This is Rachel with Art of Presence,
And this is a meditation to offer compassion to caregivers following tough transitions.
Are you a mama that just had a rough drop-off at daycare,
Preschool,
Or school?
Are you a caregiver who needs some compassion on your car ride to work?
Are you a parent who just needs to reset after tears,
Rushing,
And perhaps even yelling when the morning didn't go the way anyone hoped for?
If so,
I see you,
I'm with you,
And I've been there.
This is an awful feeling that doesn't feel great for anybody.
It is also really hard to reset after a rough start.
I'm hoping that this meditation will let you know you're not alone,
That it's going to be okay,
And to give you some space and time to just breathe,
To acknowledge the feelings that you're having,
And to remind you that you are doing the best you can,
And that this happens to all of us.
It can be so easy to look at the other cars in the drop-off line,
Or other parents in the preschool lobby,
And compare your mornings to theirs,
Or perhaps even your life to theirs,
Thinking how they have it all together,
Have it all figured out,
Or know some secret that you don't know yet.
I can tell you that everyone struggles with these transitions at times,
And it's okay.
You're invited to take some time right now to create space and offer yourself compassion.
If you're not driving,
And it feels safe,
You're welcome to soften your gaze or close your eyes.
If you are driving,
Pay attention to what you're doing,
And just let these words wash over you.
You might bring your hand to your heart to offer yourself some tenderness and compassion.
If you'd like,
Bring your attention to your breath,
And simply notice that you're breathing.
It might feel good to take a sigh and let it all out.
As you're settling in,
I want to share some attachment research,
What it means to be a good enough parent.
Winnicott coined the term,
Good enough parent,
In 1957,
Highlighting that there's no such thing as a perfect parent.
The research that followed showed that being a good enough parent is being attuned to the emotional needs of your child 30% of the time to raise a securely attached child.
This means that even when we are misaligned 70% of the time,
We still have a strong attachment with our kids.
I don't know about you,
But when I heard this research,
I felt relieved.
It is not about being a perfect parent.
It is not about getting it right 100% of the time.
It is about the opportunity to repair when there are ruptures in your relationship,
When things don't go smoothly.
These misalignments are opportunities for repair and showing that there are ways to navigate challenging emotions and situations.
Trust is built through repairing ruptures.
It's an opportunity to circle back with kindness and compassion,
Perhaps coming back and working on a plan to work as a team or maybe just how to approach it in the future by noticing how you want to be together in these instances when it gets difficult.
During these times of misalignments,
We are showing our children that we are human too and we have a chance to model how to move through challenges.
The research shows that even if a parent could be 100% attuned,
That it would not give their children the tools and examples of how to move through difficulties and challenges and repair ruptures within relationships.
And I'm guessing that you're attuning to your child even more than 30% of the time.
I recently did the math and learned that our school year contains 173 days.
That means that this school year,
If we are on time with peaceful transitions 53 times,
It's 30%,
That that is good enough for this year.
For me,
This offers a whole bunch of relief because I know we're doing good enough.
And I'm here to tell you that you are doing good enough.
I know it feels awful right now.
And that you have an opportunity to circle back with your kiddos and have conversations after school or daycare and that this can be a powerful process.
To come back with caring repair teaches them a valuable skill.
To show them that you are also human and have emotions when feelings of stress arise.
And that you have ways of navigating through these difficulties together.
Knowing that it's not going to be perfect and that's okay because it will be good enough.
So take a deep breath,
Dear one,
And give yourself some tender compassion as a human and as a caregiver.
And soak in this opportunity to offer yourself some love.
Take good care.
