to become financially productive.
A good cash is expected to have.
Sound senses.
Working clause.
An ability to rear kittens.
And enough commitment to the household.
To remain there.
If the animal fails certain standards.
Its value may be reduced.
One imagines a solemn inspection involving several officials.
A table.
A reluctant cat.
And a growing awareness that nobody presents.
As any control over the proceedings.
The laws also establish compensation.
If someone kills or steals a cat.
Indicating that these animals matter economically.
As well as personally.
The household cat is property.
Worker.
And companion.
Though it is unlikely to accept any of these descriptions.
Without first reviewing the terms.
By the later Middle Ages.
The cut is thoroughly established across Europe.
But its reputation.
Has become complicated.
It is admired for cleanliness.
Independence and skill.
Yet those same qualities make some people uneasy.
The cat moves quietly.
Sees well in dim light.
Disappears for hours.
And refuses to explain where it has been.
In an age when almost everything unusual happens.
Can be interpreted as a message.
Or personal attack from forces beyond ordinary understanding.
This is not ideal public relations.
Cuts begin appearing in stories.
And religious imagery.
In less.
Flashering rules.
Sometimes linked with deceit.
Disorder.
Or people suspected of behaving improperly after sunset.
Black cats suffer particularly from associations that humans invent.
Confidently blame upon the cuts.
Yet the idea that medieval Europe conducts one continuous organized campaign against all cuts is an exaggeration.
Many people continue keeping them.
Valuing them.
And living beside them.
Farmers require them.
Sailors welcomed them.
Monks write about them.
Families feeds them.
A society can be suspicious of cuts in theory.
While still needing one in the kitchen.
A contradiction medieval people manage without difficulty.
They are also suspicious of foreigners.
Doctors.
Comments.
Unusually shaped vegetables.
And several neighboring villages.
So the cut is not being singled out.
As much as it might appear.
And so.
.
.
The medieval cat occupies an uncertain but secure position.
It is useful enough to protect Independent enough to mistrust.
Affection is enough to mourn.
And destructive enough.
To be mentioned in the margin of a book.
It sleeps beside fires.
Patrols barns.
Follows sailors onto ships.
And settles.
In monastic rooms.
Where serious men attempt serious work.
Occasionally.
It places a paw into an inkpot.
And contributes directly to the historical record.
It has lost the sacred status it once held in Egypt.
But this may come as a relief.
Being sacred.
Involves ceremonies.
Expectations.
And an alarming amount of embalming.
Medieval life.
Offers fewer statues.
But more freedom.
The cat can now pursue the arrangement.
It has been seeking all along.
Regular meals.
Useful employment.
No direct supervision,
And complete immunity from criticism.
When the monk objects to the poor prince.
The cat does not apologize.
It has reviewed the manuscript.
And found it improved.
Part 5.
In which the cat finds work in shops goes to sea.
And gradually stops working altogether.
As Europe moves out of the Middle Ages.
And into the early modern period.
The cat discovers that Human civilization has once again changed its mind about it.
This has happened before.
In Egypt.
The cat is associated with a goddess.
And treat it with considerable admiration.
In medieval farms and monasteries.
It is valued as a practical employee.
Though one with a poor attitude towards wet ink.
Now.
Across parts of Europe.
It becomes linked with witchcraft.
Secret meetings.
And various activities for which there is remarkably little paperwork.
The cat has not altered its behavior.
It still sleeps,
Hunts.
Disappears after dark.
And looks at people as though they have misunderstood something obvious.
The change occurs entirely within the human imagination.
Which is often where the more serious trouble begins.
Fortunately for the cat.
Human imagination is rarely consistent for very long.
The same people who tell uneasy stories about cuts after dark.
Continue feeding them in kitchens.
Keeping them in barns.
And allowing them to sleep beside the fire.
Practical needs.
Of a way of interrupting dramatic beliefs.
A household may regard the cat as mysterious at eleven o'clock in the evening.
And extremely useful at six the following morning,
When something has been nibbling the flower.
This creates the usual compromise.
The cat is treated with caution,
Affection and regular meals,
Sometimes by the same person within a single afternoon.
It learns that human opinion changes rapidly.
But supper.
Usually arrives at about the same time.
This is enough stability for most cats.
As European towns grow.
The cat finds new opportunities.
Houses stand closer together.
Chops store food Markets produce scrubs.
And warehouses offer dry shelter.
Bakers need cuts.
Brewers need cuts.
Innkeepers need cats.
Printers,
Merchants.
And anyone storing anything edible.
Eventually discover.
That a cut is cheaper than replacing half the stock.
The cut,
Therefore,
Moves into commercial life.
Without attending an interview.
It arrives.
Sits near the premises.
And begins behaving as though a position has already been discussed.
A sensible shopkeeper accepts this advice.
An unsensible shopkeeper.
Attempts to remove it.
Then spends the following week.
Listening to movement behind the walls.
Reconsiders his management style.
Printing shops are especially suitable for cats.
They are warm.
Busy and filled with paper.
Shelves.
And men becoming irritated over small errors.
A printer spends hours arranging individual pieces of type.
Inking presses.
And checking pages for mistakes.
The cat watches this careful process.
And decides the most useful contribution.
Is to lie across whatever is required next.
It may settle upon a stack of paper,
Occupy the compositor's chair,
Or place one paw directly on a page.
That has taken all morning to prepare.
In this way.
The cut enters the history of publishing.
Many books owe their existence To patient printers working by hand,
Many delays owe their existence.
To a cut.
That has found the warmest part of the press.
Cuts also become familiar figures in inns and taverns.
I'm in.
Is full of smells.
Footsteps.
Dropped food.
And travellers.
You do not know where anything is.
The resident cat.
Knows exactly where everything is.
And regards this as private information.
It moves between tables.
Inspects luggage and selects the guest most likely to provide meat.
This may not be the kindest guest.
The richest guest.
Or even the guest who likes cats.
It is simply the one whose place has been left nearest the edge.
The cat understands hospitality.
As a system.
In which strangers arrive carrying supplies.
And leave before making any long-term demands.
It is almost the perfect arrangement.
Travelers often remember in cats.
Because they offer a small point of familiarity.
In an unfamiliar place.
Roads are slow.
Rooms are cold.
Beds are unpredictable.
And supper.
May consist of something described confidently as chew.
A cat near the fire gives the room a settled feeling.
It has survived the stew.
And therefore provides a useful recommendation.
If the cat refuses to enter the dining room.
The traveller may wish to ask further questions.
If it sleeps beneath the table.
Matters are probably acceptable.
This is one of the earliest forms of customer review.
Though the rating system is limited.
To whether the animal remains in the building.
In wealthier homes,
Cats begin to move further from practical employment and closer to companionship.
They appear in portraits.
And domestic paintings.
Sometimes sitting beside women.
Children.
Or elderly men.
Who have sensibly concluded that Conversation is optional.
A cut in a portrait.
Can represent comfort.
Independence.
Affection.
Or the fact that the painter has been waiting two hours for it to face the correct direction.
Cats are poor models.
They do not understand.
Composition.
Symbolism.
Or the client's schedule.
They sit perfectly still.
Until painting begins.
Then turn around and wash themselves.
If placed on a cushion,
They leave the cushion.
If allowed to choose their own position.
They select the darkest corner of the room and close their eyes.
The wealthy begin keeping cats.
Not merely because they are useful.
But because they enjoy them.
This is a major development in the cat's career.
Until now.
It has generally been expected to make some contribution.
By the 17th century.
Certain cuts are beginning to achieve the modern ideal.
Being supported.
Almost entirely on the strength of their personality.
They still catch pests when the mood takes them.
But their juices are becoming.
Less clearly defined.
A cat may spend the morning asleep.
Inspect a cupboard in the afternoon.
And be praised at dinner.
For keeping the house free of trouble.
It has moved from.
Labour.
Into consultancy.
This gradual promotion is assisted by The Cut's talent.
For appearing decorative without making any effort.
A dog may need rooming.
Training.
And supervision.
A cat simply sits on a chair and improves the room.
It curls into a neat shape.
Closes its eyes.
And becomes what humans describe as elegant.
Minutes earlier.
It may have been running sideways through a doorway.
Reasons known only to itself.
Elegances.
Largely a matter of timing.
Writers also begin noticing cuts more often.
Some admire their independence.
Others complain about their habits,
While clearly allowing them to remain nearby.
This becomes a lasting literary tradition.
A writer describes the cat as disruptive.
Demanding.
And impossible to control.
Then gives it the best cheer.
And mentions it in three letters.
Cuts are particularly well suited to writers,
Because both prefer quiet rooms,
Irregular hours,
And the belief that ordinary household rules do not apply to them.
A cat can sit beside a desk.
For an entire morning.
Without interruption.
Provided one does not count walking across the page.
Sitting on the paper and requesting entry through a door that is already open.
At sea.
The cuts continue their practical work aboard ships.
Food must be protected during long voyages.
And a small hunter able to move through narrow spaces.
Is valuable.
Cuts travel with merchants,
Sailors and naval crews becoming familiar members of shipboard life.
They do not require a cabin,
Though they may take one.
They do not demand a ration.
Though they expect several.
They do not appear on the crew list.
Yet somehow gain access to every part of the vessel.
A ship gives a cat an extraordinary selection of sleeping places,
Folded sails,
Coils of warm corners,
Officers' coats,
And any chart currently needed by the navigator.
A chart spread carefully across a table is almost impossible for a cat to resist.
It is flat.
Important.
And surrounded by men who would prefer it remain visible.
These are the three main qualities a cat looks for in a bed.
A captain may be attempting to determine the ship's position,
While the cast occupies the coastline of Portugal.
The crew must then decide.
Whether to move it.
Or sail around.
Sailors grow attached to ship cuts,
Particularly during long voyages,
When the company is limited.
And every story has already been told.
The cut does not repeat itself.
Borrow tobacco.
Or explain at length why the captain is wrong.
It listens without judgement.
Mainly because it is asleep.
The sailor may speak to it about home.
Family.
Or the behavior of another sailor.
The cut receives this information.
With the calm expression of an animal.
That is heard worse.
And intends to disclose nothing.
Cuts also become.
Unofficial mascots.
Crews give them names.
Feed them scraps.
And regard their presence as part of the ship's identity.
A cusp may belong to no individual sailor.
And yet be cared for by everyone.
This is useful.
Because individual sailors can be transferred.
Dismissed.
Or lost to another vessel.
While the cut remains.
Until it notices a better ship in port.
Naval loyalty has its limits.
A fish-merchant,
Tying up beside the key,
Can undo years of service within seconds.
Through trade and travel.
Cuts spread to more parts of the world.
They arrive in new ports.
Settle near warehouses.
And repeat the arrangement that began thousands of years earlier.
Humans store food.
Small pests arrive.
Notice.
The entire history of feline expansion.
Can be explained by humanity's repeated decisions.
To place large quantities of grain in one location.
And then act surprised.
When this attracts attention.
By the end of the 17th century.
The cat has successfully moved through another period of human uncertainty.
It remains useful in farms,
Shops,
Ships and warehouses.
But is also becoming a companion.
Whose value cannot be calculated.
Entirely by work performed.
People keep cuts.
Because they enjoy their presence.
Their habits.
And perhaps their refusal to behave like servants.
The cat offers affection.
Without obedience.
Company.
Without enthusiasm.
And loyalty.
Without any guarantee that it will be present when required.
It has travelled from Egyptian temples to medieval monasteries.
From market towns to merchant ships.
And it has done so.
Without carrying luggage.
Or learning a second language.
It has survived changing religions.
Governments.
Fashions.
And economic systems.
By maintaining a simple policy.
Remain near warmth,
Food,
And people willing to tolerate a certain amount of inconvenience.
This policy.
Has proved more durable.
Than several empires.
The cut now stands on the edge of a new age.
Soon it will enter drawing rooms.
Literature.
Scientific study.
And eventually organized cut shows.
Where humans will gather in large halls.
To compare animals.
Who have no interest in being compared.
For the moment,
However.
It is content beside the fire.
It has completed its work.
Or has decided that it has.
From the cut's perspective.
These are the same thing.
Part 6.
In which the cat is judged at the crystal palace,
Given a pedigree,
And presented with food from a tin.
During the 19th century.
Humans begin.
Organizing cuts.
This is an ambitious project.
And one which the cats themselves have not requested.
Until now,
Most cuts have been identified through practical details,
Such as where they live.
What they look like.
And whether they are currently under the table.
A household may have a black cat.
And ginger cut.
Or the cut that belongs to the baker but spends most afternoons elsewhere.
Gradually,
However.
People become interested in distinguishing breeds.
Recording ancestry.
And deciding which shape of head is preferable.
The cat.
Which has spent thousands of years reproducing without written supervision.
Is suddenly surrounded by committees.
Standards are drafted.
Categories are created.
Serious adults begin discussing the correct distance.
Between a cat's ears.
Civilization has reached a very advanced stage.
In 1871,
Harrison Weir organizes a major cat show at the Crystal Palace in London.
The cats are brought into a vast exhibition building.
And examined according to their coats,
Markings,
Size,
And general appearance.
The event attracts considerable public interest.
People arrived to see the animals they could previously have observed free of charge in almost any alley,
Kitchen or coal shed.
The important difference is that these cuts now have labels.
Once an animal has a number beside it,
And a judge holding a clipboard,
The experience becomes educational.
The cuts sit in pens.
While strangers lean towards them.
Discuss their faces.
And award prizes.
A cut which has never shown the slightest concern about public opinion may now be declared the finest example of its kind.
It accepts this honor by turning around and facing the wall.
Cat breeding becomes increasingly formal.
Clubs are founded,
Pedigrees recorded,
And particular features encouraged.
Some owners give their cats long ceremonial names.
Often involving estates,
Titles,
Or suggestions of ancient nobility.
The animal may be registered as Augustus Marmaduke of Bellwether Hall,
Though at home it is called Gus,
Because nobody has the afternoon free.
Pedigree documents trace several generations of ancestry,
With more care than many families devote to their own relatives.
A breeder may know the name of a cat's great-grandfather,
While remaining uncertain about an uncle living in Birmingham.
The cat itself recognises no inherited obligation.
Its ancestors may have won twelve prizes.
It still becomes frightened by a cucumber.
The same period brings more organized veterinary treatment for household animals.
Cuts are increasingly taken to professionals,
Rather than being expected to recover privately beneath the cupboard.
This is undoubtedly an improvement.
Though the caste does not always recognise it as such.
A veterinary examination involves being carried to an unfamiliar building,
Removed from a basket,
And handled by someone who claims to be helping.
From the cuts perspective,
The evidence is weak.
Thermometers appear.
Ears are inspected.
Teeth are discussed openly.
The owner then pays money and apologizes to the person who has just been bitten.
Medical science advances,
But relations remain delicate.
Commercial pet food also begins to change the cat's daily arrangements.
Instead of relying entirely upon household scraps.
Hunting.
Or whatever can be obtained through sustained staring.
Cuts are gradually offered,
Specially prepared.
By the 20th century.
Tins and packets make feeding more convenient.
And give cuts an entirely new activity.
Rejecting meals manufactured specifically for them.
A person may open a tin.
Place the contents neatly into a bowl.
And watch the cat smell it once before walking away.
Five minutes later.
The same cat attempts to eat something found beneath a garden chair.
Nutrition is a science.
Appetite.
Remains personal.
By the early 20th century.
The cut has acquired prizes.
Pedigrees.
Doctors.
And commercially prepared dinners.
It has become the subject of clubs.
Rules and official records.
It remains entirely unimpressed by administration.
Humans now know more than ever about its ancestry.
Health and diet.
They still cannot persuade it to come inside before bedtime.
Progress has been considerable.
Though not necessarily in the direction originally intended.
Part 7,
In which the cat conquers the internet,
Acquires several bets.
And continues sleeping in the box.
By the late 20th century.
The domestic cat has achieved a position its wild ancestors could never have imagined.
It lives indoors.
Receives.
Medical care.
Eats food developed by nutritionists.
And is permitted to sleep on furniture,
Once reserved for important guests.
In many homes,
It no longer has any practical responsibility at all.
It is not expected to protect grain.
Patroller warehouse.
Or accompany sailors across an ocean.
Its role is simply to be there.
Preferably somewhere inconvenient.
A person may spend several thousand pounds furnishing a house.
Only to discover that the best seat belongs to an animal,
Weighing four kilograms,
And contributing nothing towards the mortgage.
The couch occupies the chair.
Without embarrassment.
Embarrassment is generally felt by the person.
Who briefly considers moving it.
And then decides to sit somewhere else.
Thousands of years earlier.
Cats approach human settlements.
Because they contain reliable food and shelter.
The arrangement has now matured.
The food is served in ceramic bowls.
The shelter has central heating.
And the human sleeps against the edge of the bed to avoid disturbing the cat's legs.
Modern cats are surrounded by possessions.
They have beds,
Blankets,
Climbing towers,
Scratching posts.
Tunnels.
Toys.
Drinking fountains.
And small pieces of furniture designed to resemble human furniture.
Presumably because the ordinary furniture has proved insufficiently expensive.
The cat receives these objects with caution.
A new bed is placed in a warm corner,
And introduced with great optimism.
The cat smells it,
Steps inside,
Leaves immediately.
And spends the next six months.
Sleeping on a grocery bag.
Owners attempt to improve the bed by moving it.
Washing it.
Or placing a familiar blanket inside.
The cat watches these adjustments with the expression of a property developer observing a failed shopping centre.
Nothing can save it.
The bed was purchased for the cat,
And that alone has made it unusable.
The Cardboard Box,
By contrast.
Remains one of the great successes of feline design.
It is inexpensive.
Plain,
And generally arrives containing something much more costly.
The owner removes the costly item,
Assembles it carefully,
And places it beside the box.
The cut enters the box.
This process has been repeated in millions of homes,
And has yet to produce widespread learning.
People continue buying elaborate structures containing platforms,
Hammocks,
And little fabric caves.
The cat sits in the packaging.
And looks pleased.
Venezuela.
It may have refused a specially padded bed.
On the grounds that one corner felt morally uncertain.
The box has no padding at all.
For it is largely a matter of refusing what has been offered.
Food has become another area.
In which the modern cat exercises considerable authority.
Earlier cats eat what they can catch.
Or what happens to be available.
The modern cat is offered a menu.
There are tins.
Trees.
Pouches.
Biscuits and carefully labelled recipes involving fish that the owner could not afford to eat every day.
The caste develops preferences,
Then changes them without notice.
A particular food may be accepted enthusiastically on Monday.
Tolerated on Tuesday.
And treat it as an insult by Wednesday morning.
The owner.
Having purchased twenty-four tins during a sale.
Is left with a small commercial stockpile and no customer.
A new variety is introduced.
The cat eats it once.
Encouraged.
The owner buys more.
The cut has been waiting for this moment.
And never touches it again.
Humans try to interpret these decisions.
Perhaps the texture is wrong.
Perhaps the bowl is too deep.
Perhaps the food was served at an unfavourable temperature.
Perhaps the cat is experiencing a complex emotional response to salmon.
Articles are read.
Bows are replaced.
Meals are warmed slightly.
Then cooled slightly.
Then stir it.
With the concentration of a laboratory technician.
Handling unstable material.
The cat eventually eats a dry leaf from the floor.
Months of dietary research.
Conclude.
Beneath the radiator.
Water is treated with similar seriousness.
A simple bowl is no longer considered enough for an animal once content to drink from a muddy footprint.
Cuts are now offered.
Filtered fountains in which water circulates quietly throughout the day.
Replacement filters are ordered.
Pumps are cleaned.
Instructions are consulted.
The cat drinks from the bathtub.
And complains when it is turned off.
The owner turns it on again and waits.
The cat watches the water for some time.
Than leaves.
This is not thirst.
It is governance.
The relationship between cuts and doors has also survived every stage of technological progress.
Humans can now unlock houses with phones.
Speak to devices.
And control heathing from another country.
Yet they cut.
Remains unable to decide which side of a door contains the better life.
It asks to go out.
Pause is at the opening.
And studies the garden.
As though the terms have changed.
Cold air enters the house.
The human waits.
The cut lifts one paw,
Lowers it.
And sits down.
After several minutes.
The door is closed.
The cat immediately asks to go out.
Civilization has produced satellites,
Vaccines,
And international air travel.
The door situation remains unresolved.
Automatic cat flaps attempt to solve the problem by recognizing a tiny device attached to the cat's collar.
The flap opens for the correct animal.
And excludes unwanted visitors.
This is excellent in theory.
In practice?
The cut approaches.
Here is a small clip and decides that the entrance has become haunted by engineering.
It sits outside and looks through the glass.
Until a human opens the main door.
Technology has worked perfectly.
The cut has rejected the findings.
The Cuts' refusal to cooperate has not prevented people from introducing more devices into its life.
Modern owners can purchase.
Automatic feeders.
Cameras.
GPS trackers.
Activity monitors.
And toys controlled through mobile phones.
A person at work may open an app and check whether the cat has moved recently.
The answer is often no.
This does not indicate technical failure.
The cat has been sleeping since ten past nine,
And has no plans to justify the subscription fee.
The owner may speak through the camera.
A distant voice emerges in the room.
The cat looks toward it briefly.
Concludes that the human has somehow become trapped inside a small box.
And returns to sleep.
Rescue operations.
Are not considered.
Some cameras dispense treats when activated remotely.
This allows a person hundreds of miles away to feed the cat while watching on a screen.
It also allows the cut to discover that food occasionally falls from a machine without warning.
The animal then spends portions of the day staring at the machine,
Waiting for reality to resume its duties.
A human may describe this as enrichment.
The cuss considers it.
A slow restaurant.
The greatest change of all,
However.
Arrives with the internet.
Cuts have always attracted attention.
But the internet removes the previous limits on how much attention can be given.
A photograph that once might have been shown to three visitors can now be displayed to several million strangers before breakfast.
Cuts appear in videos.
Photographs.
Drawings and short films.
They wear hats.
React to cucumbers.
Pour from shelves.
Interrupt meetings.
And sit inside containers.
Clearly too small for them.
A person can spend an entire evening.
Watching Cats Encounter ordinary household objects.
And regard the time as now.
Unexpectedly well used.
The cut is perfectly suited to online fame.
Because it combines dignity with frequent physical miscalculation.
It walks along a narrow ledge with the confidence of an acrobat.
Then steps into an empty laundry basket and disappears.
It prepares to jump onto a table,
Pauses to calculate the distance,
Leaps,
Misses completely,
And behaves afterwards as though it had intended to inspect the floor.
The owner records the incident.
Millions watch it.
The cut's reputation survives because.
.
.
Confidence unlike accuracy.
Autographs well.
Owners photograph their cats constantly.
Often while the cat is asleep.
The resulting phone.
Contains hundreds of images that appear identical to outsiders.
And entirely distinct to the owner.
And one.
The cat's left boar is extended.
In another.
The poor is.
Slightly less extended.
And assert.
The cat has opened one eye,
Creating an image of great emotional importance.
Storage warnings appear.
Other files are deleted.
The seventeen photographs of the cat on the grey blanket remain,
Because each captures a different mood.
None of which the cat remembers having.
And so.
.
.
To sum up.
The cat arrives in the modern world.
Having achieved something close to total victory.
It began beside early farms,
As a useful visitor attracted by grain stores.
It passed through Egyptian homes,
Greek ports,
Roman settlements,
Monasteries,
Markets,
Ships,
Printing shops,
And Victorian exhibitions,
It became worker.
Companion.
Simple Traveller pedigree.
And celebrity.
It now sleeps beneath electric blankets,
Drinks from filtered fountains,
And appears online to an audience larger than the population of ancient Egypt.
Humans provide the food.
Clean the bowls,
Buy the toys,
Arrange the medical appointments,
Take the photographs,
And apologise when the cat is inconvenienced.
In return.
The cat offers warmth,
Company,
Amusement.
And the occasional dead insect placed somewhere difficult to ignore.
The agreement remains unwritten.
This is probably wise.
No human lawyer would advise signing it.
Yet,
Beneath all the modern equipment and attention,
The cut remains remarkably close to the animal that first watched human settlements.
From the edge of the fields.
It still listens for small movements.
Sleeps through much of the day.
And approaches affection on its own terms.
It still prefers warmth.
Safety,
And a clear route to the door.
It has adapted to apartments.
Central heating and social media.
Without accepting that any of them require a change in attitude.
A modern cat.
May have a microchip.
And Instagram account.
A monthly delivery of premium food,
And a name containing three titles.
At two in the morning,
It still runs from one end of the house to the other,
Stops suddenly in the hallway,
And looks behind it,
As though pursued by consequences.
History has given the curse.
Almost everything.
An explanation.
Was never included.
Part one.
The horse.
Before humans got ideas.
The story of the horse begins more than 50 million years ago.
When it was not yet a horse.
In any form we would immediately recognize.
And had several more toes than it does now.
The horse is an unusual animal.
It can carry an emperor.
Pull the plough.
Deliver the post.
Win an Olympic medal.
And appear on the cover of a teenage girl's notebook.
It can also refuse to walk past a wheelie bin,
Because the bin was not there yesterday.
And is therefore clearly planning something.
Few animals move so easily between grunger and complete administrative breakdown.
For thousands of years.
Horses changed where humans could travel.
What they could carry.
How quickly news could move.
And how impressively a person could arrive somewhere.
Walking into town.
Made you a visitor.
Riding into town.
Gave people the impression that a decision had already been made.
But all of that lies far ahead of us.
We begin instead.
Roughly 17,
000 years ago.
The cold open country.
Of what is now southwestern France.
A herd of wild horses.
Grazes beyond a line of low trees.
While several humans watch from a safe distance.
These people know the horses well.
But they do not own them.
Nobody has placed a saddle on one.
Asked one to pull a card.
Or spent forty minutes discussing its digestive habits with someone who had only asked its name.
The animals move together.
Across the pale grass.
Lifting their heads.
Whenever something disturbs them.
Their ears turning towards sounds.
That the humans cannot yet hear.
They are alert.
Muscular.
And already recognizably.
Horses.
Yet they are the result of a much longer story.
One that began on another continent.
With an animal that looked as if a horse had been described to nature over a very poor telephone connection.
If we look down at the single,
Solid hoof.
Of one of these,
I say,
Choices.
We are looking at the conclusion of an argument.
That lasted millions of years.
And involved a surprising number of toes.
Some of the earliest members of the horse family.
Appeared in North America.
Around 55 million years ago.
One familiar name given to an early form is Eohippus.
Meaning.
Dawn oars.
Although scientists have spent a great deal of time rearranging the names and relationships of these animals,
This is what scientists do.
When the animals themselves have neglected to leave organised paperwork.
These early horses.
Were roughly the size of a small dog.
With four toes on their front feet and three on the back.
They lived in warm forests.
Stepping between thick plants,
And feeding on soft leaves and fruit With low-crowned teeth.
If one passed beneath your window today.
He might assume that somebody had lost a peculiar terrier.
You would probably not put a saddle on it.
For a long time,
Books presented horse evolution as a tidy procession.
A small,
Many-toed animal at one end.
Two modern whores at the other.
And several increasingly confident creatures between them.
As if attending a series of highly successful posture classes.
The true story was much less organized.
Different horse species appeared.
Divided into new forms.
Lived beside one another,
And disappeared.
Some stayed small.
Some grew larger.
Some remained in forests.
While others moved into more open country.
The horse family history.
Is a mass of branches and dead ends.
Rather than a single cue,
Leading patiently towards a chestnut mare called Poppy.
Evolution had no final horse pinned to the office wall.
It simply kept producing animals that survived well enough to have descendants.
Which is less inspiring than destiny.
But considerably more reliable.
There were no flowing mains.
Polished Saddles Your proud profiles against the sunset.
There were small,
Forest-dwelling creatures,
Quietly eating leaves and trying not to become It was an understated beginning.
For an animal that would eventually demand statues.
During the Miocene period,
Climates became cooler and drier,
Forests thinned,
And broad grasslands spread out across much of North America.
This presented horses with two practical difficulties.
The first was that grass is tough,
And gradually wears down teeth.
The second was that an animal standing in an open field is much easier to notice.
Than one hiding behind a shrub.
Forces adopted over many generations.
Their teeth became taller.
And better able to grind abrasive grass.
Their legs lengthened,
Allowing them to cover open ground more efficiently.
And,
When necessary,
Leave it at considerable speed.
Their feet changed too.
Several toes gradually gave way to one enlarged central toe,
Protected by a hoof.
It was a ruthless departmental reorganization.
The middletoe received the entire budget.
While the others were reduced and eventually informed that their contribution was no longer required.
This change was not completed everywhere at once.
For long periods,
Different three-toed and single-toed horses,
Shared the same landscapes.
Presumably without making it a social issue.
North America eventually supported many different forms of horse at the same time.
Some.
Browsing.
Some grazing.
And each occupying its own place in the landscape.
Members of the horse family.
Also crossed ancient northern land connections.
Into Eurasia.
And spread across enormous distances.
Their descendants included horses,
Asses,
And zebras.
Or zebras.
Depending on where you're from.
I say zebras.
Zebras,
Of course.
Took one look at the plain horse design.
And requested something less likely to be confused with office furniture.
By the Ice Age.
Sturdy wild horses.
Lived across large parts of Europe.
Asia.
And the Americas.
Around ten thousand years ago,
However,
Horses disappeared from North and South America.
Amid the wider extinction of man.
Many large ice-age animals.
Changing climate and human hunting.
May have both contributed.
Although the precise balance is still debated.
The continent on which horses had first developed.
Was left without them for thousands of years.
An unusually long absence from home.
That would later make their return.
Rather dramatic.
For now,
However.
We remain with the herd in Ice Age fronts.
The people watching from the edge of the open ground.
Have learned far more about horses.
Than any surviving object can tell us.
They know how closely the animals stand.
Which movement will alarm them?
Where they travel.
And how quickly a whole herd can disappear.
Once one member decides.
That the general situation has become suspicious.
This is knowledge gathered through patient observation.
Because wild horses.
Are valuable.
Powerful.
And extremely difficult to approach.
Humans hunt them for meat.
And make use of their hides,
Bones and other materials,
Although we can leave the practical details there.
The horse has not yet become humanity's companion.
The relationship at this stage.
Is closer to two parties taking a sustained professional interest in one another,
For very different reasons.
The humans study the herd.
Because their lives may depend on understanding it.
The horses study the humans.
Because theirs certainly might be.
A person who has watched horses over many seasons would recognise individual behaviour.
The nervous animal that lifts its head first.
The foal staying close to its mother.
The more confident horse that resumes grazing.
While everyone else is still considering.
Whether a distant bush has behaved improperly.
No one calls the horse Thunder.
Though one owns special trousers for visiting it.
No one has yet discovered that buying the horse is merely the opening payment.
In a financial arrangement that will continue until one party dies.
But the attention is already there.
These people know the shape of a horse.
At rest.
And in motion.
They know the heavy body.
Narrow lower legs.
Ray's dead and dark line of the main.
They remember these things well enough to reproduce them later.
Far from the herd.
And deep inside a cave.
At Lascaux.
Prehistoric artists covered the cave walls with animals using black.
Crown.
And yellow mineral pigments.
Among roughly 600 representations of animals.
Horses appear more frequently than any other creature.
This is striking.
Because the artists.
We're not short of alternatives.
They knew bison.
Aurochs.
IBEX.
And dangerous carnivores.
Yet again and again.
Somebody entered a cave and decided that what the wool really required was another horse.
Some were painted with rounded bellies and short legs.
Others were given carefully shaped heads,
Backs,
Manes and tails.
The artists used brushes.
Stencils.
And sprayed pigment.
Adjusting their methods to the uneven rock.
And occasionally using its natural contours.
As part of the animal's body.
There were horses placed beside one another.
Or as his partly covering earlier images.
And horses occupying positions.
That would have required considerable effort to reach.
Human figures when they appear at all.
Are far less convincing.
Prehistoric artists could capture the proportions and movement of a horse.
Then represent a person.
Using the level of detail normally found on the door of a public lavatory.
Perhaps this tells us something about the importance of horses.
Perhaps humans were considered artistically disappointing.
We cannot know precisely what the paintings meant.
They may have been connected with stories.
Ceremonies.
Memory.
Identity.
Or ideas that disappeared with the people who understood them.
The painters left no explanatory plaque.
Beginning.
In this work.
I explore my complicated relationship with Tuesday.
What remains.
Is the attention.
The carefully observed muscle.
The curve of the neck.
And the familiar line of a horse's back.
Thousands of years before humans learned to breed horses.
Harnessed them.
Or remain seated upon them.
They were already studying them.
Remembering them.
And placing them at the centre of their art.
The horse had entered human culture.
Before it entered the stable.
Part Two.
The First Attempt to Sit on One.
For thousands of years.
After the artists at Lascaux.
Finished their work.
The arrangement between humans and horses remained fairly clear.
Humans watch.
Followed and hunted horses.
While horses attempted to ensure that the following ended unsuccessfully.
Neither side would have described this as friendship.
Around 3500 BC.
Something different was happening.
At a settlement called bow tie.
In the grassland.
Of what is now Northern Kazakhstan.
The people there organized much of their daily life around horses.
This does not mean that One morning,
A Potai resident stood before the settlement.
Cuss a ceremonial ribbon.
And announced that the horse had now been domesticated.
Domestication is a slow accumulation of decisions.
Keeping animals close.
Controlling where they go.
Making use of what they provide.
And gradually influencing which of them produce the next generation.
The horse did not suddenly become.
More important to itself.
It was already fully occupied with being a horse and had not requested additional responsibilities.
Its importance was awarded by another species.
To humans.
The horse would eventually become one of the most consequential animals that it ever lived.
To the horse.
Human civilization was mostly an increasing number of people.
Approaching with straps and plans.
It became one of the most important animals in history.
Without ever knowing that history was taking place.
No horse gazed across the steppe.
And wondered how it might improve long-distance communication.
It wanted grass.
Water.
Other horses.
And early notice of anything moving strangely behind a bush.
Humanity saw speed.
Strength and transport.
The horse saw a group of short,
Persistent creatures who had recently become much harder to avoid.
Bowtie consisted of permanent houses.
Occupied by people whose lives depended heavily upon horses.
Archaeologists have found very large quantities of horse bones there.
Along with areas that may once have served as corrals.
If horses were being kept inside enclosures.
Somebody had acquired the unenviable position of prehistoric fence-manager.
Offence is one of humanity's oldest attempts to win an argument by arranging sticks.
On one side stand a human who believes the matter is settled.
On the other.
Stuns an animal with an entire day available to inspect the workmanship.
We can imagine a Bowtie resident repairing an enclosure.
While several horses watch with detail.
Concentrated interest of senior officials.
Who have discovered that someone junior is doing physical work.
He pushes another post into the ground.
Strengthens the join and steps back.
One horse approaches.
Examines the exact place he has repaired and presses its full weight against it.
The man shouts.
The horse steps away.
Nothing obtains the information as required.
Five minutes later.
Another horse finds a gap twenty paces farther along.
And leaves quietly.
None of this precise incident was recorded.
Naturally.
But anyone who has ever tried to keep animals inside anything.
Will recognise the general quality of the afternoon.
Corralling horses allowed people to keep them nearby.
Manage access to them.
And perhaps control their breeding.
It also introduced humanity to a discovery.
That remains valid today.
Owning a horse involves spending a remarkable amount of time maintaining the object's intended aim.
To prevent the horse from going somewhere else.
The difficulty with bowtie is that it leaves us with a great deal of horse.
And very little explanation.
The concentration of horse remains.
Is the archaeological equivalent of entering somebody's house.
And discovering that every mug cushion and calendar.
As a horse on it.
At a certain point.
I quite like horses.
Ceases to cover the situation.
Bowtie people were clearly managing horses.
But precisely what they were doing with them.
Remains disputed.
Marks found on some teeth.
Were once taken as evidence that the animals wore bits,
And were therefore written or driven.
Other researchers have argued.
That the marks could have developed naturally.
A tiny groove on an ancient tooth.
Has consequently carried the burden.
Of explaining an entire transport system.
Which is a great deal to ask of dental evidence.
The horse itself has now been dead for more than 5,
000 years.
And remains unavailable to clarify its employment status.
Ancient DNA has added another complication.
Bowtie horses belonged to a different population.
From the line that produced nearly all modern domestic horses.
Bow tie.
Appears to have been an early local experiment.
In horse management.
Rather than the opening chapter of one continuous domestic bloodline.
Humanity began one horse project.
Learned several things.
And then somehow continued with a different horse.
It was the.
.
.
Prehistoric equivalent of spending three years developing an app.
Abandoning it.
And later watching somebody else become extremely wealthy with a remarkably similar idea.
The line behind nearly all modern domestic horses.
Began expanding from the western Eurasian steppe.
Around 2200 B.
C.
Genetic evidence shows that people were controlling breeding.
Far more closely.
Choosing which horses reproduce.
And producing new generations more quickly.
They were not yet consulting catalogues and saying that one stallion had excellent dressage potential.
But lacked the right attitude for social media.
They were selecting animals whose bodies and behaviour made them useful.
And manageable.
A horse willing to tolerate people.
Curry weight.
And follow instructions at an advantage.
Also follow instructions.
Has always remained a flexible term in horse ownership.
Within a few centuries.
Descendants of this population.
That spread across much of Eurasia.
And replaced many older local horse populations.
It was an astonishingly successful expansion.
Lest a new breed arriving.
Than a corporate takeover conducted across several thousand miles of grass.
The horse was now becoming.
One of the most important animals in human history.
Despite gaining remarkably little from the promotion.
It could already run humans had simply discovered.
How to become attached to it.
Before the horse.
An urgent message.
Travelled at the speed of a tired person.
After the horse.
It travelled at the speed of a tired horse.
While the person sat on top.
And accepted credit for the improvement.
Places previously considered too far away for an unexpected visit.
We're certainly within range.
This was excellent news for trade.
Communication.
And the ancient relative who had always threatened to come over someday.
Knowing that people managed horses.
Does not automatically tell us when they first rode them.
Early rains,
Pads and harnesses.
Were commonly made from materials that decayed leaving archaeologists to reconstruct the first rides from incomplete clues and damaged skeletons.
The identity of the first rider is unknown.
Which may be for the best.
It is pleasant to imagine.
A thoughtful pioneer approaching the matter.
With patience and skill.
Although humanity's previous work suggests Somebody simply looked at a large nervous animal.
And said,
I think I can sit on that.
A friend almost certainly stood nearby,
Offering advice.
Despite no intention of trying it himself.
He would have suggested relaxing.
Gripping more firmly.
And leaning in whichever direction the rider was already falling.
However unimpressive the first attempt looked,
The idea works.
Riding allowed herders to cover wider areas.
Travelers to cross greater distances.
And messengers to reach people who had been enjoying several additional days without the message.
Harnessed horses could pull loads that humans could not.
And light,
Spoke-wheeled chariot.
Soon combined speed.
With humanity's firm belief.
That every useful animal could carry extra equipment The chariot became an early company vehicle.
Expensive.
Impressive.
Lacking a roof.
And mainly allocated to men who already considered themselves important.
Horses changed the distance over which people could work,
Trade,
Govern,
And cause one another inconvenience before dinner.
Humanity had found a way to borrow another animal's legs.
The horse had acquired a passenger.
Almost immediately.
A timetable Part three.
A horse in the ancient world.
Once people could ride horses.
And harness them to vehicles.
The ancient world did what humanity usually does with a useful discovery.
It gave it job.
Rules.
And a social rank.
The horse became transport.
Military equipment.
Sporting talent.
And evidence that its owner had done rather well.
A person on horseback was faster and taller.
Than a person on foot.
It was probably this combination.
That produced the third sensation.
Importance.
Horses reached Egypt from Western Asia.
During the 2nd millennium BC.
Probably around 1700 to 1600 BCE.
This means.
.
.
That the Great Pyramid had already been standing for nearly a thousand years.
Horse had missed the most demanding team-building exercise.
In Egyptian history.
The pyramids were built with human labour,
Boats,
Sledges,
And the assistance of animals such as cattle and donkeys.
If a horse appears beside a pyramid.
In a historical film.
It has arrived from a later period.
And is hoping nobody checks its paperwork.
By the beginning of Egypt's new kingdom,
Around 1550 BCE,
Horses had been adopted by the Egyptian court.
Their most striking job.
Was pulling the light two-wheeled chariot.
The basic arrangement involved two horses,
A driver,
An archer,
And a wooden vehicle light enough to move quickly.
Keeping that arrangement moving required readers trainers.
Grooms.
Wheelwrights Leatherworkers.
And someone whose entire morning could be ruined.
By a damaged axle pin.
The pharaoh might be shown racing heroically across a temple wall.
He was never shown standing beside the chariot.
While a man underneath it explained that the noise was difficult to identify.
And might require a second opinion.
Chariots worked best on fairly open ground.
They carried archers into range.
Moved them away again.
Transported commanders.
And helped messengers travel quickly across a battlefield.
The horses were not deciding any of this.
They had been trained to run beside another horse.
While two men behind them conducted foreign policy.
Chariots were also used during royal journeys and ceremonies.
At Amarna,
The king and queen were shown driving rapidly towards the temple,
While attendants hurried behind them on foot.
The royal family had discovered a faster form of transport.
And immediately used it to make their staff late.
Horses in Egypt remained expensive animals connected with the court.
The army.
And wealthy households.
Most ordinary transport and heavy work.
Still depended on people.
Casual.
And donkeys.
The horse had arrived from Western Asia.
Avoided the entry level positions.
And gone directly into senior management.
Centuries later.
Horses occupied a similar position in Greece.
Greece had mountains.
Limited grazing land.
And many communities where keeping large numbers of horses was difficult.
A good horse required land,
Fodder,
Training and paid assistance.
Which made ownership a convenient way.
Of revealing that you possessed all four.
A wealthy Greek could display his success.
By maintaining an animal that consumed food.
Required constant attention.
And occasionally damaged expensive property because his sack moved unexpectedly.
It was less a possession than a gift.
Continuing announcement.
Greek armies remained heavily dependent on infantry.
But mounted men became useful for scouting.
Carrying orders.
Protecting the sides of an army.
And pursuing retreating troops.
A mounted messenger.
Could now deliver bad news much faster.
A development that governments immediately recognised as progress.
Some regions.
Particularly Thessaly and Macedonia.
Developed especially strong cavalry traditions.
By the 4th century BCE.
Philip II of Macedonia and his son.
Alexander.
Were combining trained cavalry with disciplined infantry.
Horses could no longer win battles by themselves.
But they could place armed men exactly where everybody else.
Wished they were not.
Alexander's own horse,
Bucephalus.
Became almost as famous as many of the people around him.
Plutarch,
Writing much later.
Tells the story of the young Alexander.
Watching experienced men fail to control the animal.
Alexander noticed that Bucephalus appeared frightened by his own shadow,
So he turned him towards the sun and calmly mounted him.
The adults had tried strengths.
The boy had paid attention.
This was one of those rare childhood incidents.
That could be mentioned for the rest of the family's life.
Alexander could enter a room at thirty.
And somebody would still say.
.
.
Tell them what you did with the horse.
His father Philip was supposedly so impressed.
That he told Alexander to seek a kingdom large enough for his ambitions.
Most fathers would have said.
Very good,
Now put it back where you found it.
Alexander later named a city after Bucephalus.
Most horses,
After years of loyal service,
Might reasonably hope for a field and reduced duties Bucephalus received urban planning.
For anyone without Alexander's confidence,
The Greek writer Xenophon offered practical help.
Around 350 BCE,
He wrote unhorsemanship.
Explaining how to buy,
Care for,
And ride a horse.
He begins with the danger of being cheated.
Xenophon advises.
Examining the horse's feet.
Legs.
Movement.
And temperament.
Before agreeing to buy it.
He clearly understood what happens when enthusiasm arrives before knowledge.
The buyer sees a proud head.
And an impressive mane.
Was immediately in love.
And discovers three days later that the animal dislikes roads,
Gates,
Men,
Rain,
And being approached from either side.
Bye then.
The cellar has become unexpectedly difficult to locate.
Xenophon also recommends checking whether the horse will leave its stable.
And travel away from other horses.
And this was the ancient Greek.
Test drive.
If the horse immediately turned around and went home.
Itiza had a difficult temperament.
Or a more sensible attitude towards work.
Than its prospective owner.
Is advice on training.
Was unusually thoughtful.
Xenophon warned.
That punishing a frightened horse merely taught it to associate fear.
With the writer.
A person should discover.
What was troubling the animal?
And build its confidence gradually.
This deprived the Greek gentleman.
Of his preferred solution.
Which was to become louder.
While insisting that the problem belonged entirely to someone else.
Horses also became major sporting figures.
The four-horse chariot race.
Entered the Olympic Games in 680 B.
C.
Followed by racing on horseback,
In 648 BCE.
These events were extremely prestigious.
Because entering them.
Required several fine horses.
Professional training.
And a quantity of money that could have been spent on almost anything more relaxing.
In the chariot events,
Victory officially belonged to the owner of the horses.
The driver controlled four animals at speed.
Remained upright around the turns.
And accepted all the physical risks.
The owner could be elsewhere.
Concentrating very hard on having paid for everything.
And then we get to room.
And Rome has a slightly different relationship with the horse because the Romans are very good at looking at something useful.
And asking.
Could this be organized into a system?
A horse is no longer simply an animal that gets you somewhere.
It can now be part of an empire-wide transport network.
There are roads.
Relay stations.
Official couriers.
Fresh animals waiting along important routes.
The Roman state develops the Cursus publicus.
An imperial transport and communication system.
Used by officials and messengers.
Essentially.
Rome creates an ancient version.
Of express delivery.
Except instead of receiving a photograph saying Your parcel has been left in a safe place.
And then discovering it balanced on top of your recycling bin.
A government courier arrives at his station.
Changes horses.
And keeps going.
This is extremely efficient by ancient standards.
And also rather exhausting if you were the horse.
The Romans themselves are famous for roads,
Of course.
But a road is only useful if something travels along it.
Horses pull vehicles.
Mule's curry load.
Officials move between towns.
Messages travel.
Wealthy Romans can travel in considerably more comfort than ordinary people.
Also,
Comfort.
Remains a relative term.
A Roman aristocrat being carried along a stone road in a carriage may be surrounded by servants.
And expensive luggage.
But he is still being repeatedly introduced to every bump in Italy.
There is no suspension setting.
Marked comfort plus.
There is no.
Heated seat.
There is simply room.
A road.
And a spine.
And horse has also become a very obvious sign of status.
One of Rome's major social ranks becomes known as the Equestrian Order.
Equities.
The name comes from a much earlier association with mounted military service.
When wealthier citizens could provide horses.
Although by the later Republic and Empire.
The equestrian class was a broader social and economic rank.
Rather than simply a collection of men riding around.
Which is slightly disappointing.
Equestrian sounds glamorous.
You picture an elegant Roman senator adjacent gentleman arriving beautifully mounted in reality.
By the imperial period.
You may simply be a very rich administrator.
With excellent connections.
And no immediate horse anywhere nearby.
We still do this.
The name survives after the practical thing has gone.
A glove compartment contains no gloves.
A dashboard no longer protects you from mud thrown up by a horse.
And most people pressing.
Save on a computer.
I've never owned a floppy disk.
Civilization.
Is essentially a museum of obsolete words.
But if you really want to see Romans becoming emotionally invested in horses,
You go to the Circus Maximus.
Chariot racing was enormous entertainment in Rome.
And here the horse ceases to be merely useful.
And become something much more dangerous.
A sports celebrity.
Successful horses could become famous.
So could drivers.
Crowds supported racing factions.
Identified by colors.
Most famously.
Blues and greens.
And Romans could become intensely loyal to them.
This is important.
Because occasionally we imagine ancient people.
As fundamentally different from ourselves.
They wore tunics.
They spoke Latin.
They worshipped different gods.
Surely their minds operated on something.
Elevated historical frequency.
Then you discover thousands of Romans becoming furious.
Because the blue is lost.
There you are.
We know you.
Imagine entering Rome on race day.
Without understanding any of this.
You were visiting from a quiet provincial town.
You ask politely.
What everyone is doing.
The Roman grabs your arm.
Green.
Green.
He's now explaining a driver's recent forms.
The condition of the horses.
A disputed result from three weeks ago.
And why the blues are cheats.
You have known this man for 18 seconds.
By Lund.
You somehow have a scarf.
The Circus Maximus could hold an enormous crowd.
Probably well over 100,
000 spectators at its largest.
And racing was fast.
Dangerous.
And wildly popular.
People bet.
They cheered.
They had favourites.
They complained about results.
So again,
While the technology changes enormously,
The emotional infrastructure is already complete.
A Roman spectator returning home after a race.
Could presumably spend the entire evening.
Saying,
We should have won that.
His wife.
You weren't racing.
Still.
We should have won.
And because horses are valuable.
Rome also develops a whole world around looking after them.
Stables.
Grooms.
Breathing.
Training.
Veterinary knowledge.
Roman agricultural writers discuss horses,
Mules,
And other working animals in practical detail.
What makes a good animal?
How it should be fed.
How it should be trained.
What signs of health or weakness to look for?
Which brings us to another timeless human activity.
Standing beside a horse and having opinions about it.
This horse has good shoulders.
That one's feet are questionable.
Excellent temperament.
Wouldn't buy him.
Bit narrow through the chest.
Orc people have apparently been having versions of the same conversation.
For two thousand years.
The clothes change.
Their vocabulary evolves.
But somewhere there is always a person looking critically at an animal they do not own.
Than somebody else saying.
You should have seen his father.
Rome also has to deal with the less glamorous side.
Of using enormous numbers of animals in cities.
Horses and mules do not simply provide transport.
They also produce.
Evidence of having been there.
A busy ancient city filled with animals.
As noise,
Smell.
Congestion.
And waste.
Rome even restricted certain wheeled traffic during daylight hours.
At different points.
Partly to manage congestion in crowded streets.
Which meant that much heavy transport could take place at night.
So,
Imagine living in ancient Rome.
You finally go to bed.
No smartphones.
No television.
No neighbour watching Netflix through the wall.
Wonderful.
And then at two in the morning,
Wheels,
Hooves,
Heart.
Another car.
Man shouting.
More hooves.
The ancient city.
As invented overnight delivery.
Without inventing double glazing.
Somewhere a Roman is lying awake,
Thinking Who needs Ampharii at this hour?
And there is no resident WhatsApp group in which to complain.
He must simply remain furious privately.
Perhaps carve something into a wall tomorrow.
And that.
Is where the Roman horse becomes interesting.
It is everywhere.
Without necessarily being the star.
It moves messages.
Pause vehicles.
Carries people.
Supports trade.
Provides military mobility,
Creates sport,
Signals wealth.
And contribute substantially to the noise and inconvenience of urban life.
Another word.
Rome has turned the horse.
Into infrastructure.
And once that happens.
.
.
The history of the horse changes.
Because.
.
.
For the next many centuries.
Horses will not merely appear occasionally in human history.
They will be underneath it.
Carrying it.
Pulling it.
Delivering it.
And occasionally refusing to move.
At precisely the moment when somebody extremely important would like them to.
Part four.
The Long Human Struggle to stay on a horse.
By the time Rome fades from our story,
Humans have already been riding horses for centuries.
But this does not mean they have solved the fundamental problem of horse riding.
Which is?
The horse is underneath you.
And you would ideally like to remain there.
This sounds obvious now.
Because modern writers have saddles,
Stirrups,
Reigns.
Carefully fitted to tack.
Riding boots.
And several thousand years of accumulated knowledge.
But none of these things arrived as a complete package.
Humanity had to invent the whole arrangement gradually.
One piece at a time.
Mostly,
I suspect.
Immediately after somebody fell off.
The earliest writers.
Almost certainly managed with very little equipment by later standards.
Bits and bridles develop very early.
Giving riders more control over the horse's head and direction.
While shadows evolve over centuries from simple pads and coverings into increasingly structured objects.
Designed to distribute weight.
And help keep the rider secure This is one of those inventions that becomes so normal.
We stop appreciating what it actually does.
A saddle is essentially humanity.
Looking at a large moving animal.
And saying.
Could we attach a chair?
Not a full chair.
That would be ridiculous.
Just.
Enough,
Chair.
And once,
Sato's begin improving.
People become increasingly ambitious about change.
What they expect a rider to do while sitting on one.
Travel.
Carry equipment.
Spend eight hours there.
And then get off and apparently walk normally.
Poorest people have always possessed.
A very different definition of comfort.
Even today.
Somebody can spend four hours in the saddle.
Climb down with the movement of a ninety-year-old wardrobe.
And say.
Lovely ride.
One of the most important later editions.
Is the stirrup.
Stirrups have a long history in Asia and spread westward over time.
Becoming established in Europe during the early medieval period.
And the stirrup.
Seems almost laughably simple.
Two small loops.
Feet go in.
Done.
But it gives the rider greater stability.
And makes mounting.
Controlling the body.
And staying secure considerably easier.
This is the annoying thing about brilliant inventions.
Once they exist.
They look obvious.
The wheel.
Paperclip.
The stirrup.
You look at it and think.
Yes.
Obviously feet need somewhere to go.
Yet generations of humans apparently rode horses without anybody pausing and saying.
Could we perhaps put two little shelves down here?
Imagine being the first person shown stirrups.
After thirty years of riding without them.
You put your feet in.
Or smooths.
You remain attached.
There would be silence.
Where has this been?
It would be like discovering the truth.
Cars had contained seatbelts for centuries.
But everybody had simply been gripping the dashboard bits and bridles also become increasingly varied and specialised.
A bit sits in the horse's mouth and works with the reins to help communicate with and control the animal,
Although different designs act differently,
And good riding depends on far more than simply pulling on reins.
Naturally.
Humans eventually create an enormous number of varieties.
Because once humanity discovers a piece of equipment that works The next step is always to produce 47 versions of it.
Walk into a modern tech shop.
And you immediately realize horses have entered the same economic category.
As babies and bicycles.
Everything has an accessory.
There are saddle pads.
Boots.
Blankets.
Brushes.
Fly masks.
Special shampoos.
Supplements.
Treats.
Things in tubs.
Things in sprays.
Things whose function is only known to somebody wearing jot-presents.
You went in for one brush.
You leave carrying $280 worth of objects.
And quietly sinking.
The horse had better appreciate this.
The horse is standing in a field,
Eating part of a fence.
Than there are.
Porous shoes.
Wild horses obviously do not queue every six weeks.
To have metal attached to their feet.
Their hooves were naturally,
According to terrain and movement,
But domesticated horses can be asked to work on hard surfaces.
Carry heavy loads.
And travel distances that put different demands on the hoof.
By the Middle Ages,
Nailed iron horseshoes became increasingly common in Europe.
And this produces the farrier.
A professional whose job requires knowledge of horses.
Boobs?
Metalwork,
Balance.
And the unusual ability to spend much of the working day.
Bent underneath an animal weighing half a ton.
There are easier career choices.
A farrier lifts the hoof between the knees,
Trims it,
Shapes the shoe,
Fits it and nails it in place through the insensitive outer hoof wool.
To anyone seeing this for the first time.
The process looks alarming.
The farrier remains completely calm.
The horse remains mostly calm.
The owner stands nearby making the face of someone supervising major surgery.
Is that okay?
Barrier.
Yes.
Boris.
Are we absolutely sure?
Farriers have probably spent a thousand years answering questions.
From people who have suddenly become experts in hoof angles.
Because it is their horse.
And alongside all this equipment.
Comes an enormous amount of daily maintenance.
A working horse has to be fed,
Watered,
Groomed,
Its feet checked,
Its tack cleaned and maintained,
Its stable mucked out.
Its condition what?
A horse may be transport.
But it is transport with opinions.
Digestion.
Here.
A modern car can sit outside for three days.
Without anybody checking whether it feels emotionally supported.
A horse notices you are late with breakfast.
Very much.
And by the medieval period.
All of this equipment reaches perhaps its most visually spectacular form in the mounted knight.
Now we have a horse.
A saddle.
Stirrups?
Brido.
A rider.
Armor.
Weapons.
More armor?
Possibly armor for the horse itself.
In certain periods and contexts.
Humanity has taken the relatively simple idea of sitting on an animal.
And turned it into a major engineering project.
Getting a fully equipped knight and horse ready.
Must occasionally have felt less like going riding.
And more like preparing a small regional airport.
Where's the goose?
Who has the shield.
That strap is twisted.
No,
The other buckle.
The horse has moved.
Start again.
And despite the popular image of knights being hauled onto horses by cranes,
That is mostly a myth arising from much later misunderstandings and exceptionally heavy tournament armour.
Trained knight in properly fitted armour could mount and move far more effectively than films sometimes suggest.
Still.
There is no denying the overall arrangement has become elaborate.
The horse.
Which began this relationship thousands of years earlier.
As a useful way of getting somewhere faster.
Now finds itself carrying a man,
Dressed largely in metal.
One wonders whether there was ever a moment of reflection.
We started with grass.
How did it come to this?
And medieval horses themselves.
Could be carefully bred and selected for different purposes.
Not every horse was some enormous war-horse.
People used different types and sizes.
For writing.
Transport.
Agricultural work and other jobs.
Again.
The cinema tends to simplify.
Medieval film.
Everyone owns enormous,
Magnificent stallions.
Reality.
A great many people would have been delighted simply to have something healthy,
Useful and willing to keep moving.
Which remains surprisingly close to modern car ownership.
You begin with dreams.
Leather seat.
Performance.
Prestige.
Then life happens.
Eventually.
Does it start?
We're keeping it.
And by the end of the medieval period.
Humans have become extraordinarily skilled at managing horses We know how to ride them more securely,
Protect their feet,
Fit equipment to them,
Read them for different jobs.
Care for them.
Train them.
And organise entire systems around their labour.
Which is useful.
Because we are about to ask far more of them.
For the next several centuries.
The horse will become one of the great engines of human civilization.
It will plough fields.
Pool cart.
Move mail.
Carry passengers.
Drag fire engines.
Work Kato.
Fill city streets.
And perform such a ridiculous number of jobs that looking back.
It becomes difficult to understand how society functioned without them.
Before the engine replaced the horse.
The horse was the engine.
Part five.
The horse as an engine.
And now we reach the period when humanity looks at the horse and thinks Excellent.
What else can we make it do?
Because for centuries before steam engines.
Petrol engines.
And electric motors.
A great deal of civilization moves.
Because somewhere nearby.
There is a horse.
Having a considerably busier day.
Than anybody has asked it about.
The horse has become so deeply embedded in everyday life.
That removing horses from society would have been rather like removing electricity today.
Except electricity does not need oats.
Agriculture is one of the biggest uses.
Horses are not always the dominant plough animals everywhere.
Oxen remain extremely important in many places and periods but as harnessing improves,
And particular kinds of agricultural work favor greater speed.
Horses become increasingly valuable.
On European and later.
North American farms.
And this creates a slightly odd partnership The farmer is thinking about weather,
Crops,
Money,
Next year,
And whether that cloud looks worrying.
The horse is thinking.
Grass over there.
And somehow together they are producing civilization.
Then there is alling.
For centuries,
Almost everything heavy that needs moving locally may at some point find itself behind a horse.
Grain.
Cool timber.
Barrels.
Furniture.
Building materials.
Entire cities depend on horse-drawn carts and wagons.
This means that before as a modern van.
There was already a familiar urban experience.
Something large is blocking the street.
Because a delivery is happening.
The technology changes.
The basic irritation survives perfectly.
A cart stops outside a shop.
Another card cannot pass.
A third arrives from the opposite direction.
Someone starts shouting.
And somewhere in the middle of all this is a horse who did not design the street.
Long distance passenger travel also becomes increasingly organised around horses.
Stagecoaches run established routes with teams changed at stopping points.
So the journey can continue.
The system itself is clever.
The passenger experience.
Requires a more generous interpretation.
You climb into a wooden coach.
With several strangers.
There is luggage.
There is not much legroom.
The road is rough.
You were going to be together for hours.
You may read.
If the jolting allows it.
You may look out the window.
You may attempt to sleep.
Or you may discover that the man opposite has decided the journey would be improved by conversation.
You cannot distract yourself with a phone.
Because they aren't invented yet So the man opposite begins with the weather.
An hour later,
You know about his brother's business,
His digestion.
And a property dispute involving a field outside Coventry.
Stagecoaches nevertheless transform trouble.
Particularly as roads and scheduled services improve.
Journey has become more predictable.
Male can move more reliably.
People can travel between towns on regular routes.
Regular does not necessarily mean comfortable.
It simply means you know roughly when the discomfort begins.
Postal networks rely heavily on horses too.
Fresh animals can be used in relays.
So riders and mail.
Continue moving at impressive speeds.
And in 1860.
America gets one of the most famous examples.
The Pony Express.
The extraordinary thing about the Pony Express is that it operates for only around 18 months.
That's it.
18 months.
It has somehow achieved more lasting brand recognition.
Than businesses that have been open since 1840.
The Pony Express exists for roughly the length of time.
It takes a modern company to redesign its logo twice.
And yet everyone knows it.
Young riders carry mail across a network of stations.
Changing horses frequently.
And moving quickly over enormous distances.
Between Missouri and California.
No live tracking.
No estimated delivery window.
No message saying.
Your rider is currently making nine stops before you.
You handed over the ledger.
Then you continued your life.
An extraordinary psychological freedom.
And if the letter arrives?
Wonderful.
Nobody was asked to rate the experience.
Then come the nineteenth-century cities.
And here the scale becomes extraordinary.
London,
New York and other large cities contain tens of thousands of working horses.
They poor omnibuses.
Cups.
Private carriages.
Delivery wagons.
Commercial cuts.
The city runs on hooves.
A modern street sounds like engines.
A nineteenth-century street.
Sounds like an extremely large riding school having an administrative crisis.
The Handsome Cab.
Developed in the 19th century.
Becomes one of the iconic forms of urban horse transport.
You hear the cup.
Give the driver your destination.
And a horse carries the whole arrangement through traffic.
It is essentially a taxi in which the engine has a name.
Possibly Bessie.
And Bessie.
Has been working since seven.
There is something wonderfully strange about this.
When viewed from today.
Imagine getting into a taxi and the driver saying We'll be there in 20 minutes.
Assuming Trevor feels like it.
Sorry,
Who's Trevor?
Trevor is the propulsion system.
You look through the window.
Trevor is attempting to eat a hedge.
Horse-drawn fire engines are perhaps even more remarkable.
Fire departments trained teams of horses to respond quickly when alarms sounded.
And harness systems were developed.
So they could be hitched to equipment rapidly.
So the horse could be standing peacefully in a firehouse.
And then a bell rings.
Within moments.
Everybody is running around.
And apparently it is now an emergency involving you.
This is an extraordinary workplace.
No meeting.
A warning?
No email,
Edit,
Urgent,
Please action.
Just a bell.
A harness,
A street.
Go.
Some firehouse horses became so accustomed to the routine that they reportedly responded immediately to the alarm.
Which means that among 19th century urban workers.
The horse may have understood the company notification system.
Better than anyone currently using Microsoft Teams.
Then,
Of course,
There is the American West.
Here the horse becomes almost impossible to separate.
From the landscape of nineteenth-century life.
Ranchers depend on them.
Cowboys work cattle from horseback.
Riders cover huge distances.
And afterhorses are reintroduced to the Americas by Europeans.
Many indigenous peoples of the plains.
Develop exceptionally skilled equestrian cultures.
In which horses transform hunting.
Truffle.
Trade.
And warfare.
Or the cowboy meanwhile.
The horse is not merely transportation.
It is a working partner.
Cattle need moving.
Cattle are one of nature's great reminders.
That possessing a brain.
Does not necessarily mean.
Cooperating with instructions.
Human.
Through the gate now.
Cow.
Human attempts another angle.
The cow goes around him.
Horace has already understood the entire situation and is now quietly doing most of the competent work.
A good ranch horse can respond quickly to subtle cues.
And anticipate the movement of cattle.
That is something machinery cannot quite replicate.
A tractor is stronger.
A tractor is faster in certain jobs.
But a tractor has never looked at a cow making another completely unnecessary decision,
And thought,
Of course you did.
And this is really the high point of the horse as human machinery.
By the 19th century.
Horses are embedded in almost everything.
For homing.
Transport.
Delivery.
Cities.
Postal systems.
Emergency services.
Ranching.
They are so normal that people build entire systems around the assumption that horses will simply be there.
And then.
.
.
Remarkably quickly.
They begin to disappear from many of those jobs.
Steam power expands.
Railways spread.
Electric trams arrive.
Than motorcars.
Lorries.
Tractors.
Machines gradually take over work.
That horses have been doing for centuries.
The transformation is enormous.
The cab horse becomes the taxi.
The farm horse gives way to the tractor.
The delivery horse disappears behind an engine.
Humanity has finally invented machines that do not need feeding,
Grooming,
Or somewhere to sleep.
Although,
In fairness to the horse,
Nobody has ever spent an entire Saturday afternoon trying to update its software.
And this should have been the moment when the horse quietly retired from human history.
Thank you very much.
Excellent service.
Enjoy the field.
But that is not what happens.
Because once humans stop needing horses quite so desperately for work.
They discover something rather revealing.
They still want them.
The horse begins another career in daily.
Racing.
Dressage Showjumping The Olympics The working animal is about to become an athlete.
And occasionally.
A celebrity.
Part 6,
In which the horse becomes a celebrity.
Once machines begin taking over many of the horse's old jobs,
Humanity does something rather predictable.
We stop asking the horse to deliver coal.
And start asking it to win things.
Horse racing,
Of course,
Is ancient.
Humans have been racing horses for thousands of years.
But in Britain during the 17th and 18th centuries organized racing becomes increasingly formalized.
Particularly among wealthy owners and royal patrons.
Grace courses develop.
Rules develop.
Breathing becomes more systematic.
And very quickly.
Humans discover that watching two horses run in the same direction becomes substantially more interesting if you have put money on one of them.
This is one of sport's great innovations.
Without betting.
Was a magnificent animal.
With bashing.
Move number four.
You have never met number four.
Number four does not know you exist.
Nevertheless,
For approximately 90 seconds,
Your financial future and emotional stability are now linked.
English thoroughbred racing develops around bloodlines influenced by imported stallions from the Middle East and North Africa.
Including the famous foundation,
Sires,
Traditionally known as the Darley Arabian Godolphin Arabian,
And Byerly Turk.
Their descendants become enormously influential in the thoroughbred breed.
And horse breeding becomes an exercise in genealogy so elaborate that some aristocratic families probably found it slightly excessive.
This horse's great-great-grandfather won at Newmarket.
Wonderful.
What about your great-great-grandfather?
We don't discuss him.
The horse's paperwork is impeccable.
By the 18th century.
Organisations such as the Jockey Club.
Upstandardize racing rules in Britain.
The General Stud Book.
First published at the end of that century,
Records thoroughbred pedigrees Humans have now created an official database explaining who every important horse's parents are.
This is remarkable.
Considering that many humans alive today could not confidently tell you their own great-grandmother's maiden name.
Ask about a racehorse.
Seven generations.
Detailed chart.
Birthdates.
Performance record.
Ask about Uncle Peter.
Was he on mum's side?
Then come the famous races.
Ascot begins in 1711.
After Queen Anne identifies suitable land near Windsor for racing.
The derby at Epsom begins in 1780.
And race-meetings gradually become about much more than horses.
There are clothes,
Food,
Socializing.
Betting.
Seeing and being seen.
And this produces one of the strangest sporting situations imaginable.
A horse is doing something astonishingly athletic.
Several thousand humans are standing nearby discussing hats.
At certain race meetings.
People devote enormous effort to dressing elegantly.
For an event at which the main participants are completely naked.
The horse arrives.
No tie.
No fascinator.
No pocket square.
And yet somehow it is the best dressed creature there.
Worst names also become an art form of their own.
There are rules governing names.
And racing authorities prevent duplication.
Or certain inappropriate choices.
But owners still managed to produce an extraordinary variety.
Some names sound majestic.
Some sentimento.
Some completely baffling.
And this creates one of my favourite features of racing commentary.
A perfectly serious professional.
Must say sentences like and dancing turnip is making ground on emotional biscuit.
Nobody loves.
Millions of pounds may depend on emotional biscuits.
The commentator continues.
This is work.
Modern racehorses have included names ranging from the magnificent to the peculiar,
And inevitably there is always one person at the racecourse.
Who bases their entire strategy on this.
Others study form.
Track conditions.
Previous performances.
Bloodlines.
Trainer statistics.
One person.
I like the name.
And then that horse wins.
Which is devastating for everybody who brought spreadsheets.
Horse racing spreads and develops internationally.
In the United States.
Organised racing as deep colonial roots.
And later races such as the Kentucky Derby,
First run in 1875,
Become enormous cultural events.
The horse race itself.
Lasts only a few minutes.
Humanity responds by turning it into an entire day.
This seems to be our approach to sport generally.
Soccer match.
90 minutes.
Discussion.
Six days.
Racing also creates genuine equine celebrities.
Some horses become household names.
Sea Biscuit,
Secretariat,
Red Rum and others,
Become famous far beyond people who normally follow racing.
Newspapers write about them.
Crowds come specifically to see them.
Photographs circulate.
People become emotionally attached.
The horse does not know it is famous.
This may be the healthiest form of celebrity.
No interviews.
No publicist.
No apology posted to Instagram notes at 2am.
Force simply eats.
Then there are the jockeys.
A jockey has the peculiar professional requirement of being extraordinarily fit.
Highly skilled.
And very small.
They have to understand the horse.
Peace,
A raise.
Make split-second decisions.
And maintain remarkable balance at speed.
And zen.
After all that expertise.
Somebody in the crowd who has eaten three pies says You went too early.
Sport has always given spectators remarkable confidence.
There is also a game involving horses which is called polo and then there is dressage Modern competitive dressage grows from much older traditions of carefully trained riding,
Particularly European military and courtly horsemanship.
The word comes from French.
And essentially relates to training.
At the highest level.
Horse and rider perform extremely precise movements.
That require years of practice.
To an expert.
The smallest shift in balance matters.
To an inexperienced viewer.
Horace appears to be walking sideways.
Very nicely.
Dressage may be one of the few sports in which an athlete can perform an exceptionally difficult movement,
And half the audience does not realise anything has happened.
Commentator.
Beautiful half-past What's that it?
Horse.
I have trained for eight years.
Then we have show jumping.
Jumping competitions become increasingly formalised around the late 19th century and early 20th centuries.
As equestrian sport moves from hunting and military traditions into organised competition.
Now the horse and rider must negotiate a course of obstacles cleanly and quickly.
And here we encounter one of the great inequalities between the horse and human.
The horse does the jumping.
The rider receives a medal,
Too.
Imagine applying this principle elsewhere.
Your friend runs a marathon.
You sit on his shoulders.
At the finish.
We did it.
The writer's skill is considerable.
Balance,
Timing.
Communication are essential.
The horse needs to trust the rider.
The rider needs to understand the horse.
And unlike many sports.
Your sporting equipment can wake up that morning and decide,
I don't like that corner today.
Olympic equestrian sport eventually includes dressage,
Jumping and eventing.
With equestrian events appearing in the modern Olympics from the early 20th century.
And becoming established fixtures.
This gives horses a rather unusual status in the Olympic Games.
They are among the very few non-human athletes.
They travel internationally.
They have specialist diets.
Physiotherapists.
Veterinary teams.
Carefully managed accommodation.
For some elite competition horses.
The travel arrangements are considerably better than those of ordinary humans.
You were in seat 38B eating something described as pasta.
The horse has flown separately with attendants.
Upon arrival.
Someone massages it.
There has been a serious reversal of hierarchy.
For centuries,
Speed,
Strength and agility were valuable.
Because humans needed them.
The Horuset to carry messages.
Work cattle.
Move people.
Cool things.
Now those same qualities become things we admire for their own sake.
Speed becomes racing.
Agility becomes jumping.
Training becomes dressage.
Mounted skill becomes polar.
The working horse has become the sporting horse.
And with that comes an entirely new industry.
Trainers,
Grooms.
Veterinarians.
Breeders,
Barriers.
Writing instructors.
Competition venuses.
Tech manufacturers.
Transporters,
Feed specialists,
Photographers.
And owners.
And somehow this all leads us perfectly into the modern horse.
Because by the 21st century horses are no longer central to transport or agriculture.
In most industrialised societies.
Yet they remain everywhere.
Spoiled.
Pleasure.
Police were.
Ceremony.
Tourism.
Therapy,
Film,
Ranches.
Companionship.
And increasingly.
Something their ancestors could never possibly have anticipated.
Content.
The horse has survived the motor-car.
The tractor.
The railway.
The aeroplane.
And is about to discover.
Tiktok Part 7.
In which the horse gets an Instagram account.
And so we arrive at the modern horse which,
Considering everything we've asked of it over the last several thousand years,
Has done rather well.
It no longer has to pull the post.
It is rarely expected to power a city.
Most horses in industrialized countries.
We'll never drag a fire engine.
Deliver coal,
Or spend 12 hours moving somebody else's furniture.
The horse has essentially left the workforce,
Not completely.
There are still working ranch horses,
Mounted police,
Ceremonial horses.
Tourist carriage-horses in some cities.
Horses used in forestry and other specialised jobs.
But for millions of horses today.
The job description is very different.
Stand in field.
Occasionally be brushed.
Try not to injure yourself in a way that costs $3,
000.
And this last part is important.
Because modern horse ownership has created a fascinating economic arrangement in which a human goes to work in order to pay for an animal that is currently doing absolutely nothing.
The horse is standing in a field.
The human is answering emails.
Somehow the horse has won.
Modern horses also appear in film and television.
This requires highly trained animals able to work around cameras,
Crews,
Noise and unfamiliar environments.
A film horse may need to hit a mark.
Tolerate costumes.
Repeat movements.
And remain calm while thirty people stand nearby discussing lighting.
Essentially the horse has become an actor.
But without the difficult interviews.
No horses ever emerged from a film premiere and announced that the project was a really collaborative process.
It did the scene.
It got a carrot.
Then the remounted police.
Still used in some cities for crowd management,
Patrols and ceremonial duties.
And the horse has one enormous advantage over a police car.
People like looking at it.
The police van goes past.
A police horse appears.
Boris.
I don't stop.
Children point to.
Bones come out.
A serious law enforcement animal is immediately treated like someone has brought a celebrity through the shopping district.
There are also horses involved in therapeutic and assisted programmes where interaction with horses can support particular physical,
Emotional or educational goals And this reveals something.
Humans have probably understood for a very long time.
Being around horses can affect people quite deeply.
They are large enough to command your attention.
Sensitive enough.
That you need to pay attention to them.
And completely uninterested in your LinkedIn profile.
The horse does not care what you achieved this quarter.
It wants to know whether you have the courage.
A useful perspective.
And then.
Inevitably.
The horse enters social media.
There are horse accounts on Instagram,
TikTok and YouTube.
With enormous audiences.
Owner's Film Training.
Stable routines.
Competitions.
Fools.
Horses meeting strange objects.
Horses refusing to walk past strange objects horses having absolutely no concern that the strange object is,
In fact,
A plastic bag.
The modern horse has survived wolves,
Warfare,
Agricultural labour and industrial transport,
And now may be defeated by A blue recycling bin.
This is not mockery.
The recycling bin moved slightly.
Nobody knows what it wants.
Aorus social media has also created an entire genre in which the owner provides the horse with an inner monologue.
Horace looks at camera.
Caption.
Mother has once again failed to provide snacks.
And the remarkable thing.
Is that within about three videos,
You accept this completely.
That is clearly what the horse thinks.
This horse has opinions about Tuesdays.
There are also grooming transformations.
That cause.
Staple tours.
And Day in the Life videos.
The day and the life of the horse.
Is particularly impressive.
Breakfast you'll more food.
Owner arrives carrying expensive equipment.
Horse rolls in mud.
Owner experiences a private collapse.
This is content.
After thousands of years of carrying humanity around.
The modern horse has finally reached the stage where in many cases.
Its main responsibility is simply being a horse.
Standing in a field.
Eating grass.
Occasionally running for no reason.
And watching a human approach,
Carrying another object purchased specifically for it.
The horse looks at the object the human says.
You're going to love this.
The horse will not love this.
But after several thousand years together.
We really should know that by now.
