Feel Remarkable By Finding Joy In The Ordinary

Discover the liberating truth behind embracing your everyday self. In this insightful talk, we'll uncover how letting go of the need to be special frees us from the chains of external validation and allows us to connect more deeply with the joys and richness of ordinary life. Learn how this simple yet profound shift can lead to authentic happiness and a sense of contentment that doesn't rely on accolades or recognition.

Join us as we explore the unexpected power of the ordinary and how it can lead to a truly remarkable life.

Transcript

Welcome.

Today we're going to explore the idea that you're actually not special at all.

It sounds like an unpleasant thing to say,

Sort of thing like a playground bully might shout at you,

You know,

You're not special!

But as we're actually going to try and see in this talk,

Relinquishing the need to feel special can actually be a very liberating process.

Many of us,

Whether consciously or unconsciously,

Like to carry a certain feeling of specialness around with us.

After all,

When we were children,

It was the adults who told us we were special,

Who were the same ones who cared for us,

Looked after us and loved us.

So it's not too surprising that,

You know,

That sort of sense of needing to be special can become a valued part of our identity,

You know,

To be seen and valued for what makes us unique and different from others.

To some extent we should consider ourselves to be the main character in our own stories and this can also contribute to that sense that we must be in some way special.

The problem is that,

In order to keep feeling special,

We generally need others to affirm our identity as being special.

If others don't in some way validate our need to feel uniquely valued,

Then we decide it must be because they don't understand us.

And often we decide that it is actually their perception which must be faulty.

For example,

Have you ever witnessed a conflict between two people who each kind of consider themselves to be the center which the universe revolves around?

Regardless of whatever the argument's,

You know,

Supposedly about,

The underlying cause of the conflict is that each person really feels a need to be acknowledged as more special than the other.

You know,

The odds are that even though it is an extreme case,

You can call to mind,

You know,

An occasion like that.

And part of the issue is that for someone to be special,

Or if you say for you to be special,

That means that majority of others,

By definition,

Have to be not special.

So you're alienating yourself from others because you are,

Of course,

Different from them by virtue of your specialness,

Right?

Others can sense this as well.

Even if it's only a subconscious level,

If you're carrying around a sense of superiority,

Driven by your specialness,

In contrast to others,

People kind of pick up on that.

And what I'm trying to get out here is that the need to feel special is going to negatively impact your ability to sustain genuine connection with others.

You know,

The need to feel special and validated will,

In fact,

Only cause you a chronic discontent,

Really.

It will cause you to feel anxious,

You know,

A lot of pressure from having to,

You know,

Make sure that you appear special.

As the dependence on this kind of precarious external validation is just going to set yourself up for these kind of emotional roller coasters that are outside of your control,

Which is relevant for any stoic listening,

But everyone else as well.

Perhaps more interestingly is when we stop aspiring or having this need to be seen as special,

We actually naturally start to build a certain resilience.

Setbacks become less about our personal shortcomings and more just about universal learning experiences.

You know,

We bounce back not because we're special but,

You know,

Because we're human and equipped with the capacity for growth and adaptation.

Simultaneously this shift liberates us to realign with our deepest values.

Our actions become less about creating or curating even an image for the world and more about honoring the principles that resonate with our core true self.

This realignment is not just freeing,

It's a kind of homecoming to our life that can be lived with integrity and certain degree of personal truth.

And one of the others,

It's a subtle but significant downside of needing to feel special is that you can totally miss out on some of the value and joy and meaning that can be found in all the ordinary parts of life.

You know,

The joy of ordinary life is found in the appreciation sometimes of the mundane and the routine and the seemingly inconsequential moments that actually make up the bulk of our existence.

It's the ability to find that contentment in daily activities in the present moment regardless of whether they are noteworthy by societal standards.

So when you're caught up in this need to feel special,

You're often living in this future-orientated state.

We're chasing after goals or chasing after accolades that you believe will affirm your uniqueness,

Your specialness.

But,

You know,

This pursuit can be so consuming that it starts to overshadow all the kind of simple pleasures and joy that are right there in front of you.

Instead of actually enjoying what you have and what's there,

It's always chasing some future so you can feel special enough and valued,

Right?

So the focus on achieving that next big thing can make you blind to what you currently have and this may just devalue ordinary experiences considering them,

You know,

Not worth your attention or appreciation because they don't contribute to this sense of being special or out of the ordinary.

I'm trying to make this into an example so it's more concrete.

You could consider like a family gathering,

Right,

And the focus is on that kind of simple togetherness.

Things like sharing a meal and talking and just enjoying the company of each other.

But for someone who's suffering with this,

You know,

Difficulty where they need to feel special or this recession,

I could say,

Such an event might seem too ordinary,

Unremarkable,

You know,

Not meaningful for them.

They might be preoccupied with sharing the perfect family photo on social media,

Getting those likes or,

You know,

Some kind of special conquest rather than just engaging in deep genuine conversations with family members.

You know,

This is one kind of example but it's these kinds of things that cause you to miss out on the warmth of interactions.

You know,

Stories being told,

The laughter shared and kind of subtle but nevertheless profound bonding that occurs at such kind of daily occasions.

And it's these moments,

Although they're not gonna win any awards or public accolades,

It's those kind of simple moments that often create the most cherished memories and provide that deep sense of belonging and happiness.

So in contrast to sort of chasing that feeling of specialness,

Embracing the ordinary means kind of recognizing the beauty in everyday experiences.

So things like the warmth of the sun on your face or taste of a really well-cooked meal.

You know,

The comfort of a familiar routine and,

You know,

Casual chat with a friend or neighbor.

It's about being fully present and finding satisfaction without needing those experiences to be amplified or validated by anyone else.

And so when you let go of this need to special,

You free up a certain amount of emotional space and you engage more deeply with those ordinary aspects of life.

You become more mindful of the nuances and richness you previously overlooked.

This shift doesn't just add joy to your life,

It fundamentally changes how you experience the world,

Turning all that stuff which was once background noise into a kind of continual source of everyday contentment.

Then there's this paradoxical sense where once we let go of that need to be seen as special,

We actually open ourselves up to the possibility of being remarkable in the truest sense.

In embracing that ordinariness,

Strangely enough,

We cultivate those qualities which cannot be quantified or compared.

Things like authenticity,

Presence,

And a genuine connection with the world around us.

So I mean while the message of this talk is about releasing that burdensome desire for external validation in the form of needing to feel special,

It's also about,

You know,

Recognizing and celebrating the inherent worth each of us carries simply by being our unvarnished selves,

Unique in our experiences and expressions,

But still united in that sense of common humanity.

So kind of to wrap things up,

I guess the kind of closing point here is that perhaps the question of whether you are or are not special can be difficult,

But what I'm trying to certainly say is that kind of need people have,

And often some people have this,

You know,

They're conscious that you really do need to feel special,

And some people might think perhaps,

You know,

Not so much,

But actually subtly,

And perhaps on a slightly subconscious level,

There's a slight need just to kind of,

Just to feel a little bit special sometimes.

And what I'm trying to say is if you can eliminate that need to be special,

You actually find life much more enjoyable and potentially remarkable too.

And then,

You know,

There's something to be said that,

Then again,

On another level,

You are special and wonderful and unique,

But just in the same way that everyone else is also special and wonderful and unique.

But yeah,

I hope you got some value out of this talk.

Just see if you can let go of any of that need to be special,

And really experience all that joy that can be found in those ordinary moments.

Have a lovely day!

Reviews

Thank you! A good refocus!!! 🙏🏼

The real world with real connection is the best one. I won’t pretend I am over or beyond the need to feel special, but I understand the rewards of slowing down and getting out of cyber space. I love the simplicity of the track and nice audio. In my opinion the rating should be higher.

I was freed to enjoy the ordinary!!! What a an eternal blessing to find joy in all things!! Thank you!!

Thank you 🙏🏻

I had never thought about the need to feel special in this way. It's given me a new and welcome way of being. Thank you so much for sharing this!

Thank you so much. It’s true there’s so much joy in the ordinary. Very liberating to be reminded in such a nice way.

Thank you for the perspective shift. Really resonated with me. 💙

I’m grateful for recognising through your share that I am no more special than anyone else AND in realising the concept that WE are ALL special imvites peaceful ease and happiness, fulfillment in the completeness of this moment x Thank you x I will relisten to hear ‘more’
💜🥰🙏🥰💜

Burdensome desire for external validation. That hit the nail on the head🙏