Meeting Suffering With Presence

A practical self-compassion practice for moments when kindness feels impossible. Learn to meet real difficulty—not the worst thing, just something weighing on you—with presence instead of judgment. Using mindfulness, common humanity, and embodied self-kindness, discover how to stop abandoning yourself in pain and respond with the same warmth you'd offer someone you love.

Transcript

Hello and welcome.

Today's practice is about meeting yourself with kindness,

Especially in moments when kindness feels impossible or undeserved or just hard.

Self-compassion isn't something you think your way into,

It's something you practice in the body with real difficulty until it becomes almost like a reflex.

So when you're ready,

Find a position that feels supportive.

Sitting upright tends to work well but lying down is fine if that's where you want to be today.

If your eyes want to close,

Let them.

If you'd rather just soften your gaze,

That's all right too.

But when you're ready,

Take one long slow deep breath in through the nose and then letting it out gently through the mouth.

And then again just once more,

Nice long slow deep breath in through the nose and exhaling gently out through the mouth.

Awesome.

Let your body settle without forcing anything.

Begin to notice where your body is making contact with whatever's beneath you,

If that's feet on the floor,

Your bum perhaps on the chair or your whole body on the surface beneath you if you're lying down.

Wherever those points of contact are,

Feel the support,

The way gravity does the work.

Bring your attention back to your breathing,

Not changing it,

Not trying to force anything,

Just noticing the natural rise and fall of your breath.

Now gently notice what it feels like to be you right now.

Not yesterday's you,

Not tomorrow's you,

Not someone you'd like to be,

Just the person here right now breathing.

Whatever you're carrying today,

Any tiredness,

Worry,

Frustration,

Sadness,

Or just the ordinary weight of being human,

Just allow that to be present.

If there's any positive emotions,

Happiness,

Joy,

They're also very welcome to be present.

It's nothing to fix or force or remove,

Just acknowledge wherever you're at today.

We're going to do something now that might feel counterintuitive.

We're going to deliberately bring to mind something that's been hard lately.

Not the hardest thing,

Not a full-blown crisis,

Just something real,

Something that might have been weighing on you.

Perhaps a mistake you made,

A slightly strained relationship,

Something you're worried about,

Or a way you feel you might have let yourself or someone else down a little while ago.

Let it come into focus,

Not in vivid detail,

Just enough that you can get a felt sense of it.

Notice what happens in your body as you bring this difficulty to mind.

Does your chest tighten?

Does your stomach clench?

Does your throat constrict slightly?

Notice as well what your mind does automatically.

Does it start judging,

Ruminating,

Worrying,

Trying to fix or avoid or bring up some resistance?

Just observe.

You're not doing anything wrong.

This is how the mind tries its best to protect you.

Now very gently name whatever you're feeling in the moment right now.

You might say it silently or you can whisper aloud if you prefer.

This is suffering or this is pain or this is really hard right now.

There's some regret,

Guilt,

Sadness or whatever you're feeling.

Perhaps just nothingness.

This is the core of mindfulness.

Acknowledging what's true and here right now without exaggerating it or minimizing it.

No I'm falling apart and also not it's nothing,

Just this is what it is right now.

See if you can also notice that when you name something simply and honestly,

Sometimes that alone can cause it to shift.

The feeling doesn't necessarily vanish but it becomes a little more workable,

A little less overwhelming.

Now bring to mind this truth that suffering is simply part of being human.

You're not the only one who feels this way or has felt this way.

Right now in this very moment thousands of people around the world are struggling with something very similar.

Someone somewhere is lying awake worrying.

Someone is ashamed of the mistake they made.

Someone is grieving a loss and someone is afraid they're not enough.

That's all happening right now.

And this doesn't make your pain any less real or diminished in any way.

But to understand that does make it less isolating.

I'd invite you now to place one hand either on your chest or your belly depending whatever feels natural and say quietly to yourself,

I'm not alone in this.

This is part of the human experience and it's not necessarily wrong.

Feel the presence of your hand.

Feel yourself being there for yourself.

And now we're going to come to the heart of this practice today.

This is where you deliberately offer yourself the kindness you would offer a friend.

With your hand still on your chest or belly,

Imagine for a moment that a good friend came to you with the exact struggle you've brought to mind.

What would you say to them?

You probably wouldn't say,

You're pathetic,

Get over it.

You'd probably say something like,

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this,

This sounds really difficult.

Now see if you can say that or what you would say to yourself now.

You can say these words of I'm sorry I'm going through this,

This is really hard.

Or your own words,

Whatever you want to compassionately say to yourself.

And I'd invite you to follow this up with,

May I be kind to myself.

May I give myself the compassion I need.

It's okay if those phrases feel unnatural or strange to you.

You don't have to feel them fully.

Just let the words land anyway.

Let your body hear the tone of them.

Notice if any resistance comes up.

If there's even a voice saying I don't deserve this or this is stupid,

That's okay as well.

Notice it,

Thank it for trying to protect you and then gently return again to the kindness.

May I be kind to myself.

Feel the warmth of your hand,

The rise and the fall of your breath.

Someone is here for you and as it happens that someone is you.

You can even imagine wrapping your arms around yourself,

Giving yourself a gentle hug.

You can in fact even give yourself a gentle hug.

Not forced,

Just a gesture of care from you to you.

And then breathe,

Just breathe.

Let whatever specific difficulty you brought to mind just fade slowly into the background.

Have your attention just now on your breathing.

Breathing slowly in and slowly out.

Notice how it feels or what feeling quality is present.

To have met yourself with kindness,

Even if imperfectly,

Even if only for a minute or two.

This is the practice,

Not perfection,

Just presence and care.

Take one bigger,

Fuller,

Deeper breath in and let it out with a soft sigh.

When you feel ready,

Gently begin to move,

Wiggling the fingers,

Wiggling the toes,

Gently rolling the shoulders and slowly opening your eyes.

You can just practice one of the most important skills in healing the self relationship.

Meeting your own pain with the same warmth you'd offer to someone you love.

The difficulty you brought to mind is still there and that's okay,

But what you've practiced is not abandoning yourself in it.

So carry this with you today.

When the next hard moment comes,

And inevitably it will,

You'll be able to respond differently.

You have a couple different tools,

Hand on the chest,

Sentences of kindness instead of cruelty.

This practice comes from the course Healing the Self Relationship,

Where we explore this theme more deeply.

May this support you in strengthening the relationship you have with yourself.

Reviews

Thank you Mark! I will check out the course!