Hi there,
This is Rita with Sacred Sorrows.
I'm very grateful that you're here.
There's something that I want to share with you.
I used to pride myself on being a multitasker.
It was the 80s,
The time of Superwoman,
Bringing home the bacon and all that.
Actually,
I got raises at work based on my ability to multitask,
Prioritize many things at once,
Keep all the balls in the air,
Etc.
I juggled everything well.
Home,
Work,
Entertaining,
Raising kids.
Maybe you know.
Maybe you can only imagine.
I basked on the laurels of my success in this.
I truly thought I had it all together.
I even gave presentations on time blocking,
Incorporated productivity and prayer into this amazing structure I created to help the women who were coming to the groups I was leading,
Searching for peace,
Searching for how to do it all.
I think it helped many of them.
Years went by with me navigating things this way.
Then we moved into another era,
Minimalism,
Mindfulness,
Being fully present to the one thing we're doing,
One thing at a time.
I managed this pretty well too,
But I scheduled it,
Of course.
I scheduled the meditation and the centering prayer and the spiritual time amidst the other duties.
Eased off a little on some things,
But still completed most everything in the almighty name of productivity.
Then,
In June of 2019,
My son Chad died.
Now,
I'm a pinball.
Half done,
Quarter done,
Tenth done projects everywhere I ping across the house.
Just now,
I left the not yet unloaded dishwasher to get the essential oil for the diffuser in the kitchen,
But started to take out the permanent press instead and left the dryer door open with clothes in it to sit down to type this,
To leave it to finish cleaning out the sink,
Because tomorrow's Monday and I want a head start on the week.
Gotta give myself the best opportunity for a successful week,
And started to unpack some gift bags with presents from my birthday earlier in the week,
But didn't finish because I was powerfully drawn back to the clothes so they don't wrinkle,
Because ironing is the worst thing.
I'll beat Cooley Zen.
Ever.
Well,
Maybe not ever.
Why not do the ironing?
Why not fully engage in the ironing?
I'm distracting myself from myself,
Which is where the ironing would bring me.
I could think of a lot of other things to do,
Too,
That would get me back in my body,
But I digress.
I'm certain there's a partially consumed cheese stick on the kitchen counter amidst the planning calendar in the mail,
Or maybe on the kitchen table where I'm in the midst,
Yes,
The midst,
Of writing out note cards,
Have been for weeks,
To the universe of people who showed their support to me when Chad died,
Because for some reason that's really important to do right now,
Even though I already did it once before.
But now it's almost two years and I feel like I need to do it again,
Like it's important to do it again,
To stay in touch,
To remind them of Chad again,
To remind myself of Chad again.
Gone but not forgotten,
Right?
Actually so important,
I think because it's action,
It's mourning,
It's helpful in a crazed sort of way,
And it's something,
Well,
One more thing,
I can do.
For today,
I'll just keep hitting that button-like thing on the side of the figurative pinball machine,
And like good bumpers on the lane at the bowling alley,
Cause myself to keep pinging from one side of the lane of crazy tasks to the other side,
Multitasking gone wild.
Me,
After the death of my son,
Gone a little wild,
A little feral.
Or maybe I should just breathe.
Maybe I can try that.
So let's consider,
Everyone struggles at times with their mountain of tasks,
But how have things changed for you since your loss?
What do you do to help yourself when it feels like you're spinning out?
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
