Self-judgment and self-criticism can be very ingrained thought patterns,
So much so that we don't fully realize they are present.
Many of us have a lot of conditioning that negatively impacts the thoughts we hold about ourselves,
And many of us are just starting to recognize the ways in which we talk to ourselves,
Or how often we treat ourselves with unkindness.
Much like improving our physical health,
It's important to first be aware of the ways in which we are suffering as a result of self-judgment.
It's also important to not start judging ourselves over judging ourselves.
We have been doing our best,
And self-compassion is a skill that must be practiced like any other skill.
This meditation is to support us in identifying our self-judgment and then bringing self-compassion to meet it.
Allow your eyes to do whatever they need to do for you to have the most awareness,
Without being distracted by your surroundings.
For some of us,
That means allowing our eyelids to close.
For others,
It means letting them be half open,
Softening our gaze,
And letting our point of focus rest towards the earth.
And now,
Tune in to your breathing.
This is to help you come into contact with how your body is feeling now,
And with this present moment.
The breath anchors us to the present because it is only ever happening now,
Not in the future,
Not in the past.
So just tuning in and noticing where are you feeling your breath.
Is it more in the chest area,
Throat,
Or around your nostrils?
If your breathing feels a little shallow,
What does it feel like to allow yourself to deepen your breath?
Breathing right into the bottom of your lungs.
Explore this gently without force,
Or without expectation.
Are there any sensations or emotions that arise by doing this,
By deepening or feeling your breath?
Just take note of them,
Knowing there is nothing to change or fix.
All our sensations,
Emotions,
And experiences are welcome in this practice.
If it feels good,
Allow your breath to deepen even further.
Right into your belly.
Again,
Notice how your body responds to this.
Notice if anything is coming into your consciousness that wasn't there before.
If there are any thoughts coming up,
Just observe them.
Note them as thoughts and allow them to dissolve.
As you allow your body to be still and rest,
You might note that certain ideas or concepts are floating to the surface.
You might notice messaging like,
I don't know how to do this right now.
I can't stop thinking about.
.
.
Can fill in the blank.
You might also notice emotions arising,
Which is very normal.
When we slow down and we are still,
We create space for things to arise.
It's like we're taking our feelings off mute and now we can hear them.
Conversely,
You might feel nothing at all,
Which is extremely and equally as normal.
Many of us,
Once we start paying attention to what's happening in our minds and hearts,
Experience a sort of numbness.
A teacher once told me,
Feeling nothing is still feeling something.
So if you feel nothing,
Just allow yourself to have that experience too.
Whatever it is that you're experiencing,
See if you can just watch it and note whether there are any voices of self-blame,
Self-shame or self-criticism coming up.
Are you telling yourself you should be feeling differently?
Are you perhaps resisting this experience and telling yourself you shouldn't be?
Is there anxiety about the future or a sense that there is a waste of time and you should be getting things done?
Whatever the critical voice is saying for now,
You're just letting it speak.
You're just tuning in to the radio in your mind.
If at any point this becomes too difficult,
Ground back into your breath or notice your connection with the earth beneath you.
Do whatever you need to do to care for yourself.
Once you're aware of what messaging you're receiving from your brain,
Sink back into your body.
Notice if there are any physical experiences that might be coming up.
You might notice a tightness in your shoulders,
A holding in your stomach,
Fluttering in your throat or a sense of numbness throughout.
There might be something entirely different.
Whatever you're experiencing,
Just witness it.
If your thoughts are like the part of the iceberg we can see above the water,
Our emotions are the larger part beneath the surface.
Often we first have to witness the thought before understanding that there is a larger emotion beneath the surface holding up that thought.
Feelings that come up around self-criticism can be anything from anxiety to varying levels of fear,
Grief or anger.
See if you can notice the label and what emotions are swirling around in your heart,
Throat area or your stomach.
Can you recognize that any sensation attached to self-judgment is suffering and with something.
Struggling and suffering are part of the human experience.
They're part of being a person who is alive.
See if you can try just in this practice to let go of the thought that is above the surface and sink into your body.
Offer some compassion towards the emotions or feelings that you are having.
You can try placing a hand over your heart or stomach or around your collarbone area and then placing your other hand on top of the first and just experience the warmth and the sensation of care and compassion that comes with touch.
You can allow your breath to deepen again,
Breathing into that sense of care and concern.
You can say to that emotion,
To that experience,
It's okay.
You can allow it to be in your body while offering it some kindness.
You can also deliver the message to your whole being.
It's okay.
It's not your fault.
You're doing your best.
I'm here for you.
Whatever feels right,
Whatever you might say to an upset child or pet,
See what it feels like to say that to yourself,
The parts of you that are suffering.
We are all trying our best in this life and while thinking critical thoughts about ourselves or our actions can seem like a motivating thing to do or a way to prevent us from getting hurt,
Being critical and judgmental of ourselves actually causes more suffering.
Paying attention to how we talk to ourselves can be a key in unlocking our patterns of thinking.
Then showing care and concern for the parts of us that are struggling can help us to positively transform the relationship we have with ourselves.
The more often we practice this,
The sooner we are able to recognize self-critical thoughts.
Upon this recognition,
We can remind ourselves that we are perfectly imperfect humans,
Doing our best and that no matter what,
We are worthy of love,
Acceptance and encouragement.
So just take a few more loving breaths into and out of your body.
Reconnect with the surface beneath you.
Thank you for taking care of yourself and slowly open your eyes when you're ready.
