Find a comfortable position and close your eyes.
Take a deep breath in through your nose and let it out slowly through your mouth.
I want to start by acknowledging something.
You're tired,
Not just physically tired,
Though you might be that too.
You're tired of performing,
Tired of monitoring yourself,
Tired of editing what you say,
How you feel,
Who you are.
You've been doing it for so long it's become automatic.
You walk into a room and you shift,
You adjust.
You become the version of yourself that you think is safe,
Acceptable,
Impressive.
At work you're one person,
With your family you're another,
With your partner another,
With your friends another and somewhere along the way you stop knowing which one is actually you.
Take a breath.
You're not alone in this.
Every man I work with carries this weight.
Today we're going to start putting it down.
I want you to think about the different roles you play,
The different versions of yourself you present depending on who's watching.
Maybe at work you're the competent one,
The one who has answers,
The one who doesn't show doubt,
Doesn't admit when you're struggling,
Doesn't ask for help because that might make you look weak.
Maybe with your partner you're the strong one,
The protector,
The one who's supposed to have it together emotionally even when you don't.
The one who doesn't show vulnerability because you think that's not what she needs from you.
Maybe with your friends you're the fun one,
The one who keeps it light,
Who doesn't get too deep,
Doesn't talk about real struggles,
Doesn't show when you're actually hurting.
Maybe with your family you're the successful one,
The one who's supposed to prove something,
Who can't admit failure or confusion because you're carrying their expectations.
Now ask yourself who are you when no one is watching,
When you don't have to perform,
When you can drop all the roles and just be.
That's the question most men can't answer.
Because we've been performing for so long,
We've lost touch with who we actually are underneath it all.
Let's talk about what this performance is costing you.
When you hide your truth,
You don't just hide the bad parts,
The doubt,
The fear,
The confusion.
You hide the good parts too.
Your depth,
Your creativity,
Your real thoughts and opinions,
Your tenderness,
Your joy.
You become a carefully managed version of yourself.
Safe,
Controlled,
Acceptable and incredibly lonely.
Because here's the thing,
When people love the performance,
They're not loving you,
They're loving the mask.
And on some level,
You know this.
That's why even when people praise you,
Compliment you,
Admire you,
It doesn't land.
Because they're not seeing the real you.
And the people who might actually love the real you,
They never get the chance.
Because you won't let them see you.
Think about your moment.
The most important relationships.
How much of yourself are you actually showing?
How often do you edit your truth to keep the peace,
To avoid judgment,
To maintain the image?
And what is that costing you in terms of real intimacy,
Real connection,
Real understanding?
The irony is this,
You're hiding to be safe.
But the hiding itself is what's isolating you.
Now I want to shift something.
I want you to consider that authenticity isn't weakness.
It's your greatest asset.
When you're authentic,
You stop wasting energy on performance.
You stop monitoring every word,
Every facial expression,
Every response.
You free up all that energy to actually live,
Create,
Connect.
When you're authentic,
You attract the right people and repel the wrong ones.
Not everyone will like the real you.
And that's the point.
The people who can't handle your truth aren't your people.
And the ones who can,
Those are the relationships worth having.
When you're authentic,
You build trust.
People can feel when you're real.
They might not consciously know it,
But their nervous system knows.
When you're authentic,
You become unshakable.
Because you're no longer dependent on managing other people's perceptions.
You're no longer terrified of being found out.
There's nothing to find out.
Authenticity isn't about saying everything you think or dumping your emotions on everyone.
It's about alignment.
It's about your inside matching your outside.
It's about not betraying yourself to make other people comfortable.
Take a breath,
Feel what it would be like to live that way.
Let's make this practical.
I want you to think about one area of your life where you're not being authentic right now.
Maybe it's a relationship where you're pretending to be okay when you're not.
Maybe it's a job where you're acting like you're passionate,
When you're actually miserable.
Maybe it's a friendship where you go along with things you don't actually agree with.
Maybe it's with yourself where you're pretending you don't want something you actually do want,
Or pretending you're fine with something that's actually eating you alive.
Now ask yourself,
What would it look like to tell the truth here?
Not in a destructive way,
Not in a way that hurts people unnecessarily,
But in a way that honors yourself,
That brings your inside and outside.
Into alignment.
What would you do differently?
What would change?
Notice any resistance that comes up,
Notice the fear.
If I'm honest,
They'll leave,
They'll judge me,
They'll think less of me.
I'll lose something.
That fear is real and sometimes you will lose something,
But here's what you gain.
Yourself,
Your integrity,
Your peace,
Your freedom.
Place your hand on your heart now,
Feel your heartbeat.
This is your truth,
Your body knows what's real,
Your heart knows what matters.
You've just been overriding it to keep everyone else comfortable.
Say this to yourself,
My authenticity is my asset,
My truth matters,
I am done performing.
Let that settle.
Being authentic isn't a one-time decision,
It's a practice.
It's choosing moment by moment to stay connected to yourself instead of abandoning yourself for approval.
It's saying no when you mean no.
It's speaking up when something doesn't sit right.
It's admitting when you don't know.
It's asking for what you don't know.
It's showing what you feel instead of pretending you don't feel it.
It won't always be comfortable.
People are used to the performed version of you and when you start showing up differently,
They'll notice.
Some will appreciate it,
Some won't.
That's okay,
You're not doing this for them,
You're doing this for you.
Take three deep breaths with me.
Breathe in,
I am enough as I am.
Breathe out,
I release the need to perform.
Breathe in,
My truth is valuable.
Breathe out,
I trust myself.
Breathe in,
I choose authenticity.
Breathe out,
I choose freedom.
When you open your eyes,
You might feel lighter.
You might feel scared.
You might feel both.
All of it is okay.
You've given yourself permission to stop hiding.
That's everything.
You don't have to have it all figured out.
You just have to start being real.
One moment at a time.
One conversation at a time.
One choice at a time.
Your authenticity is your asset.
Own it.
Gently open your eyes when you're ready.
If this practice resonated,
Explore more identity building work with You Are Not Broken and Ego Death Gateway.
For deeper support in living authentically,
Especially in relationships,
Work and personal growth,
My profile has more ways to explore this work.
The performance ends when you decide it does.
The real you is waiting.
