I think decision-making is,
We overthink it,
Basically.
We think there's a thing to do.
Just by the whole name,
The topic,
Decision,
It sounds like there's something for us to have to do
to engage our intellect and to weigh up the pros and cons and so on.
Whilst there's nothing wrong with any of those things,
My experience of decisions is that intuitively we already know
what the answer is but we just don't know that we know
and that's where the issue is.
An example of that might be I was fortunate to be able to do
a coaching programme,
A practitioner programme when I started
my social enterprise and it was a really brilliant programme
and then they invited me in to be a facilitator,
A part of their faculty,
A facilitator on their programme
and I could not,
I did not know what I wanted.
So I did the whole weighing up the pros and cons,
I did the whole reflecting,
I did the whole seeing if I could
wake up with an answer and I could not.
All the time I just ruminated really,
Went round and round in my head,
Should I,
Shouldn't I,
What does it mean about me if I do,
What does it mean about me if I don't,
Who will it upset if I don't,
Is it an opportunity,
You know,
Over and over again.
You've had that experience.
And eventually really after probably a good while,
Many weeks,
The person offering me the job in effect wanted a decision,
You know,
Yeah,
You're in or out.
And I thought I still don't know,
I really still don't know.
And then I realised if I decide yes,
I don't have to still do it
if I don't like it.
So in that instance I could choose to say yes,
Make a commitment
to the period of time that it was a 10-month programme they ran
and if I didn't like it then not do it again after that.
You know,
What's the harm with that?
And I remembered,
I felt the same about when my husband,
Now husband,
Asked me to marry him and I thought I don't know,
Is this the right thing,
The wrong thing,
Will we be happy,
What about if we split up and,
You know,
I'd been round the block
a couple of times so I didn't want to have to do that again
until I thought actually I'm making it more complicated,
I can say yes
and then if it doesn't work out there is a way out.
So I realised that when we make decisions it feels like,
When we're in the process of making decisions,
It feels like we're making
a decision for life,
Like this is it,
When we decide to do this,
This is it forever.
And there's a part of me that knows that's not true but that's where
the heaviness is and that realising that oh,
I can just change my mind,
If this doesn't work out,
Even if I'd made a commitment
and it was really,
Really horrible and I really hated it,
I could still even talk to the person and say this isn't working for me
and get out,
So why don't I just do it and see what happens.
And as it goes,
I worked with that organisation for four years,
So I did four different programmes with them,
I absolutely loved them,
It was one of the best things that I've ever done,
It honed my skills,
It did all sorts of things for me.
So the summary of that for me is that decisions aren't forever,
They just look like it.
And it's my experience that we never actually really know
why we've made that decision.
It looks like if I join that company,
These are the things that,
This is where it's going to take me,
These are the things
that's going to happen next.
And none of that turned out to be true.
Things that I didn't expect happened.
The joy that was in doing that I didn't expect and that came about.
The working with other people and collaborating happened
and I wasn't really expecting that.
So the second part for me is that making decisions isn't about
what our expectations of how things will turn out,
The spiritual combined with the form.
And when we do that dance between spiritual and form
and what we produce in the world,
That's actually harmony,
When we're able to do that dance and use all of these capabilities
that we have,
Which is both intuition and intellect.
But what we don't know is because of that,
We actually don't know why we made that any decision.
We don't really know.
We just know what we know in the moment.
But it can turn out that there was lessons to learn,
Even if things didn't work out.
So if I'd have joined that faculty and not been there for four years,
Actually found out this is not what I want,
I hate coaching,
I don't like working with other people,
I'd have found that out by that decision.
So all the heaviness I gave the decision-making was irrelevant
because either way,
I either learn something,
Well,
I learn in any way,
But I either learn something
that was very,
Very useful or it turns out to be something
that was just absolutely in my flow.
But we can't necessarily know that from here.
So the other example where I really see and almost wish that I could
always do it this way,
But I get caught up too,
So I get in like,
Oh,
Shall I,
Shall I,
Was when I started Beyond Recovery,
My non-profit organisation working in prisons.
I never thought,
Oh,
I want to work in prisons,
This is what I'm going to do.
No,
Absolutely not.
In fact,
That sounded like the horriblest thing to do.
I'd rather be flown to Hawaii and sort of saw myself on the beach
speaking to people and coaching people and changing lives that way
and not on a grubby prison wing,
Smelly,
Smells of cabbage and toast and sweat,
It's not pleasant.
I didn't imagine that.
But what happened was things happened step by step that took me
in that direction and all I did was take the next step
and there were many,
Many steps that eventually led me there.
When I eventually was offered the opportunity to write a proposal
to work in prison,
I was so delighted just by the opportunity.
I didn't have any,
Because it was so outside of my consciousness,
If you like,
Outside of my comfort zone,
Outside of anything I ever knew,
I couldn't know or think about what it would be like.
I couldn't know what the outcome was.
So it helped me to be really present with each step.
So there was the opportunity to go and speak to someone,
There was the opportunity to do a proposal,
There was the opportunity to write a business case,
And each step along the way there was a delight and a joy for me,
Because not,
Well,
If I get this,
Which is pretty much where I am now,
Like if I get that contract then that will lead to these other contracts
or that will help develop the organisation in this way.
It was more that,
Wow,
They're even discussing a contract with me.
That's amazing.
And when I look back on that time and I look back on how light I held
those outcomes and how joyful I was about each step,
Regardless of how it turned out,
I see that that is a model really
for how it would be really nice to live in everything,
And I use it to help me remind myself when I get carried away,
You know,
When I think,
Oh,
I've written a book
and now I'm going to become a famous author and write 20 books.
I see that,
Oh,
Hang on a sec,
You know,
Enjoy the moment,
Enjoy the blessing of this is where I'm at right now
and let the outcome reveal itself to me.
So in a way I don't have to make any decisions,
I just have to take the next step and whatever that reveals to me,
And that is very small decisions along the way,
So they're not overwhelming.
