Ch 3: The Permission Journey

In this chapter, I share the early experiences that shaped how I saw myself and my place in the world. From family expectations to instability at home, I learned to prioritize others and silence my own needs. Like many of us, I carried the legacy of childhood into adulthood without realizing it. This story isn’t about blame — it’s about understanding. And understanding is where healing begins.

Listen on, and we will navigate the seven seas to freedom together.

Ch 3: The Permission Journey: 'Give Yourself Permission to Live Your Life', written and read by Priya Rana Kapoor (Balboa Press), (5 of 16)
©2014/2025 Priya Rana Kapoor

Transcript

Chapter 3,

The Permission Journey We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong.

The amount of work is the same.

Carlos Castaneda The ultimate purpose of this book is to give you the space,

Desire,

And tools to give yourself permission to live your life.

Giving yourself permission means allowing yourself to think and do what you think is best for yourself.

People consistently balk at this comment.

Many of my clients say,

I can't just think of myself.

I have my children to worry about.

Or,

It's not all about me.

My parents would be so disappointed.

They often worry that they'll be seen as selfish and often truly believe that they are being self-centered.

When you go on a plane and the safety announcement says that in case of emergency,

You should put on your oxygen mask before helping others,

Why do you think they say that?

Imagine a scenario in which a mother sees her oxygen mask drop in front of her face and knows that the flight attendant has instructed her to put hers on first.

Instead,

She looks over at her small child and decides to reach for his first.

He is vulnerable.

He needs her help.

She takes the time to unbuckle her belt and reaches over.

Her son is upset and reaches for her,

Squirming in his seat.

She has to tussle with him before she can pull down his oxygen mask.

And doing so has taken a lot of time.

Too much,

In fact.

The grim reality is that she could pass out due to lack of oxygen and become incapable of helping him put his mask on.

Even if the child is still conscious,

He probably isn't able to reach the mask and doesn't even know what to do with it.

They both may die utterly needlessly.

This depressing analogy highlights that it is imperative for you to take care of yourself before helping others,

For their sake as much as yours.

And that means allowing yourself to figure out what taking care of yourself means.

When we take care of ourselves,

We make ourselves strong enough to take care of others.

Trains,

Planes,

And automobiles.

To illustrate the process outlined in the book of giving yourself permission to ultimately live your life,

I'm going to use the analogy of a journey around the world.

Sometimes we need help and time to get to the place where we can truly give ourselves permission to live our lives the way we want to.

These are the stages of the permission journey.

See figure 3.

1.

3.

1 is an illustration of a map of the world,

With each stage marked by a bus stop sign.

I have chosen an island group from each of the seven oceans of the world as stops.

The journey starts as you travel from your own home,

Wherever you are in the world,

To your first destination,

The sun-drenched Hawaiian islands in the North Pacific.

As you travel this stage,

You read,

Assimilate the concepts,

And process the information of chapter 5,

Give yourself permission to know you matter.

That's stage 1 of the permission journey.

Chapters 5 through 12 are each an individual stage.

This can take as long as you need,

As can any stage of the journey.

If you're taking your time,

You might choose to take a slow cruise ship.

Sometimes you may be able to travel faster by taking a plane.

Other times you may hop on a train,

Drive a car,

Or ride a bicycle.

Or you may take the slowest,

But often the most deliberate method of all,

And walk.

The point is,

You get to choose how you navigate each stage,

With the intention of reaching each destination having mastered the concept,

And hence knowing the route very well.

You can then apply what you've learnt in that stage to the next stage,

And so on.

It's an incremental process.

Without understanding and traveling through each stage,

You are not going to be able to move forward on your round-the-world trip.

So now let's move through the rest of the stages of your journey.

The examples I give are only that.

Please feel free to pick seven locations for yourself,

And chart your own course.

Remember it's how you travel through the stages that matter.

Visiting the inspiring sites en route and your arrival are your rewards.

Now it's time to embark on the rest of your journey,

By setting off for the warm waters of the Society Islands in the South Pacific.

You'll then move on to the home of over 10 million chin-strap penguins,

The Sandwich Islands in the South Atlantic.

Then to the striking volcanic Canary Islands in the North Atlantic.

To the historic Franz Josef Land Archipelagos in the Arctic.

And then to a lovely stay in the sandy Maldives in the Indian Ocean.

Your last stop before going home is the ecologically rich Bellini Islands in the Southern Ocean.

After you've given yourself permission to visit all these great places,

And have learnt the tools and started to apply them,

It's time to go home with all this newfound personal empowerment,

And to see how you can integrate it into everyday life.

As you travel this last stage home,

You'll go through the important process of giving yourself permission to dream big,

And live your life.

This last stage has no recognisable islands or ocean destinations,

As you are to end up back where you started.

It just might look different,

Now that you know and care about yourself,

And you might also have new dreams for how it looks.

Every time you reach a destination,

You'll have the opportunity to take time to reflect a little on your journey,

And decide what souvenirs,

In the forms of lessons learnt,

You want to take with you,

And which items in the form of unhealthy thoughts,

Memories or behaviours,

You want to leave behind,

Therefore lightening the load in your suitcase.

Figure 3.

1,

The permission journey.

The image shows the following destinations.

Stage 1,

Give yourself permission to know you matter.

Stage 2,

Give yourself permission to know what you care about.

Stage 3,

Give yourself permission to take back your life.

Stage 4,

Give yourself permission to be brave.

Stage 5,

Give yourself permission to be happy.

Stage 6,

Give yourself permission to have healthy relationships.

Stage 7,

Give yourself permission to know your dream team.

Homeward stage,

Give yourself permission to dream big,

And live your life.

You might find you have more experience with a specific stage,

Or that one may be easier to navigate than another.

Again,

It is an individual process,

And depending on your personality and experience,

You'll find some journeys more difficult than others.

I'll briefly outline the specifics of each stage of the permission journey here,

And then return to the story of how I travelled through it,

And eventually came out the other end.

However,

There is always more to learn and experience.

What we learn from our experiences,

And what we implement in our lives,

Is completely within our control.

We have the ability to create the lives we want.

Give yourself permission to know you matter is the self-esteem and confidence stage.

Here we will look at how to take care of yourself,

And start believing that you are really worth it.

You'll be taken through the knowing you matter pathway,

And you will learn how to pay attention to how you physically feel,

And what your body is trying to tell you.

In give yourself permission to know what you care about,

We will explore what values are specifically,

And how living by them can only help you in the long run.

You'll also do quite a bit of exploration of how to unearth those sometimes elusive qualities.

Once your values are solidified,

You'll look at practical ways to use them.

We will then proceed to give yourself permission to take back your life.

Here you'll explore why taking personal responsibility will benefit you,

Along with concepts and tools for how to fully grasp the reality that you are completely in charge of everything you do,

Feel,

Think,

And say.

Yes,

Others can place pressure on your decision making,

But ultimately,

Only you have control over how you react to such influences.

The next stage involves how to give yourself permission to be happy.

It might seem surprising,

But a lot of people feel guilty about being happy,

Or don't know how to be happy,

Or to flip that switch to having a positive mindset.

Here we will look at some of the most useful and widely used techniques of positive psychology.

Next we will address ways to give yourself permission to be brave.

You'll look at the role fear plays in your life,

And how you can overcome limiting thoughts.

You'll look at how fears are sometimes valid and sometimes not,

And how to discern between the two.

You'll also take a look at how you can trust yourself,

And others,

And how the quality of resilience is an integral component of checking the reality of who you really are,

And what is really going on.

Since humans are innately social beings,

We will proceed to consider how you can give yourself permission to have healthy relationships.

Using the knowledge and insight you've gained up to this point,

You'll explore how to interact with others,

Regardless of what they do.

Give yourself permission to know your dream team.

We'll look at how to identify,

Be grateful for,

And be accountable to the people in your life who have believed in you in the past,

And continue to help in important ways.

Dream team may be an overused term,

But you'll see how important and beneficial it is to honor these relationships.

You will also look at how you can be on other people's dream teams,

On your own terms,

Because you want to,

And without losing yourself in the process.

Penultimately,

We will embrace how to give yourself permission to dream big.

This can be very difficult for some people.

Really,

Dreaming big is the springboard to achieving everything you want for and from your life.

This starts with dreaming quietly,

But planning big.

It's about giving yourself permission to explore any possibility you choose to live the life you want.

One which is in sync with who you are,

What you value,

And who you authentically want to be.

Finally,

The ultimate goal in the second half of this journey is to give yourself permission to live your life.

The stage at which you can explore and participate in all the great whiz-bang,

Show-the-world empowerment self-help programs and literature out there.

Exercise.

Give yourself permission to figure out what you want from your life.

Take a few minutes to ask yourself what you would like to have given yourself permission to do by the end of this book,

And write a list in the present tense.

This could contain almost anything.

When I asked myself the same question,

I came up with a long list,

Covering three full pages,

And including statements like,

I give myself permission to have fun.

I give myself permission to be a good sleeper.

I give myself permission to be an inspired speaker.

And even more excitingly,

I give myself permission to meet loads of great people through my work.

Don't worry if this seems out of reach at the moment.

You can revisit this exercise at any time.

But if you have a list you like,

Consider keeping a copy of it in your phone,

On your computer,

Or even stuck inside the door of your medicine cabinet.

Somewhere private,

Where you can see it,

And remind yourself why you're so committed to making changes that are good for you.