Rising Above The Noise
Ever feel like life’s got it in for you? Like every time you get comfy, something yanks the rug out from under your feet? Annoying, isn’t it? Join me as I tackle that head-on. Because life will throw curveballs, yet you don’t have to end up flat on your face every time. It all comes down to mindset. And no, I’m not about to tell you to “just think positive.” That’s not how this works. I’ll be sharing five simple, doable actions that will help you take charge of your mindset so that when life does its thing, you can handle it with confidence instead of panic. Less drama, more control. Sound good? Thought so. Now, grab a cuppa, relax, and press play.
Transcript
You can deal with any challenge that comes your way.
You are always in control.
You will always make the right decision based on what you know in the moment.
As I was making those three statements,
What were you saying to yourself?
You might have been saying,
Maria,
Of course that's all true.
I am capable of facing any challenge that comes my way,
Which means I know that I am in control and that I do make the right decisions and make the right choices based on what I know there and then.
Or you might have been thinking,
Maria,
What are you talking about?
Every challenge that comes my way just feels like I've been knocked down.
And therefore,
In that moment,
I feel like I have lost control of what's going on,
Which means invariably,
I probably don't make the right decision.
Let's just take a moment,
Take a big,
Deep breath in and breathe out and come back into the room to be here listening to my voice.
Because you see,
The people who I work with have allowed that inner chatter,
Those thoughts that seem innocent come in and just pull the rug from under them.
They are going through some kind of transition life event and their today does not look how it did yesterday,
They are feeling uncomfortable,
Awkward,
And the future seems a bit uncertain.
And they need someone to just hold their hand and help navigate past this point in time to a place that they want to be.
And it's easy to allow the inner critic,
The inner chatter to take over your narrative and take over what's going on,
When in fact,
They're not really you.
My name is Maria Newman and I help my clients to regain their confidence,
Reconnect with who they are and silence their inner critics so that they can navigate life with certainty.
And during this podcast episode,
I'm gonna share with you how you can master your mindset so that you can live more freely and you have the capability and the grace to live your life in a way that makes you feel good about yourself.
Before I do that though,
I want to ask you two questions to contemplate.
The first one is,
Why does anybody need to master their mindset?
Just take a moment to think about it.
How would mastering your mindset make life feel different,
Make life become different?
And then the second question I have to ask you is,
How do you go about doing that?
What can you do that will help you to master your mindset?
Just think about it.
There will be things that you probably already do.
And so what else can you do that will help you to master your mindset?
For me,
This falls into two parts.
The first one is,
Those thoughts that pop into your head,
They are not you.
And therefore it's a way of divorcing yourself from the thoughts so that you can move forward.
The second part is about having ways in which you can deal with those thoughts when they do pop in your head.
And so now I'm gonna share with you some ways that you can master your mindset.
So,
Whether you think you can or you think you can't,
You are probably right because whatever you think you will become,
You see that inner chatter,
That inner voice is not you.
It's just doing its job,
Which is to keep you safe.
My inner voice is called Vera,
As some of you will already know.
And Vera,
She's a lovely little old lady who just wants the best for me because she wants to keep me safe.
The thing is,
Vera is neither good nor bad.
She's just trying to help me avoid making mistakes,
Getting things wrong,
Making a fool of myself,
Stepping outside my comfort zone because she just wants to keep me safe.
And the thing is,
Although there are the best intentions from Vera,
She's not usually that helpful.
So when I hear her start to chatter in my ear,
I listen and acknowledge what she has to say.
And then I give her a cup of tea and a biscuit and I ask her to sit in the corner.
And she's allowed to come back when she's ready to be helpful.
So,
First,
I invite you to divorce yourself from that inner voice and the easiest way to do this is by giving the inner voice a name and a personality so that actually you know it definitely is not you.
And therefore,
When that inner voice,
When that inner critic pipes up,
It's quite easy to tell them to be quiet.
The second thing I want you to do is become super aware as to what they are saying because although they are trying to keep you safe,
There are nuggets of gold in what they have to say.
What they have to say is actually telling you something that you need to deal with.
And you might not be ready there and then when it pipes up,
However,
At some point,
You will be ready.
And it's at that point that you need to decide how to come to terms with,
How to face whatever is being said.
So,
My invitation to you is twofold,
Really.
The first one is to give your inner critic,
That inner voice,
A name so that you have,
And over time,
You do divorce yourself from them.
The second thing I would like you to do is start to become aware of those thoughts as they pop up and understand what they're actually trying to tell you as opposed to what they're trying to stop you doing.
I don't like the way I look.
I don't think I know what I'm talking about.
Nobody really wants to hear what I have to say.
You need to know,
Like,
And trust yourself because if you don't know,
Like,
And trust yourself,
How can you expect anybody else to?
And when you know,
Like,
And trust yourself,
What you're actually doing is creating a firm and strong foundation so that when those thoughts,
The sneaky ones in particular,
Pop up and are there ready to knock you off course,
That strong foundation that you have built of knowing who you are will mean that you are better able to manage whatever comes your way.
And how you can do this in a really,
Really,
Really easy way is to just ask yourself some really simple questions.
And the most powerful question that there is is what are my values?
Because your values are your compass in life.
They will help you to make the right decision for you.
And you know if you've made the right decision for you because actually the decision that you've made means that you feel comfortable about it.
It sits well.
When you make a decision that is not in accordance with one of your values,
You feel uncomfortable.
And you know what I mean because we've all made decisions that probably go against our values and it is uncomfortable and it can feel awkward.
And so you know that you've done something that's not in accordance with your values.
So first of all,
Get really,
Really,
Really clear on what your values are.
Those are the things that the deepest inside you,
The bottom of the foundation of who you are.
And then start to ask yourself other questions like,
Well,
What are my interests?
What do I like doing?
What do I not like doing?
What makes me smile?
How do I like to spend my time?
What makes my heart sing?
And by asking yourself those questions and just allowing the answers to freely come out of you,
You will get to know yourself a lot better.
Because as we grow up and we go through different experiences in our lives,
We can lose who we are.
We can lose our sense of self.
And especially when you become a mum and your name disappears because you're Johnny's mum or Anna's mum,
You do lose who you are and who you've become.
So asking yourself those questions to really understand who you are right now is so important.
Now,
The second exercise that you can do,
Which will feel uncomfortable and you might feel a little bit awkward,
Is to look at yourself in the mirror.
Look at yourself squarely in the eyes.
And although it will be really easy to pick out your flaws,
I encourage you instead to focus on what you like about yourself.
It might be the way you smile.
It might be the shape of your eyebrow.
And then once you've picked out those physical attributes,
I want you to go a little bit deeper and think about the qualities that you have.
It might be that people will come to you whenever they have a problem that they can't solve and they know that you can help them.
It might be that you can quite easily make people laugh.
Make your list.
Look at your list and be thankful for your list.
So I encourage you to get to know,
Like,
And trust yourself to build that strong foundation so that when you have wobbly moments in life,
That strong foundation will help you to overcome whatever may come your way.
Everything in life is neutral.
All situations are neutral until you give the meaning.
So whichever situation you find yourself in in life,
It is neutral until you give it meaning by either the words that you say out loud or the thoughts that pop into your head.
And it's the meaning that you give to a situation which will then determine how you feel about that situation.
And that influences then the actions that you take and the way that you show up in life.
And that's ultimately which will determine the experiences you have.
So if I was to say to you now,
I'd like you to stand up in front of a group of 20 people and introduce yourself and let them know who you are.
You might be like Annabelle.
Annabelle would be thinking,
Wow,
What an amazing opportunity.
I get to stand up and talk to 20 people and make 20 new connections and tell them who I am.
That feels amazing.
I would love that opportunity.
And she would start to get really excited and you could see the excitement bubbling up on her.
And as a result,
She would be looking at me ready,
Waiting for me to pick her to stand up and speak in front of these 20 amazing people.
And as a result,
They would quite easily stand up in front of these 20 people and tell them who she is.
And there she would have the opportunity to make some new connections,
Some new friends and to have new opportunities come her way in life.
On the other hand,
You might be like Brenda.
Brenda would have heard me say that and think,
Oh my goodness,
I couldn't think of anything worse.
Why would I want to stand up in front of 20 people?
Come to think of it,
Why would 20 people actually want to listen to what I have to say?
And as a result,
She'd be feeling a little bit anxious,
A little bit confused.
And so she would be avoiding looking at me in case I did pick her.
And as a result,
She wouldn't stand up in front of 20 people to introduce herself,
Which would mean ultimately that she would miss out on something wonderful.
And at the same time,
She wouldn't know what she was missing out on because the opportunity has passed.
So you see,
Every situation you find yourself in is neutral until you give it meaning by the language that you use.
So I encourage you to become more mindful about the language that you are using when you find yourself in situations,
Whether they are situations you've been in before or new opportunities.
And start to be selective over the meaning that you attribute to those situations.
Become conscious of the language that you are using and see how life starts to be different.
Reframe your thoughts.
Reframing is not the easiest thing to do and it does take effort.
However,
If you've been practising catching the thoughts that sneak up on you and risk pulling the rug from under you and putting you in a direction that you don't wanna go,
If you become skilful at catching those thoughts,
You can then practise reframing them.
And reframing them doesn't mean that you turn a negative thought into a really positive thought.
All it means is tweaking the negative thought so that it does have a positive meaning that is believable and that is the key.
It has to be believable because if it's not,
You might as well just stick with your negative thought.
So earlier,
When I talked to you,
When I made the statements about being able to easily manage any challenges that come your way and being in control,
You will have had thoughts pop into your head and it's catching those thoughts and tweaking them so that they are positive and believable.
So if I said to you,
You will be able to deal with the challenges that come your way,
Your initial thought might have been,
Any challenge that comes my way makes me feel like I don't know what I'm doing.
And you can reframe that to be,
I deal with challenges that come my way in the best way I know how.
That's believable,
It's still the truth.
When I said that you are always in control,
You might have thought,
I don't feel like I'm always in control.
And you can change that to be,
I am in control of the way I respond in life.
So even if you think there is chaos happening to you,
Or there's chaos happening around you,
You are in control of how you respond to that chaos.
So again,
It's true,
It's believable.
And this is what I suggest you do.
I want you to practise reframing those thoughts that pop into your head that feel like they're negative.
And by reframing them,
You give them an injection of positivity that also makes them believable as well.
So embrace a reframe.
And finally,
I would like us to do a visualisation.
Because if you can visualise something,
You know that you can also make it happen.
And I can hear some of you saying,
Maria,
I don't do visualisation.
Whenever I close my eyes,
All I see is just the dark.
Well,
If I was to say to you,
Visualise a green elephant with a pink tail and big orange ears,
You will have a sense of what that looks like.
And although you might not have a crystal clear picture of what that looks like,
You have a sense of what that looks like.
And that is what visualisation is.
So I would like you to take a big deep breath in and breathe out and close your eyes now.
And I would like you to get into a comfortable position,
Whether it's sitting or standing or lying down.
And I would like you to really feel the ground that's beneath you.
And as you do that,
I would like you to take another deep breath in and breathe out.
And I would like you to bring to mind a picture of your inner critic,
Whatever form your inner critic takes.
And I would like you to project them onto a big movie screen.
I would like you to pay attention to what they look like.
What size are they?
What shape are they?
What colour are they?
And now I would like you to pay attention to what they sound like.
What's the tone of the sound?
What's the volume of the sound?
And now I would like you to pay attention to how you feel when you hear your inner critic.
Where are those feelings in your body?
What is the size of those feelings as you hear your inner critic speaking?
And now,
As you have that image that's running on that movie screen,
I would like you to start condensing the movie screen,
Making it smaller.
And smaller and smaller.
Halving the size of the movie screen over and over and over again until it is hardly there and yet you can just about make it out.
And on the count of three,
I want you to blow away your inner critic.
One,
Two,
Three.
And now,
As you're there with your eyes closed,
Listening to my voice,
I want you to appreciate who you are and how capable you are.
How much courage you have and how deep inside you know that you are capable of achieving anything that you put your mind to.
Take a big,
Deep breath in and breathe out.
Start to wiggle your fingers and wiggle your toes and slowly feel the ground around you.
And when you are ready,
Open your eyes now.
So that is a simple visualization that you can do whenever you are feeling overwhelmed and you just need to give yourself some space.
So thank you for joining me today where I've talked to you about mastering your mindset and I've given you some tools that you can use,
That you can practice using to help you master your mindset.
