Half Shell Metamorphosis

DISCLAIMER: Audios from this account are intended for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one, particularly the loss of a child or grandchild. As a result, tracks may make reference to death, dying, and/or the departed. While the tracks are intended to help and support those who are grieving, they are not a replacement for professional help. If you are struggling with your mental health as a result of a loss and don't know where to turn, call or text 988 to be connected with a crisis counselor and other resources.

This audio is a reflection on the changes we go through after a difficult loss. These words may be comforting to you as you process this loss because you are not alone in these feelings. Let us reflect together on the journey we are on, and find community in our shared experiences.

Transcript

Hi there,

This is Rita with Sacred Sorrows and I'm so grateful that you're here with me today.

I was just thinking about how I kind of feel sorry for the people that meet me now,

The people that didn't know me before my son Chad died and how they're kind of meeting a person who is half me and it's just so strange and odd for me to be in communication with people and not communicate in the way that I used to.

I don't stand on pretense anymore,

I don't have an ego anymore and I'm certainly not as sharp as I used to be.

That whole thing about the ego,

I don't say that in a gloating kind of way.

Losing your ego because your child died is not a blessed way to lose an ego.

But when something this intense happens,

I just think it brings you straight to the ground and you can't pretend anymore.

You can't pretend that your life is great and everything is happy-go-lucky.

You can't pretend anything because you lose your child and you lose yourself and you lose your false identity and you just keep losing and losing and losing.

And so I meet new people and they meet a shell and I know that I'm not going to be a shell forever and I know that a transformation is occurring and I know that there's a metamorphosis going on but it's so unsettling and I want to say hey really I'm actually not crazy and I do think straight and I'm not coming out of left field and I can't say any of that.

And so I just have to trust that everything is happening in the way that it's supposed to be happening and that this journey that I'm on,

Albeit not one that I've chosen,

Is indeed the one that I need to accept.

And I don't know why and I think that why is the wrong question.

But here I am trying to stand open-hearted and open-minded and coming from a place of love toward others,

Knowing full well how truly precious that life is because I,

Along with you,

Have gone through a suffering that many don't go through,

Thank God.

So let's just walk together in standing open-hearted and being able to show up in our own skin knowing that we're kind of half there,

We're kind of half shells,

But you know what,

Hmm,

Our loss is truly the pearl of great price,

Right?

I could talk more about that but maybe that's for another audio.

Here we are,

Open-hearted,

Shining pearls out to the universe and all are vulnerable,

Sandy,

Buried mess.

Glad that you're here,

Glad that you're listening,

And if there's anything that you'd like to say about this metamorphosis happening in you and how it's unsettling but you're seeing some grace in it,

Please share.

Thanks so much.