Hello and welcome.
This practice is for moments when that familiar inner voice shows up,
The one that judges,
Criticizes or tells you that you're not enough.
You don't need to silence it and you don't need to argue with it but today we're simply going to change how you relate to it.
So find a comfortable position,
Either sitting or lying down,
And allow your body to settle in whatever way feels easiest and most natural to you right now.
If you feel comfortable to do so just gently close down your eyes or if you prefer you can just instead soften your gaze.
Take in one nice long slow deep breath breathing in through the nose and let it go out through the mouth.
There's nothing to achieve here,
Just let yourself arrive.
Begin by noticing the support beneath you,
The chair,
The floor,
Possibly the bed,
Just holding your weight without effort.
Let your attention just drop gently into the body.
Notice where there's contact and where there's space.
If there are thoughts already chiming in,
Am I doing this right or I should be calmer by now?
That's okay,
Nothing has gone wrong,
You can just notice that thinking is happening and underneath that is you,
The one who can notice.
Now gently bring to mind a recent moment where you were hard on yourself,
Not necessarily the most intense one,
Just something mild to moderate.
Perhaps a mistake,
Something you said,
Something you did or maybe something you didn't do.
But it might be one of those familiar situations where your critic tends to show up.
When you make perhaps even a small mistake,
When you don't meet your own expectations,
When you compare yourself to someone else,
When you feel like you're behind in life or tired or overwhelmed or just when you're stepping into something that really matters to you.
Whatever that situation is where your critic tends to show up,
Notice what happens in your body as you remember that.
Perhaps there's a sensation of tightness somewhere or heat or cold or some kind of sinking feeling.
But whatever sensation is or is not there,
Just let it be there without trying to change it.
Now see if you can notice the voice or impulse of the inner critic itself.
You don't necessarily need to make out words,
Just the tone.
Harsh,
Perhaps impatient.
Is it harsh inner sentences?
A judgmental tone?
A sinking sensation?
Perhaps a flash of shame,
A tightness somewhere or some other vague sense adding up to that feeling of not enough.
Whatever your experience is,
Just acknowledge it gently.
This is usually how that part speaks to me.
And the shift we're going to try and make here is instead of listening from inside that voice,
See if you can listen to it.
You might even imagine this voice,
This voice of your inner critic sitting a little in front of you or perhaps slightly to the side,
Not pushed away but just not in the center of the room anymore.
You're still here,
Breathing,
Listening,
And this voice is something you're aware of,
Not something that you are.
Quietly,
Even inwardly,
You might say something like,
I see you.
Nothing else,
Just that.
Imagine beneath this critical voice,
It's not an enemy,
But actually a worried part of you.
A part that learned long ago that being harsh was the way to keep you safe.
Safe from rejection,
Safe from failure,
Safe from being hurt.
You don't have to agree with that critical part but see if you can recognize the intention underneath.
From that more grounded place,
Imagine asking the critic without sarcasm,
Without mockery,
What are you afraid would happen if you didn't talk to me this way?
You don't need words,
You might just sense an emotion,
An uneasiness or some kind of protective impulse.
Maybe that inner critic part is afraid you'll fail or be rejected,
Repeat a past mistake,
Simply become complacent or in any way lose control.
And whatever comes up or whatever doesn't come up is all okay.
See if you can communicate with this inner critic part of yourself and say something along the lines of,
I know you're trying to protect me or thank you for caring.
You might imagine placing this voice slightly to the side,
Again like a well-meaning but overzealous advisor.
You can still listen to this voice and you can still choose but you're the one in the driver's seat.
The next time the inner critic pipes up and starts whispering in your ear,
You might say something like,
Thank you for the information,
I will decide what to do next.
Or other variations of,
You can warn me but you know,
You don't get to dominate this whole inner conversation.
You can stay but you must speak a little more kindly.
Any of these things,
Adapting the way you relate to that critical voice that we all sometimes have inside.
You can say something along the lines of,
I'm in charge here,
You're welcome but I'm in charge.
Feel the firmness of that boundary,
Not harsh,
Not aggressive,
Just simply clear.
This is you reclaiming your inner authority and if your critic tends to be harsh,
Gently translate its message into something more supportive.
Instead of,
You're useless,
Perhaps you're overwhelmed,
Perhaps take a moment.
Instead of,
You always fail,
Perhaps you're learning.
This is part of the growth process.
Let that kind of version land in your body.
Notice what happens as the tone shifts from combat to conversation.
May your attention return to the breath.
Feel the rise and fall and notice how it feels to relate to yourself this way,
Not perfectly but more kindly than before.
Take one long slow deep breath,
Letting your whole system soften around this new way of relating.
Before we finish,
Offer yourself one sentence,
Something simple and human,
Perhaps something like,
I'm allowed to be learning or I don't have to punish myself in order to grow.
Perhaps most poignantly of all,
Just I'm on my own side.
Any variation of this sentiment that you'd like to say to yourself and then just let it land wherever it lands and it's okay if you're totally on board with it yet or it feels a bit weird or alien.
And when you're ready,
Just gently open your eyes,
Lifting your gaze and coming back to yourself.
So you want to carry this stance with you today if you can,
Not as a rule but kind of as an option that you're not trying to get rid of this critic.
You're learning to relate to it slightly differently,
With more clarity,
More compassion and a bit more authority as well.
This practice comes from the course Healing the Self Relationship where we explore this theme more deeply.
May this support you in strengthening the relationship you have with yourself.
